Invader Zim fanfiction series
by Michael Kunitz
Summary: This is my IZ fanfiction series. A basic contiuation for all you fans that want more episodes. I will be starting with episode 6, info on the first 5 eps is inside. I hope you enjoy these tales, as I would have done it. Copy right Jhonen Vasquez/ IZ
1. moby zim part 1

Hello again my fan fiction compatriots, this is the 6th episode in my IZ fanfiction series

Hello again my fan fiction compatriots, this is the 6th episode in my IZ fanfiction series. The first five are on under the author Johnnyfan07. I decided to stop doing them in comic format because it was becoming such a pain to draw it then color it. So here it is, the continuation of the series, as how I would have done it.

Invader Zim fan fiction series: Episode 6- Moby Zim

We join our beloved IZ characters in yet another lecture of gloom and doom from Mrs. Bitters. The children all sit in dismay and boredom as Bitters continues her monologue. Today's lecture appears to be on the ending to the famous novel Moby Dick.

"And so then Captain Ahab was dragged down to the horrific depths of the eternal wet abyss we call the ocean by the very whale he was trying to slaughter." She said finishing the lecture.

"Wait a moment," said Zim, who had actually paid attention to the lecture this time. "What happens to that great white fish…whale…thing?"

"Yeah," responded Tak, who had also taken an interest in the lecture for once. "Did the whale get the last laugh or, did the harpoon that was logged into its back kill it?"

Tak and Zim were pretty much arch nemesis, and the two could not help but notice the similarities to Captain Ahab's obsession with trying to kill the whale, with Tak's obsession of trying to kill Zim, or take his mission. The two both knew that the other knew and were in a sense, threatening one another with these questions.  
"I for one think that the whale was devoured by sharks that were attracted to its blood," said Dib, not knowing that he was only fueling the silent argument between the two.

"Well, what ever the outcome, the lesson here is that dreams of revenge can lead men into swallowing abysses from which there is no escape," said Mrs. Bitters finishing the lecture. "Now get out of my sight you diseased covered dead weights to society." Shortly after saying this, the bell rang and the children exited the classroom, whether through the windows or the door. The children leaping out the windows are a puzzling group, considering that it was only the lunch bell that rang, and they had no other business outside the school perimeter.

Zim walked down the halls with his assistant Das, they were among the many that decided to head to lunch, and the two were debating on whether or not sharks with laser beams attached to their heads would be a good or bad idea for earth conquest.

"They would be shooting people with lasers, and that's always good," said Das who was though was in disagreement with the idea, pointing out the good points of it. "But how would we account for all the people that are inland that would be out of the sharks laser range? Plus we're trying to enslave humanity, not completely obliterate it."

"Yes, but sharks with laser beams attached to their heads is a BRILLIANT PLAN!!" exclaimed Zim not noticing that people were beginning to raise their eyebrows at him.

"Weirdo," said Zita under her breath.

"But then again, where would we get all the sharks?" asked Das, apparently not hearing Zita's remarks.

"True… fine, scrap that plan, and move on to the giant electric hog plan."

"You mean the one that shoots lasers from its snout?"

"Yeah, that one."

We now go over and find Dib sitting at his usual lunch spot with his sister, who we find playing whatever video game she has at the current moment. Dib watches Zim and Das.

"I don't get it Gaz, why would Das betray the human race?"

"…" Gaz remains silent for this question, as she communicates to her brother by giving an angry grunt and returns to playing her game.

"I mean really, the moment someone else comes along and realizes that Zim is an alien, they join his cause, and for what?"

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe he just wants partial governance over the planet?"

Dib thought about what his sister had just said.

"…I guess that makes sense, but why does he think that the Irkens will keep to their agreement?"

"Look Dib, I'm only 4 levels away from beating this, so I would greatly appreciate it if you would shut up!" snapped Gaz. She was quite clearly annoyed with her brother's constant noise making. As for Dib, he shuts his mouth, looks at his gruel, and says to himself: "Why bother?"

We now move over to the out side lunch area where we find Tak eating her meal. Unlike Zim, who eats the human food and nearly dies, Tak instead brings Irken food disguised as human food, and eats it gratefully. This bit of information has no relevance to the story, so moving on.

"This makes no sense," she began to herself. "Who is that kid that Zim is constantly talking too? I can't find an Irken life form reading from him, but I saw him with Zim in the Voot runner during out last encounter. Who is he?"

We now go back to the inside of the lunch room to Zim and Das who are now debating the idea of using a giant boar with a laser shooting snout to destroy the planet.

"Fine, we won't use a giant boar, but we need to use some from of laser," argued Zim.

"Well… lasers are essential to an alien invasion, but maybe we should stop using an animal based theme," suggested Das as he calmly read his "book of the day".

"Say," said Zim, noticing the book. "What are you reading?"

"Oh; this? It's called 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea."

"What's it about?"

"Don't you want to continue our little conversation of plans for earth conquest?"

"Zim grows tired of theses frequent discussion. Now, what's the book about? _Tell meeee!_"

"Okay, it's about a man's adventures on the ocean, and what happens when he is kidnapped by pirates that use a highly advanced submarine."

"Wow; that seems even more boring than that Moby… WAIT!"

"I'm right here Zim, you don't need to scream," said Das, rubbing his ears from the pain that Zim's voice inflicted on his eardrums.

"I just got an idea, and amazing Idea," said Zim with a crooked evil smile. "Mwahahahahhahahahahahaaaa!!" he began to laugh.

Das had no idea what Zim was thinking, but shrugged his shoulders and decided to join in the laughing any way. "Ha…heh…hahahaha!!"

They're laughing is, however, interrupted by a flying banana thrown by Dib from the other side of the lunch room. The banana collides with Das forcing him into his tray of gruel. This causes the splash from the substance to splatter on to Zim's face. This causes his skin to burn.

"AHHHHH! THE PAIN! THE HORIBBLE, HORIBBLE PAIN!!" exclaimed Zim just before falling to the floor in agony.

Zim, shortly after, opens his eyes to find a multitude of children laughing at him.

"Ohh they will pay," he said under his breath. "They will all pay."

End of episode 6 part 1

Well, there's episode 6 pt 1. You can see episodes 1-5 on DeviantART. Just do a search for Johnnyfan07 and you'll find them. If none of you understand Das, the OC, then please read "Regarding Das" here on . I would really appreciate your reviews and comments. But if you flame me, I will hunt you down, and make up the rest as I go.


	2. moby zim part 2

IZ fanfiction series episode 6 part 2

IZ fanfiction series episode 6 part 2

"It's nearly finished!" said Zim looking upon his new submersible squid machine thing.

This was he latest plan, to build a giant submarine with… some sort of… uhg I don't know, he's about to revel its purpose anyway.

"Zim," began Das looking into his book to check something. "The _Nautilus _is attacked by the squid; it's not the squid itself."

"SILENCE! YOU DARE QUESTION THE GENIUS THAT IS _ZIIIIIIMMMMM!!"_

"Look, all I'm saying is that it's not a squid, it's just a plain old submarine."

"Simple minded Das, you do not realize that its squid shape is merely a disguise in which not to draw suspicions."

"…Did you really plan that, or did that idea just come to you?"

"Ummm… SILENCE!!"

Das took another look at the sub. He had a puzzling look in his eyes as he looked at the designs and noticed that it had a high powered oil filter.

"High powered oil filter?! What in god's name is this thing meant to do?!" asked Das.

"I'm glad you asked that Das. You see, my latest plan involves sneaking into all the off shore oil platforms and purifying the oil to such a clean extent, that it's CO2 exhausts will be to much of a healthy change to humanity, that they will be cause a pain unlike any before known form of PAIN!"

Das looked at Zim, who was holding his arms up in victory. Das raised his eyebrow with a kind of "what the hell is wrong with you?" kind of look on his face.

"What the hell is wrong with you Zim?!" (See, I told you) "That won't cause pain that will just stop all those tree hugging hippies from complaining about ruining the environment!"

"See, no matter which happens, something good will come of it. For so is the greatness of _ZIIIMMMMM!!_"

"No it…wait… okay, fine," said Das, realizing that Zim was for once right.

"Then we're in _AGREEMEN!_" said Zim, rolling that last word with his throat.

We now move a bit into the future, where we find Zim, GIR, and Das on a beach with the newly finished submarine.

"Careful GIR, we need that to power the sub," said Zim, giving orders to his "crew". "DAS!" he exclaimed. Das rubs his ears in pain 2 feet behind Zim.

"What?" he asked ever annoyed.

"Why are you holding a bottle of sampan?" asked Zim.

"For the christening of course."

"The what? Oh…yes that um… yeah, that thing," said Zim, not having a clue what Das was talking about.

"It's done when a vessel is first put into water. It's sort of like a blessing."

"ZIM'S sub needs no blessing!" exclaimed Zim. "It only needs _ZIIIMMM_."

"Then what should I do with this sampan?" asked Das.

"Ummmm… Drink it?"

"Really, cool! I'm in 6th grade and I can already consume alcohol!" said Das as he graciously downed the bottle.

"And now!" began Zim. "Into the ocean!" Zim, Das, and GIR then proceeded to throw a series of switches and levers as to start the vessel. It slowly descends into the ocean and then swims off like a squid.

We now go over to Tak, who has yet to set up an actual base. She is currently using her ship and escape pod as a temporary base of operations. We find her working on a new "seed" to make her base.

"Grrrr… why do these things have to be so hard to make?" she said looking at the instructions. "Mimi!" Her newly repaired SIR stands and salutes.

"What may I help you with mistress?" she asked. (Yes, Mimi is a she. It is unanimously agreed among fans, so that's what I use.)

"I need a smaller drill bit, as to get this…" Tak's words are cut off by the tiny device exploding. The explosion sends her back into a wall that is 3 feet behind her.

"Ahg!"

"Are you in need of assistance madam?" asked Mimi sounding very concerned. Tak raises her hand and wipes some of the ash from the blast off her face.

"…just go monitor earth broadcast signals for a while."

"Yes madam!" saluted Mimi. The little robot runs over to the main ship which is connected to the escape pod by a large, but not crud looking, tube. Mimi turned on the television that was built into the ships cockpit. Shortly after, Tak walked into the room still slightly covered in soot from the previous explosion. Tak collapsed into the pilot's seat exhausted from what she had been previously working on. This could also account for the lack soot that she had cleaned off.

Mimi then began to flip through the channels. Tak sat and watched as she ate a package of "Licky Stix. The channel changing soon stopped on an image of a monkey that appeared to be angry. The reason for the monkey's anger was not apparent, nor did it appear relevant.

"Mimi, this program disgusts me, go to something else," commanded Tak, sounding very tired.

"Yes madam," Mimi then moved to a news station.

"**This just in:"** began the announcer on the screen. **"There have been reports of a strange robot…squid…fish…thing, attacking the off shore oil platforms… CHECK OUT THIS FOOTAGE!!" **he screamed.

The screen then proceeded to show a giant robot squid thing firing lasers at one of the platforms. Inside the right eye of the creature, could be seen a short shadowy figure with a pair of glowing maroon eyes.

"Wait, pause that image Mimi!" exclaimed Tak. Mimi hit a series of buttons, and the screen paused. Tak moved in closer to the image as to observe it.

"Mimi, zoom in X10."

"Yes mistress." The image on the screen then proceeded to get bigger and bigger.

"Stop here!" commanded Tak. After Mimi pushed one last button, the screen stopped on the figure. Tak looked at the figure a bit longer, and then suddenly snapped out of her gaze.

She then got an evil look in her eyes, and proceeded to speak one word in a very dark ominous voice: "Zim…"

We now go over to Dib, who is sitting down at his kitchen table for a snack. Seeing no one coming to serve him, as usual, he begins to wonder the point of sitting down at all. Regardless of this lack of service, he fix's his treat himself.

After readying his food, he prepares to take a nibble; however, his joy of savoring this delectable sandwich is short lived, when he hears a knock at his door. He sets down the bit missing sandwich and goes over to answer the door.

"Hello?" asked Dib as he opened the door. Before Dib can see who it is, he finds the visitors hand strangling him.

"Gack!"

Dib takes another look at his violent visitor to see who it is that is strangling him. He see's her and immediately recognizes her.

"Tak?!"

"Shut up Dib, I need your help with something."

"What the…? Why do you need my help?"

"Take a seat and I'll explain."

The two head over to the kitchen and sit down at the table. Dib rubs his throabing throat in pain.

"Here's the short of it: Zim has built a giant submarine and is using it to attack all the offshore oil platforms," explained Tak.

"That's Zim?!"

"Yes, now, I plan to stop him from achieving is goal."

"What is his goal?"

"…I don't know, but I plan to find out."

"Wait, why do you need my help?"

"Because, in order for my plan, to stop his plan, to work, I need three people. I already have myself and Mimi, so I just need one more."

"…but, why me?"

"You're the only other person I can use without revealing my identity to the world."

"What makes you think that I won't just turn you both in at the end of this?"

"Simple, because if you do, I'll show you what this PAK can really do." Upon saying this, Tak's PAK shot out two spider legs, each now poised to strike Dib's throat.

"Ah," said Dib looking very panicky at the two robotic appendages. "In that case I'm in."

"Oh, and Dib, don't get use to this whole me asking you for help, because I have my own plans for earth conquest, and a lot of them require a certain someone to die. This certain someone is a fitted with an unusually large head."

Dib stood there and thought for a moment before he could understand what she meant. Suddenly he snapped out of his trance. "MY HEAD IS NOT BIG!!" he screamed.

"Yes it is!" yelled Gaz from her room.

End of part 2

Auhg, People, do know that I never intended for this episode to be more then two parts. I'm pretty sure that part three will be the end of this episode.

Please review.


	3. moby zim part 3

Moby Zim part 3

Moby Zim part 3

"Ready the main sail!" yelled Tak, who was dressed in typical late 1700's early 1800's clothing very similar to that of Captain Ahab in the story Moby Dick. (Strange yes?)

Dib then began pulling on a line that set the main sail of Tak's new Irken galleon.

"What's the point of this ship?!" asked Dib. "Why not just use your ship?"

"This is my ship, but if you are referring to my spittle runner, it needs time to charge. I'm also using this because it will be easier to board Zim's sub with this."

"But why do we need to dress in period sailors clothing?!"

"Simple, this way people will think that we are merely re-enactors, now shut up and continue pulling that main halyard!"

Dib looked extremely confused. This plan made no sense to him at all. They would pilot this sailing vessel to Zims sub, attempt to board, and then proceed beat the shit out of him.

"Tak, why do we have to go through all this trouble to stop Zim? Why can't you just use a homing missile or something to sink his sub?" asked Dib.

"Because it's so much cooler and plot consuming this way, genius," snapped Tak.

The ship's computers then picked up an Irken power signature some 20,000 leagues out.

"There he is," said Tak in great excitement. "HARD TO STARBOARD AND THEN FULL STEAM AHEAD!" she yelled. The ship then turned right (Or starboard in his case) and then continued sailing in that direction.

Meanwhile, back with Zim, Das, and GIR, the sub's computers begin to go off.

"What's causing all that racket, on the sub of _ZIIIIMMMM!!" _yelled Zim, wondering what was making all the noise.

"The sub's sensors are picking up an Irken power signature about 20,000 leagues out!" responded Das.

Now these two where also dressed unusually. Zim was dressed along the lines of Captain Nemo from the original Disney movie, 20,000 Leagues under the Sea, where Das was dressed along the lines of Captain Nemo from the movie the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. There was no reason for these unusual wardrobes, nor was there any recognition of where the cloths came from. The two noticed this and looked at each other in confusion, however, it seemed apparent that they didn't really care, considering the two just shrugged their shoulders and went about the mater at hand.

"Huh!?" said Zim not quite understanding what Das had just said.

"I said there's and Irken power signature transmitting, at now, 199,987 leagues out!"

"Oh, ummm…do a scan and find out what's transmitting it!" ordered Zim.

"It appears to be some sort of highly advanced sailing vessel…WITH A MOTOR!!" "Gasp!" gasped Das and Zim in unison.

"Are there any life forms on it?" asked Zim.

"I have two organic life forms, and one artificial one, and one of the organic ones appears to have an unusually large head," reported Das. Zim's expression went from surprised to surprise angry. (Oh, big difference.)

"Dib," snarled Zim.

"Oh, and the other life form is admitting an Irken PAK signal."

"Read the signal, we'll find out who's trailing us," ordered Zim.

Das watched the monitor pull up information on the signal, and soon read off the characteristics of the PAK's owner. (Because you can do that with this kind of computer and signal.)

"Subject is an Irken female, with a purple eye color, and has a head implant."

Zim immediately knew who it was, just by those three descriptions.

"It's Tak. What is this vessel doing?" asked Zim.

"It is currently heading strait for us at a speed of about 305 knots," responded Das.

"Grrr she knows where we are, and she's coming to blow us out of the water," mumbled Zim. "DAS! TURN THE VESSEL in…um…a…THERE DIRECTION!" Yelled Zim not knowing exactly how to use his words.

"Oh, are we going to broad side them!?" asked Das seeming very excited.

"Not exactly," said Zim with a snicker. "NOW LAUGH EVILY DAS!" The two then proceeded to laugh in a…well… evil manner.

About half an hour later…with Tak and Dib…

"Dib, it appears that they've picked up our signal and are heading straight for us," said Tak.

"They have been for the past half hour!" said Dib very annoyed.

"SILENCE!" screamed Tak. "It matters not how long ago that they started, what matters is that they did and that they are."

"Tak, I'm not sure this is such a good idea. I mean, this is a bit much, just so you can get his mission," said Dib very sheepishly.

"THIS ISN'T ABOUT HIS MISSION! THIS TIME IT'S ABOUT REVENGE!" yelled Tak, who now has a very insane look in her eyes and a crooked/ evil smile. She then started to cackle very evilly.

"Tak, I think you've become Captain Ahab," said Dib very scared and concerned.

"Shut up! I won't fail like Ahab did," said Tak with much insane confidence. "I intend to win."

Back in the sub… (We are beginning to see a more nautical theme to this episode.)

"ZIM!" yelled Das. "There about 2 knots out."

"Excellent," responded Zim. "Steer us along side and ready our automotive cannons and boarding planks."

"…we have those?"

"Of course."

"Cool."  
"It is, isn't it? Anyhow, you're going to stay on board, I'll board them and see if I can't talk Tak out of this," said Zim.

"What? Why do I have to stay?" asked Das sounding very disappointed.

"I need someone to guard the sub, plus I don't trust GIR with that job," responded Zim.

"Ahh…good call."

"Aren't I always a good…call maker…thing…person…" said Zim getting his words tied in a knot again.

"Sure you are Zim, sure you are."

That last comment annoyed Zim, but he had no time to waste. As he proceeded to walk toward the door he was stopped by Das' voice. "Hold up Zim, you might want this."

Das then tossed a harpoon to Zim, still in its wooden shaft. Zim pressed a button on the shaft and saw the spear end shoot out and stop at a certain length (like in Predator).

Back on Tak's ship…

"Um…Tak," said Dib, looking at the monitors of the ships computers. "They've just pulled along side of us."

"WHAT!?" Tak looked over the side of the ship to see a giant robotic squid machine pulled along side of it.

The mechanical cephalopod then began to raise its tentacles and began to shoot lasers out of the suction cups. Tak, Dib, and Mimi proceeded to dodge the metal cutting projectiles, taking cover in the main cabin.

"Okay, Dib," began Tak, who apparently had a plan. "I need you to infiltrate the sub and force them here."

"What, why me?" asked Dib.

"Because, I don't exactly feel like running out into a storm of lasers that could turn me into a roasted grattl-glorch."

"A what?"

"Never mind, just get out there!" Tak then grabbed Dib by the neck and threw him out the door. As he flew through the air screaming, he was hit by three lasers, the first in the arm, second in the head, and the third…was…somewhere…private… Anyway, he hit the railing of the ship and bounced into a conveniently placed open hatch which led into the sub's interior.

Ironically, at the same time when Dib was thrown like a baseball off the ship, Zim crossed the boarding plank and safely made it on to the vessel.

"Give up Tak!" he yelled. "I have you and your forces completely pinned down, there's no way you can win."

"We'll see about that Zim!" said Tak. She then ran over to her control panel and threw a switch. A moment after she did this, the cannons on her ship's port side began to open fire. Zim watched as his sub was hit by nearly every shot.

"Gyahh! Das! Return fire!" he ordered. Now, it would be very difficult for Das to hear Zim over the constant firing of cannons, however, thanks to the magic of poor story telling, he was able to hear Zim's plea.

(Now, I don't mean to interrupt your in-depth reading of my crap, but for these next battle sequences, I highly recommend that you listen to the Pirates of the Caribbean main theme for the full effect, thank you.)

We now go back to Dib who is wandering the halls of the sub.

"Wow, this place is huge! I wish I brought my camera!" said Dib sounding disappointed.

"Is a camera really so needed, as to tape your death?" asked a voice from the shadows.

Dib looked to his left (sorry, I mean port) to see a flash of metal. He jumped out of the way just in time for the metal to slightly cut his shirt. He looked at his shirt and then to the direction of the metal.

"Hello Dib," said Das, who stood not 4 feet from Dib holding a saber.

"Das!? What are you…" Dib sentence was shortly cut off by Das' voice.

"I'm guarding the sub you moron."

"Ah, yeah, I guess that makes sense, "Mr. Judas of the human race"," mocked Dib.  
"Oh you flatter me, but enough gab, it's time I ended your pathetic, and pointless, medaling life." Das began to advance on Dib. Thinking quickly, Dib looked around for something to defend himself with. Looking to his right, he saw a glass case with a cutlass inside of it and a little note saying:** Break glass incase of epic sword fight. Thank you.**

"Huh, that's convenient," said Dib as he broke the glass and took out the sword.

Das swung again and Dib blocked. Das proceeded to advance on Did and the two carried their fight throughout the sub, blocking each others blows, in rhythm very similar to the song that you should be listening to.

"You can't win Dib!" said Das, keeping the advance through the entire fight.

"Ah!" yelled Dib, dodging Das' swipes. Dib was clearly out matched, and they both knew it. Das' confidence seemed to rise and he got even more into their duel.

"Say good bye to that large head of yours Dib," said Das, knocking the sword out of Dib's hands and readying his final strike.

Dib closed his eyes and readied himself for is impending doom. However, by a stroke of coincidence, one of the blasts from Tak's cannons blew through the hull and hit Das, sending him flying to a separate part of the sub. Dib raised his eyebrow at this and decided not to stay and wait for another shot to hit him.

Meanwhile, back on Tak's ship, we find Tak and Zim locked in a harpoon duel.

"Give it up Tak! I've won this fight!" said Zim.

"What? How? My guns are tearing your sub apart and I've been matching you blow for blow with these harpoons," responded Tak, who sounded very confused at Zim's 'logic'.

"Um…SILENCE!" said Zim, not being able to think of a comeback.

"Wait, my sub is being torn apart by cannon fire?" asked Zim, just realizing what Tak had said.

"Yeah, they have been for quite some time now."  
"Ahhhh!" yelled out Zim in horror. "My beautiful sub!!" screamed Zim. He immediately tripped Tak, and pinned her down to the deck, by her sleeve, with his harpoon, and then ran off to the sub. As he crossed the boarding plank, he noticed Dib being through off the sub by the mechanical tentacles.

"Foolish earth child, no one can infiltrate the sub of _Ziiimmmm_!" mocked Zim.

As Dib flew through the air screaming, he hit the harpoon that had kept Tak pinned to the deck. Shortly after that, he hit the deck rolling and smashed up on a wall next to Mimi. Tak quickly got up and grabbed Dib.

"Quick! We need to stop them, they're getting away!" she started screaming at him.

"But they just…" Dib was cut off by Tak's loud demand for silence.

"SILENCE!" she screamed. "MIMI! ACTIVATE THE GIANT HARPOON!"

Mimi saluted and pushed a button on the main control panel. The port railing then proceeded to open and shift in a manner very similar to that of Transformers.  A large gun began to form out of the shifting of parts, and soon we could see the shape of a giant harpoon shaft. Then, from seemingly out of no where, a large harpoon sprouted from the shaft. (Do know that this harpoon is most likely 30 feet long.)

Back in the sub, Zim, Das, and GIR watched on the monitors as the giant harpoon took shape. The three stood and stared wide eyed at the master piece that had been selected to sink their vessel.

"Wow…" said Das, pausing for a moment. "A giant harpoon; why didn't we think of that?"

"I know!" said Zim. "That's a great idea. If we survive this, we have to use that in another plan."

"Yeah."

Tak also marveled at the masterpiece that she had created. Giving an evil grin showing her fangs, she gave the final order. "FIRE THE HARPOON!!"

"Aye!" said Dib very happily. He pressed a button on the control panel, upon doing this, the harpoon immediately shoot out of the shaft and stabbed through the mid section of the sub.

"ZIM!" yelled Das. "They've breached the main hull!"

"What? That's impossible, we're in the main hull," said Zim sounding very confused. "Zim does not see this breach!" After saying this, Das pointed to a section of the sub behind Zim. Zim turned his head to see a giant metal rod sticking through the room, allowing water from the outside to spew inwards.

"Ah, there it is," said Zim. "ABANDON SHIP…I mean…SUB!"

"That's a good plan," said Das. "I like that plan."

"GIR!" yelled Zim. "Activate the self destruct sequence!"

"Yes sir!" saluted GIR. "Time for explodie!" GIR pranced up to the main counsel and hit various buttons at random. By a strange coincidence, this random sequence of buttons, not only activated the self destruct sequence, but also the transformation sequence. The three quickly evacuated in a mini-sub that was just a smaller version of the larger sub. Once they had left, they watched as the sub turned into a giant whale and then exploded.

Tak, Dib, and Mimi also witnessed this event, and raised their eyebrows at the peculiarness of the subs actions. "Okay…" said Dib, not understanding what had just happened. As it turns out, the subs explosion had forced a large amount of water to be thrown on to Tak's ship. Now Tak has not yet discovered the secrete to not being affected by earths water. So when the water from the explosion was dumped on to her, she had no protection from the liquids sting.

"Gyahhh! IT BURNS!!" she shrieked. "WHY MUST THIS BE!!"

Dib just laughed at her suffering, however his laughter was replaced with screaming by Mimi grabbing him from the back of the head, and throwing him to the farthest reaches of the ocean.

"So what would this be Zim?" asked Das. "The sub was destroyed, but Tak got water dumped all over her and is now writhing in pain, and Dib was just launched to the other side of the world, would it be a victory or defeated?"

"I guess it would be a…some sort of…aug, let's just head home," said Zim sighing in annoyance.

End of episode 6

Special thanks to my co-author/brother Christian, and all my commenter's.

Stay tuned for episode 7, coming soon. Please review.

Copyright Jhonen Vasquez/Invader Zim


	4. Episode 8: a walk through the city

I hope I didn't keep you all waiting to long, but here it is, episode 7 for the fanfiction series

I hope I didn't keep you all waiting to long, but here it is, episode 7 for the fanfiction series. I hope you enjoy it!

Episode 7: a walk through the city

We open in the Membrane home to see Gaz and Dib sitting on the couch playing a video game. (What the game is, I'm not exactly sure, but whatever)

"Ah come on Gaz!" complained Dib, who was obviously losing the game. "Can't you show some mercy? …please."

"I'm afraid that such a word does not exist in the gamer dictionary," said Gaz very coldly.

The two were just beginning to get really into the game when their dad walked in holding a plate with a pancake on it. Now this was very odd considering that their dad had never quite enjoyed pancakes, and that it was about 9:00 at night, a time in which no one eats pancakes.

"I can see that you two are enjoying yourselves," he said not noticing Dib straining just to sit right and play the game at the same time. "But I'm going to have to ask that you two leave the house tonight."

"What!" exclaimed Dib. "Why?"

"You see son, I have been working on a very important project lately, and need all the concentration I can get to finish it. So I need you two to leave until about midnight tonight."

"Won't it bother you that your only two children will be out alone for 3 hours with out supervision?" asked Gaz not looking up from the screen.

"Ah ha ha," chuckled the professor. "Of coarse not honey, now you best get moving." He then proceeded to push his children out of the house. After they were out, he slammed the door shut and looked the six locks that were on the door. The laser fence was then activated along with the houses giant auto turrets.

"ANTI TRESSPASER SYSTEM WILL BE DISABLED IN 3 HOURS, NOW REMOVE YOURSELVES FROM THE PROPERTEY!" said the home's computer.

Upon hearing this, the two quickly scampered off the property to the other side of the neighborhood, but not before having a few rounds from the turrets being unloaded on Dib. (That means he gets shot, yay.)

The two looked back at their home only briefly, but continued their walk.

"So," said Dib, trying to break the silence. "What do we do now?"

"Well, I was going to go into the city to buy a new game," said Gaz with her usual expression.

"You can't go into the city alone!" exclaimed Dib, showing concern in his vice. "It's dangerous and you could get hurt!" (Aww, he cares about his little sister )

"It's dangerous to scream in my ear to Dib," said Gaz looking back up at her brother with a very annoyed look on her face.

"…How bout we go to the city?" asked Dib with a great amount of fear in his voice.

"That's what I thought you said," said Gaz, giving a cold smile.

As the two came up on the city, Dib began to walk on the short fence rail that was on their left. Now, children do this all the time, to see for how long they could keep their balance, although normal children usually do it on road curbs, and not fences that are made to separate the side walk from the dog pound. Never the less, Dib continued to do so, trying to keep his balance.

"Okay Gaz," said Dib, assuming the position of supervision. "We should stick together so that we don't get lost…" Dib was however cut off by his sister, who was quite obviously annoyed with his assumption of false power, shoving him off the fence and into the dog pound. Immediately upon entering the pound, hordes upon hordes of angry dogs rushed over to him and proceeded to bite and claw at him, causing him to scream in unimaginable pain.

Gaz continued to walk over to the game store. As soon as she entered the store, her brother crawled out of the bushes covered in cuts, bites, and bruises.

"…ow."

Dib began to brush himself off, when he noticed that Gaz was missing.

"Gaz? Gaz!" he yelled in horror. He had lost his sister, and knew that he had to find her.

"I have to find her before something horrible happens to her…or me! AHHHHHHHH!!" he yelled. Dib continued his moronic screaming as he ran down the side walk in horror. Thankfully, the people of the city did not seem to notice his apparent disturbance of the peace, and continued about their daily lives.

At this point in the episode, we now find Gaz in the game store, looking at their selection of games. As she walked through the isles, she noticed the latest addition to one of her favorite games series.

"Hmm…" she began as she started to read the back of the box. "The same basic game play as before, just with 8 new levels of mind numbing idiocy, and costing 18 more than usual…" she read. "Fine, I guess I'll buy it." Gaz then proceeded to walk up to the register with a wad of money to pay for the game.

"Can I help you miss?" asked the cashier in a very board tone.

"I'd like to purchase this copy of Mega Moose Mayhem 4," she said handing him the role of money. The cashier looked at Gaz and then the game. He handed the money back to Gaz and looked her in the eye very annoyed.

"You have to be 18 years or older to buy this kid."

"Look!" said Gaz giving the man a death glare. "I have more then enough money to buy this worthless excuse for entertainment, and I intend to walk out of here with this piece of over priced garbage."

"It's not my call kid, it's just our policy." Gaz became engulfed with rage. One could see a vein showing on her head, from her straining to contain her anger.

Outside the game store, Poochie walked up with his hands in the air as he always did, with a smile on his face. He was about to enter the store when he heard a loud scream of terror emerge from the establishment, followed by a strange red liquid being splattered on the door's glass windows, and a mass of people running out of the store in horror. Poochie's eyes widened in horror as well.

Shortly after, Gaz walked out of the store seeming very angry, having not purchased the game she had intended to buy.

"Stupid liberal minor game control laws," mumbled Gaz to herself. She then continued to walk into the night in search of another game store, leaving Poochie curled up in the fetal position, to scared to move. (Heh heh, Poochie…drinker of hate, how we love him.)

Meanwhile, Dib sat in a familiar dinner, talking to someone.

"And so, I get away from the dogs, and then I realized that she's missing! I am **so** dead." He then collapsed on to a very inconveniently placed tray of chicken salad.

"I know how you feel," said the hobo that he was talking to. "I remember the time that I was kicked out of the house and lost my sister in the city. It was awful!"

"You know what's worse?" said Dib getting his face out of the salad. "She's my only remote allay in my fight to save earth from the Irken armada, despite the fact that she hates helping me with it. I mean, I thought I could handle just Zim and GIR, but then Tak and Mimi, and now Das, I just don't think earth stands a chance." Dib threw his head into the back of his seat and gave a sigh of defeat.

The hobo stared blankly at Dib as he took another sardine out of the tin package he had with him.

"Yeah, I remember the time when I had to defend earth from two aliens, their robots, and a classmate of mine that decided to betray the human race. It was awful! The whole ordeal turned me into a hobo."

"Wait a minuet," said Dib bringing his head back up. "I thought that cursing your sister with pig mouth, is what turned you into a hobo."

"It was a combination of a lot of things," responded the hobo. "But a word of advice for you…"

"I still don't wanna be a hobo though."

"Oh, then never mind."

As the hobo began to leave Dib looked out the window to see Zim running in terror from a creepy dog with a lobotomy, which was in turned closely followed by GIR with a lease around his neck, dragging Das who held on to the other end of the lease.

"Zim!" said Dib to himself. "Thanks for listening Mr. Hobo!" The hobo heard Dib, and gave him a wave and watched as the big headed child ran out after Zim. The hobo stood there for a moment, but then ripped the dinner's Jut Box out of the wall and ran away with it, never to be seen again.

Going back to Gaz, she walked through the streets looking at the shops. As she walked down the street, she noticed Zim running towards her very quickly.

"Ahhhh!" screamed Zim. "THE MADNESS!!" He then quickly passed Gaz and continued running, not looking back. Gaz looked at her feet to see a Chihuahua with a lobotomy slowly walk past her. The dog looked up at her, and proceeded on its merry way.

"Meh," said Gaz not caring about the little creature. She looked up again to see GIR, running in his disguise with a lease around his neck, dragging Das behind him.

"AH! STOP GIR! STOP!" screamed Das. "Wait a minute, why am I walking you?"

Gaz watched as the two disappeared into the night.

"Well, that was interesting." She then looked up to see her brother running after them.

"You'll never get away with whatever it is your doing!" he yelled. Gaz quickly caught him by his collar and threw him to the ground.

"Dib, they're running away from a dog, a Chihuahua at that. I don't think they're planning anything."

"GAZ! Where did you…how did you…oh never mind."

"Also Dib, it's about 11:40, we should start heading home," said in her usual tone.

As the two began to walk home, Dib noticed that Gaz wasn't holding a new game, and she had no pockets large enough to hide one.

"So…" he began. "Where's your game?"

Gaz raised an angry eyebrow at this. She gave her hateful growl, and looked up at her brother with displeasure. She then grabbed her brother, and threw him back over the fence and into the dog pound, and continued walking home while he screamed, once again, in unimaginable pain from the dogs biting and clawing at him.

End of episode 7

Thank you, I hope you all enjoyed this episode. Special thanks to my co-author Christian. Stay tuned for episode 8, coming soon!

Please review.

Copy right Jhonen Vasquez/Invader Zim


	5. Episode 9: Tell Tale Tak

Episode 9: Tell a Tale Tak

Episode 9: Tell Tale Tak

Sitting in her makeshift, ship/escape pod base, Tak stares at the monitors in the ship.

"Computer, zoom in on monitor #1," she ordered.

"Consider it done," said a voice very similar to her own voice.

"It's a good thing I got my personality downloaded back into the ship," she thought to herself. "It's nice to have someone to talk to, especially the one person that understands you the most: You. Now I can talk to myself, and not be considered crazy. Neat."

She glanced at the first monitor to see Zim, Das, and GIR working on some sort of machine. "I wonder what hair brained idea Zim has now," thought Tak. She continued to stare at the screen watch the three do wire work, and attach coverings to the new device.

"That should do it," said Das, rolling out from underneath the device on an Irken creeper.

"Excellent," said Zim rolling the word on the back of his throat. "GIR, I need you to check the power levels on this new device."

"…what's it do?" asked GIR like a curious child.

"If it works," began Zim. "It will send a wave of sound to the earth's core, and cause an imbalance in magma, and in turn, will cause all the volcanoes on earth to erupt."

"I thought it was built to release an EMP charge to the nearest landfill, in an attempt to charge all of earth's garbage into a giant trash monster," said Das scratching his head as he double checked the blue prints.

"SILECE!" yelled Zim. "Either way it is a delicious plan!"

"Delicious?" thought Tak, raising an eyebrow. "He really has lost it."

"Power levels at maximum capabilities," said GIR very quickly and in duty mode.

"Good," said Zim seeming very pleased. "Now Das, throw the left switch!"

Das turned to his left and pressed a bright blue button. Suddenly, alarms that were placed all over the machine began to go off.

"SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE ACTIVATED!" roared the machine. "NOW PREPARE TO BE ENGULFED BY THE ON COMING INFERNO IN EXACTLY 5…4…3…"

"NO YOU FOOL!" screamed Zim. "I MEANT MY LEFT…" his words were cut short by a giant explosion. Tak's screen filled with flames and then suddenly went black, with white letters streaming across it reading: **PLEASE STAND BY**, with a picture of a soda machine distributing a can of Poop cola.

Now, the reason for a random soda machine being displayed was not a mystery to just you readers, but also to Tak and Mimi, who could not recall programming the monitor to do so in this, and any other situation.

Tak was immediately doubled over in laughter at what had just happened.

"Mimi…I…need…you to…get me a… glass of Irken water…" she said between laughs.

Mimi soon appeared, holding a glass of a semi-clear/light blue liquid. Tak took the beverage and drank it very quickly.

Now, there is a distinct difference between Irken water, and Earth water. Earth water is known as H2O, while Irken water is just HO. Irken bodies are so accustomed to drinking and bathing in HO, that when introduced to the extra hydrogen atom, their skin is not used to it, and it begins a chemical reaction in which their skin shrivels and burns.

After finishing her drink, she went back to her monitors.

"Computer, show me monitor #9."

"Yes ma'am." Suddenly, a screen came out of the tube that connected the escape pod with the ship. It activated shortly after and showed Dib working on his computer.

"Hey, Gaz! I need you to come up here!" called Dib to his sister. Gaz slowly walked into the room, with a very annoyed look on her face.

"What?" she asked in a very irritated manner.

"I just lost the signal from my spy bug in Zim's base, could you set up this new one there?" Gaz looked up at her brother with great rage and confusion.

"I was down stairs enjoy the show I was watching, and you interrupt this rare moment of peace in my life with the most obnoxious and lazy request of them all?" she raged. "And you expect me, to go all the way over to Zim's house, to plant a new spy bug? Oh, I'll plant that camera somewhere…" Gaz proceeded to stalk toward her brother, snatching the camera out of his hands and grabbed his neck. Tak sat back and watched wide eyed in horror as Gaz began to shove the camera down Dib's throat.

"NO GAZ!" he screamed. "DON'T DO THIS! I PROMISE I'LL…AHHHHHH!!"

Tak turned the screen off and lay back in her seat, twitching her left eye.

"…I think I'm about to vomit," she said with a blank horrified stare. "Mimi, would you please pass me a bucket?" Mimi looked around and soon found a random pail sitting in the corner. She picked it up and handed it to her master, who immediately took the pail, stuck her face in it, and threw up.

"Uhg, thank you Mimi," said Tak looking up from the bucket with relief.

"You are most welcome."

Tak sat in her shelter wondering what to do with the rest of her night. She had lost her spy bug in Zim's house, and she dare not gaze on the horrors that lie within Dib's home, and she was not tired, and so did not feel like retiring for the evening.

"Hmmm," she thought, getting an idea in her head. "That's it, I should report in. Computer, patch me in to the tallest!"

"Yes ma'am," responder her downloader personality (We'll call her DP for short. You know, downloaded personality?)

The ship's windshield then lit up and became a monitoring screen. Soon the tallest appeared on it.

"Huh, hello?" asked Red.

"Greetings my tallest, Invader Tak reporting in," said Tak giving a salute.  
"Huh, who?" asked Purple.

"A few months ago, I requested to take over earth, remember?"

"Oh, did you?" asked Red, pretending to be intrigued. He didn't remember whether or not if Tak succeeded or not.

"Um… not exactly, I was compromised, kind of…sort of…" she mumbled.

"Hey, yeah, Zim told us you didn't. Then why are you calling us?" asked Red. "And besides, we said you could be an invader if you succeeded."

"Well, I…" Tak was cut off by Purple.

"Yeah, don't call us unless you have something to report. You're wasting our valuable time." Purple then signaled to one of the control panel drones, who shut off the call.

Tak sat in her ship wide eyed and saddened at what had happened.

"Why does nothing ever go right for me?" she asked to Mimi, who shrugged her shoulders not knowing a reasonable answer for the question.

Back at the massive, Purple looked at Red very annoyed with what had just happened.

"Don't you just hate it when these wanna be invaders keep calling us?" he asked.

"Yeah," responded Red. "It's like they think we're automatically their friends and they think they can just call us whenever."

"Yeah, first Zim, and now this Tak person. What are we going to do about her?"

"Hmm…" thought Red. "Wait, lets do to her what we did to Zim!" he said slightly chuckling.

"Send her a mech that we can self destruct?" asked Purple.

"What…no, I mean, lets banish her to earth, but make her think that she's an invader there, competing with Zim."

"Hey…yeah!" exclaimed Purple in agreement. "I mean, if we get such a kick out of just Zim's pitiful attempts, then imagine if we have another one like him trying to take over that rock." The two then began to laugh manically at this thought. After about 2 minuets, they dried their tears and nodded at each other.

"Drone!" called Red to a semi-tall green eyed worker in the cockpit of t he Massive.

"Yes sir!?" saluted the Drone.

"Patch in a communications link with that…last caller," said Purple, forgetting the name of who just called.  
"Yes sir, immediately sir!" The drone then proceeded to push a sequence of buttons and soon Tak appeared on the screen once more.

"Huh? Yes sirs!?" said Tak very surprised. "Did you need something?"

"Um, yes…Tak," said Red slowly. "We have decided that since you were so close on concurring earth last time, we'll give you the title of "invader" any way."  
"Really?" asked Tak with much hope in her eyes.

"Yeah…" responded Purple, very devilishly. "Really, really."

"Oh thank you my tallest!" said Tak very excited and quickly. "You won't regret this decision, I promise! Oh, and: Invader Tak, signing off!" Tak then saluted and hung up.

Red turned to Purple and the two began to laugh hysterically at what had just happened.

"Man," said Purple, supporting himself on Red's shoulder. "We have to do that more often."

"Heh, yeah…" nodded Red in agreement. "Did you see her reaction? Just like Zim's when we did this to him!"

"Heh, yeah, she's like a girl version of that little green menace," said Purple.

"Say," wondered Purple. "What were we doing with our valuable time?"

"Oh, I believe we were trying to see how many donuts we could throw on to that radio antenna over there." said Red pointing to a radio antenna covered in donuts.

"Oh yeah," said Purple. "Fifty monies say's I can make it from here."

"You're on," said Red handing him a donut.

Back to Tak, she sat in her ship now very giddy from achieving her life long ambition.

"It finally happened Mimi!" she said, giving the confused Mimi a hug, consumed with joy. "They finally made me an invader!"

"Congratulations ma'am," said Mimi. "But don't you think that you'll require better work facilities that your current means, in order to concur the planet properly?"

"Don't worry Mimi, I'm almost done with the seed to grow a new base. All I need to do is connect this last growth line, and I'll be done."

"Why don't you just order a new one in from Growthia?" asked Mimi. (Oh, and Growthia is the planet where they make those seed things…duh.)

"SILENCE!" screamed Tak. "YOU DARE QUESTION MY PLAN!?"

"No ma'am," said Mimi drawing back in fear. "I was just suggesting that we could…"

"I SAID SILENCE!"

Tak got up and moved over to her project that was near completion.

"Ma'am?" asked Mimi. "Did you hear yourself just now?"

"Huh, why?"

"You sounded just like Zim for a moment."

"Did I," said Tak scratching her head. "Wow, maybe I just need a little time to clear my head. A drink maybe."

"We have no alcohol ma'am."

"What? We don't? Drat, aw well, I'll just go back and work on the seed for a bit." Tak turned back to her project and picked up some sort of laser connecting tool. She began to line it up with the final growth point that needed to be connected in order for her to finish the device.

"Soon," she began. "I will have a proper base, and facilities, and then…nothing will stop me from concurring this rock and claiming my revenge on Zim! Gyahahahahaha!" (Oh, and when she laughs, just imagine the "Tak laugh".)

She activated the laser connecter and touched it to specific point. Shortly after doing so, it began to sizzle and then exploded…again, sending Tak and Mimi flying to the back of the ship.

Tak slowly opened her charcoal covered eyes and stared at the now completely destroyed device.

"…This is going to be tougher then I thought."

"Mhmn," responded Mimi.

End of episode 9

Sorry for having this one be so short, I had very little to work with, so this is what came out. I hoped you liked it. Stay tuned, episode 10 will be coming soon!

Oh, and since I had episode 6 be three parts, I consider it episodes 6 and 7, sorry for the confusion.

Special thanks, once again to my little brother Christian, who helped a lot with this episode. That boy is genius when it comes to writing for these things.

Copy right Jhonen Vasquez/ Invader Zim


	6. Episode 10

Episode 10: A not so happy birthday…of DOOM

Episode 10: A not so happy birthday…of DOOM!

Zim sat at his kitchen table reading a section in an Earth news paper, while munching on a package of Licky Stix. As he sat there enjoying his meal, he noticed something in the paper.

"Hey, GIR," he said motioning to the little robot, who was currently cooking a rubber moose in the microwave. GIR turned his head so that he was facing his master.

"It says here that soon humanity is going to attempt to stop dumping garbage in the ocean, and start using it for piggy feed."

"LOOK AT MY MOOSE!!" screamed GIR, having not paid any attention to what Zim had said. Zim looked over to the microwave which contained what was previously a toy moose, which was now a blob of brown goop, giving off little electric shocks now and again.

"Hm," said Zim, scratching his chin at the sight of the toy's inevitable demise. "WAIT! You've just given me an idea for my next greatest plan GIR." GIR raised his head in wonder at what Zim had to say.

"Yes," said Zim to himself. "I'll make a giant microwave, and fool all of humanity to go inside it, and then I'll…" but his sentence was cut short by his computer's voice.

"Uh, Sir?" asked the machine. "Are you aware of the significance of the day?"

Zim looked over to the calendar. He examined the current date, which read September the 1st.

"Um, it's a Monday?"

"It's the opening day of piggy season?" asked GIR.

"What? No," said the computer sounding confused at GIR's last comment. "Zim, today is your 112th anniversary since you came out of your birthing tube." Zim opened up his PAK and looked at its age counter. It read precisely 112 years in activation.

"Well look at that," said Zim sounding rather surprised.

"It's your birthday?" asked Das who was peeking his head through the kitchen window.

"Huh? How did you…? Zim's what?" asked Zim, sounding very confused as to when Das had appeared in the window, and to what a birthday was.

"You know," said Das jumping in through the window. "your day of birth, the day during the year in which you entered life. Those are a really big deal down here."

Zim raised his eyebrow, for he could not recall ever learning about birthdays while he was on earth, and though they had something similar on Irk, it was only a kind of: 'congratulations for not being killed in some random battle.'

"Tell me more of these so called 'Earth birthdays'," asked Zim, sounding interested in the subject.

"Well, from the moment that humans come out of the womb, the day and time is recorded for tax and citizenship purposes. But, it is always a great celebration as to have survived another year in this cold, cruel world," explained Das.

"Wait, what kind of celebration?" asked Zim.

"Well, for Skool children, the person whose birthday it is, usually brings in some sort of treat for the class, and they are kind and do you little favors."

"Interesting, that gives me an idea," said Zim with a smug look on his face. "Wait, how much time do we have until Skool starts?"

Das looked at his pocket watch. (That's right, he has a pocket watch.)

"Um, about an hour, why?"

"Excellent!" exclaimed Zim. "We have plenty of time. GIR, PREPARE SOME OF YOUR EARTH CUPCAKES!" GIR's face lit up with joy.

"Yay! I's gets to makes cupcakes!!"

"But GIR," said Zim, pulling a vile out of his PAK. "I need you to put in this special ingredient." Zim handed the vile to GIR, who immediately saluted and ran off to make the delicious treats.

About a half an hour later, GIR had prepared 744 cupcakes, the significance of this number, is that there was enough cupcakes for every one in the Skool, and if you are familiar with the Aramaic numbering system, the number will be familiar to you.

"All done master," said GIR, pulling the last batch out of the oven.

"Wait, GIR, did you make them all the way I instructed?" asked Zim tapping his foot.

"Yep!"

"Even the special cupcake?" GIR suddenly snapped out of his trance of happiness and went over to a separate oven. Inside the oven, was one more cupcake that had been made with a different special ingredient then the rest. GIR pulled it out of the oven and covered it in shades of purple and black frosting, and a dot of green frosting in the middle.

"Here it is master!" said GIR holding up the cupcake. Das looked at the cupcake, and then looked at Zim.

"What's the significance of this cupcake?"

"Oh you'll see soon enough Das," said Zim placing the cup cake in a box that was labeled specifically for his class. "Now I need you to help me carry these things to Skool, we'll have to pass these out during lunch. GIR, put on your disguise, we need your help to."

"Yes sir!" saluted the little robot, who then jumped into his doggy suit.

As the three walked to Skool, something popped into Das' head.

"Say Zim," asked Das. "Your computer said that you came from a birthing tube, what does that mean?"

"Irkens are born from tubes, you see," responded Zim, not really caring.

"Well, if you guys come from tubes, then why do you have genders? I mean, there would be no point to genders if you all were just grown in tubes."

"Oh no Das," said Zim shaking his head, in a trying to explain way. "You see, when an Irken smeet is first conceived, the female lays an egg, this is where the smeet is held until it develops a bit more. However, the egg is then placed in the birthing tube, which is necessary for the eggs survival. The tube contains a special liquid, which is vital to the eggs survival." Das nodded his head; he was beginning to understand the concept.

"The egg then remains in the tube for a certain period of time, until it is ready. The egg hatches in the tube, and the smeet is then released. Immediately afterwards, the PAK is attached, and the smeet begins its military training," finished Zim. Das was now slightly confused.

"Wait, you mean you guys are trained from birth?"

"Yes."

"Wow, that's pretty…well…bad ass. I suspect you're skilled in hand to hand combat?" asked Das.

"Hand to hand what?" asked Zim.

"Oh, never mind."

"Say, what brings this subject up anyway?" asked Zim.

"No reason really, I was just a bit confused on the matter," responded Das.

"What matter?"

"'If Irkens come from tubes, then why do they have genders,' that matter."

"Oh, well now you know."

"I know how to eat a whole pound of carnival elephant noses in one bite!" exclaimed GIR.

The three arrived at Skool carrying the masses of cupcake box's. Every child and teacher was beginning to wonder why Zim and Das had brought all these boxes, and why a little green and black dog with a zipper was helping them.

The Skool hall monitor approached the three with a questioning look in his eyes. Suddenly, the visor that came with his uniform (which is, as we all know, just a sash.) dropped over his eyes.

"Hold it!" ordered the hall monitor. "What do you three think you're doing?"

"YOU DARE QUESTION ZIM ON HIS DAY OF BIRTH!?" shouted Zim in great fury. "I SOULD HAVE YOUR HAND SAWED OFF FOR THAT!"

"It's your birthday?" asked the hall monitor, raising his visor. "Oh, then by all means enter with your mysterious packages."

"That's what I thought," said Zim, continuing his way up the Skool steps. "OBEY ME!"

The three entered the cafeteria and placed the cupcakes in the Skool's freezy box, in order to keep them fresh for when lunch started. As they walked out of the lunch room, they were confronted by Dib.

"Okay, what's going on here?" asked Dib. "What's with all the boxes?"

"Oh those?" asked Zim, pointing to the cafeteria. "You see Dib worm, today is my birthday, and following Earth custom for Skool children, I have brought in a delicious treat for all you." Zim's face was soon engulfed by an evil smile.

"Okay Zim, what are you up to?"

"Sheesh Dib," said Das, who had decided to join the conversation. "Can't a guy celebrate his birthday with his Skool chums without being persecuted of some sort of horrendous mischief?" (My god, he talks like a Brit, but without the accent.)

"Wait a minute, I thought you got blasted away by a cannon during the whole submarine thing?" recalled Dib, realizing that Das should be dead.

"I was, I went to hell that time. But I'm back now, and let me tell you, cannons that shoot weird laser rounds hurt," answered Das, confirming Dib's observation.

"But you…you should be…what?" stuttered Dib, not understanding a word of what Das had just said. "Oh, never mind. Anyways, you won't get away with this Zim," he said pointing angrily at the alien in disguise.

"Why, get away with what Dib?" asked Zim, trying to seem innocent.

"…I don't know what it is, but I will find out!"

"You mean find out that it is nothing?" chimed Das. Dib paused in confusion and frustration. He then gave out a yell, not knowing what else to do, and ran down the hall in an insane manner.

"…Well," said Zim. "That went easier then expected."

"Mhm," said GIR nodding his little doggy head.

Class for the children went slowly. Zim sat in the back of his chair, staring very devilishly at Tak, who was for what ever reason, reeking of charcoal (Heh Heh, a little reference to the last episode.). Zim stared at the clock and then back to Tak.

"Soon," he thought to himself. "Soon nothing will stand in my way of concurring this planet, not even you. Gyahahahaha!"

"Zim!" shouted Bitters, who was now looking at out little green anti-hero. "Stop laughing inside your head."

"Huh!?" said Zim, not understanding how his laugh was heard outside his own thoughts.

"Anyways," continued Mrs. Bitters. "With the discovery of the atomic explosion, the scientists knew that they had sealed the fate of humanity, to be destroyed by their creation. Knowing this, some went home, and ended their misery right then and there."

"Humanity is like a swarm of cockroaches!" shouted Das, who had just snapped awake from his nap on his desk. "Not even the radiation will kill us, we are all going to just crawl out of the ruble, and go back to killing each other for profit and not give a damn about life, liberty, or moose!" After this short rant, Das slammed his head back down onto his desk, and fell back to sleep.

The class all stared at the sleeping Das and raised their eye brows, not exactly understanding why on Earth would he have woken up from his, apparently, enjoyable nap just to rant and fall back to sleep.

"Very good Das," said Bitters. "You get an A." Upon hearing this, Das lifted his right hand, though otherwise keeping his head on his desk, and gave a thumb's up.

"He is so weird," thought Spool, who was scared at Das' words.

"Okay class," said Bitters once again. "Zim has an announcement to make." Zim got out of his seat and jumped up onto Mrs. Bitters' desk.

"Now children," he began. "Today is a momentous occasion." The class seemed a tad intrigued at what their unusual classmate had to say. "Today, you'll all be celebrating the birthday of me! ZIIIIMMM!!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air. "During lunch today, myself, Das, and a small dog will be distributing cupcakes, for all of you to enjoy."

"It's your birthday?" asked Tak, who did not seem to care at all. "What are you planning to get? The world?" The class had heard Zim's rants about ruling them all many times before, so they could all understand Tak's joke. The class then proceeded to point and laugh.

"SILENCE!" screamed Zim, who still stood on the desk. "It is my birthday! YOU WILL OBEY ME!!" This just made Tak laugh even harder, but she soon realized that she was the only one laughing. The rest of the class had quieted.

"Ha…ha…heh…sorry," said Tak, slowly shrinking into her seat.

"Anyways," said Zim. "You will all receive your treats at lunch, so _prepare!!_"

"Thank you for that useless announcement Zim," said Bitters, who was still standing at the side of her desk closest to the door. "Now get off my desk."

"Oh, sorry," said Zim sheepishly.

"Don't be sorry, get off," said Bitters.

"SORRY!" Bitters gave a growl, and Zim jumped off the desk and back to his seat. Bitters looked up at the cock.

"Alright children," she began. "We'll continue this lecture after lunch, now go away!"

The children all got out of their seats and proceeded to leave in great excitement. As they left the room, Zim stopped Tak.

"Oh, and to answer your question, yes, I do want the world, and your going to help me to get it. Gyahahahaha!" Tak raised an eyebrow at this, and watched as her nemesis left the room laughing ever still.

"…okay?" she thought to herself.

Everyone was puzzled with Zim bringing in over 700 cupcakes. Though despite their curiosity, the children graciously devoured the treats, rather then eating the Skool provided food.

Zim, Das and GIR continued to pass through the lunch room distributing the cupcakes, while Das took the left side, GIR took the right, and Zim took the outside lunch tables.

After distributing to a few tables, Das soon reached Dib and Gaz. He stopped and handed Dib a cupcake, who immediately took it and ran to the bathroom, leaving Das and Gaz wondering why he would take the treat and leave.

Das looked at Gaz, who looked back expecting to have him hand her a cupcake. Das reached in to the box and pulled one out and began to hand it to Gaz. As Gaz began to reach for the snack, Das pulled the cupcake in thought.

"What are you doing?" asked Gaz very annoyed.

"I'm not sure," responded Das, reaching into a completely separate box, which contained a cupcake that was not made with any of Zim's secret ingredients. He handed her this cupcake instead of the originally intended one.

"What was that all about?" asked Gaz, not understanding why he had decided to switch cupcakes.

"Lets just say I'm not all that heartless." Das walked away and continued to hand out treats, leaving Gaz to puzzle on the matter as she ate.

Meanwhile, Zim was at the outside tables handing out the baked goods. He soon reached Tak, who was eating her usual Irken disguised food. She looked up from her meal to see Zim standing over her.

"What do you want creeper?" she asked, very annoyed.

"Oh nothing," said Zim innocently. "It's just earth custom for me to give you one of these _delicious_ treats on the day of my birth, as so you may celebrate its greatness along with everyone else." Zim set down the boxes of cupcakes and rummaged through them until he found what he was looking for. He pulled out cupcake that was decorated in purple and black frosting, with dot of green frosting in the middle (Yes, she gets the special cupcake.) Tak examined the treat for a quick second.

"I'm afraid that my meal is all that I need to be satisfied for right now, thanks," said Tak.

"Oh come now," said Zim, with an evil grin on his face. "I made this one especially for you." Tak was now very disturbed, and Zim's evil expression wasn't helping. Tak looked around to find kids wondering why she had decided to decline Zim's offer. Hoping not to draw attention to herself, she decided to take the cupcake anyway.

"Well, if you insist," she said snatching the treat away from Zim.

"That's what I thought, _for the cupcake tempts you so…_" said Zim clutching his fists in victory.

As Zim left, Tak took the pastry to the bathroom. She took out some sort of Irken scanning device, and waved it over the treat.

"Analysis complete," said the device.

"Give me a list of ingredients for said product," said Tak. She was determined to find out more about the cupcake. She just couldn't shake off this feeling of something not being right, why would Zim make a cupcake especially for her?

"Scan complete. Contains all Irken products, including the following: flower, Glagishbe eggs, starches, sugar, graphite histamine, and clover spray," read the device.

"Wait a minute," said Tak, focusing on the last two products. "Irken Graphite histamine is meant to make things extremely addictive, and Irken clover spray is used as a mind control chemical on Irkens. He's planning to hypnotize us all into being his slaves!" She had finally figured it out. Zim planed to drug everyone into being his slaves, what better birthday present could one ask for?

"This explains why he made this one especially for me! The other cupcakes are made with ingredients similar to this, only meant for humans, so he had to make an Irken version for me, so that way I couldn't get in the way of stopping his plans." Tak stood back in horror and anger, and surprisingly, impressed ness.

"Wow," she thought. "That's actually a good plan. Where was this during the whole garbage monster idea?"

Tak was about to throw the cupcake down, but then she looked at it again, with a sudden urge to eat it.

"Well…he did make it for me, I shouldn't just waste it…NO! It's the graphite histamine," she thought. "I can't let it get the best of me." Tak looked at the cupcake again, this time taking more time to stare at it. Tak soon left the bathroom, sat against the lockers, and held the cupcake in front of her.

"Must…resist…urge," she thought, straining not to eat it.

Meanwhile, in the boy's bathroom, Dib was finding out the same things about his cupcake.

"That horrible little alien," said Dib, throwing the cupcake to the ground and stepping on it. "He won't get me so easily…WAIT!" Dib stopped for a moment and thought about Gaz.

"Ah! I have to stop her from eating her cupcake!" Dib was soon seen running out of the bathroom, screaming and flailing his arms around in the air. He soon busted in to the lunch room.

"STOP!" he screamed. "Don't eat the cupcakes! It's a trick! Zim means to hypnotize us and use us as slaves in his next evil plan!" Everyone looked at Dib with confusion as they all finished their treats.

"YOUR CRAZY!" yelled out a random high pitched voice. The whole lunch room began to laugh at Dib. A faint tear could be seen rolling down Dib's face. He soon snapped out of his trance and looked over to Gaz, who was finishing her cupcake.  
"GAZ! NOOOOOOO!!" Gaz looked up to her brother in dismay.

"Why can't you ever learn to just shut up?" said Gaz coldly. "I'm beginning to think that their really is something wrong with you."

Zim noticed Dib's screaming. He, Das, and GIR were done handing out the cupcakes, they decided now would be the best time to strike.

"GIR!" called Zim to his robot companion who, still in the dog suit, was digging through the trash in search of food. "Get me the activation button." GIR pulled his head out of the garbage and looked at his master with his big beady eyes. He then un-zipped the head of his costume and pulled out a device with a big red button on it. He zipped it back up and handed the device to Zim.

"Excellent," said Zim pushing the button. Soon all the children and faculties eyes became entranced by the human clover spray in the cupcakes. Well, all but Dib who had not eaten his cupcake, Gaz who was given Das' dud cupcake for what ever reason, and Tak who was trying her best not to eat hers (Tak is kind of out of commission at the moment.).

"Now my slaves!" ordered Zim. "We march on President Land!"

"No!" cried Dib. "Don't listen to him! He's trying to control your minds with the cupcakes!"

"Seize him slaves!" shouted Zim. Soon nearly 20 people jumped on to Dib in a dog pile kind of way.

"Ahh! Let go of me you…ahh!" cried Dib as they threw him into the cafeteria freezy box. They then proceeded to shut the door and lock it tight, leaving Dib in it to freeze.

"Ahahaha! Now no one can stop me from marching on the human capitol city! _Nothingggg." _ Zim began to laugh manically at his genius plan. He would hypnotize the entire Skool, and turn them into his private army, which he would use to march onto President Land, capture President Man, and rule the Earth. The plan was so perfect, so pure, and completely flawless. So much so in fact, that Zim had decided to laugh for about 15 minuets strait before he decided to go.

"Ah hahahaha…ha…ha…heh…heh…okay, lets get out of here," said Zim, finishing his laughter. "Oh, and before I go…slaves, bring me Tak!" Soon, two of the slaves came out of the hall wall with Tak, who was still resisting the urge to eat the cupcake.

"Well, well Tak," said Zim. "I can see that you have a much stronger will power then I had suspected." Tak didn't answer, she just continued to stare at the cupcake, with fear that it may over come her if she breaks her concentration.

"You've put up quite a fight these past few years, but we see here who is the better invader and it is me."

"Um…Zim…" said Das looking very worried.

"SILENCE! I LET YOU MONOLOGE, I SOULD BE ALOUD TO TOO!"

"No, you don't understand, it's the formula in the cupcakes, they…"

"They what!!" asked Zim, now very angry that Das had interrupted his unnecessary gloating to Tak.

"It's wearing off."

"What?" asked Zim.

"Apparently, the clover spray that we put in, is only enough to last for about 20 minutes," responded Das. Tak looked up in relief at this, though she had no idea how much time she had before the clover spray in her cupcake would lose it's effect.

"How much time is left?" asked Zim, who was now very worried. Das pulled out his pocket watch again and checked it.

"Oh about…10 seconds," said Das, looking up from the watch. Soon, all the hypnotized people's trances began to wear off.

"Oh, my head," said Gretchen, rubbing her head in pain.

"Mine too," said Zita.

"What was in those cupcakes?" asked Captain Claw.

"I don't think it was the cupcakes!" said Das, trying not to get the shit beaten out of him by the other children. "It was most likely the 'food' they served us today."

"I didn't eat anything but my cupcake!" shouted a kid from the back.

"Yes you did," shouted Das right back to him.

"Okay!" he called back.

The children soon shrugged their shoulders and went about their merry ways. Zim on the other hand was had shrunken to the floor in defeat. Soon Tak walked up to him with a grin on her face.

"So," she began very evilly. "A cupcake made just for me? How nice of you." Tak then proceeded to eat the cupcake in front of Zim. After finishing, she licked her fingers and smiled evilly…again.

"Absolutely delicious," she said very mockingly. "My complement's to the chef." Upon saying this, GIR popped out of Das' shirt with a smile on his face.

"THANKYOU PURPLE LADY!" shouted GIR, who then jumped out of Das' shirt and ran out the double doors.

Tak looked back at Zim and stuck her tongue out at him, and walked off laughing.

Zim looked over to Das, who was examining his shirt, trying to find a logical way of how GIR could have gotten in. Zim then looked up at the ceiling.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!...Ah whatever," said Zim, as he got up and walked away.

"I don't know how he got in my shirt, and I for one don't want to know," Das, who had given up on trying to find out about how GIR had gotten into his shirt.

As Zim, Das, and Gaz left the lunch room to head for class, they did not notice Dib's feint screaming, coming from the freezy box, and they left without looking back.

End of episode 10

Woo! Good episode no? I rather liked the idea. I hope you all enjoyed it, and I will be back soon with episode 11.

Please review (Kindly)

Copyright Jhonen Vasquez/ Invader Zim


	7. Episode 11: an Irken's best friend

Hello again loyal readers

Hello again loyal readers! Sorry about not updating sooner, my co-author went on holiday for the weekend and I had no episode ideas. So without further ado, here is episode 11.

Episode 11: An Irken's best friend

"And then the Crusader's came in to the holy land and proceeded to slaughter the Saracen armies, but not before killing off some of their own kind not knowingly," said Ms. Bitters, rambling on and on about the crusades.

Now, most of the children were asleep for the lecture, for most of them didn't care. Das, on the other hand, was wide awake and listening intently to the lesson.

"So these Crusaders," began Das, raising his hand. "They were killing the Saracen for religious providence?"

"…yes," said Ms. Bitters very coldly.

"Hmm, it would seem that we were just as dumb then, as we are now; wouldn't it?" asked Das, comparing the religious jihad that was ever still frequent in their world.

"Humanity is just doomed," said Bitters, not really caring. "We are all to busy fighting amongst one another to even…" Bitters began to slow down, she looked up at the clock and then back at the children. "We'll conclude this lesson tomorrow; now get out of my sight!"

The children cheered and then headed to the exits (the door or the windows, which ever is more convenient.).

"Oh, and before you leave children, remember that tomorrow is bring your pet to Skool day. Everyone is required to bring in there filthy animals to show off in front of the class."

"But I don't have a pet!" said Spool as he was leaving his desk.

"Then get one," said Bitters.

"Wait a minute," said Dib in confusion. "Why is it required that we bring out pets? And what happens if we don't?" Bitters pressed a button on her desk. Soon, the giant laser that incinerated the child that use to sit in Das' seat came down from the ceiling. It then fired upon a random child that was trying to exit through the window. The child was hit, proceeded to scream, and then turned to ash.

"Ah," said Dib, realizing the point. "No further questions ma'am." Dib then scurried off toward his sister who was just beginning to pass his class room.

"I have the strangest feeling that I won't survive this semester Gaz," said Dib, looking very worried.

"I have the most hope that you won't," said Gaz, not looking up from her game. Dib stared at his sister and shuttered.

Later that day at Zim's base, Zim and Das were going over more plans for earth conquest.

"No offense Zim, but I don't think that a giant microwave is going to work," said Das, declining Zim's latest idea.

"Oh come on!" cried Zim, who wanted to try the idea. "We could…wait…okay maybe it does suck."

"Well, I'm gad to see that you are beginning to recognize your faults," said Das, sound very surprised that Zim had admitted that his idea was stupid.

"SILECE!" screamed Zim, who was now very agitated. "Anyways, is there anything else we can do?" The two began to scratch their heads in thought.

"Well…we could use that whole bring your pet to Skool day for something," suggested Das.

"No, no, that would never work…WAIT!" exclaimed Zim. "Maybe we could use that bring your pet to Skool day for something!"

"I just suggested that…"

"Yes, another plan of pure genius from me, ZIM!"

"But I…oh…never mind," said Das, giving up on trying to acclaim his deserved credit. "So what do we do?"

"Well…" began Zim, still thinking. "We could load GIR's head with a hypnotic…"

"I think we've had our fair share of trying to hypnotize people," interrupted Das. "That idea doesn't really seem to work."

"Well, what about a bomb of some kind?"

"Nah, that's kind of unneeded just for a Skool."

"WAIT!" screamed Zim, discarding the bomb idea for one much better. "That's what we'll do."

"And what, pray tell, is that?" asked Das, not exactly understanding what was going on.

Zim leaned over and began to whisper into Das' ear.

"Ah…I see…really…wait, what...Oh…okay, yes that will definitely…no way, I…oh, then yeah, that'll work," said Das, as Zim told him his plan.

"Wait, why did you have to whisper it to me?" asked Das, not seeing the need for Zim to whisper something to him. Zim pointed to the ceiling. Das looked up and saw an Irken camera spying on them.

"Ah, want me to get rid of that?" asked Das pointing at the camera.

"Yes, please do," responded Zim, who proceeded to walk over to his work bench. Das reached into his strait jacket that was still unprepared from when Zet had cut it open (See episode 5 on my DA.). He then pulled out a large serrated knife and threw it at the camera.

At the other end of the camera, Tak saw the knife fly toward the screen, and then lost the connection.

"Wow," said Tak, looking at her second destroyed camera image. "Either he's getting better, or I'm getting worse. What do you think Mimi?" asked Tak looking down to her robot companion that was scrubbing ash off the wall from when the seed had exploded.

"Umm…" began Mimi, not wanting to insult her master. "N.A."

"Oh ha ha," said Tak sounding annoyed. "Very funny, I'm not getting worse…am I?"

"No," said Mimi, trying to comfort her master. "It's just that, well, there is not right answer to that question with you."

"What do you mean?" asked Tak, not understanding.

"Well, if I say you're getting worse, you'll hurt me, and if I say he's getting better, you'll hurt me."

"No I…" Tak paused for a moment to think. "Yeah, maybe your right."

"Well look at you," said Mimi speaking in the same tone as Das did earlier. "You're finally accepting your violent and over competitive sides."

"I DO NOT HAVE VIOLENT OR OVER COMPETITIVE SIDES!" screamed Tak, sounding very displeased.

"Sorry! Just don't hurt me!" shrieked Mimi.

"Don't be sorry, be quiet!" screamed Tak.

"SORRY!" Tak rolled her eyes and went back to working on her base seed.

Meanwhile at Dib's house…

"Um, Dad?" asked Dib. "I need to borrow your test hamster for Skool tomorrow."

"Why of coarse son," said his Dad, handing him the rodent from its cage. "What do you need it for son?"

"If I don't bring in a pet tomorrow, then I'll be incinerated by my teacher's laser gun." His father stared at Dib blankly for a moment. He then turned back to his work.

"Okay, now run along."

Dib ran up the stairs with the hamster in his hands. He soon found his sister watching TV.

"Well, I've got my pet for tomorrow," said Dib, proudly raising the hamster to the ceiling. "Do you have anything?"

"My teacher is allergic to animals, he doesn't want us to bring them in," said Gaz, not caring about the subject. Dib looked with jealousy at his sister, who didn't have to go through being vaporized.

"…lucky." Dib then trudged up to his room, still holding the small creature.

The next day at Skool. The halls were filled with children and their small animals.

"Wow," said Das, looking in amazement at all the creatures. "I didn't even know that you could buy a Loch Ness monster at the local pet store."

Zim had GIR on a lease, trying to keep the robot from devouring the smaller animals.

"Ohh! Bunnies!" cried GIR, as they passed a girl holding a cage with a small liter of rabbits.

"No GIR," said Zim, scolding the little robot. "They're not for eating, just destroying." Zim pulled out a small disintegration ray.

"Um, Zim, that wouldn't be a good idea, they could sue you if you kill their rabbits," said Das looking at the small device.

"What? They why do they exist?" asked Zim in confusion.

"Well, they're made for children to buy them, love them for 3 days, and then forget about them, and watch as they starve to death."

"So they're just dumb?" asked Zim observing the tiny creatures once more.

"Yep, but they do make good gifts," answered Das.

"Why would you want to receive something like that?" asked Zim in disgust.

"So you can love it for 3 days, forget about it, and watch it starve, were you not listening to me?" said Das, seeming very annoyed. "But the main reason is because it's thoughtful, and they're simple adorable."

"Did you just call something adorable?" asked Zim in amazement.

"For me, they're adorably delicious," responded Das smacking his lips and thinking of some sort of bunny dish.

The children proceeded to their classes with their pets. Taking their seats, Bitters began to call up the children, so that they may present their animals.

"Now, children," began Bitters. "The purpose of this exercise is to show the diverseness of species. Not for you all to enjoy the cuteness that is being presented. Spool, you're up first." Said Bitters looking over to blue eyed child.

"Um, the pet store was out, I don't have one," said Spool, raising his hands. Bitters twitched an eye, and then pressed the button on her desk. Soon the laser descended from the ceiling and fired at Spool, who scream in pain for a brief 2 seconds, and turned to ash. The class stared at the pile for about 5 minutes, and then realized that Spool was dead. Upon realizing this, the class gave out a brief scream of horror, and went back to what was going on.

"Next up, is Dib," said Bitters, looking over the large headed child. Dib walked up to the front of the class room and held out his hamster.

"This is my dad's test hamster," began Dib. "He doesn't have a name, and I don't know that much about him. But I guess he's cool." Dib, having nothing further to say, went back to his seat.

"Next up is…Tak." Talk walked up to the front of the class, cradling Mimi in her disguise.

"This is my cat Mimi," she began, sounding very board. "Despite the fact that her ears look like horns, she's perfectly normal." Suddenly, Tak's eyes flashed and the whole class nodded. Tak went back down to her seat.

Tak was followed by Zita, Poochie, Captain Claw, and Pinky. Shortly after them, it was Das' turn.

"I do not own a pet," began Das. "The reason for being so, is that recent experiences from family friends, have shown me, that pets just lead to unnecessary work, and in the end, anguish, neither of which I care for."

"That's nice Das, but you were required to bring in a pet, so did you?" asked Bitters, with her finger hovering over the button.

"I just brought in these," said Das as he pulled a box out of his coat. He set the box down on Ms. Bitters' desk and opened it. He then pulled out its contents; two skulls, one with label "Mom", and the other, with the label "Dad".

"I give to you, my late parents," said Das giving a bow, still holding up the skulls.

"Oh I get it," said a child in the back. "It's one of those pet rock ideas, just with fake skulls."

"Yeah," said Das looking back and forth with a paranoid look in his eyes. "Fake…sure."

As Das sat down with his dead parents, Zim stood up to take his turn. He pulled GIR up there and looked at the class.

"This is GIR," began Zim. "He is my dog, and he likes to bake things. The cupcakes I brought in a few weeks ago, he made them." GIR gave a smile and a wave to the class.

"And as most normal human dogs, GIR also likes to store stuff in his head," said Zim with an evil look on his face. The class looked very puzzled, but at the same time agreed and nodded at this statement.

"I will show you, GIR! Why don't you show the class what I put in your head this morning," Zim gave a chuckle at this, an evil chuckle at that.

"Okie dokie!" said GIR, unzipping his suit and opening his head. After doing so, a large blood covered shovel was shot out and landed in front of the class.

"Huh? I didn't put that in there," said Zim, wondering were the shovel had come from.

"Oh, sorry Zim," said Das getting up and grabbing the shovel. "I needed a storage place for this." Das went back to his seat; at set the shovel under is seat. "You can go on now."

"Um, thanks," said Zim, now seeming very worried about his assistant. "Now, GIR, take out the other thing I put in your head this morning."

"Oh yeah," said GIR in his cute echoing voice. "That one." GIR opened his head again and shot out two gas masks, along with large puff of green smoke. Zim and Das put the masks on and watched as the rest of the class began to fall to the gas.

"What is this Zim!" exclaimed Dib, jumping out of his seat, trying to avoid the gas.

"Just a little sleeping gas Dib," responded Zim. "I can't have any of you awake for my next most genius plan." Dib was filled with a great anger, and a great sleepiness. His eyes began to go fuzzy, and he fell to the floor. He looked over to Zim and Das as they left the room. GIR soon followed them, sucking on a small child's head as he left.

"Quick hamster!" said Dib to his pet, who was for what ever reason, not affected by the gas (Most likely all that testing it's gone through). "Go find help!" The hamster saluted and scurried out of the room, leaving Dib to fall asleep.

The hamster ran through the halls checking each door as he passed them, for he knew whom he sought. He soon reached a room filled with children just a year younger then Dib. He entered the room to see the class was testing. He went up and down the isles of desks until he reached the desk of a scary looking purple haired child; he ran up her desk until he was looking her straight in the eye.

"What do you want?" asked the child very coldly. The hamster, having neither the ability nor capabilities to speak, grabbed her pencil and wrote Dib's distress situation on her paper. The child looked at it and gave a shrug. She took the paper and gave it to her teacher.

"Well Gaz," said Mr. Eliot, sounding very happy as he looked over the paper. "These answers are all correct, good job!"

"Well, that was easy," said Gaz, walking back to her seat. She looked at the hamster and gave him a note to give to Dib.

The hamster read the note, and scurried once again down the halls to Dib, and wrote out what his sister had instructed, which was a basic: "Go soak your head, I don't really care." Dib read this, gave a sigh of defeat, and slammed his head to the floor and fell asleep.

Meanwhile, Zim and Das traveled down an elevator that lead to Zim's secret base that was beneath the Skool. As they traveled down the Irken shafts, Das looked in confusion.

"Say, if you have a secret base beneath the Skool, why have you never used it before?"

"What, we're under the Skool!?" said Zim, just now realizing that this base was under the Skool.

The two soon entered a large room, with a window which led to a missile launch pad, upon which, sat giant Irken ICBM (inter continental ballistic missile).

"Yes," began Zim. "It is a most ingenious plan. First, we will launch this giant bomb at this countries greatest enemy. They will then believe that this country was responsible for the destruction, and fire their bombs right back, and soon, the whole earth will be engulfed with nuclear holocaust."

"It's just like what the cold war would have been if someone fired first," said Das. Zim looked at Das, raising an eyebrow, for he did not understand what Das was referring to.

"Anyway," said Zim, trying to get back on topic. "We have precisely 5 minutes before it is time to launch, so we have to make all the preparations that are left for the launch in that time."

"Wait, why do we have to wait 5 minutes?" asked Das.

"It adds to the dramatic effect," said Zim, raising his chin. (Don't ask me why he raised his chin, quite frankly, I don't know why.)

"Wait..." said GIR, realizing a flaw in the plan (Gasp!) "When the humans start the explody, won't we xplode too?"

"Ah ha, foolish gullible GIR," said Zim with a chuckle. "After we launch the missile, we'll use this bases teleporters to take us to the space station."

"Oh yeah…" said GIR, even though he still didn't quite understand the concept. "Will we have snacks?"

"Of course we…wait…" Zim paused for a moment to think. "AH! That's what I forgot! Das! We need to get some snacks!" Das jumped up at this in question.

"Why do we need snacks?"

"You fool! Everyone knows that after an invader has taken over a planet, they celebrate with snacks! It is Irken custom."

"Well where are we going to get snacks now?" asked Das.

"I want you and GIR to go through the children's lockers and search for their lunches," said Zim, seeing if he could delay the launch for a bit longer.

"That would be earth food though, only suitable for GIR and I," said Das, finding the hole in Zim's logic.

"DO NOT QUESTION ME! JUST GO FIND SNACKS!"

"You don't need to shout, we're going already," said Das as he and GIR left the room.

As GIR and Das went up the elevator to the surface, another elevator went down the base. Once that elevator reached the bottom floor, its passenger stepped out. The passenger was a black, demonic looking, cat. The cat zipped through the base in search of what was going on.

Meanwhile, GIR and Das had just reached the surface level.

"Okay GIR," began Das. "I'll take the left the side of the hall, you take the right side."

"Can I get a snack from the machine first?" asked GIR, pointing at the sets of vending machines. Das looked at the machines and got an idea.

"GIR, I know we don't say this as often as we should, but you're a genius."

"I am…" said GIR, giving a smile while he ate the lock off of a child's locker. The two ran over to the machines and ripped them off the walls. Das carried one, while GIR carried the other 3. They then ran off, making their way toward the elevator.

Meanwhile, the demonic cat thing (Which I believe we all know is Mimi, still in disguise.) was looking in the main control chamber. Mimi soon found a rather large window, behind which was a giant Irken missile.

"Mistress!" called Mimi, changing back to her robot form. "I've found out Zim's plan. He intends to…" Mimi was cut off by Tak's snoring. The sleeping gas had just taken affect on her, and she now was enjoying a well needed nap.

"Oh brother," said Mimi, with a sigh. "I guess it's up to me to stop him so that my master will rule this planet." Mimi soon spotted Zim giving the machines a few adjustments. Mimi readied her claws to attack Zim. She began to slowly creep up on to Zim.

"Hm," said Zim, looking at the unusually large rench that he was using. "…OBSOLEATE EQUIPENT!" he screamed as he threw the rench behind his head and, not knowingly, toward Mimi. The tool soon collided with Mimi's head and it gave a loud clanking noise when it did.

"Ahg!" cried Mimi, which was unusual for her, considering that robots shouldn't really feel pain.

"Huh?" said Zim, hearing the sound and turning around to see the intruder. "You! So Tak can't come herself to stop me? Does she think I'm not good enough for that? Huh!?"

"What are you? No, it's just that the sleeping gas you used is making her sleep," said Mimi rubbing her head in pain.

"Oh yeah," said Zim realizing the main part of his plan. "Anyway, I would have preferred to foil her plan of…foiling my plan…by foiling her myself and not…foiling you…and…ow, this hurts my head."

"I get what you're trying to say, but I'm still the one that's going to stop you," said Mimi, who was too given a headache from Zim's rambling.

"Enough gab!" said Zim, activating his spider legs. "It's time I dismantle you!" Mimi sprung toward Zim with her claw ready to kill. Zim sprang forward as well, using his spider legs as weird…stabbing…things. The two collided in mid air and proceeded their little duel.

Das and GIR soon came into the room to see the two's bout.

"We found these vending machines Zim," said Das holding up the giant machine on one shoulder.

"MIMI!" cried GIR with a happy expression on his face. Mimi turned around at the sound of her name. This was just the opening that Zim needed. He swung in one of the legs to pin Mimi's claw to the floor.

"Ha! Vicr'y for Zim!" cried Zim raising his arms in the air. Das and GIR just sat at the side eating the snacks from the machine as though they were watching a movie at the cinema.

"But before I dismantle you and turn you into spare parts," said Zim looking evilly at his defeated opponent. "You will watch as I destroy this planet, by not actually destroying it myself…but still…ahug, you get what I'm trying to say right?" Mimi nodded her head, while still trying to get out of Zim's spider leg.

"But wait, you can't make me stay here without you remaining here to, and thus being engulfed in the explosion," said Mimi, still trying to get out of the pin. Zim paused for a moment to think about this.

"Um…SILENCE!" screamed Zim, finding that Mimi was right. "In that case, you can try to escape the explosion, but I wouldn't get your hopes up. You still need to get your master off the planet in 15 minutes, before the destructions begin. You have until that time, good luck," said Zim, now very mockingly at the poor little robot as he lifted the leg off of her.

"Wait, why would I save my master when I could just save myself?" asked Mimi, wondering why Zim had said she had to save Tak.

"I thought the SIR unit protocol was to keep your master away from danger?" said Zim, answering Mimi's question.

"Oh yes, that would make sense." Mimi then turned on her disguise and darted toward the elevator.

"That was weird," said Das, who had just finished a package of chips. "Can we get going now? I don't want to be here for when this place blows up."

"Oh! I want to be here for when it blows up!" exclaimed GIR very happily.

"No GIR," said Zim. "You can explode when we get to the station. GIR smiled at this.

"YAY! EXPLODY!"

"The three went over to the teleporters and went up to the station. Upon arriving there, Zim went over to the stations controls. He searched the control panel until he found a button which read: "Press me to blow up something." Zim hurried over to the button and prepared to press it.

"Now, after all these years," began Zim. "I will finally destroy the earth, and show you all who the superior species is, for it is ZIM!!" Zim pressed the button and awaited the fatal launch of the missile. He stood in place watching the earth, hoping to see it launch.

Meanwhile, back in Zim's base beneath the Skool, a small hamster crawled out of the control panel's wiring, holding a mouth full of wire work. The hamster then scampered off to the elevators with a happy smile on his face.

As he left, the base was given a slight electric surge, and then exploded for, seemingly, no apparent reason.

Meanwhile, back in Ms. Bitters' class, which was still sleeping. A slight rumble was heard and the ground shook, waking the children. Dib stood up and rubbed his eyes. He suddenly realized that everyone was waking up.

"Everyone! Wake up, Zim just used some form of chemical weapon on us!" cried Dib, trying to seize the opportunity of what had just happened. "This just proves he's an alien!" Suddenly Tak entered the conversation.

"Or he wanted us to have a nice nap, and I for one can say that I am very well refreshed." The class nodded and called Dib crazy as usual, and proceeded to laugh at him. Dib sank his head in sadness. He headed back to his seat and put his head in his hands, and awaited his doom.

Suddenly, a small flame came out of the floor beneath him, and shot up an ash covered hamster, holding various wires in its mouth. The hamster hit the ceiling and then landed safely on Dib's desk. The hamster gave off a slight cough, and then snuggled up next to Dib (aw).

"Well, at least I have you hamster," said Dib, petting the small rodent. Suddenly, a hawk that one of the students had brought in, swooped down from the ceiling, snatched the hamster up, and took it away to be eaten.

"NO!" cried Dib. "Ah what ever."

Mimi was sitting on Tak's desk, with a puzzled look on her face.

"Why did you defend Zim's being an alien?"

"Simple Mimi," answered Tak. "If they find out that Zim is an alien, then Dib can reveal that I am an alien. Dib's sanity would be proven and they would take him seriously, and I can't have that."

"Ah, I wonder why the missile silo exploded?" wondered Mimi.

Meanwhile in space, Zim was looking in aw at the missile's inability to launch.

"What!? NOOOOOOO!!"

"Think of it this way Zim," said Das, who was now drinking a soda. "If you caused the whole nuclear holocaust thing, then there would be no species to rule."

"Hey, you're right," said Zim in relief. "Victory for Zim!"

"No it's not," said GIR, who was munching on rubber pig.

"SILECE!" screamed Zim. "Any how, this just leaves us with one more question."

"And what might that be?" asked Das, taking another sip from his soda.

"Since the base beneath the Skool was destroyed, how do we get down from here?"

End of episode 11

Ah, we can see the series getting a little more macabre. Just the way I like it.

Sorry about the wait for this chapter, it took me a while to find an idea for this one. But not to worry, episode 12 will be here soon.

Special thanks to my co-author Christian, he is such a help.

Copy right Jhonen Vasquez/Invader Zim


	8. Episode 12: Hell on most High

Hello loyal readers, I hope you don't mind what I'm about to attempt in this series, because I myself am having second thoughts about it

Hello loyal readers, I hope you don't mind what I'm about to attempt in this series, because I myself am having second thoughts about it. None the less, I am pleased to bring you season 2 of my fanfiction series…if it was part of the real series, it would now be season 4, but that's not important right now. Enjoy!

Episode 12: Hell on most high

We find Zim walking home from Skool, grumbling about the usual things that concerned a typical sophomore in high skool. As he progressed down the street, he…

(Pause episode)

Ethan: "Wait a minute; I thought Zim was posing as sixth grader?"

Max: "Yeah, what happened to grades 7, 8, and 9?"

Mike: "It's a time jump, I felt it was necessary."

Max: "What? How?"

Mike: "I just thought it would be interesting to watch the IZ guys to go through the horrors of High Skool."

Ethan: "What horrors? Standardized prep testing?"

Mike: "Look, just keep reading you morons, it will all make sense."

(Start episode up again)

Anyways, Zim walked home complaining to no one in particular about the pointlessness and anguish of going to skool.

"That place has taught me nothing about this planet!" he screamed. "Just that it's a helpless waste land, beyond fixing."

"It really is," said Das, who had just caught up with Zim, shouldering a riffle on his back.

"Huh, where did…oh, never mind. Did you kill Dib?" asked Zim, wonder when Das had caught up with him.

"No, I can't understand why I can't hit him with this. I think someone must have screwed around with the scope."

The two continued to walk down the street, going over new ideas for world conquest.

"I have to say Zim, I think we've exhausted every possible idea that one could devise for taking over this rock," said Das with a sigh.

"Wait, what if we make a huge grenade that will explode, and send out…oh god, we really have exhausted every possible idea that one could come up with," said Zim, realizing that they were out of ideas.

As they continued to walk, they heard a strange rustling in the bushes next to them. Zim looked over to see a cat with horn looking ears, and red eyes watching them.

"Shouldn't we run Zim?" asked Das.

"Why? Zim does not flee from scary looking felines."

"Well what about ones with giant pincer like claws?" asked the cat as it turned into a robot (That's right, Mimi). Mimi quickly shot her arm through Das' chest, and then threw his body across the neighborhood. As Das' cold dead body flew away, Mimi turned to Zim. She quickly grabbed him by the face, and forced him to the ground.

"Show yourself Tak!" yelled Zim, trying to get the arm off his face.

"She's not here right now," said Mimi, looking very evil in the moonlight.

"I thought the sleeping gas I used on her wore off?" said Zim, recalling his plan on the sixth grade bring your pet to skool day.

"Um, actually," said Mimi, trying to remember why Tak had not come. "She said it was because you're not worth her own time, so she just sent me."

"Okay," said Zim, giving the final straw. "Now I'm insulted. And no one insults ZIM!"

"Except for every one," said Mimi, very mockingly.

"SILENCE! I AM ZIM!"

"You're incompetent," said Mimi, grasping his head even harder. Zim was now very agitated.

"What makes you say this?" asked Zim, with a growl. "What makes Zim so incompetent?"

"Let's think about this; you've been on this planet for about 6 years now, and you have failed to do anything. Even with a traitor to the species, you still have achieved nothing."

"Am I really as so inept as to leave my back open to a knife?" asked Das, who now stood behind the little robot with a rather large knife.

"What the…I thought I killed you?" said Mimi, not understanding why Das was still up.

"You're calling us inept? After all these years, you still haven't learned that I won't stay down." Das thrusted the knife down into the pack that held Mimi's claw.

"Ahhh! Stay out of there!" screamed Mimi. "You'll destroy us all!"

"What?" asked Das, not understanding what she meant. "This will just kill you, not Zim or me."

"Damnit," said Mimi. "I thought that would work." Mimi quickly loosened her claw and ran off of Das' knife and into the night.

"Well," said Zim, getting off the ground. "That was weird."

"I'll say," said Das, putting the knife back into his new black BDU jacket. "I mean, she just came out of no where, and the next thing I know, I'm flying halfway across the neighborhood, with a huge gash in my chest."

As the two walked over to Zim's base, Zim began to think about what Mimi had said earlier.

"Maybe she's right," said Zim with a sigh.

"Who, Mimi? About what?" asked Das.

"I've been on this stupid rock for over 6 years, and I still haven't taken over the planet."

"Well, you do have little setbacks like Dib, Tak, Zet, that Sizz-lorr guy, and that creepy madness dog," said Das, trying to help Zim out.

"It's not just them!" said Zim with a sudden realization. "Even though I have a traitor to this species with me, you haven't helped a bit!"

"What are you saying?" asked Das.

"I'm saying you're useless," said Zim very angrily. "I mean, what have you done for me lately?" Das thought for a moment, trying to come up with things that he had helped with.

"Hey, since I've come in, we've destroyed Tasmania land, hypnotized children, launched a nuke, and leveled enough landscape to make Mount President Man Head the largest mountain in the world."

"…SILENCE!" screamed Zim. "But that was all around 3 or 4 years ago, you haven't done anything since then." Das saw where this was going. Zim had finally gotten fed up with Das, and was ready to kick him off of the mission.

"So what are you proposing?" asked Das.

"I'm saying that you had better keep up your end of the bargain, and help!"

"How?" asked Das. "We've exhausted every evil plan in the book, and I'm out of ammo for my riffle, so I can't go and kill Dib."

"Well, you'd better think quickly," said Zim. "Because I'm getting more impatient by the second." Zim stormed off into his base, and left Das in the street.

"Wow," thought Das. "Zim is finally getting competent. I guess all he needed, was a robots deadly claw preparing to crush his face." Das proceeded to walk home. As he walked, he thought of Zim's completely stupid disguise.

"Well maybe if he had a better disguise," he thought to himself. "It would be easier for him to get away with things." Das stopped in his tracks, and thought about that for a moment.

"Hey…that's it!" upon saying this, an unknowingly semi truck driver, zoomed through the streets, and ran over Das. Not stopping or looking back, the driver continued his route, running over various other people.

Meanwhile at the Membrane house, Dib was sitting at his computer, trying to figure out who had recklessly stolen his new semi that he had just purchased that day.

"Why is it that right when I get something cool, it's always taken away from me?" he thought to himself. Dib looked out the window to see that his garage was still not prepared from when Tak had broken into it, and taken her ship back.

"And why is it that after 5 years, Dad still has not noticed that?"

"Noticed what son?" said his dad who had just stuck his head in through the door.

"Huh? Oh, nothing dad," said Dib, not wanting to have to explain the destruction that had been done to his garage.  
"Say, why are you inside, instead of driving that old cool truck of yours?" asked his father.

"Dad, I know you don't like the truck," said Dib. "But it was all that dealership had left. You know full well that I would have preferred a hover car."

"Those don't exist yet son."

"STOP FEEDING ME LIES!" Dib had gotten a little crazier over the years. It was becoming difficult for him to tell the difference between reality and fiction. But that was not the case in this situation. Membrane had just forgotten that he had invented the hover car, only a year ago.

"Dad, you invented the hover car! How can you say that they don't exist!?" asked Dib. The professor thought for a moment.

"Hm, I guess you're right, I did, but those hover cars aren't on the market yet," he said. "They're not yet perfected."

"Yes they are! I saw a guy driving one on my way home from skool today!"

"Oh yeah," said Membrane. "Okay, have fun."

"My car was stolen!" shouted Dib. "How could I possibly have fun!?"

"I'm sure you'll fine some way," said his father closing the door. Dib gave a sigh of relief and irritant. He could not believe that his dad was such an incompetent moron, and still considered one of the smartest men on the planet.

Dib looked out the window to see his stolen truck pull into his driveway. The vehicle soon stopped and a man wearing a ski mask jumped out, and ran off into the night.

"Ah!" said Dib with joy. "My car's back!"

"It's an old run down truck you moron!" yelled Gaz from the other room. Dib ran down the stairs to the driveway. He looked over the truck and to give it a damage assessment. He looked at the windshield to see that it was covered in blood, and white feathers.

"What the hell did this guy do to you?" said Dib, raising an eyebrow.

Dib pulled a washcloth out of the car, and proceeded to wipe the blood off the windshield. As he did this, four police cars drove up to his house. An exceptionally old sergeant stepped out of the first car and looked at Dib.

"That must be the guy sergeant!" said his partner.

"He's trying to clean off the evidence!" said another officer. The sergeant paused for a moment and gave an evil glare at Dib. He then decided what to do.

"Stop him before he can escaaaaaaaaappppeee!!" yelled the sergeant. "…get him!" (Yeah, it's that guy.)

Dib twitched his left eye when he saw the police charge toward him. They all jumped on to him in a dog pile like fashion, handcuffed him, threw him against one of the cars, beat him over the head with their nightsticks for a bit, then threw him in the car, and drove off, all with Dib screaming in agony.

Gaz and professor Membrane just watched as their brother and son was dragged off. They both gave a brief shrug, and went back inside.

"Wait a minute," said Tak, as she fixed the wounds in Mimi's back. "You ran your claw through his chest, threw him across the neighborhood, and then he appeared behind you with a knife?"

"Yes, I'm not quite sure how, but I think that boy is impervious to death," said Mimi.

"No matter," said Tak, as she finished up. "This new pack won't be destroyed so easily."

"It looks just like my last one," said Mimi as she observed her new pack.

"It is your old one, I just added another plate of steal in there, so it won't be damaged so easily," said Tak looking very proud at her work. "And now that I'm done with that, I can get the last piece in on the seed."

"With all do respect mistress," said Mimi. "But you've been working on that thing for years, just order one over here, it would be so much easier."

"SHUT UP!" yelled Tak. "I'm almost done, and it is going to work this time."

Tak put the final piece in the device. She scanned it one last time before confirming its completion.

"Yes," said Tak, with a grin on her face. "I have finally finished it!" Tak gave out a cry of laughter. She then walked outside of her makeshift base and into a clearing in the woods.

"And now, to create my new base of operations!" Tak dropped the seed to the ground and watched it dug deeper and deeper. After about five seconds of drilling, it stopped for a moment.

"Huh? What's going on?" asked Tak, looking into the small hole that it had made. Suddenly, a large blast of fire shot out of the hole, forcing her backwards into a tree. The towering inferno then proceeded to shrink back into the hole and explode, sending dust, and ash everywhere.

Mimi looked at her master who was now covered completely in soot.

"Don't even talk Mimi," said Tak, looking very angry. "Don't even talk."

Zim sat in his labs, still very angry and what had happened during his encounter with Mimi, and also very angry with Das' in ability to help in any way, shape or form.

"Stinking human," grumbled Zim. "Can't uphold his part of one stinking bargain…" Zim was cut off by a noisy opening and closing of doors. Zim looked over to see Das, huffing and puffing from exhaustion. He was also covered in bruises and scrapes, and there was a considerable quantity of blood draining from his right eye.

"I've got it!" exclaimed Das.

"Got what?" asked Zim, still looking very angry. "What the hell happened to you?"

"I was hit by a semi on the way over here, but that's not important right now. Any way, I've got an idea that will make your mission a lot easier." Zim raised an antenna, he seemed a bit intrigued.

"Well…" said Zim. "What is it?"

"A new disguise!" said Das. "One more like Tak's."

"You want me to disguise myself as an earth female?"

"What? No, I mean, a disguise that uses holographic technology. It will make your contacts and wig obsolete, and you'll blend in perfectly! It should make it easier to get into places unnoticed." Das gave a proud smile at his idea.

Zim thought for a moment. It wasn't a bad idea. Dib never noticed that Tak was an alien with her holographic disguise, but he saw right through his contacts and wig.

"…say…that's not bad," said Zim with a crooked and evil smile. "Quick; to the disguise lab! GIR!" Suddenly, one of the wires in Zim's ceiling fell down, and GIR crawled out of the opened end of it.

"Yes my lord!" said GIR saluting.

"We're going to make a new disguise, come!" said Zim, walking over to an elevator with Das.

"YIPIE! COSTUMES!" cried GIR with a happy smile. He ran over the elevator to join the two.

The next day at the local High Skool, the children went about their usual morning. They hung out with their friends, tossed around a football or two (bleah), or played video games.

Not five minutes until their first hour class, the children noticed something a tad different about one of the sophomores. Now this sophomore was a very unique individual to begin with. Before that day, he was known to have a skin condition, a skin condition that gave him a green outer layer of skin, and the absence of ears and a nose, and two fingers for each hand. This Child, we all know, was Zim.

But Zim was different today. Instead of having green skin, his skin was pale white. Instead of having no nose and ears, they were there. His hair was no longer fashioned in a strange style, and he had five fingers on each hand just like everyone else. This new appearance to their already quite unusual class mate was near freighting.

"Hello fellow earth students!" called Zim. "Is it not a wonderfully FILTHY earth day?" Every one nodded, still staring at this sudden change in Zim. Even his wardrobe had changed. Instead the weird reddish shirt, gloves, and black pants, he now wore knee high black boots, black parachute pants, and, for some odd reason, a strait jacket that was made to be worn like a shirt, with the sleeves open, and not tied around his back.

"Das, why are they staring at me?" asked Zim to his partner. "I thought you said this disguise wouldn't attract attention?"

"It's either because of strait jacket, or they're not use to seeing you like this," said Das.

Dib had of course noticed that Zim was different. He had gotten bail from his father the previous night, and was found to not even have been in the truck during the time it was rampaging. Dib decided used this opportunity to his advantage.

"Well Zim," he began. "What ever happened to your 'skin condition'?"

"Ah Dib," said Zim very evilly. "You see, it turns out that…what?" asked Zim, who was listening to Das, who was telling Zim what to say.

"Hm…ah…yes…what? No I…oh, okay. You see, Dib, my skin condition was only temporary. I have _healed!!_" Dib looked at Zim with a look of disgust.

"Do you honestly expect me to believe that?"

"…yes," said Zim, with an un-phased sort of look on his face. Dib gave an evil glare, and Zim gave one back.

"Well, your new disguise may have fooled everyone else, but not me," said Dib, sounding ever confident.

"That's because you've seen through it before," said Zim. "Do you honestly expect me to believe that you would fall for this new _ingenious _wardrobe?"

"…yes, your so naïve, that you would believe so."

"SILENCE!" screamed Zim. "I'm a genius!"

Upon saying this, Tak soon walked into the building. She noticed a strange new child, a very creepy looking one at that, scary almost.

"Well now," she said. "Who's your new friend Dab?"

"My name is Das," said Das, who was now very annoyed. "And I can tell you, I have no friends, I find them to be a nuisance, distractions from a greater purpose."

"Then why do you hang around with Zim?" she asked.

"I wouldn't really call us friends," said Zim, entering the conversation. "More or less acquaintances; or co-workers that mutually hate one another."

"Excellently put my good man," said Das (again, he talks like a Brit).

"Zim?" said Tak, who just now realized that this new scary child was. "No, it can't be, this is an idea of a competent invader."

"Ouch," said Dib, as he decided to walk away. He didn't want to be in the fight that he knew was about to brew.

"Well, I can say this much Zim," said Tak as she began to walk away. "It's quite a step up from the wig, but the idea is not to attract attention to you self, and a strait jacket does a very bad job at that, you're still an idiot." With that Tak walked away.

"I thought you said that these were all the rage among humans these days?" said Zim to Das, looking at the jacket.

"I said that I thought they were cool, other people have different opinions though."

"You lied to me," said Zim, pointing his finger.

"In a sense yes, but let us not let that get in the way."

Das took a moment to think about Tak's last comments.

"Wow," said Das. "Her insults are getting worst and worst each day."

"I think this planet is starting to get to her," said Zim with a snicker. The two laughed evilly at Tak's suspected cabin fever. Then Das noticed something about Zim.

"Say Zim," began Das, looking rather surprised. "I've just noticed that you've grown about a foot from when I first met you."

"Huh, have I?" ask Zim.

"Yeah, you were about 3 foot 9, now you're about 4 foot 11," said Das, who had pulled out a random measuring tape.

"Well," said Zim, looking himself over. "I wonder what could have caused that?"

Meanwhile in Zim's cells…

Cell 1: Wow! I feel great!

Cell 2: Me too, this solar crap that comes from this planets sun is great on our height.

Cell 3: I'll say, and 6 years of taking it in feels great.

Cell 2: Let's celebrate!

Cell 1: Yay! Party!"

With that, Zim's cells began to dance to music that was produced out of thin air.

Back to the real world, the students prepared for class.

"Hello class," said Ms. Bitters. "Due to lack of people that want to give up their valuable time to teach, I will be your new acting teacher."

"What happened to our old one, Mr. Simmons?" asked a child in the back.

"Ask, and you'll find out," said Bitters as she pressed a button on her desk. Suddenly, the floor beneath the child was removed, and the small boy plummeted in to a dark abyss.

"Any more questions?" asked Bitters. The class quickly nodded their heads in silence, and watched Bitters begin the lecture.

"Wait," asked Dib. "Are you saying that you want to teach us?"

"…no," said Bitters very coldly. "Not at all."

It was now the end of the day and the children were leaving. Dib walked out with Gaz, rambling on and on about Zim's new disguise, and the purpose behind it.

"He can blend in even better then before now!" said Dib. "He's becoming so much more competent! He's getting smarter!"

"And your getting dumber," said Gaz, not looking up from her game. "Do you see me complaining?"

"Gaz!" yelled Dib. "He's becoming a credible threat to humanity, and we need to get rid of him, Tak, and Das soon!"

"Good luck trying to kill Das," said Gaz with a grin. "He's not the type to stay dead."

"Shut up Gaz, besides, he's a terrible shot." Suddenly, a brick dropped from a street light onto Dib's head.

"Gyah!" cried Dib, as it smashed and crumbled over his head. Suddenly, Das jumped down from the street, and landed on top of him.

"Now tell me again," said Das, with a smug look on his face. "Who is a terrible shot?"

Gaz gave a slight chuckle and looked at Das' new coat.

"…nice jacket."

"Um…thanks," said Das, not quite understanding why she had complemented his coat. With that, Das ran up to Zim, who was about 200 yards up.

"I hit him square over the head with the brick," said Das with an evil smile.

"I couldn't have been that hard to hit him, just look at the size of his head!" said Zim as he gave off a sinister chuckle.

"I feel good about how today went," said Zim, as he walked into his base.

End of episode 12

Sorry about the wait. I had a lot of set backs before I could get this one done. But here it is.

Oh, and there you go Ethan, are you happy now? ARE YOU!?

Stay tuned for episode 13.

Oh, and sorry about the time jump, I felt it was necessary. Character concepts will be on my DA soon.

Copy right Jhonen Vasquez/ Invader Zim


	9. Episode 13: a tak plan

Episode 13: A -Tak plan

Episode 13: A -Tak plan

Tak sat in her ship, working on her latest attempt on making the base seed.

"…almost done…" said Tak, not looking up from her tool working. Mimi just stared in disappointment at her master's inability to see the easiest and most efficient option.

"If I may mistress," began Mimi. "You could just…" Mimi was suddenly cut off by Tak.

"No."

"But mistress! It would be so much easier to just order in a seed, and use that to make the base! Hell, it would be easier to just build the base from scratch!"

"You just don't get it Mimi," said Tak, who was now looking up from her work. Tak now had a very insane/ obsessed look in her eyes. "This has gone beyond the matter of having the seed to make the base. This has become a matter of showing that I can make a properly functioning seed!"

"So it is a matter of pride?" asked Mimi.

"YES! IT HAS BECOME SO!"

"Mistress, I think you're now, just as insane and incompetent as Zim; maybe more." These words hit Tak like a motorcycle instruction manual covered in corn syrup.

"I AM NOT!" screamed Tak. "AHH! THE SYRUP BURNS!" Mimi gave a questioning look to this, seeing as that there were no signs of syrup anywhere in the area, and the fact that Tak's skin was not beginning to shrivel up and burn at all. What was even more peculiar was that Tak was now on the ground, rocking back and forth in the fetal position.

"Yep," thought Mimi. "She's lost it."

Tak rolled around on the ground for a few moments. She soon recovered, and was back on her feet.

"Anyway!" she said, regaining her composer. "I'm almost done with this next model anyway, I just need to put on the final bit of plating."

"You said that a week ago with the last one, and it still exploded," said Mimi.

"That one did, but this one will be different." Tak attached the last piece and took the device out side. She pulled a pair of safety goggles out of her PAK and put them on.

"Now," she began. "We will witness my…augh, I'm just gonna stop giving these stupid evil speeches." Tak placed the seed on the ground and watched it dig into the earth. Once reaching the designated depth, the seed began to grow. It soon sprouted into a large mansion with various sculptures and a high classed decoration covering it's out side. Tak and Mimi stood in aw at the base that had finally formed.

"YES!" screamed Tak. "I've finally done it! I've built it!" Tak gave off one of her annoyingly long laughs, in show of her victory.

About a minute or so into her laugh, something happened without any warning, or sign that it would come, the newly formed base imploded, leaving debris, fire, and ash every where. Tak just stood there, covered in ash once again, frozen in her pose of evil laughter. Soon after, a slight tear could be seen forming beneath her eye.

"Gy…NOOOOOOO!" she screamed. "WHY, WHY, WHY!!" Tak fell to the ground and began to mope. Mimi just stood there, and looked at how pathetic her master had become.

"Maybe you're trying to hard," said Mimi, trying to comfort Tak. Tak snapped out of her grief, and gave an evil eye toward Mimi. Tak immediately jumped up and grabbed the little robot by the throat and proceeded to strangle the poor thing.

"This is your entire fault Mimi! You kept distracting me! You little…stupid robot of…um…stupid-ness!"

"What!?" asked Mimi in horror. "What did I do!?"

"I don't known! I just know you had something to do with it!" Tak shook Mimi like a maraca, you could here the loose parts inside of Mimi shaking from all the…shaking…ness.

"Please mistress," pleaded Mimi. "How will dismantling me solve anything? What's done is done, move on! Forgive and forget! There will be other chances to build the seed!" Suddenly, Tak stopped shaking the little robot and thought for a moment.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," said Tak as she set the little robot down. "I'm sorry I nearly dismantled you into spare parts Mimi."

"Thank you," said Mimi very politely. "And I'm sorry for whatever it is I did that caused this horrific disaster."

"HA! YOU ADMIT THAT YOU DID HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT!" yelled Tak. "Ha! I was right! I knew it all along!"

"Mistress, for the love of Irk, please calm down!" said Mimi. "You're acting paranoid."

"Ha ha ha…ha…ha…heh…sorry," said Tak, finishing her laugh. "I just got a little carried away, that's all."

"Yeah," responded Mimi. "Just a little."

Tak wiped her face clean of all the soot. She then glanced over at the pile of wreckage that was formally, and only briefly, her base. She gave off a long sigh and headed over to destroyed project.

"Well, we'd better start cleaning this up," said Tak looking over to Mimi. Mimi gave a salute and headed over to her master and began to move the debris.

About an hour in to the clean up, Tak found herself moving a large chunk of metal that was apparently covering something that was made during the explosion.

"Huh, what on Irk is this thing," said Tak, closely observing the device. "Mimi, analyze this." Mimi came over to the device and scanned it with her…scanning…eyes…things.

"Analysis complete mistress," said Mimi. "Object is an electrical projectile device, with no intended purpose or means of being created." Tak scratched her head for a moment.

"Wait, are you saying that this…thing…is a weapon that was created during the explosion?" asked Tak.

"Yes," responded Mimi.

"And it was by accident?"

"Yes."

"And it was a one in a million chance?"

"Yes," Mimi was sounding just a little annoyed now.

"And it can be used for…" Tak was cut off by Mimi's screaming.

"YES!"

"…and it…"

"YES! FOR THE LOVE OF IRK, YES! THAT IS WHAT IT IS!" Mimi was extremely aggravated now.

"Wow," said Tak in aw. "That's convenient."

"What?" asked Mimi, not understanding why it would be at all convenient. "How is having a random laser convenient?"

"You never know Mimi," began Tak. "This laser could come in handy later, plus there's no such thing as having too many lasers." Mimi thought about this for a moment.

"Hm…yeah, you're probably right."

"I know," said Tak. "I'm always right."

"Except when you're wrong?" asked Mimi.

"No, I'm right even when I'm wrong." Mimi thought about this for a few seconds.

"…that doesn't make sense."

"Only to the weak of mind Mimi," said Tak. "Only to the weak of mind, now help me lift this thing, we're taking it to the 'base'."

The two carried the device to the makeshift base, and set it in the escape pod area. Tak, after putting the device away, went into the ship area of the base.

"Computer," she began. "Open a link to earths 'world wide web' thing."

"One moment," said her downloaded personality. "Ah, here we are, what are you looking for?"

"I'm just trying to gather some information," said Tak very blandly.

"About what?" asked the DP.

"I'm not sure," said Tak. "Anything in particular I guess."

"Okay, how about this?" asked the DP, bringing up an image of an earth satellite. Tak looked at the image for a bit.

"What exactly am I looking at?" asked Tak.

"This is an earth satellite," answered the DP. "It is meant for humans to relay information from one spot to another."

Tak was at first unimpressed at the satellites engineering. It was so mediocre compared to what the Irkens were using.

"Garbage," said Tak. "This is a joke of mechanics compared to what we use."

"I'll say," said the DP. "There are humans that have only been in existence for a few years that know how to hack these things. Plus you can relay anything off these things." Those last few words hit Tak like a sponge covered in DIRT! (It didn't really hurt her that much.) This gave her an idea. "Wait," said Tak. "When you say anything, do you really mean 'anything'?"

"Well, anything electronic, or that radiates a signal," said the DP. "Why?"

"Well, could it in theory relay a laser that can target any position on the planet?"

"Um, yeah. Why? Do you have a laser that can do all that?" Tak looked over to the escape pod room."

"As a matter of fact, I do," said Tak with a chuckle. "Yes, that'll be just fine." Tak then proceeded to laugh maniacally at her first stroke of luck in a long time. Her laugh lasted for about 10 seconds, before it was cut off by her next command.

"Ha ha haha…COMPUTER! Bring up the coordinates for all government and privately owned satellites in earths orbit!"

"Yes ma'am!" Soon the screen in front of her began to fill with coordinates.

"Yes," said Tak. "I'll use this newly acquired laser to fire off of earth's satellites. I'll use these satellites angles of projection to target various positions on earth for supreme devastation." Tak continued to snicker at the brilliance of her new plan. It seemed so perfect, so well timed for its creation.

Tak walked into the pod chamber of her base and got Mimi to help her pull the new device out in to the open clearing where they had found it.

"This should be a perfect spot to target the satellites for the laser relays," said Mimi, observing the sky. Tak took a look at the instruction manual that had been formed in the explosion as well, to figure out the mechanics and operation techniques of the laser.

"Wow, the explosion even made an instruction manual for us," said Tak. "This truly is the luckiest day of my life."

"The laser is ready mistress," said Mimi in salute. "What is our first target?" Tak thought for a moment, trying to decide what to test it on.

"How about we target…the southern most peninsula of president land? YES! Target that Mimi!" ordered Tak.

Mimi hit the laser in a couple of spots before it activated. After it began to charge, Mimi turned the laser so that it would relay off of a nearby earth satellite, and down to the target. After doing the positioning, the laser fired automatically, sending a red beam of death and doom into the night sky. The laser traveled very quickly and soon reached the targeted satellite. The beam hit the satellite and relay just as the DP said it would, and was soon on its way back to earth. The laser found it's target with no problem at all, and soon, the southern most peninsula of president land was little more then a memory.

Tak watched the monitors of the chosen target and saw the devastation that it had caused. It was magnificent.

"Yes," said Tak with an evil grin. "Yes, it worked, I don't believe it, but it did. HA! VICTORY!" Tak threw her arms up in the air in a victory like fashion, and laughed for a few moments. (Wow, she really likes to laugh.)

"Okay, Mimi," said Tak, lowering her arms. "I've got our next target." (She says this very ominously and very dark like, spooky.)

"What is it mistress?" asked Mimi, in a very polite tone.

"Target…Zim's base," said Tak with a dark dank look on her face. "Ah hahahahaha!"

"Excellent choice ma'am," said Mimi retargeting the laser. "There we go, commencing firing operations."

The laser soon charged back to its full capacity and was ready to kill once again.

"Are you sure it's on target?" asked Tak. "We don't any mistakes now."

"It is on target ma'am," said Mimi. "The coordinates for the proper earth satellite is in and adjusted to."

"Good," said Tak. "Now, let us rein some doom down upon our doomed enemy." With these last few words, the laser fired and traveled up into the sky once more.

On its way up to the targeted satellite, the laser encountered something unexpected. The laser, instead of hitting the satellite that was said to have been there, hit a rouge satellite, one that was not from earth. The laser hit this mysterious satellite, and relayed in a different direction; strait down. The laser traveled back to its position of origin and destroyed the device that had created it (how ironic). Upon hitting the device, it caused a small explosion, which covered Tak in fire.

"AH!" screamed Tak. "GET IT OFF MIMI! GET IT OFF!" The little robot zoomed over to a nearby brook, seized some of its water in a pail, and hurried back to her burning master. Upon arriving, Mimi dumped the water on to Tak, in a vein attempt to stop the pain. I say vein, because though the water put the fire out, the chemical reaction between Irken skin and H2O was inevitable and painful for Tak.

"AH!" screamed Tak once more. "IT STILL BURNS!"

The burning soon subsided and Tak could feel her arms again.

"Okay," said Tak, who was now very angry. "What happened Mimi?" Mimi observed the sky, trying to find out what had caused the laser to act so mysteriously.

"Well," began the little robot. "It appears that the laser hit something that was not meant to be there."  
"Like what?" asked Tak.

"It would have to be a foreign satellite, one that we would have had no record of ever being there." Tak thought for a moment. Who could have put up a satellite with out the earth government knowing about it. It did not take her long to find the answer.

"…Zim," said Tak very bitterly. "Mimi, get in the ship, we're going on a little trip."

The two entered the detachable ship and zoomed into the air. Tak was going to pay someone a little visit, and it would not be pleasant.

Meanwhile at Zim's base, Zim noticed a slight disturbance in on his satellites surface.

"Hm, it appears that something hit the satellite," said Zim. "Computer, do a damage assessment!"

"On what, the satellite, or the damaged couch?" asked the computer very sarcastically.

"WHAT!" exclaimed Zim. "My couch is damaged? Is this GIR's doing?"

"Never mind. Anyway, the satellite is fine, it just reflected a very poorly conceived laser," responded the computer.

"A laser?" asked Zim. "Fired from where?" before the computer could answer Zim, an alarm went off.

"Huh?" said Zim looking up from the computer. "Computer! What happened!?"

"Something is attacking the front lawn sir!" said the computer very frantically.

"Take me above!" yelled Zim, activating his new earth boy disguise.

Zim was soon taken up to the main level of his base. He saw GIR sitting on the couch with a giant fish sticking out his drooling mouth.

"GIR! What's going on out there!?"

"Pain and inevitable existences, all in which serve no significant purpose," said GIR not looking up from the TV screen. Zim stared wipe eyed at what GIR had just said.

"GIR," began Zim. "What have I told you about listening to Das?"

"Um…don't?" said GIR like a confused child.

"That's right, now put on your disguise and go see what's outside the door," said Zim pointing to the door, which had a multitude of mutilating noises coming from behind it.

GIR saluted and zipped up his doggy suit (that's right, that's still his disguise). The little canine then trotted over to the door with a happy smile on his face. As he reached for the door knob, the door was pushed down by a giant boot with spikes on it. The door fell rather quickly on to GIR, flattening him.

"Huh!?" exclaimed Zim. "What is this! I demand that you tell me…ZIM!" said Zim throwing his arms in the air.

Zim gazed in to the smoky door way to see Tak, in her human disguise, stomping over to his kitchen.

"What the…get out of my house…" but before Zim could finish his sentence of stutteringness, Tak had already gotten to the trash can entrance and was headed down to the bases control panels.

Tak soon reached the computer room. She went over to the keyboard and began to type in commands.

"Over ride complete," said the computer, as soon as Tak had finished typing. "What're your requests ma'am?"

"Target installation 1025 and eliminate!" yelled Tak, who was now very angry.

Meanwhile on top of the base, the satellite dish began to retract back into the base. It was soon replaced by a giant laser…ray…gun…thing…that was about five times the size of the base. This was rather strange seeing as how in was completely ignored by the multitude of people that were walking about that night. The gun began to charge and then fired a large blast into space, still without a soul noticing.

Following the beam, it went past Earth's atmosphere rather quickly and soon attained its target, a giant Irken satellite that was in Earth's orbit. The blast soon hit the giant structure and blasted it into ten thousand tiny little pieces.

Scientists, who were observing the sky that night, saw the explosion.

"Egad!" exclaimed scientist #1. "It appears that the star "SWGN (Some Weird Greek Name) has gone super nova!"

"Indeed," said Scientist #2. "Let us go to the sky mobile and make great hast back to the laboratory and record this!"

"Shotgun!" called out scientist #3."

The scientists all got up, and proceeded to run over to a large, white, junky looking van. They all piled in, buckled up their seatbelts, and began to drive off the cliff that they had parked on. The car, upon falling off the cliff, fell about 6 feet before suddenly flying away into the night.

Back to our relevant story, Tak looked at the computers monitors confirming that the satellite had been neutralized. Tak smiled only briefly before getting out of the chair and heading back to the surface level of the base. She soon reached the top to see Zim still standing in the same spot that he had been only three minuets ago. Zim still had the flabbergasted look on his that she had left him with when she came in.

"WHAT IS THIS!!" exclaimed Zim.

Tak just gave an angry glare to the, now, about her height Irken in human disguise. She reached in to the back of her PAK and pulled out a familiar looking pail, filled with water. She then proceeded to throw the pail of water on to Zim's head, causing him excruciating pain, having not put past on that morning.

"AHHH!! IT BURNS!!" screamed Zim as he threw his arms in a painful commotion everywhere. "WHY!! FOR THE LOVE OF IRK, WHY!!"

"And don't put another satellite up there you jerk!" yelled Tak pointing her finger up to the air. With that last statement, Tak stomped out of the base, to her ship, and flew back to her clearing.

Zim was still on the floor of his base writhing in pain.

"Auhg! I thought I bathed in paste this morning!?" he screamed.

"Oh yeah," said GIR. "We's was out of pasty stuff, so I's gots us some glue!"

"What?!" exclaimed Zim. "You know that glue is useless to me. I REQUIRE PASTE!!"

Zim paused for a moment, remembering something that Tak had said about his satellite.

"Wait a minute," said Zim wide eyed. "What did she do to my satellite? ZIM!!"

With those last words, Zim ran over to the kitchen, and descended into the base. Shortly after, his screams of "no" and "why", could be heard from the surface.

End of episode 13

There, finally done with this one. Sorry about making you all wait like this, I tried to get this thing up before I left for camp, but was unsuccessful in doing so. I tried to finish it up as fast as I could, so that's why it may seem really sloppy. I'll try to get 14 up before Sunday, but I can't promise anything. Please review.

Copyright Jhonen Vasquez/ Invader Zim


	10. episode 14: inside 5 minds

Episode 14: Inside 5 minds

Episode 14: Inside 5 minds

Dib frantically went through the selves of his dad's lab, hoping to find something that would help him against Zim.

"Hover dam!" exclaimed the large headed child. "Isn't there anything down here that can help me?" Dib continued to search through the metal bins, containing multitudes of miscellaneous junk, for about five minuets, finding many interesting, but useless, doodads.

"Hmm…blowtorch…rench…blowgun…carnival elephant ears…aug!" Dib collapsed in defeat over the last bin, having found nothing that could aid him.

"Why do I even bother?" he asked himself. "My attempts have been completely meaningless lately. I mean, half the time, it's like I'm not even there!" Dib gave one last groan before falling backwards in exhaustion.

As Dib hit the floor, his head made contact with a strange, almost telescopical, device that happened to be sitting on the floor.

"Ow!" screamed Dib in pain from hitting the lens equipped object. "What did I hit?" Dib looked to the ground to see a piece to one of his dad's tools. It was the transportation lens to his father's inter-dimensional sight machine (think back to the Halloween episode).

"Hey, I remember this," said Dib recalling the incident that happened on Halloween so many years ago. "One of the few times that Zim and I actually had to work together. …boy is my head scary." Dib gave off a brief shutter as he rubbed his head in horror.

Dib look back at the scope, up from it, then back at it, repeating this cycle about three times before getting an epiphany.

"Hey!" he exclaimed. "If my mind is so terrible and horrible, then maybe Zim's mind is just as bad. So if I send him into his mind, he may have to deal with the perils I had to go through in my mind!" Gaz was walking by when she over heard her brother talking out loud to himself again.

"You know Dib," she began. "Maybe your ideas wouldn't suck so much, if you would STOP SAYING THEM OUT LOUD!!" Gaz had obviously grown quite tired of her brother's voice.

"Sorry Gaz," said Dib.

"Don't be sorry, be quite!" snapped Gaz.

"SORRY!"

Gaz gave a quiet grumble to this, and continued about her way to the kitchen. She had been working on something for a few days now in there. Dib had seen her working on it, but had never understood why or what she planned to do.

Dib's curiosity got the better of him (as usual), and decided to go she what she was working on. He approached the kitchen with caution, still holding the lens in his hands.

"Gaz, what have you been working on in here for these past few weeks?"

"Nothing that concerns you," said Gaz. "But if you must know, I'm baking a cupcake." Dib puzzled at this for a moment.

"What? A cupcake? Why, and why only one?" Gaz just stood there silently, continuing her work on the delicious baked good.

"You know what," said Dib. "Never mind, I have more important things to worry about." Dib left his sister in the kitchen and headed up to his room to begin working on the scope. As he sat down at his work bench, Dib pulled out a screw driver, wrench, and a blow torch. He proceeded to make tiny little adjustments to the device.

Not ten seconds into the project, Dib pulled out the blow torch. He switched on the device. Upon doing so, the flame went up through the nozzle and into the main gas chamber, causing a spontaneous combustion of the tool. The explosion sent Dib flying into his closet screaming. As Dib hit the closet, a multitude of old toys and objects fell from the shelves within the storage space and onto Dib's head, causing more unnecessary screaming from the paranormal obsessed child.

"…Ow…" said Dib after about two seconds. "…this…is…going to take a while." Dib got up, rubbed his head, and headed back to the work bench to continue working, with the clock reading 9:02 PM

The clock in Dib's room now read 7:34 AM, and at this point, Dib had finished the device.

"At last!" he cried with very dark bags formed under his eyes. "It's finished!" (See, I told you.) Upon saying this, Gaz walked into his room, holding her Skool books under her arm.

"Come one Dib," she said with her usual stare. "Time to go to Skool." Dib snapped out of his trance of semi-victory and looked over to his sister.

"Oh yeah," said Dib turning back to the device. "I'll be right there Gaz…I'll be right there. Heheheh." (He's snickering very evilly)

As soon as Dib and Gaz reached the Skool, Dib darted off looking for Zim, in a hope to try out his new plan to stop the alien menace. Seeing as that Dib's path for looking for Zim was the same way to her first class, Gaz followed her brother into the halls. They weren't in the halls for more then twenty seconds before Dib spotted Zim being strangled by Tak.

Dib saw another opportunity, to take out both Zim and Tak with his new device. Seeing this, he turned up the amplification as to get both of the aliens.

"This is it Gaz," said Dib with a chuckle. "Today, I will have saved earth once and for all!" Dib practically screamed these words. The volume of his voice was easily heard by not only the masses of children in the halls, but also the two Irkens, who stopped what they were doing immediately to look at Dib.

"Huh?" said Zim looking at his long time rival. "How do you plan to do that?"

"Oh, I'm going to use this inter-dimensional transportation device to imprison you within your own mind," said Dib with a certain amount of pride in his voice. Dib stopped for a moment to think about what he just said.

"Wait, did I just tell you my plan?" asked Dib very worriedly.

"Yep," said Das, who was leaning against some lockers eating popcorn as he usually did when Tak was trying to kill Zim.

Dib's face went pale. He had just given up his most brilliant plan to stop Zim while falling for the oldest trick in the book.

Zim seized this opportunity of surprise to break free from Tak's death strangle and charged toward Dib to grab the device away from him. Zim soon reached the large headed child and jumped at him.

"Give me that!" yelled Zim, who was wrestling Dib to get the machine.

"No! It's mine!" Dib struggled vainly to keep the device.

"Hey," said Tak, who had decided to give dialogue. "I'm not letting either of you send me into my mind!" Tak jumped into the dog pile, and fought for the device as well.

Das and Gaz just stood there and watched as the three fought ever so stupidly over the small chunk of metal.

"Sigh, I guess I'd better get Zim out of there before he hurts himself," said Das with a sigh (But you already knew that).

"Yeah, and I'd get my brother out before he disgraces the family name even further," said Gaz, walking up to the brawl.

"WAIT FOR ME!!" screamed GIR in his doggy suit.

"GIR, why aren't you at home?" asked Das who was wondering why the little robot had come to Skool.

"Master took my milk shake…AND I NEEDS IT!!" Das just shrugged and continued to reach for his co-worker. As he did, Gaz reached for her brother, as she did this, her hand brushed slightly against Das' (GASP!).

"Oh, sorry," said Das, not looking up from what he was doing.

"What? Oh, yeah, that," said Gaz, not realizing what had just happened. As this awkward moment is cast aside, Mimi zipped up to the fight in and attempt to get her master out of the violence.

"It's a good thing that I was outside miss," said Mimi in her disguise. "Otherwise you could have been in quite a bit of trouble." The children all gazed in amazement at the talking cat, having never seen one before.

"Um…I mean…meow?" said Mimi fixing her mistake. The children all nodded at this, and went about watching the fight.

(We now see that Zim, Dib, Tak, Gaz, Das, GIR, and Mimi are all in a pathetic struggle to get either a pointless device, or a person in the fight In GIR's case, a milkshake. Among this confusion and struggle, we all know that something is bound to go wrong, and it did go wrong...somehow.)

At some point during the struggle, the device fell out of all hands and to the ground. About a second after hitting the ground, Zim pushed Dib right on top of the device with great force. Dib's weight on top of the shiny metal object caused it to press the activation button against the floor in very violent manner (Remember, this is all happening very quickly), causing the machine to activate.

In a split second, there was a great flash of light, causing everyone in, and outside of the fight, to gasp in aw at its shininess. However, as soon as the flash came, it left, and with it, Zim, Dib, Tak, Gaz, GIR, Mimi, and Das had all disappeared.

"Hm, that was weird," said Gretchen, who was watching the fight.

"I'll say," said Pinky. "Wait, what were we doing?"

"Beats me," said Zita. "Lets all go get some moose fries."

"Yay!!" screamed the crowd in agreement with Zita's idea. With that, the crowed picked up Zita, and rushed over to the cafeteria in joy, not caring what had happened to the seven missing individuals.

Meanwhile, Dib wakes up to see that he is in a dark, dank, room, and not being attacked by two angry aliens.

"Oh, where am I," said Dib, rubbing his head in pain. Dib's eyes soon grew use to the darkness and he could see where he was.

"Say this place looks a lot like Skool, just darker, and more mysterious." Dib thought for a moment. He knew that he had seen this place before, but he wasn't sure where.

"HEY!" yelled a voice from a strange creature that was outside of the window that was in the room. "It's the big headed boy! Get him…agian!"

"My head's not big!" yelled Dib back to the strange creature. "Wait a minute; dark, sinister, strange creatures…" Dib stopped and widened his eyes in horror. He knew where he was now.

"I'm…back?" asked Dib, who has now very frightened. He realized that he was back in the nightmare world. The world that existed in his mind.

"Well," said Dib with a sigh of relief after about two seconds. "At least I know what to do." Dib gave a brief smile and then began running as fast as he could, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"AHHHH!! I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!!" Dib ran past a multitude of creatures through the streets of his mind into the night, never to be seen again.

Zim shook his head in disbelief as to what he saw when he woke up. A giant burning earth city, with humans running about in terror all being governed and beaten by Irken guards.

"Hm," said Zim with a smile. "I could get use to this." Zim then snapped out of his gaze, still not quite understanding what had happened.

"What happened?" asked Zim, not expecting an answer.

"I dunno," said GIR who was still in his doggy suit.

"GIR, where is everyone?"

"They're running around in fear master."

"No, I mean Dib, Tak, everyone that was in that little brawl," said Zim.

"Oh…um…um…cricket?" asked GIR, not understanding.

"Oh, never mind," said Zim, who had begun to think. "WAIT!! When I pushed Dib, he landed on the device that he would use to imprison me inside my own mind. Apparently, the force from his body landing on it, activated it in such a way that it sent us all into out own minds!!"

"How'd you figure that out master?" asked GIR, in his cute little voice. Zim simply pointed to a flaming truck, that had exactly what he had just said written on its side. The truck also had written on the front the following phrase: "Intelligence Truck runs once a week."

The two began to walk through the flaming city, trying to find a way out. This was obviously Zim's mind. Burning human destruction, what else could describe it?

"Okay GIR," began Zim. "Until we can find out how to get out of here, we won't need our disguises, so take it off." Zim deactivated his creepy disguise.

"Okay," moaned GIR, unzipping the doggy suit. "But can I put it back on when we get home?" Zim just slapped his hand over his face in annoyance.

"Fine GIR, you can put it back on when we get home."

Tak had begun to go through her complex mind with Mimi. The two had already turned off their disguises, realizing quickly that they would not be requiring them (Because they're smart like that).

"Okay Mimi," said Tak, analyzing the situation. "As near as I can tell, this is what my mind is, seeing as how Dib's new device activated."

"I guessed that," said Mimi. "But I don't quite understand how this could be your mind, I mean, it's just a giant mechanical city, with random floating platforms and weird useless turning gear things. Why is your mind nothing more then clock work?"

"Well, Mimi, the fact that I have and artificial vein sticking out of my head my account for that." Mimi looked at the tube sticking out of Tak's head.

"Oh yeah, how did you get that again?"

"The waiting for my chance to take my final test got really annoying, and I popped a vein out of anger," said Tak very coldly.

"You really need to control your anger Miss."

"I DO NOT HAVE ANGER PROBLEMS!!" screamed Tak at the poor little robot. Mimi drew back in fear and her master's anger.

"Sorry ma'am, please don't dismantle me!!"

Gaz drew back in fear at what she was seeing. Large fuzzy, adorable creatures where advancing their cuddly little faces down toward the horrified child.

"Get away," said Gaz clenching her fists. The creatures did not seem to hear Gaz's order, as they continued to advance on her.

"I said get away you fluffy death creatures, and I mean it!!" screamed Gaz who had now set loose on a giant pink bunny, tearing chunks of cotton stuffing from it's throat with her teeth.

"I am so going to kill my brother when I get out of this," said Gaz coldly, as she ripped the head off of a teal walrus.

Das got up from the ground after much hesitation. After shaking his head free of any dirt that may have fallen on it, he looked up into the dark foggy abyss before him.

"Ah man," began Das. "It would appear that Dib's little device went off, and now I'm apparently stuck in my mind." Das looked out into the blackness, seeing nothing but the dirt ground beneath his feet, and the light mist that covered it. "Wow, my mind is really dull."

Das began to walk. Not five seconds into his walk, he was tripped by a mysterious stone that was in his path.

"Woah!" yelled Das as he fell to the ground. "What was that?" Das looked over to see what he had fallen over. It was a head stone with no writing on it, it was a blank slate, but obviously was a grave marker.

"Who put this here?" asked Das who was now slightly agitated. Das looked up to see something that he had not noticed before, more head stones, all in vast numbers stretching beyond the eye's sight line. Each head stone had a very strange thing perched on it. Skeletons strumming acoustic guitars in no particular melody or harmony. Das gazed upon the vast stretches of his grave yard, skeleton guitar strumming mind in aw.

Among all the mild amazment, Das had only one thing to say.

"…what the hell?"

Back to Tak's mind, Tak and Mimi had now gone to the near interior city regions of her mind.

"Ma'am," said Mimi. "We've been walking for hours and we haven't found anything that could help us." Tak stopped and thought for a moment.

"Come to think of it, we haven't seen a single living being since we came," said Tak. "We haven't even seen dead things. No grass, animals, complex beings, nothing. This place is a ghost town. I wonder why?"

"Well, you are a very spacey person," said Mimi. "I mean, besides me and the DP, you have no social interaction with anyone except your enemies and the tallest."

"I don't need friends Mimi, they just get in the way," said Tak continuing her stride.

"I'm not your friend?" asked Mimi.

"Silly Mimi, robots don't have feelings. If they did, we would consider them people and not property." Mimi widened her eyes in sadness.

"Is that all I am to you? A chunk of hard wear?" Mimi was now obviously upset.

Tak looked at her small companion not believing the tone that she was giving her.

"Are you suggesting that you 'feel'?" asked Tak.

"I'm not suggesting anything," said Mimi, who was near crying. "I'm just saying that maybe you don't know everything about the things you create."

"Mimi, did I accidentally give you feelings?"

"I don't think you gave them to me by accident!" yelled Mimi. "Wasn't it you who said that it would be better? You were alone and needed a friend! That's why you made me!"

Tak saw that there was liquid forming outside of Mimi's eyes. But that was impossible, robots can't cry. Well as far as she knew. But the fact of the matter was not that Mimi could or couldn't cry, the matter was that she was crying, and a demoralized soldier is no good at all. Knowing this, Tak gave Mimi the only cure she could think of for something like this; a hug.

"I'm sorry Mimi," said Tak very sincerely. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." Mimi sniffed and hugged back.

"It's okay…JUST DON"T DO IT AGAIN!!" (She says that last part very angrily.)

The two soon finished their hug, and continued on their way into the city.

About an hour later, they came up to a large building in the center of the city that was Tak's mind.

"Oh," said Mimi who was much incited. "What's in here?"

"Hopefully a way out of this place," said Tak opening the door.

As the two walked in, they saw displayed before them a giant room covered in photos of the same person; Zim. Now these weren't admiration pictures, they were target practice pictures. They were all either covered in slash marks or bullet holes, or they had hatchets, throwing knives, or darts pinned up on them.

"Hm," said Tak. "I believe I rather like this room." Mimi looked up to see stacks of untouched pictures that would be used to replace the current ones once they got to worn out. Mimi picked up a fresh one from the pile and looked at it for a bit.

"You know what I'm wondering?" asked Mimi, who was still looking at the photo. "I'm wondering why you would take the time and trouble to get all of these." Mimi looked up at her master raising an eyebrow. Tak ignored Mimi's comment however, focusing her attention toward another door that was in front of them.

This door had a sign posted above it reading: "Tak's sub-conscious, do not enter".

Tak looked at the door with glee. Not many people got opportunities to look inside of their sub-conscious.

"Oh," said Tak very excitedly. "Let's see what's in here!" Mimi observed the sign posted above the door.

"I don't know Ma'am, maybe that sign is there for a reason."

"Oh nonsense Mimi," insisted Tak. "I mean, what could be so horrible in there anyway?" With that, Tak opened the door and walked in, leaving Mimi outside. Tak had not strayed ten feet into the room when she came across something very unusual.

"What the…!?" said Tak wide eyed in a semi-horror/ disbelief. "It can't be…no…why…how…AHHHHHHHH!!" Tak ran out of the room screaming at the top of her lungs (or as Irkens call them; breathalorgs). As soon as she left the room, she slammed the door shut and quickly grabbed an inconspicuous lock that had just ever so conveniently been sitting outside the door, and threw it over the door, grabbed Mimi, and sprinted out of the main entrance.

"What on Irk did you see?" asked Mimi.

"You don't want to know Mimi," said Tak in fear as she ran with the robot tucked under her arm. "You don't want to know!"

Back in Das' mind, Das continued to stare at the unusual spectacle of corpses playing music that took place in his mind. Das was staining his veins in anger as he stared at them until he finally gave in to the question he had been pondering, which was a simple 'why'? Not being able to take it any longer, Das cracked.

"I DON'T GET IT!! WHY!?" Das quickly grabbed a guitar out of one of the skeleton's hands, and broke the instrument over the skeleton's skull. He then proceeded to do the same to other skeletons for the duration of his time there.

About thirty minuets into his tantrum, Das began to grow transparent, much like a ghost.

"I'll show you all not to make sense!! Wait, what the heck is…?" before Das could finish his sentence, he had disappeared from sight.

By a strange coincidence, the same was happening to the rest of the gang in their minds, all of them repairing in the same spot, where their little brawl had started.

Going back a bit in the real world, we see a random child stepping on the device, reactivating it, causing a reverse effect, which was the cause for there returning phenomenon.

The seven all stood in disbelief and question, as they had no reason for why the machine would reverse, and why Zim, GIR, Tak, and Mimi where back in there disguises when they returned.

"Whew!" yelled Dib in relief. "We made it back alive…" Dib's sentence was cut short by his sister's hand grasping very tightly around his neck.

"Most of us did anyway," said the stuffing covered child.

"I…just…don't…get it," was all Das could say.

"Aw, I wish I could have stayed their just a bit longer," said Zim with a sigh.

"I like my little milkshake," said GIR as he happily drank a soda.

Tak just ran down the child filled halls of the Skool still with her 'cat' tucked under her arm, screaming in horror at what ever it was she had seen.

With everyone either beaten up their siblings, being beaten by their siblings, enjoying a soda, feeling sad about leaving a nice trip, wonder who their mind made sense or no sense, screaming in horror, or being carried off by one of the screaming ones, there was nothing much left to ad to this pointless and still funny venture.

Seeing this, the narrator, saw fit to end the episode, until next time.

…I'm an unstoppable death machine you know.

End of episode 14

Sorry for the unusual ending, I just wanted to get this done tonight, so it is once again very sloppy at the end. The next time I post, I can guarantee that it will be like the earlier episodes, promise.

Please review

Copy right Jhonen Vasquez/ Invader Zim


	11. Episode 15: Hit two Irkens with 1 stone

Episode 15: Hit two Irkens with one stone

Episode 15: Hit two Irkens with one stone

Somewhere in the farthest reaches of Earth's moon, on its darker side, fly's a very peculiar Irken Bleed Runner.

"Do another scan for our target computer," said the pilot of this ominous ship.

"Calculating…target located," said his ship's computer. "Target is in sector 539."

"Excellent," said the pilot. "Move into her location immediately!"

"Consider it done sir." And with that, the ship zipped from behind the moon and down to Earth at the targeted location.

Meanwhile in sector 539, we find Tak sitting in her make shift base, putting the starting touches on the seed for her new base.

"Please ma'am," pleaded Mimi. "Just have one ordered here! It would be so much easier and efficient!"

"Shut up Mimi!" snapped Tak. "I've already started on this one, and I am not about to stop now!" Upon saying this, Tak's computer began to flash.

"Irken signal detected ma'am!" reported the DP.

"An Irken signal?" thought Tak. "Zim…" she began to snarl, but her snarling was cut off by the DP.

"The signal is from an Irken Bleed Runner."

"A Bleed Runner?" said Tak, who was now very perplexed. "Zim fly's a Voot, and I'm in my Spittle, so…who's flying a Bleed?" Suddenly Tak got an Idea.

"Computer, where is this ship headed?" asked the purple eyed Irken.

"Straight for us ma'am." This was most unusual indeed. Why would a rare Irken slaver fighter be headed straight for her (Tak's) location.

Tak left the ship and walked out into the clearing of the woods to try and see this mysterious visitor. Tak had forgotten to put down the seed she was working on, so she took that with her. She soon entered the clearing and saw a bright light coming down toward her.

"Okay," she said to herself. "Let's see who this is." The bright light grew larger as it got closer, making its actual shape more apparent. It was of similar shape to the Spittle runner, but the cockpit was placed on the top of the ship, rather then the front, and instead of those weird spikes on the back, they were moved more towards the front, and were replaced with large serrated blades. The coloring was also different, rather then shades of red and rather dark purple; they were colorful shades of black and grey.

The ship moved in on Tak's position very quickly. Within a few seconds, the ship was near four yards away from her. Seeing that it wasn't going to be stopping any time soon, Tak quickly ducked before the ships mounted blades tore her to ribbons. They instead tore apart the seed the she held in her hands

"Gyah!" screamed Tak, still slightly feeling the edges of the blades on her palms. "Who in the…" Tak stopped her sentence when she realized that the ship had landed just behind her.

"Mimi," she called to her faithful robot companion. "Investigate!" The little robot saluted and zipped toward the ship. As she approached the vessel, the cockpit opened and a dark figure emerged. The figure was Irken at about Tak's height. He wore a strange blue shirt with black sleeves, and a metal color that was held together by a lock, the sleeves entered into a pair of white gloves with black straps. He wore black pants that went into a pair of white boots with black straps and black steeled devil hoofs. The figure bore a scar on his left cheek, and had two strange scalpel looking things erecting out of his black eyes. The figure turned his head so that he was facing Tak.

"I'm looking for Irken unit # 332 AR?" asked the stranger. "A.K.A. Tak?"

"That would be me," said Tak crossing her arms in a sort of annoyance. Suddenly the Irken raised his right hand, and shot a net at Tak, pinning her to a tree.

"Aug, what are you doing?!" demanded Tak, who was struggling to get out of the net.

"Curtsies of Space custodian Latt," said the figure, who was now exiting the ship.

"MIMI!" yelled Tak. "Destroy him!" Mimi jumped at the man, but her attempt was quickly thwarted by a serrated spider leg, coming from the man's PAK and throwing her into a tree.

"I'm afraid I'm not that easy to dispose of." Tak was now very upset. She glared at the stranger very bitterly.

"Who are you? And how do you now Latt?"

"The name's Zet," began the ominous Irken. "As for the leader of your janitorial squad, he was the one who put the bounty on your head, and ordered me out here." Tak thought for a moment.

"Zet? As in the notorious and ruthless Irken Bounty hunter Zet?" asked Tak.

"Yes."

"Hm…nope, never heard of you." This reminded Zet of when he first came to take Zim back to Foodcoutia.

"Why is it that no one on this blasted planet knows who I am?!" shouted Zet. "First that 'Zim' guy, and now you!"

"What?" said Tak in confusion. "You went after Zim?" Zet regained is composer and menacing aura.

"Yes, he was lucky enough to escape my clutches," said Zet. "But you, my dear, are quite well caught."

"What do you want me for?" asked Tak very bitterly.

"Your former janitorial squad leader, Latt, put a bounty on your head after you escaped your duties on DIRT!" Said Zet, emphasizing on that last word as one should when you say it. "And I just couldn't pass up a bounty such as yours." Tak was now a little curious.

"Wait," began Tak. "How much is my bounty?"

"Does it matter?" said Zet in reply.

"I'm just wondering how much I'm worth."

"The bounty was 78,000 monies," said Zet coldly. This impressed Tak, she was worth quite a bundle of money.

"Ooo, now doesn't that just make you feel expensive?" said Tak in a rhetorical manner. "But that bounty should have been canceled years ago. I'm no longer a janitor, I'm an invader."

Suddenly cord flew out of Zet's PAK and inserted into Tak's PAK. After analyzing the data, a small screen came out of Zet's ship and showed the janitorial symbol.

"Apparently your still down as a janitor, Tak," said Zet. "I don't know where you would have gotten this delusion that you're an invader, but it matters not to me, I'm just here for the bounty."

As Zet began to head for his prize, he noticed a rustling in trees behind him. He turned his head to see the trees and bushes moving very violently. After a few seconds, Mimi, accompanied by the DP who was now in battle mode, burst out of the brush.

"Ma'am!" called Mimi as she zipped past the DP and Zet over to her master. "We need to get you out of here immediately!" Mimi used her claws to cut the net open.

Tak brushed herself off and ripped the analyzer cord out of her PAK. She threw it to the ground and turned to Zet.

"Not and invader?" asked Tak. "I think you and your PAK are liars."

"On most occasions, yes," said Zet with a smug grin on his face. "But what I tell you is the truth."

"You expect me to believe a cut throat like you?"

"…yes," said Zet with that kind of 'you've got to be kidding me' look on his face.

"I've had enough of this!" screamed Tak. "Mimi, DP, destroy him!"

The robot and ship turned to Zet, who still held his un-amused glare, and began to charge. Zet kept his un-phased look as he reached into his PAK and took out his weapon of choice. A sword made of maroon Irken steal with an inner hooked blade at the tip. Quickly unsheathing this powerful blade, Zet kicked Mimi out of his way and proceeded to deflect every one of the DP's attacks, all while keeping his left arm completely limp, with the exception of his occasional yawning. Tak was in aw. How could a single person fend off her customized ships slashes, literally, single handed and not even seemed to be phased by the great machines attempts? It was simply impossible, seeing as how the ship was around five times bigger then Zet.

"Is this all the resistance you have?" asked Zet, turning his head away from his mechanical opponent and towards Tak. "Even Zim's little assistant held up better then this chunk of hardware." Zet gave a few more parries before using his sword to flip the ship on to its back.

Tak was now very afraid that she might be taken back to DIRT! She could not stand the thought of heading back to that planet of pure filth. Zet approached ever so steadily. He simply grinned as he knew that Tak was no match for him. As he grew closer and closer to the now terrified Irken, Zet was suddenly tripped by the DP.

"Owf! What the…!?" said Zet who was now quite surprised to see the ship up again.

"RUN MA'AM!" yelled the DP. "I'll hold him off…!!" Zet made a quick slash across the ship, forcing it to back a few feet away from him.

Tak nodded and ran off into the woods, closely followed by Mimi. Zet was about to follow, when the ship jumped in front of him.

"Out of my way you lousy piece of metal!" yelled Zet who was now very angry. The ship just readied its claw…things…and glared at its opponent.

"Make me…" was all the DP had to say. With that, the two lunged at each other.

Zet parried the machine with ease once again. He proceeded to push the ship to its limits. After a while, Zet used the hook on his blades catch both of the ship's claws and pinned them to the ground. He then activated a cord from his PAK, which entered the ship, and began to send an electrical current into the machine.

"Ahh!" cried the DP. "What are you doing!! AHHhh…" the ship then went into shut down and fell over as soon as it turned off. Zet looked at the limp machine as his cord re-entered his PAK.

"…and stay down." Zet then turned away from his toppled opponent and dashed off into the woods after Tak.

Tak ran through the woods as fast as she could, closely followed by Mimi. They both knew that the ship would be no match for Zet, after seeing how easily he toppled it the first time.

They soon saw that they were about to enter the suburbs. Seeing this, the two activated their disguises.

"Quick Mimi," said Tak getting an idea. "We need to find help."

"Are you kidding ma'am?" asked Mimi. "We can't tell anyone of our situation without revealing that we're not from this planet! Zet has no disguise, as far as we know, and he doesn't seem to care whether or not you're an invader."

"So?" asked Tak.

"So if we get help, they'll see Zet, and Zet will expose us!"

"Not if it's someone that already knows that we're aliens," said Tak very smugly.

"Are you suggesting that we get Zim's help?" asked Mimi.

"What? Certainly not," snapped Tak. "I would never sink as low as to get help from him."

"Then who? Dib?"

"He's our only hope." With that the two headed for Dib's house.

Later at the Membrane home, Dib held the door open laughing at Tak's request.

"Hahaha, so you're saying…heh…that you two…need…my help…to…haha…defeat an Irken bounty hunter…that's after the price on your head?" said Dib between laughs.

"This is serious Dib!" said Tak desperately. "If you don't help me, he'll take me back to planet DIRT!" Dib just pressed a button on the inside of the wall. This activated the laser defense turrets of the house.

"Get out of here Tak," said Dib very meanly. "I'm trying to save the Earth, and with you gone, I'll only have to worry about Zim and Das." With that, Dib slammed the door shut, and the lasers began fire at Tak and Mimi.

"Ah! Run Mimi!" Tak picked up the cat disguised robot and ran down the street away from the lasers.

Shortly after Tak and Mimi had ran out of sight, Dib heard a knock at his door. He opened it up to see a black eyed sword wielding Irken standing there.

"Excuse me," he began. "But have you seen a girl with a short red eyed companion and a kind of purple fetish?"

"Yeah, they went down that way," said Dib pointing down the street.

"Ah, thank you very much," said the alien.

"My pleasure." The strange visitor then zipped off Dib's doorstep, and ran down the street in search of Tak.

"The Earth may yet have a chance Gaz," said Dib looking down the street. Gaz just look very coldly at her brother.

"You're a real jerk you know that right?" said Gaz looking up from her game. Dib raised an eyebrow, and then turned to his sister in question.

Tak and Mimi stopped behind a dumpster to catch their breaths (except Mimi, she doesn't breath).

"Okay," said Mimi. "What do we do now?"

"I'm thinking, I'm thinking," said Tak, scratching her head.

"I have an idea," said Mimi. This caught Tak's attention.

"Well out with it! What's your idea?" asked Tak anxiously.

"I think you know what it is," was all Mimi could say. Tak's eyes suddenly filled with horror.

"NEVER!" she cried. "I won't even consider it!"

Later, Tak found herself standing at Zim's door with a pale look on her face. She turned to her cat disguised robot in disapproval.

"Remind me again how you talked me into this."

"Oh just knock," said Mimi. "It won't kill you."

"Ha, shows what you know," said Tak.

Tak stared at the door, slowly raising her hand to knock. Something was preventing her from knocking, something deep in the back of her mind. It was her sense of pride; she could not stand the idea of asking Zim for help.

"No," said Tak pulling her hand back. "We don't need his help. I'll bet you anything that the ship is still holding Zet off." Tak looked at her wrist communicator to check on the ship's signal.

NO SIGNAL was all that the watch read. This immediately changed her mind, and got her pounding on the door.

Meanwhile in the depths of Zim's base, Zim and Das began to hear a loud knocking sound coming from the main level.

"Hmmm," said Zim. "It appears that someone is knocking at the door."

"Or that there's something wrong with your speaker's subwoofers," said Das looking up from the device they were working on.

"FOOL! ZIM'S SPEAKERS DON'T USE SUBWOOFERS!!" yelled Zim.

"Then there is most likely someone at the door." responded Das.

"Computer!" yelled Zim. "Who is knocking at the door of Zim!"

"I'm sure I want to tell you sir," said the computer.

"What!?" asked Zim. "Why not?"

Das, meanwhile, was looking through a scope that led to the front door.

"Seriously," said Das looking away from the scope. "It's just Ta…" Das turned back to the scope again, to make sure that he was seeing what he thought he was seeing.

"Huh," said Das very surprised. "Either I'm not wearing enough eyeliner, or Tak is banging at your door for help."

"What, let me see that," said Zim grabbing the scope and looking in. "Great ghost of dukey! It is Tak banging on my door for help."

"So what should we do?" asked Das.

"To the main level!" responded Zim. "We'll get to the bottom of this."

"But we're going up," said Das sarcastically.

"Just shut up and get in the elevator, you to GIR." GIR suddenly popped out of a pile of nuts and bolts that was sitting next to the project that Zim and Das were working on.

"Weee!" said GIR. "We're going up to get down!" GIR then ran into the elevator, and the three went up to the main floor of the base.

The three soon reached the main level of the base to find that Tak was still knocking very rapidly.

"LET ME IN!!" cried Tak. "FOR THE LOVE OF IRK, LET ME IN!!" The three just stood there and watched.

"Huh, I don't think we'll be letting her in," said Das with a smirk.

"Why not?" asked GIR as he gave himself a hug. "She seems nice!" Zim and Das just looked at the naive robot.

"You do know that we're talking about Tak, right GIR?" asked Zim.

"I had no idea," replied GIR.

"Anyway," began Das. "I'm just wondering how long it'll take before she realizes that we're not going to let her in?" Suddenly Das was crushed by the front door being kicked off its hinges by a giant book worn by Tak.

Tak and Mimi quickly ran inside, pushed the door back into place, and used a power cutter from her PAK to seal the door shut. She then turned to Zim, who was now very afraid.

"When I say 'let me in'," began Tak. "I mean 'LET ME IN!!'" Tak's face was now red with fury.

Zim soon regained his composer. He looked Tak right back in the eye.

"So what do you want?" asked Zim. "What brings you to my base?"

"She probably just wants to kill you and destroy this place," said Das, who was now walking out of the kitchen.

"Do yous wants to gives me a caramel covered piggy?" asked GIR with big puppy dog eyes.

"What?" asked Tak, who was now very confused at GIR's assumption. "No, I'm here for something completely different."

"Which is…?" asked Zim.

"I…aug…need your help Zim," said Tak, who was quite disgusted at what she was resorted to. This perked Zim's ears (Well…if he had any it would have).

"What's this?" said Zim with a kind of surprised gloating tone in his voice. "You, are coming to Zim for help?"

"Don't rub it in," said Tak. "There's this Irken bounty hunter after me, and if I don't get rid of him, he'll take me back to planet DIRT!" Zim just looked puzzled at what Tak was talking about.

"I can't go back to the filth!" yelled Tak, who had now grabbed Zim by the collar and was hoisting him into the air. "SO MUCH FILTH!!" she then dropped Zim and curled up into the fetal position.

"Why should I help you?" asked Zim very angrily. "You've been nothing but a nuisance to my mission. Give me three good reasons why I should help you?"

"Tak got out of the fetal position and gave a death glare to Zim.

"I'll give you three good reasons," said Tak lifting her left hand. She then proceeded to form a fist, counting each finger as they went into the fist. "One, two, three!" Tak had now made a fist and was shaking it in Zim's face.

"Those are good reasons," said Zim, who was now backing away in fear.

"Wait a minute," said Das, who was now entering the conversation. "You said you we're being hunted by an Irken bounty hunter. Did he have black eyes by any chance?"

"So he did come here before?" said Tak, confirming her suspicions if what Zet had said earlier were true.

"Who was here before?" asked Zim, who was very confused.

"It's Zet, Zim," said Das. "Remember? That guy that Sizz-lorr sent to gather the bounty on your head?"

Zim thought back for a bit. He soon remembered the black eyed menace that had terrorized him so many years ago.

"That guy?" asked Zim.

"He's following me even as we speak," began Tak. "He'll eventually track me here, and thus he'll find you, and then you'll be in danger of going back to…wherever he was going to take you." Zim thought for a moment. This was a very perplexing problem indeed.

"Hm," began Das. "The enemy of your enemy…is still your enemy. Who would of thought?"

The five just stood there in silence for a moment. Not quite understanding Das' comment. Das broke the silence yet again.

"But," he began. "If the mutual enemy of you and your other enemy, is coming to shorten you two from his list of enemies, then would in not be best to become temporary friends, in order to achieve the common goal of defeating the common enemy?"

All in the room just started at Das in confusion as to his proposal, not having any idea of what it was that he was talking about. GIR went up to Das and gave him a hug.

"…what?" asked Tak in disbelief.

"Seriously," said Zim. "What are you trying to say?"

"Simple," began Das. "A temporary partnership, in a means to defeat Zet."

Zim and Tak just looked at each other. The two were very unsure of this. Tak had a great sense of pride, and she would be damned if she had to compromise it by working with Zim. Zim was just afraid that Tak would most likely hurt him after this team up was over with.

"…"

"…"

"It would be best ma'am," suggested Mimi to her master.

"Come on Zim," whispered Das. "You want Tak as an ally, not as an enemy. If we play our cards right, she'll be working with us, rather than against us." Zim thought for a moment. Whether he was thinking of the present situation or not was entirely uncertain, but what ever it was that he was thinking of, caused him to extend his right hand.

"Very well," said Zim. "We'll help you, if you don't kill us afterwards."

Tak threw her right hand into Zim's and shook rather quickly.

"Done, now how do we stop this guy?" asked Tak. "You guys fought him once before, how did you get of it last time?" Zim thought back to the situation. He had dropped the incident years ago, and not bothered to look at it again, considering that he was sure that Zet was gone.

"Hmm…" Zim continued to think. After a while, all were wondering if he even remembered the incident at all. Suddenly, though, something hit Zim (metaphorically speaking).

"I've got it!" cried Zim.

"Well," began Tak. "What is 'it'?"

"We'll have to up all of the bases defenses," began Zim. "We'll need all the fire power we can get against this guy." They all nodded, and went off to prepare the base defenses. Zim caught GIR by his head just as he was leavening.

"Except you GIR," began Zim. "I have a very special job for you." GIR's eyes lit up with excitement.

"Fire up the ovens GIR," said Zim. "It's time we bring back an old friend." GIR, for once, knew what Zim was talking about, and gave a happy giggle, and rushed of into the kitchen.

"One for each of us?" yelled GIR, poking his head out of the kitchen door. Zim just nodded with an evil grin on his face. GIR gave another giggled, and began to bake.

The next few minuets were devoted to upping the bases defenses, and Das polishing his riffle, while Mimi helped GIR in the kitchen. The duties of actually making the shields more powerful and have more operational turrets available were left to Zim and Tak.

"Hand me that bolt, will you?" asked Tak. Zim tossed a bolt up to Tak, who wrenched it into the machine with ease.

Tak jumped down from the machine, and cleaned her hand free of oil and grease.

"Well that should do it for the laser defenses," said Tak.

"Excellent!" cried Zim. "We have now perfected this base to any attack."

"You know," began Tak. "I actually feel confident that we can beat him."

"Well would you expect? You're in the base of Zim. By far the most secure Irken base in these parts!"

"Besides my base," began Tak. "Yours is the only Irken base in these parts."

"…SILENCE!" Tak laughed at this.

"Oh, and don't get used to me helping you out like this," began Zim. "This is a one time thing."

"I can only hope so," said Tak bitterly.

"Aside from that, we'd best head back to the main room and check on everyone else." Tak nodded. The two left the giant laser that they had finished, and went up to the main levels.

The two soon reached the top floor to see a pile of human fire arms, piled in front of Das, who was currently cleaning a revolver.

"What's all of this?" asked Zim.

"This is all from my private armory," said Das. "Trust me, we'll need these." Das then loaded the revolver, and flicked the magazine into the gun, and spun it.

"Are you trying to look cool?" asked Tak, who was un-amused.

"Who's trying?" asked Das, putting the gun in his sleeve.

Zim, Tak and Mimi stood at the front windows with binoculars (Irken ones).

"Do you see him?" asked Tak.

"Not yet," said Zim. "But he'll be here shortly." The three continued to look out over the streets, keeping their eyes pealed for Zet.

They kept watch for a few seconds before seeing the white gloved Irken running toward the house.

"Here he comes!" exclaimed Mimi.

"Perfect," said Zim, putting away the binoculars. "Computer, activate all base defenses!!"

"Yes sir," replied the computer. Nothing happened for a few moments, after those few moments, nothing continued to happen.

"…now, computer," said Zim very annoyed.

"Oh, sorry," replied the computer, as he activated all of the defenses.

Soon a multitude of lasers, high tech laser shields, and cool transforming robot gnomes, filled the front yard, and proceeded to fire upon the oncoming intruder. Zet continued to run toward the base, seeing the energetic projectiles fly at him.

"Hm," he began. "So she came here. Good, now I can kill two birds with one stone."

Zet ran toward the base, dodging the lasers from every which way. He soon reached the front lawn, and proceeded to cut down gnomes, and use miscellaneous weapons from his PAK to disable the lasers. He soon reduced the whole front yard to ruble.

"Hmf," said Zet with a smirk. "That was easy." Zim and Tak stared in horror at what had happened. Their newly prepared defenses were no match for this guy.

"Is he just invincible?" asked Tak.

"Not really," said Das from the sofa, as he munched on a bag of popcorn. "Zim, GIR, and I defeated him before remember?" Tak looked at Das with a weird look.

"…no, I don't remember." Soon Zet burst into the house through an open window.

"Huh, GIR!" yelled Zim. "Why was the window open!?"

"I thought it was drafty," said GIR from the kitchen. Zim threw a hand over his face in disgust. Zet interrupted this moment of enraged disappointment.

"Let's just make this easier on you two," said Zet. "Give yourselves up, and you won't be scratched." Zet twiddled his fingers over the blade of his sword as he said this.

Soon Tak fired a laser from her spider legs at Zet, who dodged them just in time.

"Oh you'd like that, wouldn't you?" said Tak giving him an angry look.

"Well…yeah," replied Zet. "It would be easier on all three of us." Zim soon after activated his spider legs and began to shoot at Zet, who dodged again.

"Don't worry. We'll make this as hard for you as possible." (Zim is kind of being a bad ass right here.)

Zet squinted his eyes, and activated his serrated spider legs, and raised his sword.

"…so be it."

Zim and Tak jumped at Zet firing rapidly at the common enemy (not each other though). Zet quickly moved out of the way and began to lunge his spider legs at the two, who had some difficulty dodging them. Each was coming at Zet from a different angle, following no particular attack pattern.

Each time either lunging with the mechanical limbs, or firing some sort of laser from the leg's tips. Zet dodged each shot, and blocked each stab, all with rapid reflexes and accuracy. Maneuvering his way through the chaos, Zet soon reached the exact position he needed to be in. He activated his swords laser edge, which was red florescent glowing edge that was apparently supper heated to the point in which it could cut through anything. Zet gave the sword a swift slash across both Zim, and Tak's spider legs in one swift swoop, severing the mechanical limbs, and making them useless. He then shot another net. The net caught both of the Irkens and pinned them against the wall, so that they were inches away from one another's faces. Zim and Tak stared at each other in a kind of awkward silence, which was soon broken by Zim.

"…well…this is awkward."

"No kidding," said Tak, who was now looking at Mimi, who had not yet revealed her presence to Zet. "MIMI, ATTACK!" Mimi jumped at Zet with her claws drawn, preparing to swoop at the black eyed Irken. Zet mealy stood there and looked at the charging robot, as a cord from his PAK with a large blade attached to the end swooped over and stabbed Mimi. After the poor robot had loss power, Zet through the pile of scrap against the wall. This sent a chill down Tak's spine, and a deep sadness.

Tak turned to Zim in dismay.

"Huh, some team up this had turned out to be."

"We're no dead just yet," said Zim smugly. "Das, attack!" Das was still sitting on the couch eating his bag of popcorn. He had apparently been doing so the entire time.

"Hey, don't look at me. This is your guy's dispute, not mine," said Das. "I don't wish to take any part in this." Zim's face grew red with anger.

"Help, or I'll cut you off the mission." Das gave a sigh, put down the popcorn, and got off of the couch.

"Fine," said Das as he activated both of his spring loaded knives. "I'll get rid of hi…" Das was cut off by a giant laser cannon, sticking out of Zet's PAK, blasting the top half of his body off, and leaving nothing but the legs, and a charred torso.

"Heh heh," chuckled Zet as the cannon went back into his PAK and as he twirled his sword. "All too easy." Upon saying this, Das kicked down the front door that was still welded shut by the way, holding a rather large gattling gun, with a long ammo belt. Das cocked the hammer back and aimed at Zet.

"Yeah, way too easy," said Das, preparing to pull the trigger. Zet's eyes grew in disbelief and fear to see Das back again, and with a hand held cannon.

Das began to open fire on to Zet, who jumped around franticly to dodge the bullets. Zet soon found himself running along the walls, closely followed by Das' bullets. Das began to laugh manically.

"_Ahahaha!! Oh this just gets your adrenaline pumping, doesn't it!!" _(He says that really insanely, dramatically, and evilly, practically spitting on some words.)

Das continued to fire at a rapid pace, littering bullet shell all over the ground, causing more destruction that he ever had with this piece of equipment. Zet, on the other hand, was running out of wall to run along. Seeing the edge of the wall, Zet made his move. He moved so that the soles of his boots would hit the wall at the exact same time. He then pushed off the wall, heading straight for Das' line of fire. As he flew toward the barrage of bullets, he activated a small wrist energy Hoplon (It's a kind of shield). He put this new equipment in front of the bullets to block them. Bullets began to bounce off rather violently when they hit this defense. Zet then began to advance on Das, moving ever so steadily toward the now very surprised and angry human.

Das then, out of no where, ran out of ammunition for his gun. He immediately dropped the steaming hot gattling gun, and pulled a sub machine gun out of his coat, and began to open fire once again. Zet continued to hold out his shield, blocking every one of Das' shots.

Das soon ran out of ammunition for this gun as well, dropped it, and pulled a small assault riffle out of the other side of his coat, and 'unloaded' on Zet once more, having the same effect. Once this gun ran out of ammo, Das shot out of sleeves, his spring loaded revolvers, which twirled for a bit before grasping them. Das opened fire once more. The first eleven shots had just as much affect as the previous…million…shots, and were merely deflected by the shield. The last shot Das fired, though, hit the shield in the dead center, causing the wrist shield to give off a small explosion, and deactivate.

Zet grasped his wrist in slight pain, but only for a moment. He then raised his sword to strike Das down…again. Das flipped out two large military knives out from his sleeves, and blocked the on coming blade (Oh, and the laser edge on Zet's sword is off right now).

"How much crap do you keep in that coat!?" screamed Zet very angrily.

"You'd be surprised," replied Das with a smug look. Zet was now pressing his blade even harder against Das, knowing that as an Irken, he had the superior strength. Das tried his best to keep the large blade from cutting his throat, straining much too just hold his own knives.

"Prepare to die," said Zet, realizing that the bout was his. Das was about to give in, when suddenly, a miracle happened.

A miscellaneous brick flew in from another opened window, hitting the black eyed Irken in the back of the head, knocking him out instantly. Das pushed aside the unconscious Zet, and got up from the ground. He stared at the sleeping alien for a moment.

"Ha," began Das. "That's called the righteous hand of God, slapping you across the face, how dose it feel?" Tak interrupted Das' moment of triumph though.

"If you don't mind," she began. "But I'd really like to get out of this net. I don't think I can stand another second in here with him."

"Yeah Das," said Zim. "Hurry up and cut us down." Das looked up at the two pinned Irkens.

"Oh yeah," said Das, grabbing Zet's sword and activating its laser edge. "No problem."

Das cut the net, and the two slipped out of then net, and fell to the ground, face first. The two quickly recovered and got up. Tak rushed over to Mimi.

"Mimi! Repair yourself!" screamed Tak, who was still obviously worried about the little robot. Suddenly, Mimi's dismantled parts got up, and put themselves back together. Soon the little robot was up and running again.

"Mimi, reporting for duty," saluted Mimi. "What did I miss?" Everyone pointed at Zet, who was now getting back up, but with the absence of his primary weapon, and instead a massive head ace. He blinked and saw that all of his opponents were back in action.

"Oh crap," said Zet wide eyed in fear. "This can't be good." Tak, Zim, Mimi, and Das all cracked their knuckles, and gave an evil eye to Zet.

Zet knew that there was now way he could win. He quickly hit a button on his PAK, which called his Bleed Runner over. The cockpit of the ship then opened up and Zet jumped in.

"Here this Zim and Tak!" began Zet. "You haven't seen the last of me!" As soon as he said this, GIR came out of the kitchen holding five newly prepared cupcakes. Each was a yellow cupcake, with pink frosting. On the top of each cupcake, written in black frosting, was the word 'oblivion'. GIR handed each person a cupcake. Zet recognized the treat from his last encounter with Zim.

"Oh no," said Zet wide eyed in horror. "Not again." Zim gave a grin.

"Ready…aim…now, BLAST HIM INTO OBLIVION!!" screamed Zim. Suddenly, Zim, Tak, Das, Mimi, and GIR all threw their cupcakes right into Zet's face. Upon contact, the cupcakes began to burn his skin.

"AHHHH!! IT BURNS!!" and with that, the cockpit to the Bleed Runner closed and flew off into space, with Zet's screams of pain still echoing from the ship.

The five watched as Zet flew away. Each one satisfied in the part that they had played.

"Well," said Das. "We did it, and how? Because you two put aside your petty differences, and…" Das was cut off by Tak.

"Yeah, yeah, what ever, okay," Tak was now facing Zim. "Seeing as how our common problem is gone, I'm going go back to my base and continue what I was doing before this little predicament."

"I expected you too," said Zim sounding very confused. "This was a one time thing." Tak then remembered what Zim had told her down in the base only a little while earlier.

"Oh yeah, well, seeing as how you helped me, I'll let you live and not destroy your base." Zim looked around his living room for a moment.

"How could you destroy it more that it already has been?" asked Zim.

"Good point," said Tak. "Well, come on Mimi, were headed back to repair the base."

"Yes ma'am," saluted Mimi. The two activated their disguises and were just about to leave when Tak suddenly remembered something.

Tak ran back into the base, and punched Zim full force, knocking him down to the ground.

"Ahug! What was that for!?" demanded Zim.

"That was for an awkward moment in that stupid net!" Tak then stormed out of the house, closely followed by Mimi.

The streets were empty that night, so they moved at their alien fast speeds, off into the darkness. Zim sat up and watched them leave.

"You completely blew it," said Das, sounding very disappointed. "You should have offered her a slot on your pay role." Zim looked at Das raising an eyebrow.

"Are you kidding me?" asked Zim. "I don't want her on our team. She'd kick us out so fast that we wouldn't know what hit us when she did." Das thought for a moment. Zim made a good point, Tak was the kind of person that would take charge, and not have any use for them.

"All I'm saying is that you want her as an ally, not an enemy."

"I already told you no," said Zim. "She'll just screw everything up somehow." Das nodded and began to walk in to the kitchen. He was then stopped by Zim's voice.

"But I will admit," he began. "It was nice not having her trying to kill us for once."

"Yeah," agreed Das. "To bad it'll most likely never happen again."

"Yeah," said Zim. "To bad."

"Bye purple lady!" shouted GIR, after much delay.

"GIR! Begin clean up!" shouted Zim.

"…okie dokie!" GIR then pulled broom out of his head, and began to sweep. Zim continued to sit and look up into the sky.

"…"

End of episode 15

Sorry for the late post. I was away at camp for the longest time. Well, I hope you all enjoyed this episode. Stay tuned for episode 16, coming soon!

Oh and one more thing; one of you readers suggested the thing in Tak's sub conscious was zatr. Just because I did that sequel story, and have some stuff on my DA, does not mean that I intend to pair Zim and Tak. You guy's shouldn't make assumptions based on what I've done prior to these. Hell, for all you know, the thing in the back of Tak's mind is datr, Ooo. But let me tell you something, it's not a datr. And you know why? Because romance in the series would have killed the show before its dark nature could on Nick. It only works in side stories, so don't go assuming that I intend to put in stuff like that. Thank you.

Copyright Jhonen Vasquez/Invader Zim


	12. Episode 16: Drivers be warned

Episode 16: Drivers be warned

Episode 16: Drivers be warned

Dib sat at his kitchen table whining as he had been for the past few days.

"This is so dumb," he began. "Why should I have to take drive's education again?"

"Because you ran over a multitude of people with that old truck of yours and had your license revoked," said Gaz in quite a sarcastic tone.

"Hey, my truck was hijacked," defended Dib. "That guy ran over the multitude of people, not me!" Gaz sighed and turned to her brother with an angry glare.

"Fine, the whole world is out to get you!" screamed Gaz. "Is that what you want to hear?!"

"No…" said Dib, worried that his little sister would bit his head off. "I just…"

"Shut up Dib," snapped Gaz. "It's bad enough that I have to take the same session for driver's education that you do." Gaz then spat at her brother, and stormed up the stairs.

"What's her problem?" thought Dib.

"You're my problem!" shouted Gaz from the upstairs. This scared Dib slightly. How could his sister have known what he was thinking? Dib shrugged and wiped the sweat off of his head.

As Dib continued to sulk, Professor Membrane came up from the basement and entered the kitchen. He noticed his son's gloomy attitude at the moment and turned to his child.

"What's wrong son? Aren't you glad that you'll be getting your license back?" asked the good professor.

"I'm just upset that I have to take the test over again," said Dib. "But it's mainly because Gaz hates me." Membrane raised an eyebrow.

"Oh is that all? Son, some people like to hate. Your sister likes to hate EVERYTHING!! May be she'll become _less_ hate full, if you listen."

"What are you talking about?" asked Dib. Membrane thought for a moment.

"Hmm, I don't know," said Membrane. Dib sighed and went back to sulking.

"But son, if you want my advice…"

"I don't," said Dib, slightly raisin his head from the table.

"…Then stay out of your sister's hair for a bit. She doesn't hate you; she just thinks that you're annoying." Dib looked at his father questionably.

"Really?"

"Well sure," responded Membrane. "We all do." Dib's eyes filled with a partial sadness/annoyance.

"Thanks dad," said Dib sarcastically. "That really helps."

"Ha ha, I know it did son, I know it did." With that, membrane put on his over coat (which goes over his lab coat) and walked out the door.

Dib slammed his head against the table again. He then thought about what his dad had said.

"Well…I guess I have been a bit annoying," said Dib. "Maybe I should stop bothering Gaz with my problems."

"Oh no, you think?!" yelled Gaz from her room. Dib looked up to the ceiling raising an eyebrow.

"But where do I start?" asked Dib to himself.

"You can start by shutting up!" yelled Gaz again. Dib was now annoyed by his sister's constant interruptions of his revelations.

"I get it!" yelled Dib back to his sister. "I talk out loud to myself a lot!" Dib turned his head away from the ceiling and back to the facing forward position.

"Well, if that's what she wants, then by golly I'll be quieter than…" Dib was cut off by one last comment from his sister.

"Well you're doing bad job of it!" Dib stopped talking and blinked for a bit.

"Okay," he said in a low whisper. "Shutting up now."

About an hour later, the two had arrived in the late night driver's education classroom. There were about fifteen other children, all sitting in desks and talking to each other. At the head of the room was a familiar looking teacher.

"Hi kids!" said the happy man. "Isn't it a great day to drive!?" Gaz recognized her former teacher (I won't be saying his name because I don't remember it right now). The man's overly optimistic attitude had always angered her.

"Well," he began. "My assistant is not here yet, so let's begin the overview with out her, shall we?" The instructor then pulled out a variety of video tapes and DVD's and proceeded to play each one to the class.

Dib kept his mouth shut throughout the whole lesson, sitting at the opposite end of the room as his sister. He was determined to give his sister as much space as he possibly could. He did not want to upset her further.

After about watching seven hours of film, most of the class had fallen asleep. Gaz was still looking at the screen un-amused.

"Feh, stupid drunks and their stupid beer," said Gaz in her usual tone.

Dib had not fallen asleep either, but rather, pained his way through the films, with is eyes wide in discomfort and drool spilling out of his mouth.

"Aug!!" he moaned. "Why did we have to watch all of that!?" The instructor turned his head to Dib and turned on his usual smile.

"This is the accelerated class," he explained. "Rather then watching an hour of film per day, we watch all seven hours of film, and then give you your road test immediately after ward." Dib's widened his eyes in horror.

"You honestly expect these kid to know how to drive only after watching seven straight hours of film!?" asked Dib. "Are you insane!?"

"It's worked out pretty well for us so far," said the teacher. Suddenly, a loud crash was heard out side of the building. From the window, there could be seen flames from a car and flames from its, now, flaming driver. His screams of pain and suffering were only ended shortly after by another car driving out of no where and running the poor soul over.

Dib's widened his eyes in horror. He then looked at the teacher with his horrified expression.

"Don't worry," said the teacher, who's happy tone had now slightly diminished. "He went to a different class." Dib just shook his head and looked at the clock.

"I am so dead," he said to himself. "Only a miracle can save me now." As Dib finished saying this, the door was kicked down by, what seemed to be, a rather large man with a pony tail.

"Ah," said the teacher, turning from Dib. "It's my assistant, Ms. Grinenstafull!" Dib's eyes widened even further.

"That's a woman!!" exclaimed Dib. Ms. Grinenstafull turned toward Dib.

"Yeah," said the lady in a very gruff and gritty voice. "You got a problem with that?"

Dib shrunk back into his seat. This person must have been seven feet tall. She had a huge gut with a slightly smaller upper body. Her arms were the size of tree trunks, and were very muscular and covered in hair. Her legs were fairly small compared to the rest of her body. She had a very square and stout face, with a large mole on her left cheek, with two hairs growing from it. She had semi-long brown hair that was tied back in a pony tail. Her eyebrows were the size of large caterpillars, and beneath her button nose was a rectangular mustache. She wore a dark brown shirt with a name tag that had a swastika behind her name, on top of tan tight pants and black shoes. She held a very high tech looking clipboard and a pencil.

"Um…no," stuttered Dib. "Not at all." Dib swallowed heavily in fear.

"Good," said Ms. Grinenstafull. "Let's keep it that way." The menacing figure walked to the front of the class room and look out over the sleeping children. She then inhaled deeply and gave out a loud roar. Her shout was so powerful that it swept desks off of the floor and sent children flying into the back wall.

"huh!" said a child waking from her nap. "Is it Ultra-Pipi?"

"Up and at 'em maggots!" yelled the Nazi instructor. "Today, you'll all be taking your drivers test! And I have one rule for it: Pass or die!" The women then pulled a Lugar out of her pocket and shot at the feet of one of the children.

"Ahh!!" screamed the child. "What was that for!?"

"Keep your head in the game you worm!" screamed Grinenstafull. "Or lose it!" She then pointed her gun at the child's forehead, and shot the empty gun, giving it a clicking sound.

The whole class was now utterly freaked out. No one wanted to take the road test with this woman, for fear of death.

"Okay," said the happier instructor. "Now let's all head out to the cars and begin driving!" The class slowly nodded and left in a kind of trudge. Grinenstafull had a very annoyed look with their speed to get out to the cars.

"Pick up your feet or I'll cut em off!!" Yelled Grinenstafull, as she pulled a machete from her pocket.

This motivated the class to run out the door with great hast.

Now at the parking lot, the children saw two cars. Each car had yellow caution tape on them with signs saying: WARNING STUDENT DRIVER.

"Okay kids," said Grinenstafull. "Pick a car and stick with it. The left one is mine, the right one is Mr. Optimistic over there."

"Well," began the other teacher. "That isn't really my name, but you all get the point."

The children all stood around not knowing what to do.

"…pick a car NOW!!" shouted Grinenstafull. Suddenly, all of the class but Dib went over to the right car.

Dib stayed at Ms. Grinenstafull's car because Gaz was at the opposite car. Dib was determined to not give his sister any trouble today, even if it meant driving with most grotesque woman on earth.

Grinenstafull looked at the other children and then to Dib.

"Well, it looks like you'll be first four eyes," grinned the large woman. "Now get in and get started!" Dib saluted and ran over to the driver's seat and buckled up. Grinenstafull walking in shortly after and buckled in.

"Okay kid, let's see what you've got." Grinenstafull pulled out her clip board and pencil, and prepared to take notes.

Dib swallowed and turned towards the wheel. He took out the key and inserted it into the ignition. As Dib started the car, Grinenstafull began to scream angrily.

"What the hell are you doing? Don't you know that you're supposed to eat the sausage of driving first!!" shouted the large lady. Suddenly, Grinenstafull took a dirty sausage out of her pocket and shoved it into Dib's mouth.

Dib chocked for a bit in agonizing pain on the forcefully applied treat.

"Ahug!"

"You're marked down a point," said Grinenstafull scribbling something on her notepad. "Every three points that you're marked down, you'll get shot, got that?" Dib swallowed and nodded.

"This is going to be harder then I thought," said Dib in his head.

"And no thinking about how hard this may or may not be!" yelled Grinenstafull, as if reading his thoughts. Dib was surprised by this, but discarded his fear in order to get the test over with. Dib swallowed the sausage and drove out of parking lot.

"Okay," said Mr. Elliot (Ha! I remembered his name!). "Who wants to be first?"

At first, no one raised their hands. After a while, Gaz decided to raise her hand.

"Fine," she began. "I'll go first."

"Great!" exclaimed the annoyingly optimistic man. "Let's get started!"

The two got in the car and buckled in. Gaz looked around the car and noticed something that annoyed her greatly. A stick shift, the car was a manual (Funny, you'd think that they'd get rid of manual's by this time).

"Great, a stupid manual," moaned Gaz.

"It's okay Gaz," said Mr. Elliot, trying to encourage his student. "You can do it."

Gaz turned on the car and shifted up to gear two.

"Oh, I have no doubt that I can do it," said Gaz coldly. "It's just that I hate manuals." Gaz then, and very aggressively, took her foot off the clutch and pressed on the pedal and swerved out of parking lot.

Mr. Elliot was now forced to the back of his seat, with his skin being pushed back from Gaz's speed.

"Ah! Slow down Gaz!" pleaded the now very frightened teacher.

"Can't," said Gaz. "I'm already shifting to three." Gaz then moved the shifter past gear three, and up to an unheard of gear six.

Gaz was now going at intensely fast speeds. Swerving around curves and flying off make shift ramps, practically giving the car flight. However, even at these fast speeds, Gaz was still passing every obstacle and road related situation with perfection.

"Please Gaz!" pleaded Mr. Elliot. "Stop the car!" Gaz looked over to her teacher with her usual expression and remained silent for a few moments before speaking.

"…okay." Suddenly, the car stopped in a perfect parallel park at the exact point from which the two had started.

Mr. Elliot unbuckled his seat belt with very shaky hands. He slowly opened the door and fell out, hitting the curb face first, breaking his glasses. After shivering in fear on the ground for a few moments, he quickly scribbled something on his note pad, and pressed a button on his clipboard. The small device on the clipboard then buzzed for a few seconds, after which, it produced a new license for Gaz. (That's how you'll get your licenses in the FUTURE!!).

"Her…here…here you…go…Gaz," stuttered the traumatized man. "Have a…a…safe…and…safe and…fun time…on the…the road." Gaz took the license, inspected it for a bit, and then shoved it into her pocket.

"Oh don't worry, Mr. Elliot," said Gaz with a smug. "I will."

Gaz turned away from her teacher, and proceeded to walk off into the dark of night. As she left, Mr. Elliot remained on the ground shivering in fear for about five more minutes. He then slowly got off the ground and looked at the remaining students.

"So…" he said, still slightly stuttering. "Who's…next?"

Dib was still driving with Grinenstafull. He had already committed two offenses against the teacher (Which we remember as a failure to eat a sausage, and thinking about how hard the test may or may not be), and was one offense away from being shot. Grinenstafull had even taken out her gun and was pointing it at Dib, resting it on her lap.

Dib rounded another curb, and drove through an intersection. Everything seemed to be going fine for Dib until he came to a cliff side road that was about a hundred feet over the ocean beneath them, with a multitude of large waves that crashed against the sharp jagged rocks at the bottom.

"That's weird," said Dib, looking down the cliff. "I've never noticed this cliff here before." This was the final straw for Grinenstafull.

"Hey!" she shouted. "Keep your eyes on the road!" The large scary woman scribbled one final thing on her note pad and cocked the gun so that it was ready to fire. "Now you get a nice chunk of lead in the noggin!"

"What!? You can't do that!" argued Dib. "That's cruel and unusual…and a punishment!"

"I don't think Mr. Bullet really cares about how cruel this may or may not be." Dib was now very worried.

As the large headed boy prepared to die, he noticed a button on the steering weal the read: PASSENGER EJECT. Dib needed no explanation to the reason button's existence, seeing as it was about to save his life.

"Well does Mr. Bullet care about THIS!!" asked Dib as he pressed the button. Suddenly the passenger door was shot off of the car and down the cliff. The passenger seat then began to extend out over the edge of the cliff, with Ms. Grinenstafull still seat belted in. The seat belt then became undone, and the seat began to flip over.

"What the…!" exclaimed Grinenstafull as the shock of the transformation caused her to drop her gun.

"See you later you old hag!" shouted Dib.

As the seat flipped, Grinenstafull quickly grabbed a hold of the chair, leaving her hanging over the side of the cliff. Dib was now worried that she'd climb back into the car, and in doing so, be royally pissed.

"Uh oh," said Dib, as the large woman pulled herself up.

As Grinenstafull finished climbing back on to the seat, she found herself standing on the flipped seat, which was still over the side of the cliff, with Dib still driving at about sixty miles an hour.

"Oh that's it," said Ms. Grinenstafull with a very angry look in her eyes. "I'll teach you some respect!" Grinenstafull pushed a button on her clipboard. This button triggered the clipboard's transformation sequence.

The clipboard soon turned into a high tech arm shield. As the clipboard finished transforming into a shield, she gripped her pencil like a fist, and in doing so, turned the pencil into a high tech steal fist that went up her forearm and stopped at her elbow (Oh, and these transformations happen really quickly and there is a lot of unfolding of parts, and cool spiny things).

Dib was now very scared for his life that his brut instructor would end it.

"…why would a pencil do that?" asked Dib, inspecting her gauntlet.

"Gyahhhhhh!" Grinenstafull was now chagrining Dib in the small vehicle.

It didn't take long for the brut to reach Dib (consider he was only about six feet away from her when she started charging). As she ran back into the cockpit of the car, she threw a punch at Dib, who ducked just in time for her to shatter the window behind him. Dib threw his hands to the ceiling and grabbed on to one of the handicap supports, pulled himself up and kicked Grinenstafull with his feet together. This sent the large, hairy, woman back to where the door should have been, had it not been ejected. Grabbing the sides of the opening, Grinenstafull stopped herself from falling out of the moving vehicle and into the deathly sea at the bottom of the cliff.

"Oh, so that's how you want to play huh?" asked Grinenstafull. "Well you're about to…" she was cut off by another one of Dib's swinging kicks, hitting her in the mouth.

The force from Dib's last kick and forced the clipboard shield off of Ms. Grinenstafull's arm and into the car. As for Grinenstafull herself, she was not so lucky this time.

Dib watched as his broken jawed teacher plummeted toward the distant sea below them.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!" screamed Grinenstafull. "Some one down there, catch me!" A passing fisherman happened to hear Grinenstafull's pleas for help. Acting quickly, the fisherman positioned himself beneath Grinenstafull, and waited for her to fall into his arms; and she did, ending the poor fisherman's life with a rather loud 'splat'.

The weight of Grinenstafull's body, combined with the speed and velocity of her fall, combined with the weak brittle bones of the fisherman, combined with the mass of a duck, was the all the math that Mother Nature needed to remove the useless pair from existence.

Dib, meanwhile, had stopped the car, and was over looking the two brief acquaintances in their deaths together.

"…well…I kind off feel bad for the fisherman," said Dib. "But you deserved it you old hag." Dib then readied a spit ball, and spat it down the cliff, to hit the corps of his dead teacher.

Dib watched it fall for about ten minutes before hitting his teacher on the back of the head. Dib was now satisfied with his job, until he realized that he was on an unmarked road in the middle of nowhere.

"Okay…" began Dib. "So…what do I do now?" Dib paced around for about two seconds, before climbing back in the car. "I know I'll just drive back…duh!" As Dib turned on the ignition, he noticed the teacher's clip board on the floor of the car. Dib picked up the clipboard and examined it. He noticed a red button on it, with the label under it that read: "student license producer button." This gave Dib an idea.

Dib pressed the little red button. Soon the device began to shake and make strange noises. In a few moments, a brand new license for Dib was spat out of the machine, and partially lodged itself into Dib's forehead.

"Wo who!" cried Dib after blinking for about a second and raising his arms in the air in triumph. "I got my license back!"

Dib pulled the small card out of his head, and put it into his wallet, and proceeded to drive home.

Before Dib pulled into the drive way from which he started, Dib took another look at the clipboard.

"I wonder what kind of notes this gu…lady took," said Dib looking into the clipboard.

As Dib looked through the pages of the clip board, he noticed a page in the back with colorful writing, Dib read the script. "Aliens exist…I'm not crazy". Dib lifted his head from the paper, twitching his right eye.

"You…have got…to be kidding me," said Dib. "You mean I killed the only person that would be able to help me in my attempts to stop Zim, Tak, and Das?" Dib read the script further: "Yes"

Dib thought this over for a bit, and then decided there was only one thing he could do. Dib began to spas out, at drool like an animal with rabies.

"Aughahauhauh ah…I'm going home now," sighed Dib.

He parked the car, and began to walk slowly into the night, leaving the traumatized Mr. Elliot, and scared children to their shivering of fears and regrets.

End of Episode 16

Sorry it took me so long to write such a mediocre episode. This was an idea I had only played around with for a bit and was really unsure as to how it would turn out. And it apparently sucked, but I'm not gonna make you guys wait for another week for the next episode, so I'm posting this one. Comments are welcomed, good or bad for this episode only.

Stay tuned for episode 17, which will be infinitely better then this one!

Copy Right Jhonen Vasquez/Invader Zim


	13. Episode 17prt1:something I can't cut out

Now before I start with today's episode, I would like for all of you to brace your stomachs, for this opening scene may be a tad…um…grotesque for most children (Never attempt any of the following episode)

Now before I start with today's episode, I would like for all of you to brace your stomachs, for this opening scene may be a tad…um…grotesque for most children (Never attempt any of the following episode at home).

Episode 17: Something I can't cut out-part1

"Alright," began Zim, over looking his latest plan. "These new hyper-drive execrators I programmed into the Voot should give me the boost I'll need for when I travel to Mekrob to gain the planet's energy based life forms." Zim then heard a quiet grunt of pain from one of the dark corners of his lab.

Zim turned to see Das sitting in the shadows with his black BDU jacket off, and the left sleeve of his short sleeved shirt pushed up. Das held a scalpel in his right hand, and was currently digging the small blade just below the shoulder. Das soon removed a small blue vein looking thing from his arm, and placed it onto a metal tray that lay next to him. Zim raised an eyebrow at Das' unusual actions.

"What are you doing?" asked Zim. "You aren't one of those depressed people that hurt themselves for fun are you?" Das lifted his head from his arm looked at Zim.

"Quite the opposite my green companion," replied Das. "I don't care for pain, it's such a distraction. What I'm doing, is removing the pain nerves from my body. I have to do this frequently because they keep growing back."

Zim observed Das' arms, and saw that they were covered in scars that seemed to come from his back.

"I thought that your nerves were tiny microscopic things?" asked Zim, remembering human anatomy. (They are, but this is a fictional tale, so pain nerves can be whatever the hell I want them to be, ha!) Das raised an eyebrow as well.

"Maybe in some parallel universe they are, but not in this one…gyah!" said Das removing a larger vein. "I'd cut out the source, but that's part of my spine, and if I make the wrong cut, I could wind up paralyzed for the rest of my life."

Das poured some alcohol on the incision and then rapped a bandage around it.

"So, what exactly is your plan?" Zim turned back to the computer.

"I plan to go to the planet Mekrob and obtain one of the planets energy based species. With one of these…Mekriods…I'll find away to use their energy based bodies to make some sort of super weapon, to use against the humans." Das thought about the plan as he put his coat back on.

"Hmm…that sounds like an idea, but why don't you just ask Invader Tenn for a specimen?"

"According to the tallest, they lost transmission with her a few years ago, and no one has heard from her since."

"Ah," said Das. "So that leaves me with one more question; when are we leaving?"

"GIR and I will be leaving immediately," said Zim. "You will be staying here though." This perked Das' ears.

"Do my ears deceive me?" asked Das. "Why might I be staying?"

"Simple," responded Zim. "I need someone to guard the base while I'm gone. I don't trust GIR with that, and the base itself is way too lazy to, so that leaves you." Das thought about this for a moment or so.

"So…that means that I'll be in charge?"

"Until I get back, yeah," said Zim following GIR into the Voot runner holding a brief case. "Now, I don't know how long I'll be gone, but I plan to be back by tomorrow at sunset."

"Very well," said Das. "Your base is in good hands, I'll see you soon then." Zim saluted and Das did so in return.

"By scary Das man!" shouted GIR.

The cockpit to the Voot then closed. After doing so, the small ship lifted up into the air, out of the roof, and into space, leaving Das alone in the hanger bay. Das watched as his co-worker left Earth's atmosphere.

"…Well," began Das after a long pause. "Time to close up shop then? Yes, that'll be very good."

Das left the hanger bay, activated the bases auto turrets, and walked out of the unusually colored house. It was a rather warm night, so Das removed his jacket, and threw it over his shoulder as he walked down the street towards his own home.

A short while after Das had started his walk; he soon passed by the Membrane home. He stopped only a moment to look up into one of the upper windows for a moment and thought something. He wasn't quite sure why he was standing outside the home of one of his life's greatest obstacles, he just felt a strange need to stop and stare at one particular window.

"Huh," said Das after a while. "I must be really tired. I'm beginning to think that something I removed long ago is still up in my head. Ah well." Das shrugged his shoulders and continued on his merry way.

Meanwhile in the Membrane home…

"Dib, where did you put the frosting!?" yelled Gaz as she took a cupcake out of the oven.

"I…didn't do any thing with the frosting," said Dib looking at his sister rather puzzled.

"Never mind," said Gaz, finding the frosting in a top shelf pantry.

Dib watched as his sister iced the delicious treat that she had been preparing for some time now. This "ominous cupcake", as Dib had dubbed it, was all Gaz had been working on for the past week aside from her Skool studies.  
"Are you still working on that cupcake?" asked Dib. "What's it for anyway?"

"Look Dib," began Gaz in a stern voice. "I don't ask much from you except that you keep to your own business, and stay out of mine. I'm trying to get this thing perfectly okay? Why I'm baking it is irrelevant." Dib raised an eyebrow at Gaz's last statement (Wow, there is a lot of eyebrow raising here).

"Well, that explains why it's taking you so long, you little perfectionist," said Dib under his breath.

"What was that?" snapped Gaz.

"Nothing!" Dib knew when he had said too much, and concluded that it would be best to leave the matter as it was, and never return to it again.

"But anyway Gaz, I did some spying on Zim a little while ago, and found out that he's going to an alien planet to get some sort of energy source. I'm going to stop him."

Gaz gave an annoyed look to her brother.

"…and why would I give a damn?" Dib thought about what his sister had said.

"…um…well…never mind. Anyhow, I plan on following him there and stopping him before he can get his specimen." Dib raised his head in the air triumphantly.

"And how do you expect to follow him?" asked Gaz. "Tak took her ship back, and I doubt that she'll let you take it."

"Ah ha!" said Dib smugly. "I don't need Tak's ship. I found one of Dad's old ships in the attic. I tuned it up a bit, so it can fly at hyper-speeds." Gaz walked over to the basement steps and began to yell to her father.

"Dad!" began Gaz. "Why do we have an experimental space craft in our attic!?"

"Oh that!?" responded Membrane. "It's just something I built when I was ten, don't worry about it!"

"…when did we get and attic?" thought Gaz.

Gaz gave a silent growl and went back to her cupcake making.

"Now, I'd ask if you'd like to come with me, but it's only a one man ship," continued Dib. "So sorry that you can't come." (You can hear the sincerity in his voice, what a dupe.)

"Oh darn," said Gaz sarcastically. "To bad I can't come."

"I knew you would have liked to, it's just that…" Dib was cut off by Gaz grabbing his throat, and holding him up in the air.

"I was joking you moron. Do you honestly think that I'd even consider going with you to some stupid planet just to follow stupid little Zim." Gaz dropped her big brother, making him fall onto his ass. "Now quite talking about following Zim, and go and do it. The sooner you do, the sooner I get the enjoyment of your absence."

Dib's eyes began to go into a near crying state.

"…am I really that much of a nuisance?"

"Yes, now quite talking a big game, and play it." Gaz had never been so hard on her brother. He was just really getting on her nerves tonight.

"Why are you acting like this Gaz?" asked Dib. "I know that I can be kind of annoying, but you nearly killed me for talking about my latest plan. Is something up?" Gaz began to walk back up to her room, after putting the newly frosted cupcake in a small Tupperware container. She stopped at the top of the steps and spoke one last time to her brother before he left.

"…I don't mind it when you talk about your stupid plans," she began. "I can bite through that, it's just something else." With that, Gaz went into her room and closed the door behind her.

Dib looked up the stairs to where his sister had just been standing. He knew that something was nagging at her, and it wasn't him for once.

"Gaz has been acting pretty weird lately," said Dib to himself. "I wonder why? …ah well, I'm sure it's nothing serious. Anyway; time to stop Zim!" Dib ran out to his back yard, jumped into his ship, and started the engines.

In about a second, the ship was ready for take off. Dib took advantage of this by…well…taking off. The ship slowly rose from the ground, and then darted off into space, never to be seen until it returns.

Gaz, meanwhile, set her cupcake down and walked over to her window. She peered out and saw her brother fly off into space.

"Well finally," said Gaz. "I thought he'd never leave."

Gaz then turned to the street. As she did, she noticed a strange silhouetted figure standing in the middle of the road. The person seemed to be staring at her window, not even noticing that she was there. The stranger then seemed to mumble something, shrug, and continued walking down the street, whistling a happy tune.

"Huh," said Gaz. "That was weird."

The next day, Das walked out of his house and walked over to Zim's base to check and see if the defenses were still up. Das had walked not even two steps on the property, when one of the gnomes shot him square in the forehead with some weird…laser…thing. This shot went right through Das' head, spilling brains and chunks of skull everywhere. The limp body then fell to the ground dead. Shortly after, a quick breeze swept by, reducing the corpse and all of its clothes to ashes. Shortly after that, Das walked out of a nearby bush, completely un-harmed.

"Okay," he began. "Looks like the defenses are working nicely."

Das brushed himself off, and then started his walk to Skool.

Gaz woke up at the time she usually did. After getting ready for the day, she grabbed the cupcake that she had finished the previous night, and walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. As she prepared her breakfast, which appeared to be a bowl of Franken Chockies, she remembered that her brother had gone off into space. Seeing this, Gaz realized that she would be without her nuisance of a brother for a change.

"Well," though Gaz. "This should be nice." With that, Gaz finished her breakfast, placed the cupcake in her lunch bag, and walked out of the door and off to Skool.

Nothing in particular happened to these two during their morning classes. Nothing besides Gaz constantly looking to the clock, awaiting her brother free lunch period, and Das sleeping through a lecture about telepathic Gorillas telling humans that mankind is a bunch of selfish and retarded morons destroying the Earth, and inevitably, the whole universe. But the time soon passed, and the bell rang.

"We'll continue on this lecture when we return from your DOOMED lunch children," said Bitters in her usual tone. "Now go stuff yourselves you gluttonous descendants of apes."

The class got up from their seats and rushed out the door, all except for Das, who walked ever casually out the door.

Das soon reached the table where he usually sat, and pulled out his book of the day, which was en-titled: "Specter at the Symphony". Das began to read enticingly, seeming to enjoy the idea of a deformed masked man, running through a Symphony hall and killing all those who would dare impose on his love for a woman the he had drugged and seduced on many an occasion. (Yes the book is that world's version of "Phantom of the Opera".)

"Heheh," chuckled Das, seemingly to have read a rather witty remark from the story. "I should use that line sometime."

As Das continued to read, Gaz walked into the lunch room, holding her lunch bag which contained her mysterious baked good. After observing the lunch room for a few moments, Gaz then found whom she was looking for, and proceeded to walk towards him.

Das was now at the climax of his story, where the villainous, but still sympathetic 'specter', was facing the more worthy man for the women he loved.

"'And his hand was stayed only for a moment,'" read Das aloud, seeming to attract the attention of those in the lunch room. "'Before he…'" Das was then cut off by a persons casting of a shadow over his read.

Das looked up from his enticing story to see Gaz standing in front of him, holding a Tupperware container. This puzzled Das as to why the sister of his life's greatest obstacle was standing there.

"…yesss?" asked Das, after a long silence. Gaz then took the cupcake out of the container, and threw it in front of Das, partially splattering it on the table.

"…Oookaayy…what was that for?" Asked Das after starring at the cupcake for some time.

"Remember Zim's plan to use hypnotically altered cupcakes to take over the Skool and turn the students into his private army?" said Gaz finally speaking. Das thought for a moment, trying to remember that out of the many failed plans.

"Hmm…ah yes," he said after about a minuet of thought. "I do believe that I can recall the event. What about it?"

"Well, during the time that you, Zim, and GIR were handing out cupcakes, you gave me a cupcake that was not altered. It was a completely normal cupcake."

Das thought once again to the matter. He did recall doing such a deed, but the purpose for doing so was now lost to the vast reaches of him ever complicated mind.

"Yes, I do recall that. Why do you bring this up?"

"Well, I could never quite understand what you meant by: 'let's just say I'm not that heartless'. So I decided to thank you for sparing my free will, by making you this."

"Wait, how does not knowing what I meant by that, lead to you making me a cupcake?"

Gaz shrugged her shoulders.

"Well anyway," continued Gaz. "I spent a good few weeks on making this, so I expect you to eat it." Das looked at the cupcake, and then back to Gaz.

"Do you now?" asked Das, with a kind of shrill tone. "What were to happen if I were to refuse your thoughtfully delicious offer?" Gaz then clenched her left fist.

"Imagine the worst possible pain that you can imagine, and then imagine something a thousand times worse."

"I don't feel pain." Gaz then punched Das square in the face, breaking his nose.

Das fell backward, and hit his head on the cold tile floor. He soon rose up and cracked his nose back into place.

"Gyah! Wow, the nerves in my nose really seem to come back the fastest …ow." Das shook the pain off and then picked up the cupcake. "Well, I suppose that I will take your offer then." Das then took a bite from the cupcake.

He chewed the chunk for a bit, as to get a good application of its flavor. He swallowed it after about ten seconds of chewing and then took another bite. After finishing this piece, he then spoke to Gaz, who was still standing there observing him eat.

"Well I must say, this tastes rather delicious," said Das. "It's as though a lot of time and effort went into making this."

"You have no idea," said Gaz under her breath. Das paid no heed to this remark and went on eating.

As Das finished eating, he then marked his place in his book, sat down, and spoke to Gaz once more.

"Oh, do take a seat if you wish," began Das. "Your brother does not appear to be here at the present moment, and seeing as how Zim is also in lack of attendance, I appear to have no one to talk to." (My god, I just love how he talks!)

"What about your book?" asked Gaz, pointing to the green covered novel. Das made a quick look over to the book and then to Gaz.

"The book can wait, I would much rather enjoy a conversation with you then that of the words on these pages."

Gaz looked at Das, then to the book, and then back to Das. She shrugged her shoulders and decided to sit.

"Fine, I guess I'll converse with you," said Gaz in a kind of annoyed tone.

"Splendid, that's the idea," said Das, as he swiped his hand over the book, making it disappear.

Das then cracked his fingers, and put them together so that the tip of each finger was touching it's counterpart on the opposite hand. Das looked up to Gaz, who was now wondering why it was that Das wanted to talk to her. Das then spoke to open their conversation.

"Now then," he said rather sinisterly. "What shall we talk about?"

End of episode 17 part 1

This will be a two part episode event. I won't have part two up for a few weeks because I'm going on a trip to the UP, so don't expect the next part soon. Anyhow, This is an episode idea that was sprouted from an idea of one of my brothers, I do hope you all share his…view, if you will, on the matter. But all in all, stay tunned.

Please review thoughtfully.

Copyright Jhonen Vasquez/Invader Zim


	14. Episode 17prt2:something I can't cut out

Episode 17 prt2: Something I can't cut out

Episode 17 prt2: Something I can't cut out

"Well, well," said Gaz admiring something Das had said. "You're not a total moron; unlike everyone else on this rock." Das grinned at this.

"Yes, I do take pride in my intelligence."

"It's not just your smarts, Das," said Gaz interrupting. "You have common sense too. My father is acclaimed to be the smartest man in the world, but even he couldn't see through Zim's original disguise. But you did."

"So did your brother," said Das. "But you don't seem to hold him in any high regard for reasoning." Gaz gave off a sigh.

"My brother is a constant headache. All he ever talks about is the supernatural and sci-fi. He proclaims himself as the sole protector of humanity, against a force that no one believes in, and most likely is too stupid to take over this place anyway."

(Meanwhile in space…)

"I'll stop you yet Zim!!" exclaimed Dib as he fired some really cool glowing lasers from his ship. "You'll never complete your evil mission…what ever it is!"

"Oh you retched human!" exclaimed Zim bitterly, looking over to his specimen which was now reduced to a pile of unstable cotton candy. "You'll pay for this with your life!"

"YEAH!! FLUFFY CANDY STUFF!" said GIR excitedly as he began to stuff his face with the delicious treat.

The two then began to fly their vessels at full speed toward each other, screaming at the top of their lungs.

(Back to Das and Gaz)

"But that's where I come in," said Das with a grin. "Do you honestly think that I believe that Zim can take over this planet on his own? Ha! He's the most incompetent thing I have ever encountered, and Tak is no better."

(Meanwhile at the outside lunch tables…)

Tak prepares to take a bite out of her sandwich, but pauses abruptly.

"Hmm," she begins. "I sense that someone is saying something bad about me…"

(Back to Das and Gaz…again)

"You're probably right," said Gaz in agreement. "But she was smarter than Zim when she first came, but has since degraded."

"Yeah, but anyway, I know full well that Zim is incompetent," said Das. "But I want rule the Earth too; and rather than fight a whole alien armada, I'd rather join the side with the bigger guns, and make good use of them."

"…I don't follow," said Gaz. "Do elaborate."

"Well," began Das. "Your brother saw through Zim's disguise, and immediately thought to stop him at every turn, not realizing that he had just made himself an enemy of one of the galaxies most powerful forces. I, on the other hand, see through Zim's disguise and after careful observation throughout the day, deduce the following: 'I'm not going to stand around and fight against a fleet of intergalactic space vessels, I'm going to guide those vessels in return for power of my own.'"

Gaz took a bite out of her sandwich and looked at Das enticingly. She then swallowed her morsel and spoke again.

"So your strategy is: 'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em?'"

"Close," said Das folding his hands into his lap. "But I can beat them, but I don't want to."

"And why not?"

"Simple, why do more work than need necessary. If I just give them some weak points of our society, and only ask a small portion of rule, the gullible morons will thus grant me said rule, and I find myself dining on the finest of food, and enjoying the good life, and I barley had to lift a finger." Gaz nodded at Das' view. It made a good amount of sense, but she still had one more question.

"Hmm, I see your point, but why do you want to take over Earth?" This perked Das' ears. "This place is a worthless rock, not even worth ruling, so why would do you want to rule it?"

"Quite simple Gaz," Das was leaning a bit on the table. "Humanity in general is a race of buffoons. A society of back stabbing, drooling, over sexed, over confident, dulled jerks, with the exception of individuals such as you or I. So one day I got to thinking: 'what if we were all that exception and the only violence would be towards those who got in the way of the greater good? Wouldn't that be a better society?' That is why Gaz."

"You want people to be more like you?"

"Not 'me' per say, but as you said earlier, a people with common sense."

Suddenly the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. The children all finished what food they had left and proceeded to walk out of the door.

"Well," said Gaz. "I think your 'utopia' is to far beyond human grasp for anyone, even someone of your stature, to achieve." Das and Gaz both got up from the table and headed for the door.

"Maybe so," said Das. "But I have confidence." Das opened the door for Gaz and she began to walk through. "Well, thank you for the cupcake and conversation Gaz; we'll have to do this again sometime."

Gaz turned to Das, who was still holding the door.

"But before we do, we'll have to finish this conversation."

"I beg your pardon?"

"I'm guessing that there's more to this that what you've revealed," said Gaz. "And I would very much like to hear the rest of it."

"You're smarter then what I gave you credit for," said Das closing the door behind him, slamming it on a child that was following him. "There is indeed more. But Zim will be back from his little plan tonight, and thus will be attending Skool tomorrow, so we will thus be unable to continue it then." Gaz stopped and looked at Das.

"We could continue it later today then, if you aren't to busy," said Gaz in her usual tone.

"Let me check that," said Das reaching into his coat pocket.

He began to dig around for a bit until he found what he was looking for. He then pulled an empty hand out of his pocket and pretended that he was holding a schedule book, which he seemed to be checking dates that weren't there. He soon closed the invisible book with one hand and looked back to Gaz.

"That's not a problem at all, what were you thinking?" Gaz gave it a moment to think. She then looked back to her new acquaintance in response.

"…do you like pizza?"

Das sat on the couch of Zim's base and watched television for sometime. He only ceased his activity when he heard the roof open up, and the Voot land. Das turned off the T.V. and went to the upstairs. As he arrived in the upper most room of the base, Zim was walking out of the Voot, totally bruised and partially bleeding with a small thing of smoke coming off of his ass, with GIR closely behind him.

"So how'd it go?" asked Das. Zim looked at his partner with the most unpleasant look ever to be witnessed by man.

"That horrible Dib stink was there," said Zim. "He had some form of weapon that disabled my containment chamber, and the specimen blew up into a pile of unstable cotton candy."

"And its was delicious!!" exclaimed GIR. "Can I have more?"

"…no GIR," said Zim looking at the little robot. "You already ate all of it, remember?" GIR paused for a moment to think…or what ever he does.

"…oh yeah, I guess your right…is there more?" Zim slapped himself in the face.

"Augg, I can't believe this."

"I can," said Das looking through a scrapbook filled with pictures of GIR's stupidest moments.

"Well, I'm going to use tonight to recuperate from the trip," said Zim walking for his sleeping chamber. "You can have the rest of the night off." Zim then took off his PAK and hooked it up to a kind of re-charge station. He the put his head into the standardized Irken sleeping straps that held him up and leaving his feet to dangle about a foot from the floor. Then two small cords from the wall came out and hooked themselves into his PAK outlets on his back. Zim then immediately fell to sleep.

Das looked in curiosity at how the alien slept, being strung by his head and then hanging a foot over the floor.

"…that cannot be comfortable," said Das looking at GIR.

"Mmhmm…" said GIR. Suddenly, GIR fell to the ground and began to snore off to sleep.

"…okay then, I guess I'll just leave you two here then," said Das walking out of the 'attic' if you will. "I have to be somewhere anyway."

Dib crawled out of his ship, bruised, scarred, and surprisingly happy. Gaz watched as her annoying older sibling approached the back door.

"I did it Gaz," said Dib proudly. "I stopped Zim from getting an alien specimen that he would un-lease onto all mankind. And I owe it all too old faithful." Dib was now pointing at his beaten up ship.

Suddenly, and without warning, Dib's ship began to shake and tremble. After a few seconds of this, the piece of hardware exploded into a mess of scrap metal. Dib looked at the wreckage with his mouth dropped in aw and grief.

"…NO!! SHIPPIY!!" exclaimed the large headed boy. Dib then fell to the ground and began to rock back and forth in the fetal position, while sucking his thumb and crying.

"Wahhh! Wahh…okay I'm done now," said Dib regaining his composer. "It was a crappy ship anyway." Dib then entered the house whistling a happy tune.

Gaz sat on the couch playing her game slave, in a vein attempt to block out her brother's annoying presence.

"What an adventure that was," said Dib after a few moments of whistling and tuna sandwich making. "I have to tell you all about it." Dib then took a seat next to his sister on the couch.

Gaz looked up to her brother in an annoyed sort of tone. She gave a brief growl before speaking.

"Do you have to tell me all about it, Dib?" Dib glanced over at his sister and swallowed his bit of sandwich.

"Yep, all about it; and with excruciation detail." Suddenly the door bell rang, stopping Dib from starting his tale. "Oh, hold on, I'll get it Gaz."

"Saved by the bell," said Gaz under her breath.

Dib opened up the door to see Das standing there.

"AH!! Run Gaz! He's here for our heads!!" exclaimed Dib throwing his arms over his own face, and squinting his eyes in fear. "Please don't shoot me point blank with your riffle!" Das stood their and blinked for a few moments.

"I didn't bring my riffle with me, Dib. I have my revolvers with me if you want me to kill you with those, but I'm not here to shoot you."

"Then you're going to stab me!" exclaimed Dib. "Please be gentle."

"I'm not here to kill you Dib," said Das very annoyed. "I'm not going to kill anyone, why is it that everyone assumes this?"

"…cause you're scary," said Dib continuing to squint in fear.

"I'm looking for your sister." Dib opened up his eyes in surprise and straitened his posture.

"…why?" asked Dib suspecting something. "What do you want with her?"

"Well, we started a very intriguing conversation during lunch today, and we were going to continue it over a meal," said Das looking into the house for Gaz.

"You're dating my sister!" exclaimed Dib.

Das suddenly pulled out a pocket slang dictionary from his coat pocket, and flipped through it until he found the phrase.

"…technically I am," said Das reading over the definition. "But don't take it as anything more then two acquaintances continuing a discussion." Das snapped the book shut and stuck it back into his pocket.

"Hold on Das," said Gaz slipping her shoes on. "Alright, let's go."

This was all very confusing to Dib. He didn't know what to make of the whole situation. His little sister was going out to have dinner with his worst enemy's co-hart.

"You can't go out with him Gaz! He's going to do something horrible to you!"

"It can't be worst then listening to you talk about how you stopped Zim for the hundredth time," said Gaz as she walked out the door.

"But you can't…" Dib was cut off by Das' arm blocking his path.

"Come on Dib," began Das. "Why do you have to be so prejudice against me? Just because I look creepy doesn't mean that I'm going to do anything bad to you or your sister."

"But you're working with one of most horrendously insane creatures in the galaxy! And you're selling out the human race to get the world!" Dib was now very upset.

"Oh, that reminds me, Dib," said Das in response. "You're not just prejudicing against me, but also on anyone you think is too different." This startled Dib.

"…what?"

"Zim told me about his first day on Earth. He mentioned that when he entered the classroom, you were the only one in the class that claimed that he was an alien. No one else thought otherwise."

"He had green skin, no ears, no nose, and other worldly cloths. What did you expect me to think!?"

"True," continued Das. "His disguise was pathetic, but what about when he said that he had a skin condition that made him like that, you still wouldn't have it. He had to be an alien that you had to cut him open and take a peak at his innards. The moment he told you that he had a skin condition; you should have accepted that and moved on. But you didn't! You kept persisting, and even though he was an alien, what if he was a kid with a skin condition? You did all these terrible things to him, just because he had different colored skin than you. That makes you a racist, which is not an acceptable lifestyle in our society."

Dib stared into space for a few moments, thinking about what Das had said. He thought intensely over the matter and turned to Das.

"But I…you…he…I'm not a…ahhh!!" Dib, in all the confusion, ran into the house.

"…wow," said Gaz in her usual tone. "That was deeply thought out."

"Yeah, I have a knack for that." With that, the two went along their merry way to Bloaty's Pizza Hog.

The two had not been at the restaurant for very long, about two minuets, before they ordered their food. After the waiter had left in a kind of sobbing mood (Most likely from his failure at life to serve pizza while wearing a giant pig had) Das turned to Gaz and spoke.

"Now then," he began. "Where did we leave off?"

"We were talking about how your little utopia is near impossible to achieve."

"Ah yes, what makes you say this?"

"Well, humanity is in itself is idiotic naturally. With the exception of individuals such as you or me, people are too stupid to function with common sense."

"Yes, but why?" asked Das.

"Because common sense is an oxymoron; it's anything but common. It's hard to come by these days, or in any days of the Earth's existence."

"You got it right on the nose my dear," said Das admiringly. "You are smarter then the rest of them." Gaz gave a grin. "However, I do have a plan as to change it from an oxymoron."

"Which is…?"

"Introduce it to them." Said Das

"And how do you do that?" asked Gaz

"Simple, all creatures naturally have common sense. Whether we chose to use it or not is up to us. So all I have to do is make people think."

"Hm, but if they think, won't they question your rule and leader ship? Wouldn't they rebel against you?"

"Not if I make them think too much," said Das. This confused Gaz.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Paranoia, Gaz," said Das. "They can't question my power if it's absolute. I have to keep them all in a state of constant fear, which shouldn't be to hard."

Gaz chewed this over for a bit.

"That still doesn't seem like it'll work," said Gaz after a long pause.

"Don't fret on it," said Das. "You'll see it come to pass soon enough."

"I'll look forward to it," said Gaz sarcastically.

The two sat their and chuckled for a bit; over the idea of Das' impossible utopia and Gaz's sarcastic comments. Their laughter soon subsided and there was silence for a bit.

"…so," said Das breaking the silence. "What is it that you like about me so much?"

"What?" asked Gaz fairly startled.

"Oh come now, you don't honestly expect me to believe that you wanted me to come all the way out here just to continue a discussion of views over pizza do you?" Gaz remained silent, just staring at Das. "Let's be frank, you saw something in me that you liked, and I saw something in you that I liked, and it would otherwise be pointless and a waste of time to deny the fact."

Gaz just sat their in silence for a few moments. But she soon snapped out of Das' question and prepared to answer.

"Well, you just come right out with it don't you?"

"I don't like stuttering and stalling, it's just a big waste of time. Now, what is that brings you here?"

"Well," said Gaz after a short pause. "I guess it would have to be the fact that you're not a moron. You're not a jerk and you can use common sense. You know when to open your mouth, and when to keep it shut, and you're over all a very interesting person."

"How flattering," said Das. "But that fails to answer my question. What is about me that is so interesting?"

"…what is about me that you find so interesting?" asked Gaz. (Do remember people, that the two are constantly keeping their usual un-amused tones of voice.)

Das paused only a moment before answering Gaz's question. Das proceeded to lift his hands, and then clap them together in a kind of soft manner, quickly and briefly sliding his palms on one another. This puzzled Gaz to a great extent, seeing as she didn't quite understand what it meant.

"…What?" (See, she doesn't get it.) Das repeated the motion once more. "Seriously, what are you getting at?"

"It's something that my dad used to tell me about," began Das. "He describes it as an un-namable force that one feels when you meet a certain person. He could only describe it as a clapping motioning." Das repeated his motion again. "I just call it the 'clap'."

Gaz looked at Das with a kind of, 'what the hell are you talking about?' kind of look.

"What kind of a certain person?" asked Gaz.?

"You know," said Das. "The kind of person who you enjoy being around and spending time with. Shit like that."

"Ah, so what you're saying is that I have the 'clap'?"

"Bingo."

"I'm going to quote you now," began Gaz. "I'm flattered."

"You should be," said Das rather snobbishly.

The two chuckled at this for a bit. They soon ceased their controlled laughter when the pizza arrived.

"Um, sorry about the lack of pizza being cut," said the waiter. "All of the pizza cutters were dirty."

"Oh, that's not a problem," said Das, pulling a rather large knife out of his coat. "I'll take care of it."

"Um…Isn't it illegal to carry one of those?" asked the waiter. Das paused and looked at their server, still holding the knife above the pizza, tip down.

"…yes," responded Das. With that, the server shrugged his shoulders and walked away, as if nothing had happened.

Das stabbed the knife into the center of the pizza, and quickly divided it into twelve equal pieces. When he finished cutting the pizza, he slid the knife under one of the slices and put the slice on Gaz's plate. He then did so for himself.

"…um, thanks," said Gaz picking up the slice.

"My pleasure," said Das, as he took a napkin and cleaned the pizza grease off of his knife, and sheathing it back in his coat.

As the two ate, two faint voices were heard from Das' coat pockets.

"Come on son," began the first more masculine voice. "Make your move on her!"

"Get out of their now!" said the feminine one. "That girl is bad news!" Gaz stopped eating and looked at Das.

"What was that?" Das blinked and listened to the voices repeat themselves. Das gave a sigh and got up from the both in which they sat.

"Uhg, I'll be right back."

Das headed into the restroom and waited for a man to finish washing his hands and walk out of the dirty bathroom. As soon as this man, who was a rather cubby fellow, left, Das reached into his two coat pockets and pulled out two human skulls, and placed them on the counter.

"Okay," he began. "What do you two want now? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something?"

"Yes," said the first skull, which had the more masculine voice. "Indeed we can, and that's why we intervened."

"Come on Dad," said Das. "I don't want to heat you lecture to me about why I need to continue the family legacy."

"Ah! But you will hear me lecture, and you will do well to listen."

"Don't listen to your father, Das," said the feminine skull. "He doesn't know that that girl means trouble."

"Mom," began Das. "You shut up too. I don't want to hear you lecture to me about these kinds of things."

"Don't talk to your mother that way!" said the masculine skull rather angrily. "Though she is wrong in this matter, you don't talk to your parents like that!"

"Uhg," sighed Das. "Now I remember why I killed you two in the first place. You two are constantly trying to tell me what I have to do with my life. I am my own person, you can't tell me what to do. Only I can do that."

"Be silent and listen," said Das' father. "You still need us whether you like it or not. Why else would you keep our skulls after we had died, with our spirits inhabiting them?"

"You would only do it because you knew that you would need the guidance of parents in your life," said his mother.

Das looked at the two in a kind of 'you've got to be kidding me' kind of look.

"…no, it was because I felt bad about letting my anger and a shovel get the best me," said Das.

"What a colorful description," said his mother. "Now leave this restaurant and that girl this instant! She's nothing but trouble."

"Nah," said his father. "You're so close with that true love 'clap' bullshit, just reel her in a bit longer and the family line can continue."

As the three were arguing, a man stepped out of one of the stalls and saw the three yelling at each other.

"…okay," said the man, looking at the two skulls. "Sorry about that." And with that, the man went back into the stall, in an attempt to get away from the madness.

Das and his parents stared at the stall for a while be for going back into their argument.

"Don't listen to him! He'll ruin your life!" complained his mother.

"Nah! Listen to me and create life!" said his father.

Das had now had enough of the bickering.

"Will you two please stop arguing?" asked Das. "That's all I ever hear from you."

"Don't question our methods," said his mother.

"Yes," continued his father. "Your parents know best…particularly your father." After hearing this, Das pulled out the same knife that he used to cut the pizza, and stabbed it through his mother's skull, reducing it to pieces.

"Hahahaha!" laughed his father. "Excellent! The son follows the father!" As soon as he said this, Das cut his father's skull into two pieces with one quick movement of his blade.

"…no," said Das, slowly lowering the knife. "He doesn't." Das then walked out of the rest room, leaving his parents remains and the man in the stall, which was still shivering in fear.

Das soon made it back to the table, to find Gaz still waiting for him. Das sat down and continued to eat.

"Sorry about that," he said. "Just a little family dispute."

"What does that mean?" asked Gaz.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

The two soon finished all the slices of pizza and awaited the bill. As they did, Gaz started another conversation, one that had been puzzling her for the longest time.

"So what's with that eyeliner?" Das felt his face for the black ointment that surrounded his eyes and came down into two triangles beneath them.

"Oh this? It's medical eyeliner," said Das.

"Medicalized eyeliner?" asked Gaz. "Do elaborate."

"Well, my eyes need a certain chemical in order to function properly," began Das. "Without this chemical, my eyes will swell up and explode, leaving me completely, and permanently, blind." Gaz looked at Das in a not believing his story kind of look.

"Really?" she said sarcastically.

"I'm being serious," said Das. "Do you honestly think that I'd make my face look like a clown because I think it looks cool? Most certainly not." Gaz thought about this for a minuet, it kind of made sense, but she decided to leave it as it was and not question it.

The bill, soon after, came. Das paid, and Gaz tipped. The two were then on their way out of the restaurant and heading home. They had not been walking for five minutes before Gaz had another question.

"So, you can't die?" asked Gaz.

"No, I can die," said Das. "I just won't stay dead."

"So you've seen the after life?" asked Gaz.

"Yes, what about it?"

"Well, what exactly is Hell like?" Das thought for a bit.

"Well, it's like a giant flaming pit, with a really long waiting line at the front gate," said Das.

"So it really is a punishment?"

"Not particularly," said Das. "It's just really hot and there isn't much water."

"Hmm, what's purgatory like?"

"Why are you so interested in what comes after?" asked Das.

"I want to know what I'm in store for, now answer the question."

"You're basically a ghost," said Das. "You're an invisible being that can't interact with the real world. All you can do is sit back, watch and wait."

"Wait for what?" asked Gaz.

"Admittance into heaven of course," said Das.

"Ah, so that brings to question, what is heaven like?" said Gaz.

Das stopped walking, with his eyes wide in surprise. He wasn't quite sure what to do for this question.

"I can't tell you," said Das. "If I do, then I'll never get in again."

"Why?" asked Gaz.

"Because if you know what heaven is like, then you know what a utopia is," said Das.

"And what's so wrong about that?" asked Gaz.

"God likes watching humans squirm and try to destroy him, when in reality, he gets the last laugh."

"Oh," said Gaz. "I see."

"But…" said Das, in attempt to answer her question. "I can give you an idea of what it's like."

"Without disobeying the rules?" asked Gaz. "Then by all means, show me."

Das paused again, he thought about how he could show her what the utopian after life felt like, but he could only come up with one thing, something that he wasn't quite sure would quite explain it all.

"Well?" asked Gaz. "What is it?" Das then pulled the knife that he had used on the pizza and his parents and handed it to Gaz.

"You might want this," said Das. This puzzled Gaz.

"What for?" asked Gaz, holding the tip of the knife towards Das unintentionally.

"For this," Das the leaned in and kissed Gaz. (GASP!!)

This was most unexpected. So unexpected, that in the shock of it all, Gaz quickly moved the knife to stab Das square in the heart. The wound caused Das to stop his stunt, mainly because it killed him. As the knife settled in his body, blood was forced out of his mouth and on to Gaz' lips (Oo, morbid love). Shortly after this, Das' body fell to the ground cold and limp. Gaz just stared at his body. It seemed to be smiling. Gaz then felt a breeze blow the body away as ashes. She watched as the ashes flew off into the moonlight.

"Well…" said Gaz, wiping Das' blood off of her lips. "That was…interesting." Gaz then continued her walk home, still holding Das' knife.

A while later, she got to her house. Before she went into the house, she looked out to the moon that was very large and low that night. In the moon's bright glow, she could see the same silhouetted figure that she saw at the beginning of the episode perched on a rock, staring at her with large white eyes.

"…well," said Gaz after much delay. "I think I'll like heaven…I guess."

End of episode 17 prt 2

Gasp! This was an idea given to me by my older brother. I didn't want to do a romance, but this did seem like fun. Plus it helps me kill the following pairings: zagr, gagr, gatr, and dagr (The d standing for Dib). And I like killing off parings. Do know to all you romance haters that I will never focus on the relationship between these two as much as I did in this episode. It's just supposed be a kind of: 'oh yeah, we like each other, now for something completely different' kind of thing. I hope you liked this ep, please review kindly. Episode 18 is coming soon!

Copy right Jhonen Vasquez/Invader Zim


	15. Episode 18: Cephalopod land

Sorry about the strange twist ending in the last episode for those of you that didn't like it

Sorry about the strange twist ending in the last episode for those of you that didn't like it. This one will be way more IZ style. This means a lot of random humor. Yay random humor!!

Episode 18: Cephalopod land

"GIR!!" Yelled Zim, as he hooked his PAK back into his…back.

"Yes my master!?" saluted GIR, who quickly got up off of the floor from which he slept.

"I'm fully charged now, so that means…um…it means….what does it mean exactly?"

"It means that you can now function properly for your next dastardly plan?" said Das, who popped out of a random cardboard box, sending foam peanuts flying everywhere.

"Ah yes, thank you Das," said Zim. "Now, for my next evil plan!!"

Zim paused for a few moments with his finger pointing in the air towards nothing in particular. After this pause, he put his finger and arm down slowly, and widened his eyes in curiosity.

"…hey," began Zim. "What is my evil plan?"

"Did you even have on?" asked Das.

"I think I did."

"Noooo you didn't," said GIR, stuffing his face with the foam peanuts that came from Das' box.

"SILECE!!" Zim thought for a while longer. "Wait a minute; I don't have an evil plan."

"Seeee…?" said GIR.

"Wow," said Das in astonishment. "GIR was right. But…then that must mean…" Das suddenly picked up a rench and threw it at the back of Zim's head.

WAHM!!

"Ow! What on Irk was that for??"

"I wanted see if I wasn't dreaming," said Das.

"Don't you throw a rench at yourself to see if you're not dreaming?!"

"How could I throw a rench at myself? And secondly, I wouldn't feel the pain that came from it remember?"

"So what did throwing it at me accomplish!?" Zim was now very angry…duh.

"…Nothing I suppose, but it sure was fun."

"Yippee!!" Exclaimed GIR, who picked another rench out of his head. "Fun time!!" With that, GIR threw his rench at Zim's head.

"Stop throwing stuff at ZIM!!" exclaimed Zim. Suddenly, a random metal box was thrown at him, hitting him square in the face. (This box is about the size of a car engine.)

"This has got to be the best dream I've ever had," said Das with his arms full of many random objects with which he would throw at Zim.

"I like nap time," said GIR holding up a police car, with the officer still inside, screaming for help.

**Four hours later…**

Zim now laid on the ground, covered in bumps, bruises, and concussions of many a variety. Das and GIR were going around the room, looking for more stuff to throw at him.

"Aww," said GIR with a sad face. "There's no more throws for master."

"It's okay GIR," said Das. "I think we now know that we aren't dreaming, because you're acting dumb again."

"…what?" asked GIR, staring blankly at scary child.

"That's more like it," said Das with a show of appreciation. "Now come on, lets go have some of that super toast."

"YAY! BODY ALTERING CHEMICALIZED WHEAT PRODUCTS!!" exclaimed GIR.

"Sabotage!!" exclaimed Zim, immediately sitting up, still covered in concussions.

"What?" asked GIR and Das in unison.

"We'll sabotage a mechanized human gathering place, and when the masses of humans come, the work we'll have done will cause so much destruction and death…that…I'm still working on that part, but it sounds like an evil plan!"

Das and GIR stood their blinking for a few more moments. They weren't sure what to make of this plan.

"Zim, I think this plan could be horribly flawed," said Das in concern.

"How could it be? All we do is plant some explosives, press a button, and presto; you death, destruction, grief, and the consuming of small children."

"…Zim, is that you talking, or the concussions?"

"I thinks it's his tummy tumors," said GIR, munching on a giant chocolate bar.

"What? Hey, where'd you get that?" asked Das.

GIR looked at Das, then to Zim, and then back to his candy bar. "Hey, candy!!" GIR then shoved the whole treat into his mouth, leaving huge melted chocolate mess all over his mouth.

Das and Zim just stared at GIR for a while and then continued their original conversation.

"Anyways," began Zim. "The only thing that the concussions are doing, is keeping me from remembering the goal of this plan." Das suddenly slapped Zim across the face. "Ow! That's it! The goal of this plan is to cripple humanity, by destroying a very important symbol to them."

"There we go," said Das. "Now I'm seeing what you're going for. Alright, sabotage it is, where did you have in mind?"

Zim paused for a moment with mouth open and ready to speak. He was surprised when nothing came out.

"…I…didn't think that far ahead," sighed Zim.

"What, why not?!" asked Das.

"Well, the fact that I came up with this in like two seconds with multiple fractures to my head might have something to do with that."

Das lowered his head in contempt. This was ridiculous. He was working with a complete and utter boob. But as Das grumbled to himself, he got an idea.

"Wait, what if we sabotage Cephalopod land?" suggested Das.

"What?"

"It's the world's largest and most popular amusement park," began Das. "If we destroy their largest rides, and the park itself, it will not only cause great loss of human life, but also the loss of humanities greatest joy next to TV; adrenaline. Plus, Dib is going to be there, so we can get him out of the way."

"Perfect," said Zim. "...wait, how do you know that he'll be there?"

"…I have my sources," said Das, stroking the spot where Gaz had stabbed him a few nights ago.

"Now that is what I pay you for," said Zim.

"You…don't pay me."

"Damn straight, now come on, we need to get some explosives. Come on GIR."

"Yippee! "I'll get to explode!!"

Professor Membrane pulled up in front of the amusement park and opened the side doors so that his kids could exit the car.

"Now remember kids," began Membrane as the left the car. "Stay together at all times, and don't throw up on any rides."

"Don't worry dad," said Dib proudly. "We won't get sick when we ride these things." Membrane paused for a bit and blinked at his children.

"Ahahaha!" he laughed. "That's right, sick…uh, you're my funny child."

"I thought I was your funny child," said Gaz looking up to her father in an angry tone.

As soon as Gaz said this, Membrane immediately closed the doors to his car, and zoomed off, never to be seen again.

"That was weird," said Dib after staring at his dad's cloud of smoke for a minute or two. "What do you think he meant by that?" Gaz just shrugged her shoulders.

"Say, weren't we taller and older, Gaz?" said Dib, noticing that he looked like how he did back in sixth grade.

"Not that I can recall," said Gaz, not looking up from her game slave.

"Hmm," thought Dib. "I guess you're right, oh well."

"CEPHALOPOD!" exclaimed a man that had just jumped out of moving bus into the concrete of the park.

The two then walked pass the crazy screaming maniac that lay on the ground, and into the park happy as two children entering a Cephalopod themed amusement park could be.

As Dib and Gaz entered the park through the main gate, Zim, Das, and GIR came in through the back, shouldering three large bags of explosives.

"Can I help you sir?" asked the man at the gate (He has a really high pitch obnoxious voice.)

"Yes, filthy stink of meat," began Zim. "We require admittance in to this park. _Admit us NOOOWWW!!" _(He rolls his voice in the italic part.)

"I need to check what in your bags first sir."

"Very well gatekeeper," said Zim. "You may check our bags for…wait, what are you checking for?"

"Oh you know," said the gate keeper. "Weapons, explosives, stuff like that." Zim and Das both pulled at their collars in distress.

"Gyaiiahai!" they said in unison.

"CEPHALOPOD!!" yelled a man that had just entered the park.

Zim and Das only diverted their attention from the gate keeper for a moment to stare at the annoying man that had yelled the name sake of the park. They soon turned back to the man checking their bags.

The gate keeper opened all of their bags. Inside he found a bunch of red wax sticks with timers and fuses.

"Just some high-tech birthday candles," said the gatekeeper. "Okay, you can go in."

"Excellent!!" exclaimed Zim. "We shall enter now!!"

"Wow," thought Das. "This guy is a moron."

"Yahh!" said GIR from his doggy suit. "Birthday boom!" With that, the three walked into the park, carrying their bags of exploding doom.

(Yeah, I realized that the whole making them older was completely retarded, so I set it back to what they looked like in the show. Except Das of course because he was never in the show.)

**Three hours later…**

"Wow!" exclaimed Dib, coming off of a ride that had something to do with 20,000 leads under the water. "That was incredible! What did you think Gaz?"

"…meh," said Gaz with her hair blown completely backwards. She then cracked her hair back into place. "I guess it was fun."

"Great, now for the next ride!" Dib then bounded off to the nearest ride, which was apparently a standard roller coaster that had live squids shot at the riders at various points through the ride. "Oh, with this one you have to sign a liability sheet, so you know it's good!" Dib quickly signed the sheet and jumped on.

Gaz slowly walked off the last ride she was on and headed over to a bench to sit down and play her game.

"Come on Gaz!" called Dib. "You've got to try thi…" Dib was cut off by a squid being shot at his face.

SMACK

"Mmmm!! Mmmm!" said Dib, with the squid rapping around his face.

Suddenly, the ride started up, and shot off down the tracks, with squids being shot at everyone.

"Yah!! Squid fest!" the whole car cried.

"CEPHALOPOD!" yelled one of the passengers.

Soon the train left the station, and went about giving its riders joy as well as a face full of squid. Gaz, on the other hand, was still sitting on the park bench, playing her game, paying no head to the loud murmurs of her brother that could still be heard over the loud noises of the train running along the tracks.

On the other side of the park; Zim, GIR, and Das were looking on a park map determining where they would meet after all of their explosives had been planted.

"Hmm, according to this map, we're somewhere around…here!" said Zim pointing to a large red star on the map.

"How did you figure that out, Zim?" asked Das sarcastically. "By using some advanced Irken satellite technology?"

"Yes, how did you know?" asked Zim happily. Das slapped himself square in the face.

"I was being sarcastic."

"Well how else would I have found out where we are?"

"Well, there's some writing beneath the red star saying YOU ARE HERE!!"

Zim observed the sign for a bit, focusing primarily on the writing in which Das had described.

"Hmm…hmm…hmmm…SILENCE!!" screamed the little alien in his contacts.

"Say," said Das shortly after Zim's spiel. "Didn't you have a holographic disguise like Tak's before?"

Zim observed himself, and then his 'brilliant' contacts and wig.

"FOOL!! Zim needs not to lower himself to Tak's level!!"

"Your and mine views of lowering are two very different aspects, Zim."

"…SILENCE!!" screamed Zim. "Well, anyway, we'll meet back here after all the bombs are planted. Once we all meet, we'll get out of the park, and detonate this garbage riddled excuse for entertainment…"

Zim stopped his sentence to see GIR in his doggy suit ridding on one of the coasters, surrounded by some attractive teenage women, as well as a goat and a pig. This angered Zim very much.

"GIR!!," yelled Zim. "Get down here!!"

GIR noticed his master's cries of anger, and needed no more explanation to get off of the ride despite the fact that it was still moving.

"I gotta go guys," said GIR to his new friends. "I'll see ya later." With that, GIR screamed something in Scandinavian and jumped off the ride. GIR soon landed in front of his master's feet, smiled to Zim, and gave him the thumbs up.

Zim gave off a brief sigh, grabbed one of the three bags of explosives, and handed it to GIR.

"Now GIR," began Zim. "I need you plant these on all of the rides on that side of the park (He's pointing toward the south). When you're done, get back here and wait for the rest of us, you got that?"

"…YES!!...wait…YES!" said GIR rather high pitched in voice. He then snatched up the bag, and ran toward the direction in which Zim pointed out.

Zim and Das then turned toward each other with a kind of 'what the hell' kind of look on their faces.

"I don't know why," began Zim. "But I don't think we'll ever see him again."

Das nodded in agreement, grabbed his bag of explosives, and went to his assigned section of the park.

"Excellent," said Zim after a long while. "Now then…what was I doing?...ah…AH yes!! Time to…um…ZIM!!"

Zim then threw his arms in the air, shook them around for a bit, grabbed his bag of explosives, and went to his chosen area of the park.

Dib had just gotten off of the ride, with the squid still clinging to his face. He grabbed the squid and ripped it off which much difficulty and pain.

"Whew, that was fun," said Dib with a smile on his face. "It's a good thing that squids are like children, easily disposable." Dib then chucked the squid into a nearby trash can, and began to walk off.

"Wait a minute," said Dib thinking a bit. "Children aren't easily disposable…or are they? Ah well, I guess I'll find out someday."

Dib continued to walk toward his sister, whom was still playing her game. He then sat down on the bench next to her.

"You missed a great ride Gaz!" said Dib happily. "You sure you don't want to ride it?"

Gaz just continued to look at her game as she played it, as she responded to her brother.

"If I want a mouth full of squid, I'll go to Bloaty's for their sushi pizza," said Gaz with a hint of grimness to her voice.

"Bloaty's has sushi pizza?" asked Dib. "I'll have to try that some time. Say, speaking of Bloaty's, what happened the other night with Das?"

"You mean you weren't spying on us the whole time?" asked Gaz sarcastically as she looked up from her game.

"How could I? I spent the whole evening in my room trying to figure out if I was racist…WHICH I'M NOT!!"

"Dib," began Gaz. "You're about as racist as your head is big."

Dib had to think a bit about this comment.

"…MY HEAD IS NOT BIG!! AND I AM NOT A RACIST!!"

"Sure you're not Dib," said Gaz, looking back to her game. "Sure you're not."

Dib gave his sister a sour look. He soon shook the look off, and returned to what he was trying to talk about.

"Anyways, what did you two do last night?"

Gaz continued to play her game. As she did, she pointed her finger to a ride near the other side of the park. Dib looked in the direction in which she was pointing. He saw a small Bloaty's outlet with children devouring pizza.

"Come one," said Dib, still looking at the pizza parlor. "You two did more then just…" Dib suddenly paused.

He looked beyond the pizza parlor to see Zim climbing amongst the beams of one of the rides, carrying dynamite.

"ZIM!!" said Dib angrily. "Hold that thought Gaz, I'll be right back." Dib then rushed off toward the ride which Zim was planting his explosives on.

"Finally," said Gaz, seeing that her brother had run off. "Alone at last." Gaz then continued to play her game.

Unbeknownst to Gaz, Das was just reaching the ride which her brother had just come off of.

"Well," said Das over looking the rather large line of people waiting to ride. "This looks like I could cause a lot of damage." Das then reached into his bag, and pulled out the last of his explosives and planted them under the car station of the ride.

"That should do it," said Das rubbing the FLITH off of his hands. As he did, a squid was shot right at his face.

**SMACK!!**

"Mmmm!! Mmmm!!" Das then put his hand on the squid's back, and activated one of his hidden knives, stabbing into the poor eight appendage creature, killing it, and thus causing it to fall off of his face. "On second thought, I don't think that this ride will be needing these all that much…aw well, I already planted them." Das then jumped down from the ride and in front of Gaz (un-intentionally).

"CEPHALOPOD!!" yelled the crazy park going octopus lover from a nearby trash can.

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP!!" shouted Das.

Das stood there for a moment and realized that he was about seven feet away from Gaz. Seeing this, he walked over to her, as he did, he grabbed the chair of a near by salesman, just before the man could sit down causing him to fall flat on his rump. Das placed the chair in front of Gaz, who by now had realized that Das was there, and had turned off her game, and sat down.

"Now what a funny coincidence this is," said Das, beginning the conversation. "You and I being here in the same park on the same day at the same time."

"I told you I was coming here," said Gaz. "Remember?"

"I was being sarcastic."

"So was I." The two just sat there in silence for a bit.

Mean while with Zim and Dib, Dib had just reached the ride which Zim was planting his explosives on.

Dib stood in front of the massive ride and glared at Zim, who didn't really seem to notice the large headed child.

("MY HEAD IS NOT BIG!!" Vas!! What the…never mind.)

"Zim!!" cried Dib. Zim heard Dib's cry and looked over to him.

"What do you want!?" asked Zim sincerely.

"I'm going to stop you!!"

"…I don't care about your bowel movement problems earthling!!"

"What!?" Dib was confused, for he was completely ignorant of Zim's hearing problems. "No! I'M…GOING…TO…STOP…YOU!!" Zim finally got what Dib was trying to say.

"I'd like to see you try earth stink!"

"Then just sit back and watch you alien menace!!" (Wow that was rather bad ass of Dib)

"…I don't want to go to Venice!!" yelled Zim.

"Oh…never mind!"

Dib jumped the fence that kept people from going under the ride. He then proceeded to climb on cross beams that made up the rides structure. Zim saw that Dib was climbing rather quickly. He set the last of his bombs and activated his spider legs. Zim then lunged toward Dib, grabbing the boy and wrestling him down about twenty feet until they hit a beam that kept them from falling the remaining ten feet.

"Gyah! What was that for!" yelled Dib, trying to put his back into its proper position.

"I'm going to stop you…from stopping me from…wait…I AM ZIM!!"

"Oh shut up you stupid alien," said Dib, jumping onto Zim and forcing the alien down to the beam, continuing their bout.

"My brother keeps asking me what happened between us last night," said Gaz breaking their silence.

"You mean he wasn't spying on us?" asked Das.

"That's what I said."

"What did you tell him?"

"What you just asked me, turns out that he was to busy contemplating if he really was racist or not."

"Ah, I'm sure that he doesn't want to be, but he just his naturally," said Das.

"I'm not sure if it works that way," said Gaz.

"Well if it works for what kind of person you're attracted to, then why wouldn't it apply to what kind of person you're prodigious against?"

Gaz remained silent; she then looked over to her brother who was fighting Zim on the roller coaster.

"Shouldn't you do something about that?" asked Gaz.

Das looked up to the ride.

"Bleah…I guess I should," said Das. "Oh, and before I go, what handed are you?"

"…um…left…?" said Gaz not quite understanding what Das was getting at.

Das then took off his black BDU jacket, revealing his two hidden knife appliances. He then took the left one off, and handed it to Gaz.

"The next time your brother gets on your nerves, use this," said Das.

Gaz slid the appliance on and switched on the knife, which popped out of the device quickly and smoothly.

"I think that people are going to notice this," said Gaz. Das then threw her his BDU.

"The sleeves are long enough to cover it," said Das. "Well, got to go, I'll see you latter." Das then gave a bow, and ran off toward the ride.

Gaz inspected the knife, and then flicked it back into the device.

"…nice."

Das continued to run for the ride, pushing people in the crowd away as he passed them. He soon came to the fence that Dib had to jump to get to Zim. Das continued to run for the fence, when came to it, he put his foot on to the fence, and then pushed himself from them fence and onto the passing roller coaster train. He grabbed onto the train, and pulled himself into the car, which was occupied by two boys.

"Oh…sorry for the in-convenience, but I'm just passing through," said Das nodding to the two children. Das then jumped off of the train and on to the beams again, and continued his course.

The two boys in the meanwhile just stared in aw at how Das could do that. They looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and went on enjoying their ride.

Zim and Dib were still fighting on the other side of the coaster. Their little bout soon found them on a beam located directly above the tracks, where the cars passed by very quickly and dangerously.

"Give it up Zim," said Zim with his hands around the alien's neck.

"Give up? Zim doesn't even know the meaning of the word!"

"Obviously, otherwise you would have left this planet long ago!"

"SILENCE!!"

The two continued to fight, with the cars passing beneath them.

Das saw Zim and Dib fighting on the other side of the ride. He then continued heading there by jumping from beam to beam. It wasn't long before he was on the beam just above theirs. Das grabbed on to the beam, and swung himself down, and kicked Dib with his feet together, forcing Dib back a few feet.

**Kick!!**

"Omf!" cried Dib clenching his stomach. "What was that for?!"

"I can't let you kill my employer," said Das activating his other hidden blade. "Now enough gab, time for violence."

Dib got up and Das clenched his fingers around the blade as to give him better control over the weapon. The two looked each other in the eyes, and without a moments hesitation, charged toward one another, screaming at the top of their lungs.

(Wow, fighting on a roller coaster, could you get anymore epic?)

Das got about a foot away from Dib when he made the first move, attempting to cut Dib with his blade. Dib dodged this rather easily. Das then retaliated by swinging his fist with the blade still sticking out from is clenched hand with even more speed and grace. Dib began to back away from this fury of sharp swinging steel. As Dib backed away, Das advanced, eventually leaving Das to chase after Dib who ran backwards away from the blade wielding assassin.

Dib was running out of rail to run along, so he did the only thing he could think of, something that he had learned from his encounter with Ms. Grinenstafull, (despite the fact that the event with the large Nazi women hadn't really happened). Dib jumped up and grabbed on to another cable, then swung his feet to hit Das square in the chest, with enough force to send Das back several feet.

Das flew backward, hit the rail on which he and Dib were fighting, and then slid off of the rail and onto the track just below them, smashing his spine right on the train rails.

**Kick! Smack! Slip! SMACK…AGAIN!!**

"Gyah!" cried Das in mild agony.

"CEPHALOPOD!!" yelled the random man from another one of the rails.

"Will you shut up you crazy man!?" snapped Das.

Das cracked his neck and turned his head to the source of a strange rumbling noise. As Das turned, he noticed that another one of the trains was heading at full speed right for him.

"…oh you've got to be kidding me," said Das right before the train ran over him, splitting him into three pieces.

The ride sent his legs, torso, and upper body out into all directions, which soon turned into ash before they could hit the ground.

Dib and Zim, meanwhile, held their vomit from projecting due to the grim sight that they had just witnessed.

While the two regained their stomachs over the next thirty seconds, they soon regained their composer. Dib then turned toward Zim, and began to head over to the alien as to finish what they had started. Zim just stood there with a cocky expression on his face. This didn't stop Dib from charging the alien.

As Dib charged, the reason for Zim's confidence was shown. Out of no where, a small and un-forceful explosion of ash came up, and Das came out with his blade out again. Das then brought his feet together and kicked Dib right in the middle of his forehead. This knocked Dib down and sliding off of the rail. Dib soon caught the rail with his hand as to prevent him from falling to the tracks that had so brutally killed Das.

**Poof! Shing! Kick! Smack! Grab!**

"Ah!" screamed Dib in pain and fear. "How did you…" Dib was cut off by Das cracking his neck again.

"Death is merely a set back Dib," said Das as he positioned his boot over Dib's hand. "The sooner you realize that, the sooner it won't matter after you fall."

Dib looked down to the ground and then to Das' boot.

"You wouldn't," said Dib. "You don't have the guts to kill someone."

As Dib said this, Das stepped on Dib's hand, forcing Dib to let go and fall.

"Oh, and one more thing," added Das as Dib began fall to his doom. "It's not the fall that kills you, IT"S THAT LOUD SPLAT AT THE END!!" This erupted a crooked and evil smile across Das' face.

Das and Zim then began to laugh at this. Their laughter soon ceased when they heard no splat.

"What splat?" asked Zim. "I don't hear any splat, WHERE IS ZIM'S SPLAT OF DIB!!"

"Well," began Das. "If it's the loud splat that kills him, and we hear no splat, then that must mean…"

"That I'm not dead," said Dib standing on the rail just below the tracks beneath Zim and Das.

"Why was that there!?" exclaimed Zim.

"Um…building support?" asked Das sincerely.

"Uhgg…good help is so hard to find these days," said Zim throwing his hand across his face.

As Zim moaned, GIR flew up on to the rail on which Zim and Das stood.

"Sir," said GIR entering into duty mode. "All explosives have been set and are ready for demolition."

"What, are you sure?" asked Zim.

"YES!" said GIR happily leaving duty mode.

"Excellent," snickered Zim. "Now all is ready. DAS! Give me the button!"

"But…if you blow the explosives now, we'll all die," said Das scratching his head as he inspected the demolition button.

"DO NOT QUESTION ME!! I'M IN CHARGE HERE!!"

"Since when?" asked Das.

"Since I landed on this planet and let you join my evil plan."

"…oh yeah," said Das handing Zim the button. "But I'm telling you, you'd better wait to blow this thing until we get off of it."

Zim paid no heed to his assistant's warnings and turned to Dib.

"Ha! You can't stop me now Dib! I'm about to blow this coaster and the whole park to kingdom come!"

"That's your plan?" asked Dib. "Why would you blow up just one amusement park?"

"SILENCE!" screamed Zim. "Now, prepare to feel the wrath of Irken explosives!"

Zim pressed the button, causing all of the dynamite that had been planted on the rides to flash. Soon after the started flashing, they all popped and sent out large streams of confetti. As the confetti flew, it soon settled all over the park, causing a stir among the guests of the park.

"Yeah!" they all cried. "Birthday party!!" The multitude of people then began to dance to music that had randomly been cued for the occasion.

"Cephalopod!" cried the annoying screaming man again.

"Will you shut up!?" shouted Das. "My god!"

"Wow," said Dib looking at the confetti everywhere. "That is some wrath. I'm going home." Dib then climbed off of the roller coaster and walked away.

Meanwhile, Zim and Das looked over the confetti covered park in confusion and anguish.

"I don't understand!" shouted Zim. "Why did my dynamite give us colorful synthetic entertainment, rather then doom and boom?" The two thought about this for a moment.

"Oh yeah," said Das. "I forgot to tell you that I put all of the dynamite into GIR's bag, and instead gave us these birthday explosives."

"Why on Irk would you do that!?" Zim was now very irritated.

"So that when they checked our bags, they would think that we we're only bringing in birthday stuff…which they did."

"Oh…okay, I'll buy that. But what happened to GIR's explosives?"

The two turned to GIR, and found him taking bolts out of ride and eating them.

"Figures," said Das. "He probably ate them."

"Uhgg…aw well," said Zim. "I'm tired." Zim then proceeded to climb from the ride.

"Me too," said Das.

"Zeppelin!!" cried GIR.

"Not now GIR," said Zim getting to the bottom of the coaster.

"But…"

"No buts GIR," snapped Zim. "We're leaving."

GIR bowed his head in disappointment and followed his master and Das. As the three left the park, a Zeppelin could be seen flying in the background. The Zeppelin then suddenly and without warning exploded, and came crashing down into a conveniently placed gasoline factory.

End of episode 18

Sorry about the wait. I started school in early August so I've occupied with a lot of homework. I think it is only fair to warn you all that I will most likely be posting one episode a week at best. So don't get mad at me if I don't post for a while. Episode 19 is coming soon! Or later. Which ever comes first? Please review.

Copy right Jhonen Vasquez/ Invader Zim


	16. Episode 19 part 1:The Anti Zim

This episode idea was pitched to me by my co-author Christian Kunitz (Yes, he's my little brother), so let's all give him a big hand for his brilliant idea.

Episode 19: The Anti-Zim

"And so class, through stem celled research we have been able to develop cloning, but not before the killing off over thousands of poor doomed fetuses that were subject to the cruel and demented experiments of stem cell research," said Ms. Bitters finishing her lecture.

"Um, I didn't think that was how stem cell research worked," asked Crysta.

"Well then how does it work?" asked Bitters sounding rather annoyed.

"I…don't know," said Crysta.

"So how would you know better?"

"…um…"

"That's right; now keep your comments to yourself."

"So, could you clone me?" asked DJ, the child sitting next to Crysta.

Bitters pressed a button on her desk. Suddenly a giant tube like thing came out of the ceiling and placed itself over DJ's head. The device then began to glow and make horrible noises of pain, most of which were DJ's screams. After about a few seconds of buzzing and pain, the device lifted off of DJ and reveal that he had been perfectly cloned.

"Ooooo…" said the class in astonishment. Zim looked at the process and thought for a moment.

"Hmm…interesting," said Zim in his thoughts.

"What's interesting?" asked Das coming out of his nap on his desk.

"Huh?! Stop doing that!" shouted Zim.

"Zim…you know the saying thoughts speak louder then actions?" asked Das.

"No."

"Oh, then never mind." Das put his head back on his desk and continued his nap.

The class was still admiring the brilliance of DJ's clone.

"See Crysta," said Bitters. "Now what have you learned from this?"

"…don't disregard the teacher's wisdom," moaned Crysta.

"Good, now I'm going to call maintenance to have the DJ's clone disposed of." Ms. Bitters picked up the phone on her desk and dialed for maintenance.

No sooner had she dialed in to maintenance had they crashed through the wall of the class room and approached DJ and the clone. The two maintenance workers looked at each other and then to Bitters.

"How do we tell which one is the clone?"

"I don't know," said Bitters. "Just take both of them."

"What?" said DJ and the clone in unison.

Suddenly, the two were grabbed by the maintenance, who exited the room by crashing through an unbroken part of the wall. As they left the room, DJ and the clone's screams could be heard diminishing into the hall.

The class looked out to the hall and then to Bitters.

"In conclusion students, clones have no place among society and will thus never be used."

"Then why do you have cloning equipment?" asked Dib.

Bitters just looked and Dib in annoyance and pressed another button on her desk. These triggered and muzzle to be shot out of the wall and on to Dib's mouth.

**BAM!**

**Smack!**

**Ow!**

"Mmm…Mmmm!!!" cried Dib, trying to describe the pain of his Muzzle.

"Hehehe," snickered Tak evilly.

"Yes Tak," said Bitters. "You should snicker evilly at your class mate's pain. You get an A." Bitters then tuned to the class. "Now go home."

As Zim and Das walked back to the base, Zim was discussing with Das his latest plan.

"The lecture today inspired me Das," began Zim.

"How, are you going to make a clone army and start a clone war? Cause that idea has already been taken."

"Nonsense," said Zim. "For that I'll make droids."

"Once again Zim; already taken."

"What?! Ah well, that wasn't my plan anyway."

"What did you have in mind then?"

"If one of me is pure amazing ness, then imagine if there were two Zim's."

Das looked at Zim with a kind of: 'you've got to be kidding me' kind of look.

"Zim, every one knows that if you clone yourself in order to take over the world, then the clone will stab you in the back, and take matters into his own hands," said Das.

"And everyone knows that you're beginning to lose your heartless touch to Dib's sister."

"I deny nothing, but this plan won't work."

"…YOU'RE LIEING!! Anyway, I have a good feeling about this."

"Zim, maybe you should wait for your last failed plan to blow over," said Das.

As he said this, a thing of flaming toilet paper flew over their heads. Zim and Das watched this flaming toiletry go by and set a bush on fire, which set a thing of tiny purple cats running in every which direction.

"…nah," said Zim. "We'll be fine doing it now."

"Uhgg, I have a bad feeling about this," said Das.

A while later, Zim, Das, and GIR were all in the base's cloning chamber. Zim was adjusting some dials while Das and GIR sat by watching him eating popcorn.

"Why don't you two help me instead of sitting there and eating?" asked Zim rather venomously.

"We would, but I have no idea how to set a cloning machine and GIR will most likely just wreck it," replied Das. Das threw another piece of popcorn into his mouth. "Besides, you know I think this plan is stupid. The moment it turns on you, since I did nothing but warn you, you'll have no one to blame but yourself."

Zim twitched his eye at this.

"Fool! The only thing that Zim blames himself for is his genius!" yelled Zim. "Not that you know because you have no genius to speak of."

"Besides the whole joining the Irken Empire and making excellent fondue?" said Das smugly. "And my numerous pick up lines, along with incapacitating Dib by revealing to him that he's a racist, as well as dropping a brick on his head in a future that never happened?"

Zim twitched his eye again.

"…SILENCE!!" cried Zim. "Anyway, I just finished the final adjustments to this thing, now we can make the ever _brilliant_ clone of ZIM!!"

"But won't the cloney turn on you master?" asked GIR with butter all over his mouth. "And take control of your mission…and…aheh!"

Zim looked at GIR in surprise.

"What, you too?" asked Zim.

"Yeah, every one knows that master," said GIR happily. Das gave a smug look.

Zim gave a long pause before returning to his standard composer.

"SILENCE! THE PLAN IS DELICOUSE! IT CAN NOT FAIL!!" cried Zim. "OR TURN ON ME!"

Zim went to into the cloning pod and turned to Das.

"Das, press the red button on left control panel, and that will start the cloning sequence."

Das walked over to the keyboard and hit the red button. This caused a spring loaded boxing glove to come down from the ceiling of the pod and hit Zim in the head.

**Boing!**

**Smack!**

"Gyah! No the other red button!" cried Zim. "The one on the left!"

"Why do you even have the button?" asked Das.

"Does it matter?"

"Hmm…I guess not." Das pressed the button on the left and started the cloning sequence. "I was just curious."

GIR, meanwhile, was sucking on suck monkey, and coughing excessively. Das turned to the little robot with a worried look on his face.

"Why do you do that to yourself?"

"It tastes good!" cried GIR happily.

"You're a robot, how can you taste?"

GIR shrugged his shoulder and continued to suck and cough. Das just shook his head and turned back to the cloning machine. It was almost done.

The machine gave a few more buzzes and cries of pain from Zim before opening its doors and letting the excess smoke come out of the device.

As the eerie fog left the machine, two very similar silhouettes could be seen standing in the cloning pod. The first one stepped out, it was Zim. Then the next one, which was the clone, stepped out. All knew that it was the clone because he looked so very different from Zim.

Rather then wearing Zim's standard Irken uniform, his garb had a back torso with needle thin maroon strips going across his chest and repeating the pattern all throughout the torso area. The arms were a darker maroon with black needle thin strips that repeated and his eyes were a much darker red then Zim's.

"…that's not a clone," said GIR disappointed.

"Ah, but he is my clone," said Zim reassuringly. "I just 'modified' him."

"What do you mean by 'modified'?" asked Das.

"Well, you said that an exact clone would get confused and believe that he was the original and try to replace me, so I made him my polar opposite, so that way he would know that he's a clone."

"I never said that," said Das. "also, you shouldn't have made him your polar opposite."

"…well why not?" asked Zim after looking at his brilliant clone one more time.

"Boy, I sure love Earth," said the clone. "I feel it to be my sworn duty to make sure that the horrible Irken Empire doesn't take over this wondrous and beautiful place!"

The clone then had a cord come out of his PAK, which was a reversed color to Zim's, and smacked Zim across the room.

**Swish!**

**Smack!**

**Crash!**

"Omf!" cried Zim in pain, as he hit a jumble of storage canisters.

"That's why," yelled Das to Zim, who was now at the other side of the room.

"I'm going to make sure you never harm this planet again!"

Suddenly, the Anti-Zim heard the cocking of a modified bolt action riffle from about fifty paces behind him. (Wow, that's rather accurate.)

"Not if I can help it," said Das raising the riffle to his eye.

**BAM! **Went Das' gun.

The Anti-Zim saw this and quickly dodged, letting the bullet pass by and blow GIR's chocolate pudding out of his hands. GIR stared at his hand, empty with pudding, and had tears beginning to swell in his eyes.

"…sniff…sniff…NOOOO!!! MY PUDDING!!!" cried GIR. Suddenly the robot went red, switching to duty mode. "YOU WILL SUFFER FOR THE DEATH OF MY DELICOUSE STORE BOUGHT PRODUCT!!" With that, GIR's head opened up and a multitude of guns were released, all aimed at Das.

"…Um…it was him," said Das pointing toward the Anti-Zim.

GIR took one quick glance and the dark clone and opened fire.

"Meet your maker piggy killer!!!" shouted GIR.

"I thought he killed your pudding," said Das. GIR stopped firing for a moment and went back to his standard mode.

"…oh yeah." Suddenly GIR switched back to duty mode. "MEET YOUR MAKER PUDDING KILLER!!" GIR then recommenced his firing patterns, causing more harm then good to the base.

The Anti-Zim moved quickly to dodge GIR's projectiles. He soon landed in a clearing of debris, just as soon as GIR had run of both ammunition and care for what ever it was he was angry about.

"I'm hungry," said GIR, switching from duty mode to normal mode. "SAMWHICH TIME!!" GIR then activated his jet feet and blasted up to the main floor to make him some…wait, that can't be right…um…egg's benedict?

Anyways, the Anti-Zim stood there with Das' riffle pointed at him as well as Zim's spider legs ready to do serious damage.

"Grr…it is clear to me that I cannot defeat you two by my self," said the Anti-Zim.

"Of course you can't," said Zim. "Given you are a clone of the ever _brilliant _Zim, but every one knows that the original is always the better."

"Ahem," said Das, hinting to Zim that he helped as well.

"Do you have a cough Das? You should get some medicine for that," said Zim, not sounding all that concerned.

Das just rolled his eyes and continued to aim at the slippery little nuisance of a clone.

Suddenly, the Anti-Zim's PAK revealed his spider legs, which blasted a hole through the roof of the lab, making a tunnel to the surface. He then activated a jet pack with which he began to quickly rise up into the tunnel.

"Here me now maker!" yelled the Anti-Zim (uhg, I'm just going to call him Lect from now on.) "I will be back! And next time, I won't come alone!!! AHAHAHA…*cough*…AHAHAHA!!"

With that, Lect flew off into the tunnel. Das and Zim just looked at each other.

"It's kind of funny," began Das, breaking the silence. "I could have sworn that someone warned you that this would happen. I wonder why?" (You can hear the sarcasm in his voice.)

"What do you think he meant by 'not coming alone'?" asked Zim, changing the subject.

"I believe it means that he's going to gather allies," said Das, putting the riffle away.

"Allies," laughed Zim. "Like who?"

Meanwhile on the planet Vort…

A defeated Resisty officer was on his knee's begging for mercy from his tall black eyed captor.

"Please don't kill me!" pleaded the Vortainian (Oh, and this guy isn't Lard Narr.) "I'll tell you what ever you want!"

Zet brought the glowing edge of his blade right up against the Vortainian's neck.

"Oh yes…," he said evilly. "I know you will." As Zet said his evil pick up line, a light ringing noise came from his PAK. "Oh, um, could you hold on a moment?" asked Zet, lowering his sword. "I have to take this." Zet's PAK began to flash until it was glowing black (and yes, black can glow). "Hello?...yes…who are you?...uhuh…yeah…alright…oh really?...go on…excellent, I'm in, I'll be there immediately…okay…you too…bye." Zet turned back to his Vortainain prisoner.

"Well guess what, I just got a new job offer and now I don't have time to torture you for information," said Zet with a light smile.

"Oh, well that's good news," said the Vortainan sounding rather relived.

"So I'm just going to kill you now and get the bounty for your dead head."

"What?"

Zet then proceeded to cut the Vortainain in half, and then jump into his ship to fly off.

Also meanwhile at the Membrane home, Dib sat on the couch with his sister playing a video game.

"Oh come on!" cried Dib, who was obviously losing. "Cut me some slack here!...please?" Gaz continued to concentrate at the screen.

"…no." Suddenly the phone rang.

"I'll get it," said Dib pausing the game and heading over to the phone. As soon as Dib had left the room, Gaz un-paused the game and continued to play without her brother.

"Hello?" asked Dib, picking up the phone.

"Is this Dib…um…Dib…what ever your last name is?" asked a familiar voice.

"Zim?" said Dib, recognizing the voice. "What do you want? Is Tak trying to destroy the world again and you need my help to stop her...again?"

"Oh yeah," said the voice. "I also need to make sure that Tak doesn't destroy the world. Anyways, I'm not exactly Zim."

This was most confusing to Dib. What did he mean by: 'not exactly Zim'?

"What do you mean by: 'not exactly Zim'?" asked Dib. (See?)

"I'll explain it to you later," said the voice. "Just meet me and Zet at the old abandoned warehouse."

"Wait, which old abandoned warehouse?" asked Dib. "That sounds rather vague, and who's Zet?"

"LOOK KID, I'M TRYING TO STOP ZIM FROM DESTROYING THE EARTH! IS THAT ENOUGH EXPLANATION FOR YOU!?" shouted Lect.

Suddenly, all Lect could hear was a dial tone.

"Huh, hello?" As Lect tried to figure out what had happened, Dib came bursting in through the doors of the warehouse he was calling from.

**BAM!**

**SMASH!**

"*Huff, huff, huff*," panted Dib. "Alright…*huff*…what…*huff*…do you want…*huff*?"

"Wow," said Lect raising an eyebrow. "I guess that was enough reason to get him over here."

Dib looked at Lect. He looked like a much darker version of Zim. But Dib had no way of knowing that it wasn't really Zim (well, I guess he kind of is Zim, but not really…uhgg, I hate clones).

"Oh crap!" yelled Dib. "I knew it was you Zim. You just wanted to draw me out so you could destroy me!"

"But…I'm not…"

"Well I won't let you!" Dib grabbed an empty cardboard box and threw it at Lect. "Take that alien scum!"

Box lightly glided across the room, and bounced off of Lect's head with a squeak, doing nothing at all to the clone. Lect looked at the box and then to Dib.

"Look Dib, I'm not Zim…well, at least not the same Zim that you've been fighting for the longest time."

"Are you saying that you're turning over a new leaf?" asked Dib (Wow, what an idiot)

"What? No, don't take this metaphorically," said Lect sounding a little annoyed. "What I am is…" before Lect could finish his sentence, Zet's Bleed Runner burst through the ceiling and made an abrupt landing. Zet soon after burst out of his ship, did a few flips in the air, and made a perfect landing about 10 feet to the left of Dib.

"Hello," said Zet. "I'm not…late, am I?"

There was a long pause, which was broken by Dib quickly throwing a smaller box at Zet's head, which also did nothing but squeak on impact.

"So anyway," said Zet, looking toward Lect. "What're we doing here?"

"Well if you people would stop interrupting me, I WOULD TELL YOU!" shouted Lect. "RIG, get our guest some chairs."

"Yes master," said a red eyed SIR unit holding a table in one three fingered tri-jointed hand, and three chair in the other three fingered tri-jointed hand.

"RIG?" asked Dib. "What does that mean?"

"Robot Includes Gore," answered Lect.

"Ahhh," said Dib and Zet in unison.

The three then sat down at the table that RIG had set for them. After doing so, Lect stood up and began to speak.

"Now that we're all here, I suppose you're all wondering why it was I called you all here?"

"You already told me over the phone," said Zet.

"And you programmed your plan into me already sir," said RIG.

"If I were to guess, it would be to stop Zim…I mean, the real Zim…or…uhg, you know what I mean," said Dib, sounding confused.

"Wait, how did you guess that?" asked Lect.

"You kind of told me just a little earlier when I reminded you about Tak trying to take over the Earth as well."

"Ah yes, well, that'll save us some time then," said Lect sounding a tad relived. "Now all that's left, is how do we do it?"

"Do what?" asked Dib.

"Stop Zim, Das, and Tak," said Lect.

"I get the bounty on Zim and Tak right?" asked Zet. "Because if I don't there'll be hell to pay."

"Yes, you'll get Zim and Tak's bounty," said Lect.

"Oh, and I get to kill Zim's dark looking assistant right?" asked Zet again.

"Why don't you just take them all on huh?" asked Dib sarcastically.

"Shut up the both of you and let me finish!" shouted Lect. The suddenly stopped bickering and turned to Lect. "Thank you, now, I have it figured like this, we'll go for Tak first, she'll be the easiest to take care of. After she's been taken care of, we'll head for Zim and Das."

"You two can take care of Zim," said Zet. "I have a score to settle with Dis."

"IT'S DAS YOU MORON!" shouted a voice from the sky light of the ware house.

Lect, Dib, and Zet all turned to see Zim and Das standing over a broken skylight. Zim smacked Das across the face.

**SLAP!**

**Ow!**

"You fool!" shouted Zim. "You've ruined our ingenious cover!"

"We were standing over a broken sky light and just watching them," said Das rubbing his cheek. "It's hard to call that cover."

"SILECE!" shouted Zim!

"How did you find us!?" shouted Lect.

"I was able to plant a clever tracking module as you fled from our previous bout!" said Zim proudly.

Lect looked down at his ankle and noticed a rather large gauntlet looking device strapped to his…um…well…ankle.

"…how did you get that there without me noticing up until now?" asked Lect.

"Well…um…SILENCE!" screamed Zim. "I'm a clever genius!!!"

"Enough of this!" yelled Zet, pulling his laser edged sword (which had grown considerably bigger then the last time he appeared) out of his PAK. "I didn't off a perfectly good price just to come here and figure out how you placed a hockey puck sized tracking device on a clone that you were stupid enough to make!" Zet swung the exceedingly long sword, one handed, and tore down the roof, dragging Zim, Das, and GIR down with it. "Don't you know that whenever you make a clone to help you conquer a world, it just ends with the clone killing and replacing you? Everyone knows that."

Zim twitched his eye.

"What!? You too?!"

"Told you Zim," said Das and GIR in unison. Zim growled at this.

"Oh will you all stop talking and just proceed to die!?" shouted Zet, activating his serrated spider legs and firing at our three heroes.

**Zap!**

**Zap!**

**Zap!**

Zim and GIR quickly jumped out of the way. Das, however, was not so quick, and was hit, tearing him to shreds. The bits of his body that were left soon disintegrated into ash and flew off in a mysterious breeze as Zim and GIR raced out of the door and into the night.

**Sizzle!**

**Scatter!**

"Ha!" laughed Lect. "One down, three to go!"

"Um, actually," interrupted Dib. "If you count Mimi, Tak's SIR, then it's four."  
"Yeah, and if you count her ship, which seems to have a mind of it's own, plus that fact that the kid I just fried is going to come back in thirty seconds, that makes six," said Zet.

Lect gave a puzzled look. He then proceeded to do math in his head and on his fingers.

"4…5…carry the 9…divide by 2…drat! You're right!" yelled Lect. "No matter, we'll stop them yet! Here Dib, you'll need a weapon." Lect tossed Dib an Irken styled camera out of his PAK.

"How?" asked Dib inspecting the camera. "There's six of them, and only four of us. We're out numbered!...plus I only have a camera!"

"Not exactly," said Zet coolly. Suddenly Zet's bleed runner jumped up, smashed through what was left of the roof, came crashing down, and revealed that it also had a DP. "Better make that 5 to six. We're not out yet."

Dib's mouth was open wide with aw; Lect just looked at the ship and nodded.

"…nice."

"Thank you," said Zet.

Meanwhile, Zim and GIR raced through the woods, which were ever so conveniently placed between the warehouse, and the clearing wear Tak's makeshift base laid.

"Master, where are we going?" asked GIR happily.

"GIR, three of our most powerful enemies have joined forces in the sad attempt to eliminate us." Began Zim. "And though they stand little chance of eliminating the ever brilliant ZIM, they still pose a threat."

"Ooo," said GIR. "So where are we going?"

"I figure, that if they all teamed up to put an end to us, then we should team up with out own allies to put an end to them, so that's where we're going," said Zim, almost ashamed that he was resorted to doing this.

"Zim, that would be a good idea, but you don't have any allies other than myself," said Das, who had reincarnated right next to the two.

"SILENCE!!" screamed Zim. "We may not have any allies, but they have also set out to kill another enemy…that is also sort of our enemy…and…friend…acquaintance…bitch that wants me dead…person."

"I thought you didn't want her to be your ally?" asked Das. "You're not wavering on your decision are you?"

"Shut up Das," said Zim. "It is with great reluctance that I do this."

"…so where we going scary man?" asked GIR, referring to Das.

"Why I do believe we're going to give a certain scary purple lady a call," said Das.

End of Part 1

--

Okay, this was originally going to be one big episode, but since it's taking me so long, It'll be a two party episode. Kay? …DON'T HATE ME!!! *flinches*

Part two coming soon.


	17. Episode 19 part 2: The Anti Zim

Episode 19 part 2

Meanwhile in her makeshift base, Tak worked on her latest attempt to create a seed to make a proper base.

"Yes," she hissed evilly to herself. "Soon I'll have the proper facilities to take over this planet, and prove myself to the tallest…" Tak was suddenly interrupted by the side door to her ship being knocked open by Zim and Das, who were using GIR's head as a battering ram.

**Bam!**

**SMASH!**

This disturbance caused Tak to slip her hand, hit a wrong point on the device, causing a minor explosion.

Bam! *not bolded because it was minor*

The petite blast forced a small layer of soot onto Tak's face, making her squint her eyes slightly.

"See," said Zim, holding GIR at the front. "She didn't notice at all."

Tak turned around to face her ever most hated foe, twitching an eye on her soot covered face.

"I…was going… to have… a proper functioning base… as soon as I had finished that," said Tak, who was now very very very very very irritated. "But no, you had to burst in here, disrupt my focus, and…and…and…" Tak's voice continued to grow with rage.

"Zim, you're an idiot, you know that right?" asked Das.

"I'd say silence right now, but I don't think it would help," said Zim, staring paralyzed at the angry Irken female.

The camera shot now being on the outside of the ship. There was a loud, angry scream from Tak, followed by an explosion, which sent Zim, Das, and GIR flying through the air and hitting their backs against a rather large tree. As they hit the tree, a small stick of butter shot out from the other side.

**BOOM!**

**WAHHHH!!**

**SMASH!!**

"…ow," said Zim rather painfully, as they slipped from the mid point of the tree down to its base. "That hurt."

"For you it might have," said Das (remember, he cuts out his pain nerves).

"Woo! Let's do that again!" yelled GIR happily.

Suddenly, Tak jumped out of the ship, glided through the air, and landed at Zim's feet. She then grabbed him by the throat, lifted him in the air, and activated her spider legs, which were now poised to stab into his head.

"I…am done…dealing with your stupidity," hissed Tak. "Prepare to meet you're maker!"

"Wait, Tak, I can explain!" pleaded Zim.

"Oh I'll bet you can," said Tak. "Humor me before I kill you then."

"In the lecture today, I got the idea to make a clone to help me take over the world, but when I made him, I mad him my polar opposite and he turned on me and is now gather all of my enemies to defeat all Irken threats to this planet. So I decided that since I couldn't defeat him, his SIR, Dib, and Zet on my own, I decided to get you're help because according to their plan, they also plan on eliminating you too!" explained Zim very quickly.

Tak paused for a moment, blinking at what Zim had said. She then retracted he spider legs, dropped Zim, and proceeded to fall to the ground laughing.

"GYAhAHA! I knew you were dumb Zim, but come on! Everyone knows that if you make a clone to help you take over the universe, it's just going to turn its back on you do it itself! HAHA!!" Tak was now clutching her stomach from laughing so hard.

"Yeah, yeah," said Zim, now utterly humiliated in front of one of his biggest rivals. "I learned that the hard way, now are you going to help us or not?"

Tak then stopped her laughing, got up, and starred down at Zim.

"Give me one good reason why I should help you."

Suddenly, a large laser blast came out of no where, and destroyed the side pod that was attached to Tak's ship.

"NOO!! MY BEAUTIFUL BASE!!" cried Tak.

"See," said Zim. "It hurts when someone does that to you, now doesn't it?"

Suddenly (again), the Bleed runner burst through the trees and into the clearing, revealing its large razor sharp serrated side blades (these things are about the size of your kitchen table people). Lect and his company followed close behind.

"There they are!" shouted Dib.

"Yes Dib, we can see them," said Lect.

"How do you like my new toy?" shouted Zet to his terrified foes.

"Hardly new," said Das, finally getting up off of the ground. "It was the same ship you had last time."

"Grr, you."

"Yes, me. Surly you must know by now that it's not that easy to get ride of me."

"On the contrary my dark eyed friend," began Zet. "I was counting on it." Zet then hit a button on his PAK, activating a new feature, his battle armor. "I wanted to fight you at my full potential."

"I'm not your friend buddy," said Das pulling out a large combat knife out of his, now, un-buttoned straight jacket. (Okay, I totally stole that line from Dirty Harry, which was a Clint Eastwood film for those of you who don't know.)

Everyone took to their opponents: Zim to Lect, Dib to Tak, GIR and Mimi to RIG, Bleed runner to the Spittle runner (which had now gotten up), and Das to Zet.

"Make you're move," urged Zim.

"With pleasure, GET THEM!!" shouted Lect. "Bring an end to their tormenting of this planet!!"

"Wow," said Dib. "That cloning machine must have quite a bit a work to do to pull a personality like you out of Zim."

"Just shut up kill them you large headed smuck," snapped Zet.

"Come on! It's not that big! …is it?"

"Yes, it is," said all in unison.

"You guys stink."

"Look, can we just get to killing one another now?" said the DP from Tak's ship.

"Right" said everyone once more.

The two sides then charged at one another, screaming at the top of their lungs, soon colliding into one another, beginning their bouts (and by bouts, I mean it was mostly just slapping one another until I describe the fighting further).

As Dib charged Tak, he began to wonder how to fight someone with nothing but a camera.

"What am I suppose to do with this!?" cried Dib, about 10 steps away from Tak's angry spider legs. "Take her picture!?  
"Yeah Dib, you do that," said Tak sarcastically, who was now hovering over him. "In fact, I'll even pose."

The Purple eyed Irken then retracted her spider legs, landed in front of Dib, and punched him square in his big head. As she did, Dib accidentally hit a button on the camera, which caused it to take a picture. The flash went off, and literally hit Tak in the face, causing temporary paralysis's (By temporary, I mean 2 and a half seconds).

**BAM!!!**

**SNAP!!**

**FLASH!!**

**GYAH!!**

Dib got off the ground, rubbed the bruise on his large head…

"MY HEAD'S NOT BIG!!"

Yes it is, now anyway, he rubbed the bruise on his…head…and looked over at Tak, who was still stunned from the flash.

"Gyah! What the…?" said Tak, rubbing the effects of the flash off. "What was that?"

Dib looked at the camera, back to Tak, then back to the camera, and finally understood what to do. He gave off an evil grin and looked toward Tak.

"Smile," he said ever so evilly (I like evil). Dib then snapped another picture, causing the flash to hit Tak again. Dib did this repeating at Tak, making her constantly flinch in pain at the agony of the flash.

**SNAP SNAP**

**STUN STUN**

**SNAP SNAP**

"Ah! Stop it you fool!! AHH!!"

"HAHA, take that alien scum!!"

Completely oblivious to the pain of her mind, Tak's ship (controlled by the DP) was having problems with its opponent as well.

The Bleed Runner slashed in a seemingly never ending barrage of…um…slashyness, with the Spittle Runner left with only its talons as defense.

"Aug! Stop that!" shouted the Spittle Runner.

"Sorry, unable to comply," said the Bleed Runner in a very monotone sounding voice. The Bleed Runner then ducted under the Spittle and smacked right in the under belly, sending in flying into the air. With the Spittle now far up in the air, the Bleed shot up after its flying opponent.

In the air, now, the Bleed Runner smacked the Spittle Runner across the windshield. After being smacked to the side, the Spittle Runner had had quite enough of the Bleed Runner. It blocked the Bleed Runners next slash, and stabbed the Bleed runner in the hull with its spare talon.

**Smack!**

**Anger!**

**Swing! Block! Stab!**

"durggeeg…system breach…malfunction…" went the Bleed Runner, sounding most broken.

The Spittle Runner then hit the Bleed Runner with its tentacle…wire…things, sending the machine hurdling back down to Earth.

"Ha! Take that you slashing jerk!" sneered Tak's ship, as it watched it's damaged opponent hurl back down to the planet.

Meanwhile, RIG was handling GIR and Mimi with relative simplicity.

"Uhg, obsolete models," said RIG as he grabbed GIR by the face, and threw him against a tree.

**Smack!**

"Yeah! Bark!" yelled GIR rather happily. Mimi lunged at RIG with her really cool claw thing. RIG just moved out of the way of the claw, grabbed Mimi's arm, and swung her against the same tree that GIR was so happily enjoying.

**Smash!**

"…ow…" said Mimi.

"I like 'ow'," said GIR. Mimi looked at GIR with a kind of: 'good lord, why does my team mate have to have the intelligence of a paper clip, penny, lint, and gum ball?'

"Good lord," began Mimi. "Why does my…you know what, the narrator already said it."

(Yay, I broke the fourth wall!)

"Heheheh, I think I'll wrap this short, yet highly entertaining, dispute." RIG then started to walk very menacingly over to his two downed opponents. As he lifted up his hand to make the final blow, GIR did what he does best…be totally randomatic and unexpected.

"NOOOO!! I want my cheese cube in my soda terrible elephant waiter!!!" (Before I go on, I really have no idea what I'm typing in right now, jsyk.) GIR then went into duty mode, and pulled a giant metal spoon out of his head. He then swung the kitchen item at the ground, got a scoop of dirt, and ate it. "I love the taste of vanilla!!"

"What are you talking about?" said Mimi and RIG in unison.

"WEEEE!! I'm gonna dance with you!" GIR then grabbed RIG and Mimi's hands and began to dance around in a circle, dragging the two flabbergasted opponents behind him.

"What is this madness!!?" exclaimed RIG who was now going through the total mind fuck so well provided by GIR.

"I think it's just him," said Mimi.

"How does one deal with this madness!?"

"I try and stay as far away from him as possible."

"I know what I must do!" shouted RIG. "I'm leaving!!" RIG then pressed his right eye (which happened to be a button) activating a self destruct sequence. The explosion it caused sent GIR, Mimi, Das and Zet (but not Zim, Lect, Tak, and Dib) flying off toward Zim's base.

**BOOM!!!**

**AHHH!!!**

The four flew through the air for around 5 minuets before crashing into the roof of Zim's base, and landing in the hanger area (which was vacant, due to the fact that Zim had flew the Voot off to the warehouse to spy on the clone and his company).

**CRASH!**

**PAIN!** (I think I'm going to stop with the sound effects, they take up to much space, along with these author's notes, you don't need my commentary.)

"…ow…that hurt," said Das, as he slowly got up off of the floor. As he rose from the ground, Zet jumped through the dust cloud and kicked Das square in the head, which sent him flying backwards into a wall.

"Gyah!" As Das yelped in pain (he got hit in the head, which is where his nerves grow back the fastest, simply because that's their origin point, and it's tough to get all of them out with out killing himself), Zet swung his ridiculously huge sword at Das' face. Das dodged quickly beneath Zet's feet and grabbed his combat knife that had fallen during he explosion. Holding it upside down, he proceeded to parry Zet's enormous swings with great difficulty.

"Ha! Come on kid," mocked Zet, swinging wildly with his left arm leaving the other hand limp. "Is that the best you can do with that toothpick!?"

"Um…actually, yeah," replied Das.

"HA! I KNEW IT! PETHETIC EARTH WORM! PREPARE TO MEET YOU'RE MAKER!" Zet swung for Das' throat. Das quickly jumped out of the way, and rolled into a hole to one of the lower levels created when the four had crashed through the ceiling.

"Not now, Zet," said Das as he dropped into the living room. "I saw already today, I would hate to be a bother on one as busy as him. But I'm sure he would enjoy your company." As Das said this, he pulled a long case out from under the case, and took from it his modified riffle.

Das then proceeded to fire several shots, each one failing to hit Zet on the floor above. The shots did, however, make a circle around Zet, which caused the floor to weaken, and give way under the Irken's weight. Zet broke through the ceiling and landed on his rump on the living room floor.

"Damn it!" said Das. "Why do I even bother shooting this, I can't hit anything!"

"Gyeh, little maggot," said Zet under his breath, as he activated the cord in his PAK that had a rather large blade at the end. The cord swung over and hit Das with such force that it sent him flying into the kitchen and down the trash can entrance to the lower levels of the base.

"Going somewhere?" said Zet, who began to lurch into the kitchen. "I think not." As Zet went to the trash can, Mimi thrust her claw at Zet's face. This attempt was in vein however; for the cord from Zet's PAK just swung over and smacked Mimi all the way back to the clearing where Zim, Lect, Tak, and Dib were still fighting.

As Mimi reached the destination of her flight, she fell quickly towards Dib's paralysis camera. As she did, Dib didn't even notice, and continued to snap flashes at Tak (wow, that sounded weird).

"Augh!! Stop that!! AH!"

"Ha! I'll stop the moment a meteor comes crashing into me!" said Dib. And as you may have guessed, as he spoke was when Mimi finally came crashing down into the camera, destroying the annoying device completely.

Dib was awestruck to see that an un-identified flying object had crashed into the one device that was both defending him from the supernatural and at the same time giving him the ability to prove his claims about UFO's and aliens. As Dib was trying to figure out if this incident of cruel irony had any significance, Tak realized that the flashes had stopped. Tak got up off the ground, brushed herself off and glared angrily at Dib, who hadn't noticed Tak's recovery, and was still bumbling about, completely dumbstruck.

"B…bu…I was…then that…UFO…alien…flashy…flying…toaster…?" bumbled Dib (yes, that's what bumbling sounds like.) "Uhgg!! Why me!!? Why world!? Why the irony!!!" Dib then felt something tap on his shoulder. He turned around to she Tak's extremely irritated face.

"I'll tell you 'why'," said Tak, making a fist.

"….yip…" went Dib.

"Because," began Tak. She then proceeded to kick Dib in the groin, and punch him in his large forehead. "Irony is a cruel mistress, and so am I." Tak then looked to Mimi, who was walking around in very dizzy circles from her flight. "Good work Mimi."

"uhgg…your welcome mistress…" said Mimi as she made one more dizzy circle, before passing out, and falling to the ground with a thud.

Meanwhile, several feet from where Mimi had just collapsed to the ground, Zim was locked in an epic spider leg battle with his human loving counter part. Dodging slashes from each other's mechanical appendages, Zim jumped backwards and perched himself on a tree branch.

"You un-grateful replication of perfection!" shouted Zim. "Why? Why turn on me, the one who gave you life!? WHY GOSH DARNIT!!??"

Lect just stood there, blinking at Zim as he was perched in the tree.

"…I'm a clone; it's just what we do. Didn't you know that?"

Zim was officially fed up with the phrase: 'If you make a clone, it will…' He would not here of it any more.

"That's it!!" shouted Zim. "I've had it with you and you're stupid betrayal simply because you're a clone! Let's finish this, once and…" but before Zim could finish his sentence, Lect had activated a giant laser from his PAK, and proceeded to open fire at Zim.

**ZAP!! **(Okay, I'm bad at keeping promises; sound effects are back in place, as well as my commentary.)

"WAH!" said Zim as he jumped out of the way, letting the laser incinerate the tree.

"Yes, lets," said Lect, re-aiming the laser.

Lect proceeded to fire a multiple of more shots at Zim, who continued to run around in circles, screaming like a little girl. As the two played their game of cat and mouse, Tak (who had finished her fight with Dib) sat on Dib's un-conscience body, eating a bag of popcorn, watching Zim and Lect fight.

"Hmm," she said to herself. "I don't know who to root for Mimi. Should I root for Zim, because if Lect beats Zim, then I get killed for serving the Irken Empire…"

Mimi, meanwhile, was still un-conscious from her fall.

"…but if Zim win's, then that's more of him that'll I'll have to deal with in the future." Tak sat their thinking, with laser blasts flying over her head, and Zim's constant screams for assistance. (She doesn't really seem to notice either.)

"…I've got it Mimi," said Tak to the un-responsive robot. "I'll flip a coin, heads: I root for Zim, Tales: I root for…um…the anti-Zim guy." Tak reached into her pocket, sifted around in it for a while, but found no coin to flip. She took her hand out of her pocket and thought for a bit more. After looking back to the fight momentarily, she made her decision. "I guess I'll just let that problem solve itself."

As Tak reached for another handful of popcorn, she was suddenly hit in the head and knocked un-conscience by an Un-identified flying GIR.

**WEEE!!**

**Bonk!**

**Thud!**

As GIR hit Tak, he bounced off and shot toward Lect's head, hitting it square in the right side with his antenna piece.

**Weee! ...again!**

**Stab!**

"Gyahhh!!" shouted Lect from the pain of having GIR stabbed in his head. "What it the…?! Get this thing out of my head!!"

"Woo! Let's do that again!!" shouted GIR ever happily.

"Huh? Um…I mean excellent work GIR! Now I'll finish him!" said Zim, poising his spider legs to strike Lect.

Lect pulled GIR out of his head, letting his cinnamon sugar blood seep out.

"What!?" said Lect, seeing the cinnamon sugar come of his head. "No, this can't be!" He then turned to see Zim ready to kill.

"Oh, but it is," said Zim evilly. Zim then lunged his spider legs, so that they stabbed into miscellaneous parts of Lect's body, causing his cinnamon sugar blood to spew everywhere.

**Stab!**

**BLEAH!!**

**Sssss…**

"Noooo!! Why me!? Why m…." before he could finish his last words, Lect disintegrated into a giant pile of cinnamon sugar, which GIR happily began to eat.

Zim stood there, watching GIR eating the pile of his former foe, and looking around, seeing the knocked out Dib, Tak, and Mimi, as well as the charred trees, and scorched earth from where they had been fighting, all the destruction, and realizing how quiet it had now become.

"…um…YES! Victory for Zim!" said Zim, throwing his arms into the air in glory. "Now lets go home GIR."

"Yeah! Home!" Said GIR, taking one more handful of Lect's delectable remains. And with that, the two began to walk back to the warehouse to recover the Voot.

Now, while all this mixed up jumble of randomness happened, meanwhile back at Zim's base, Das and Zet were still fighting.

Zet went down the trash can after sending Mimi on her way back to the clearing. Das had already made it to storage room: 8, which was a room devoted to Irken weaponry.

"Where are you, you little worm!?" shouted Zet from up in the elevator. "You can't hide forever!"

Das scrambled through the shacks of empty weapon holders, in a vein hope to find a self defense tool.

"Drat," said Das, realizing the Zim really had no weapons. "Why is it this Irken elite doesn't have single weapon?"

Das' search for armaments was cut short by Zet kicking down the doorway.

"I've had enough of this game of hide and seek kid!" shouted Zet, staring Das square in the eyes. Zet then activated a giant laser gun…thingy…from his PAK and fired at Das.

**Bam!! **Or **Zap!!**

"Damn," said Das to himself.

As the laser came toward him, Das made a quick jump out of the way. The laser hit the floor and made an opening to another room. Das peered into the room only momentarily and got an idea, an evil idea. The Das got a wonderful, awful, evil idea (Wow, total Grinch moment here). Das then jumped into the hole.

"Get back here!!" shouted Zet. Before Zet could follow, though, he was interrupted by GIR, who jumped on to Zet's head.

"WEEEEE!!! Lookit meee! I'm a moosey!!" shouted GIR, riding on Zet like horse.

"What the…! Get off of me you vile piece of scrap!!" Zet grabbed GIR, ripped him off of his head and through him through every level of the base, out into the sky and back to the clearing in the forest. "And stay off!!!!"

Zet's victory over the little robot was short lived, however. His snarling was cut off, by a very familiar sword blade, stabbing up through the floor, just beneath his crotch (yeah, that old chest nut).

"What the…!"

The blade then activated a laser edge and proceeded to cut a hole around Zet's feet. Rather then waiting for his footing to be lost to the sword, Zet jumped out of the way, and perched himself on a mountain of rubble. As Zet looked on, the floor piece fell, and Zet jumped out of the hole, holding what was apparently one of Zet's old swords.

"Pretty lucky of me that Zim made a room dedicated to different adventures he had," said Das. "Your old swords, the time space replacement machine, a piece of Tak's giant lava pump, all these things he kept in a very museum like fashion." (And yes, I stole that from Batman, rather my older brother who said I should do that.)

Zet wiped the startled look off of his face, and replaced it with a look of confidence.

"HA! You think that that hunk of metal can beat me? Kid, I've upgraded." Zet then swung around his huge sword around in a very elegant fashion, cutting down some ceiling supports. "They say size doesn't matter, but I'll tell you now kid, bigger **is **better."

Das activated the laser edge again and cut a taught wire that was next to him, letting the swords weight swing him around, causing chandelier to fall onto Zet.

**Slit**

**Smash**

**Ow!**

"It's not the size that counts," said Das, recovering from his swing. "It's how you use it."

Zet pushed the chandelier off of his pain induced body, and growled at Das.

"Grrrr, I've had it with you kid."

"So you've said."

"That's it, you're dead!!!" Zet lunged at Das, and was soon parried by Das, having to support his block by putting his hand on the dull back of the blade.

"You've said this all before, and it's not yet happened," said Das smugly. "You're not a man of your word, are you? (Insert sarcasm here).

Zet broke out of the blade lock and the two began their fight once more, putting the talk aside. They moved their way through to the upper levels of the base, with Zet seeming to be the better swords man (Yeah, Das isn't that good of a sword fighter, the only reason he had Dib on the run in _Moby Zim_ was because Dib was so much worse). The two soon reached the living room on ground level. Das was showing much signs of tiredness.

"Grrr," Though Das. "I can't keep this up for much longer. My muscles are to brittle and weak to swing this huge thing around." (FYI: Das' muscles are weak because of him constantly cutting out his pain nerves, he has to cut through is muscle to get to the nerves and thus weakens them.)

Zet soon realized that Das was at his limit, while he (Zet) still had strength to spare. Taking advantage of this, Zet made one powerful swing of his sword, knocking Das' weapon out of his hands, and then kicked Das square in the chest, sending him flying through the front door and into the street.

**Clang!**

**Kick!**

**Smash!**

Zet jumped out of the house and landed on Das, securing one of his boots on Das' throat.

"Gyah!"

"That's right you little whelp! Stay down as I cut your filthy little head in half!"

"Gyack!" Said Das, choking under Zet's boot. "How can you even swing that huge thing around?!"

"Oh, well you see, my PAK injects a kind of steroid into my arm and that gives me my AMAZING strength," Said Zet proudly. "Now enough of your trivia, time to die!"

"Well, at least I don't rely completely on my arm," said Das, flipping out a boot knife from the toe of his boot (Don't ask me why a 14 year old kid has all of these devices, I honestly don't know…yet). Das then threw his foot up and stabbed Zet just below the spine.

**Flick! Kick!**

**Stab! Pain!**

"Augghhh!! Zet fell to the ground in pain, kicking Das off to the other edge of the street. "You little bas…" before Zet could finish his sentence; he was crushed by falling, flaming, wreckage that used to be his bleed runner.

**BOOOOOMMM!!!...Splash…!?**

Das got up off of the ground and brushed himself off.

"Well…that was easy." Das then turned to his left to see the girl from the beginning of the episode, Crysta, sitting on her bike, looking at all the flaming destruction about the house in total aw.

"Yeah, you might want to get used to that," said Das. "It happens a lot around here, I've noticed." Das then left Crysta to pedal away, in total fear and confusion.

As Das headed toward the base, he picked up Zet's new sword and inspected it.

"Well, another for the collection." He then walked into the house, closed the door behind him, and began watching TV.

Zim and GIR had finally made it back to the house and found that it was very well damaged, and that there was unusual ship wreckage in the middle of the street.

"Ah! My beautiful base!!" cried Zim. GIR said nothing; he just stood there, happily licking the cinnamon off of his lips.

"Mm, clony."

Zim just looked at the robot and threw his hand over his face in irritancy.

"Come on GIR," he sighed. "Let's see if the inside of the base is as bad as the outside."

The two walked into the house. Zim looked around and saw the whole place was a mess. The ceiling had been completely destroyed, the kitchen was wrecked, and there were huge holes all over the floor.

As he looked around, he noticed Das, sitting on the couch holding a huge Irken sword, covered in cuts and bruises and watching TV.

"I got you a new one," said Das shaking the sword.

Zim was about to yell when he came to this realization:

"You know what; just forget it."

End of episode 19

--

My god that took forever. Well, seeing as how it's all over, lets all give a big hand to my little brother who devised the plotline for this episode. He's such a good little boy ^^. And lets thank me for finally finishing it (the episode that is). And a big thanks to all of you for reading and commenting. Stay tuned for episode 20, coming sooner or later, depending on how I feel.

Please review kindly

Copy writes to Jhonen Vasquez/Invade Zim

Das and Zet belong to me, Crysta belongs to a friend of mine, and everything else is the work of Vasquez and his buddies.


	18. Episode 20 part1: Irken Dinner Party

A while back, I read a fan story that involved the basic setting of this following episode (the exact author I'm not sure, but they had this setting). When I read the story, the setting they gave was genius, their story, not so much. So, if that author is reading; I hope you don't mind if I use this setting. I'm not stealing your story, just borrowing your stage, hope you don't mind.

Episode 20: Irken Dinner party

"So, we'll see you here in about…um…six months Invader Larb?" asked Purple to Larb, who was on his nearly completely conquered planet.

"Yes my tallest, you'll receive my full report on the current conquest then, Larb out!!" The screen went black and the Tallest checked another name off of the list.

"Okay, so with Larb down, every Invader has been sent a message to come to the 1rst annual Invader's convention!!" Said Red with enthusiasm, waving his arms about.

"Why didn't we do this for Operation Impending Doom 1?" asked Purple. Red just gave Purple a look of: 'you've got to be kidding me'

"…oh yeah," said Purple after a long pause. "Now I remember."

"Yeah, well, at let Zim won't be here too…" before Red could finish his sentence however, Zim popped up on the screen.

"Greetings my Tallest!!" saluted Zim.

The two tall Irkens jumped in surprise.

"AHHH!!" Zim, what are you…why are you…?" said the two startled leaders.

"Well, my tallest," began Zim. "I was looking through the Irken communication signals when I found out about the 1rst annual Invader's convention. I quickly chimed in to tell you I will be attending, being an Invader and all." Zim stuck his chin up proudly.

"Um…yeah, about that Zim, you see…" as Red was trying to find a way for Zim not to come, Purple chimed in, with an evil grin on his face.

"Yes Zim, we'll be waiting to see you there."

"Excellent sirs, well, I must get ready for the six month trip," saluted Zim. "Invader Zim, signing off!"

As the screen went black, Red turned to Purple.

"What the Irk is wrong with you!!!" screamed Red. "Now he'll come and ruin everything!! Dope!!!"

"Oh contraire my Red partner," said Purple floating over to the computer. "I just had a wonderfully evil idea." Purple then proceeded to type in something on the invitations to the guests.

"hmm; 'See Zim's Ignorance, watch him be a dope'" Read Red. Red turned to Purple with a surprised look on his face. "Huh, that's actually a pretty good idea."

"And you doubted me, silly fool."

Red smacked Purple across the face.

**SMACK!!**

"Ow! What was that for?" said Purple in pain.

"I said it was a good idea, but watch your tongue while you're around me."

As Red turned around, Purple stuck his tongue out, mocking his red counterpart. As he did this, the monitor switched on again, popping Tak up on the screen.

"Wah!" What the…!" said the tallest in unison.

"Greetings my Tallest!" said Tak on the monitor.

The Tallest were confused as to why Tak would be calling them.

"Why are you calling us?" asked Purple (see, they're confused).

"Well, my tallest," Began Tak. "I was looking over the Irken transmission waves, and I noticed that the top secret Irken Invaders convention and it seems you forgot to send me my invitation."

The two tall Irkens looked at each other, then at Tak, then at the new invitation they had drawn up to make a mockery of Zim, then back at each other, and then back to the screen.

"Oh yeah," the two said in unison. "We were just about to contact you about that."

"Oh yes, my tallest." Said Tak feeling flattered. "I knew you were, but I wasn't about to give you the hassle of dialing me up. I figured I'd save you the time and effort."

"Oh yes," said Red sarcastically (Tak obviously not picking up on that sarcasm). "Thanks for that. So we'll see you in 6 months I trust, at Conventia?"

"Why yes my tallest. I'll be there, oh how I'll be there."

"Oh, and before we forget," said Purple jumping in at the last minuet. "Zim will be there too."

"What!?" said Tak startled. "Why on Irk is he coming?"

"Well, you know how he gets, obsessing over the Irken internet waves and finding out about these things. We decided to have him come as a joke, you know, thinking he's an Invader and all. It'll be hysterical."

"Yeah, I guess it would be." said Tak, thinking about it for a minuet. "Well, how will we explain my being there? He knows I'm here on Earth and would find it strange that I was also an Invader on the same planet as him."

"Umm…" thought the tallest. "Hold on a moment." The tallest then retreated into a form of huddle, and whispered a few words to one another, nodded in agreement, and went back to the screen.

"We'll make him think…that you're here for the same reason that he's there," said Red.

"As a joke?" said Tak sounding disappointed and insulted. "The day that happens is the day that Lavaia freezes over." (It's a planet made out of lava…if it hints at Mustafar from Star Wars, that's totally a coincidence [it really is]).

"Oh come on," said Purple. "Just be the bigger Irken."

"I AM a bigger Irken then him."

"It's a metaphor," said Red. "Just go with it."

"But…"

"No 'buts' Tak, this isn't up for debate," said Red.

"…fine," said Tak in disgust. "I'll laugh at the irony in his laughter."

"There you go," said Purple.

"Alright, I'll see you all in 6 months, Invader Tak signing off."

The screen then went black as Tak finished her salute. As it shut off. Purple went back to the key board and added to the invitation they would send out to all invited and added the words: "…and Tak too. Yeah, it's gonna be a riot." Finishing the invitation, Purple hit send to all the real Invaders.

"There we go," said Red. "Now this is going to be funny as hell."

"Yeah," said Purple. "…gosh those two are annoying."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

"What I really want to know, is who's the moron that puts these secret meetings online?" asked Purple.

As Purple said this, one of the ship's navigators over heard their pondering and, quickly closed the uploading window to the latest secret Irken control brain barbecue.

"Good question…meh, we'll find that out later."

As the two laughed at their cruel joke (and puzzled at who was putting all their secret junk on the web), little did they know that they were being watched by a little man, and a group idiots with a stupid name.

Meanwhile at Zim's base, Zim was packing up the Voot cruiser for the long 6 month trip.

"Finally," he chuckled to himself. "A chance for me to show off what I've discovered about this planet and all its weaknesses."

"Which is information I gave you," said Das, who was talking on the phone to someone. "As well as information that you never use."

"Silence Das!" screamed Zim. "And pack your bags, you're coming too."

Das sighed, added something to whoever he was talking too, said something and hung up.

"I figured as much. Now is this thing formal or casual?"

"Huh?" said Zim, not understanding.

"Do I put on my Sunday finest or should I go as how I normally dress?"

"Oh, well if that's what you're asking, then bring something sharp. It's casual."

"Casual is what I would normally wear," said Das. "I don't dress all that sharp."

"Oh, then the Formal one," said Zim.

"Idiot."

"SILENCE!!!" Screamed Zim, waving his arms around. Das just rolled his eyes and limped toward for the door on a cane.

"Fine, I have to go home and pack, I'll be back in about 20 minuets."

"Very well, be here in no less then that time. If you come any later I'll…um…I'll…drat! What can I do to you that doesn't involve killing you...Das?" As Zim looked around, he noticed that Das was already on his way up to the surface.

"Grrr…" growled Zim. "If it wasn't for the Dib, I would hate that human more then any other."

"But why master?" asked GIR, holding large armful of rubber piggy's. "He's been so nice." Zim raised an eye brow at what the little robot said.

"GIR, of all the time I've owned you, out of all the ridiculous things that have come out of your mouth, that's got to be the most absurd thing I have EVER heard you utter." As Zim said this, a large anchor fell out of GIR's mouth.

_**THUD!**_

"Mhmmmmmmmm…"

As Zim, GIR, and Das were packing, so were Tak and Mimi.

"Hurry up Mimi," said Tak. "It'll Tak us the whole 6 months to get to the convention."

"Ma'am, what hurry are we in?" asked Mimi. "It's not like were going to be leaving anything behind."

Tak looked around and realized that the only packing she really needed to do was to put the newly fixed escape pod back into the ship, and they'd be ready to go.

"…hey, you know what Mimi?" asked Tak, who sounded very aggravated that she had been pointed out on an obvious mistake. "…SHUT UP!!"

Mimi jumped back in fear that she might get hurt by her annoyed master, though she silently chuckled as to making Tak look like a fool.

"Just get the pod inside the ship and let's get going," sighed Tak. "It'll take us a while to get there."

"Yes ma'am," saluted Mimi.

The two put the escape pod back into the main hull, and were ready to go. They hit the ignition and were soon on their way.

"I hope that little worm doesn't show up," said Tak as the two left. "I hope he doesn't."

"So wait, what is this?" asked Dib to someone over the telephone, he had been talking for some time now.

Gaz had been sitting down and playing her Game Slave II, and was getting rather aggravated with Dib's loud voice on the phone.

"Mhm…yeah…go on…oh, nice…yeah, that sounds like a great idea…oh heck yes!" exclaimed Dib in excitement.

"Grrrr…why can't you ever just be quiet?" said Gaz to herself.

"…okay, so I'll see you in about an hour? ...okay…yeah, my garage…okay bye." Dib hung up the phone satisfied. "Well Gaz, it looks as if things are turning around for me in my defense of Earth."

Dib looked around and noticed that Gaz had gotten up off of the couch, and was putting her coat on.

"Where are you going?" asked Dib.

"Out."

"Why? Where?" Dib was most puzzled.

"Some place quiet, Dib. Somewhere where I can sit in the company of others, and actually tolerate them being there," said Gaz as she headed for the door. "In other words; far away from you."

Dib felt a little hurt by this. But he soon regained his composer and looked back at his sister.

"Yeah, well…I'm going somewhere where I can…um…be with a common pursuit in interests and…um…wow this sounds really lame doesn't it?" said Dib, utterly confused.

"That and loud," said Gaz slamming the door behind her.

Dib was left alone, standing in the middle of the room, having only the harsh sarcastic words of his sister with him. He stood there, twitching his eye in a combination of rage, sorrow, and surprisingly hunger for a PB&J.

"I don't your criticisms!" shouted Dib, shaking his fist. As Dib screamed, he noticed that Gaz was already down the next street walking to her mysterious place of placiness. "…DANG IT!!!"

They left the base right at the time Zim had instructed Das to be back. They had been flying in space for sometime now, when the anxiousness finally got to Zim.

"Oh, this is going to be great!" shouted Zim with an evil grin on his face. "Soon, I'll prove to the invaders how much I've learned and how the superior conqueror of planets is ME!! ZIM!!!" He shook his arms in the air as he had so often done before. Zim was obviously very happy.

"Hasn't Scooge already conquered his assigned planet?" asked Das.

"Yeah, I did. And it was quite a while ago," said Scooge, who was sitting in a back seat.

Zim turned his head in disbelief to see Scooge sitting there.

"Scooge!? Why are you…? How did you…? WHAT IS THIS!?" shouted Zim, sounding most perplexed.

"You let me live in your basement after the Tallest shot me out of a cannon and I was left to die on Hobo 13, remember Zim?" (For those of you that don't know, Jhonen Vasquez and company had planned for an episode where Scooge would do such a thing. For those of you that can remember, this series was designed to come after the unfinished episodes. That's why Scooge is here, plus by keeping him out of the series for so long, this kind of a jump is quite a shock to you all…now laugh at the irony).

"Yeah Zim," said Gaz. "Even I knew that."

Zim was now not only totally confused, but now very scared that the scary sister of his arch enemy was sitting in his ship.

"Huh!? What in the…?! Das, what is she doing here!?"

"I was bored, and it's either this, which is a 6 month vacation from my annoying brother, or 6 months plus some with my brother," said Gaz. "…oh, and I can at least stand someone here (looking at Das). …I choose this."

"…yeah, what she said," responded Das to Zim's earlier question.

Zim sat there in aw. Nothing could possibly make this moment anymore awkward, scary, or confusing.

As I said that, GIR dropped from the ceiling holding a lamp and wearing a pigeon's nest on his head, with the bird still in the nest.

**BANG!!**

"…WOO! Do that again!!" exclaimed GIR.

Zim had had just about enough of all this spurratic random occurrence of events that seemed to be guide by some bored ass kid, waiting for his mother to come pick him up from a day that should have been a snow day.

"Alright!!" shouted Zim. "Is there anything or anyone else that wants to ruin Zim's moment of pure bliss and excitement!? _Tell me now…"_ As Zim said this, a huge object came and hit the side of his ship. Rattling everyone around inside of it.

**BANG!**

**RATTLE!!! (Oh, how it rattles)**

Zim quickly regained his composer and looked toward the window.

"ALRIGHT!! WHO DID THAT!!?" Zim was now clearly pissed.

As he gazed out the window, he saw a familiar looking ship. It was the Spittle Runner, with Tak and Mimi sitting inside. The two looked out their window at Zim and his party, and with the same ill hearted squinting eyes of death.

"What the…!? What, in the name of Irk, is going on!!?" shouted Zim.

"I have little time to deal with you Zim," said Tak, giving a piercing look of…um…death. "So I'll make this quick, hold still whole I end your little…"

"WHAT IS THIS!!!!??" shouted Zim, interrupting her. Zim was just so confused as to all these people popping up, that he ran to the back of his ship screaming at the top of his lungs. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

As Zim ran to the back and curled up into the fetal position, Das went up to the cockpit to talk to Tak.

"Hey, could you try killing us some other time?" asked Das politely. "I mean, he's kind of dead right now, mentally anyway."

"What the hell is going on over there?" asked Tak, looking very confused.

"Let's just say that things are getting a little crowded and unexpected, really quickly."

Tak thought about this for a few brief moments and shrugged the idea off, still not having a clue as to what was happening.

"Fine, I'll destroy you all the next time I see you, which will be soon. REAL soon," she then began to laugh to herself rather evilly, not realizing how evident she was making her laughter.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!"

Das just stood in silence and looked at Tak with an un-phased look on his face.

"AHAHahah…ha…um…*cough*" Finished Tak, now kind of embarrassed.

"…you're going to the same place as us, aren't you," said Das quickly and un-amused.

"Yeah."

"Okay, see ya then." Das then hit a button on the ship, which had them fly off away from this strange encounter.

After a few moments of zooming away, Gaz turned to Das and asked him.

"Is it going to be like this then entire way?" sounding rather annoyed.

"It's going to be a LONG six months," said Das shaking his head. The two just shrugged and continued to fly on ward, with Tak and Mimi followed closely behind.

Meanwhile, back on Earth, Dib was still pacing about the house, waiting for his guest to come.

"My goodness, where is he?" said Dib, looking at his wrist watch. "He should have been here…(he's checking the watch)…in five minuets!" Dib then paused for a moment and though about what he had just said. He then looked at his watch again, and realized that what he had said was (though accurate) very, very stupid. "Oh, that would explain it. Wow, I sure am impatient this evening."

Dib decided to stop pacing around the living room and go into the garage. This would have made more sense, seeing as he had told his guest to meet him in the garage. He entered the door and saw a shadowy figure, looming over head.

"Who's there!?" shouted Dib, sounding very scared. "Is that you?"

Dib then flicked on the lights, and saw that it was just one of his dad's experiment gribbles. The little creature then scurried onto the floor and sat at Dib's feet.

"Oh, it's just a rodent," sighed Dib, in relief. "For a moment I thought it was…" Dib's voice was cut off by a large laser blast which turned the poor little gribble. This made Dib jump up in terror into the rafters.

**ZAP!**

**BURN!**

**JUMP/AHHH!!**

"Oh, high kid, sorry I'm early," said Zet, who was standing right behind Dib when he had fried the gribble.

"W…w…why did you do that?" asked Dib, who was clutching for dear life on a large wire which hung from the ceiling.

"…I was board and wanted to see how high you would jump. I must say, I'm not that impressed."

Dib quickly leapt down from the rafters and landed flat on his rear. He got up, shook of the minor discomfort in his buttocks and turned to Zet. Dib looked and saw that Zet towered above him considerably. Zet must have stood somewhere around 5ft 4in.

"You didn't have to fry that gribble though," said Dib sounding very upset.

"I didn't have to, but I wanted too."

"Why!?"

"Why not?"

Dib just rolled his eyes and sat down in a nearby chair.

"So, what is it exactly that you wanted to tell me??"

"You and I have a common foe…well, quite a few common foes," began Zet. "I want Zim and Tak for the bounties on their heads, and I have a score to settle with that kid with dark lines under his eyes; and you want them to stop trying to take over Earth."

"…are you suggesting, that you and I work together to stop them?" asked Dib.

"Now you're catching on," said Zet with a grin.

"But, you work for their empire, so wouldn't you be acting as a traitor?"

Zet began to laugh at Dib's naivety. Soon, regaining his composer (yeah, I like using that word).

"Hahaha, child, I may be an official citizen of that rule, but I tell you now, I could honestly care less about what planets join it or not. All I care about is getting my job done and money in pocket. The empire can burn for all I care."

Dib was surprised, even though Zet had no true allegiance to the Irken empire, he was still as evil and ruthless as he had so often stereotyped many Irkens (if not more so). This made him uneasy, as to the fact that Zet was clearly loose cannon.

"Well, do we have an agreement?" asked Zet, extending his hand for hand sake.

"Um…" said Dib hesitantly raising his hand, still not sure. "…fine." said Dib grabbing and shaking Zet's hand. "What did you have in mind?"

Zet grasped and shook Dib's hand with and evil grin on his face.

"Excellent," he began. "Now, I have some information that will be of great help to us."

Zet Pulled up a table and a chair, and set them up in front of Dib.

"I was scanning through the Irken web lines and found out about this top secret Invader's convention, happening in 6 months."  
"Hold on a second," said Dib rather confused. "If this is meant to be a top secret convention, then why was the date and location given on the internet?"

"Kid, same as here on Earth, nothing escapes the web," said Zet, who actually sounded a bit annoyed with the concept. "Anyway, Zim and Tak will both be attending, meaning their bases are completely vulnerable right now."

"So is your plan that we teepee their bases while their gone?" Zet slapped Dib across the face.

**Smack!!**

**Ow!**

"What the hell goes through your mind kid?" said Zet rather angrily. "I was saying that we do some espionages/ sabotage."

"Oh," said Dib rubbing his face in pain. "Yeah, I guess that works too."

"Okay, seeing as there's two of us, we'll split up. I'll take Zim's base, and you take Tak's."

"Wait, why do we divide the bases like that?" asked Dib.

"Tak has just a tiny ship, and Zim has a small fortress," said Zet. "I have more armaments then you, so I'm better equipped to take on his defenses, and since I'm taking on his base, by default, you get Tak's."

"But, wouldn't Tak take here ship to the convention?" asked Dib.

"In today's fuel economy, the two would be smart to put up with one another for the trip and car pool."

"But you're assuming the two are smart and not very stubborn."

"No, I'm assuming that at least one of them is smart." said Zet. "Besides, I've seen the two work together, they can compromise whatever squabble they have again."

"They worked together?"

"Look kid, do you want to get this whole sabotage thing done or not?" snapped Zet.

"Okay, sorry."

"Don't be sorry, be quiet!"

"SORRY!!"

Zet rolled his eyes and sighed. The two got up from the table and headed for the door.

"Lets just get this done," said Zet, sounding irritated.

"Got ya," saluted Dib.

The two then parted ways, and headed off to their respected bases to do what Dib had always wanted to do; stuff.

Back in the Voot runner, Zim had finally come back from his whole little freak out…after 5 months. His eyes looked like hell, with huge dark bags under them, and his left eye had a bit of twitch to it. He swaggered his way over to the cockpit where he found Das leaning on his cane, looking out into space.

"Uhgg…" moaned Zim.

"Well, look at who's finally awake," said Das. "We were all pretty sure that you'd died." (Das shows little concern when he says that.)

"Uhgg, what happened?" said Zim, still very confused for what had happened…hence why he said that.

"Well, you were ranting about how great you were, then you realized that Scooge was here, then Gaz, then GIR fell from the ceiling, then Tak rammed into the side of the ship, and then you went crazy and collapsed into a coma for 5 months."

Zim blinked vigorously as to follow the stream of events that Das had just laid out for him.

"I was out for 5 months?"

"Yes," said Das looking back out into space.

"What did you guys do all that time I was sleeping?"

"Not much, there was a brief fire caused by a ham sandwich GIR was making, but aside form that, not much."

"Did you put the fire out?" asked Zim. As he wondered this, a brief flam came from beneath him and hit his rear end, sending him up the ceiling of the ship (which isn't that far, so he hits his head pretty hard).

**OW!**

**FIRE!**

**SMACK!**

"…No," said Das with a slight snicker.

As Zim brushed himself off, and quickly put out the fire with an extinguisher he had in his PAK. After doing so, Zim kicked Das in the leg that he needs the cane for, causing a great deal of pain.

"Gyah!!" screamed Das. You could see the pain in his eyes.

"That's funny," said Zim. "I don't remember you being able to feel pain, or needing a cane for that matter."

Das slowly got up, and rubbed his leg. He looked at Zim and smacked him across the face with his cane, sending Zim backward.

**Smack!**

"If you want to blame anyone for this change in physical reaction and this stick, blame her," said Das, pointing to Gaz who was playing Scooge in some game on connectable GS2's.

Zim looked at Gaz and then back to Das. Zim gave a bit of an angry frown to his co-worker, shaking his head.

"You disappoint me Das," said Zim. "One of the things I let you in on my operation was because you were ruthless and had little distractions."

"What are you saying?" said Das.

"You've gone soft, that's what I'm saying."

"I was tired of hitting him and not seeing anything happen," said Gaz. "It got a little freaky, so I made him grow back his nerves."

"So…you're making him grow back his pain simply because you like watching him flinch in pain?" said Scooge.

"Yep," said Gaz looking back to her game.

"No : "It makes you less human and I love you" BS?"

"Nope."

Scooge looked up to Das, who was getting back on his cane with a confused look.

"Of all the fish in the sea, you had to catch this one?" said Scooge with sarcasm.

"Don't patronize my choice in companion," said Das.

Scooge just rolled his eyes, and continued to get the stuffing beaten out of him in whatever game he and Gaz were playing.

"Well, that explains the pain, so what's with the cane?" asked Zim.

"With my nerves growing back, it's very painful whenever I walk on my leg. I need the cane for support."

"Ah, so if I took this away…" said Zim, snatching the cane from Das. "You wouldn't be able to move?" A smug evil grin grew on Zim's face.

As this grin grew, Das flipped a revolver out from under his sleeve and pointed it at Zim (Once again, I have no idea why a 14 year old kid has so many weapons. It's truly beyond me).

"No, you'll just give me my cane back."

Zim quickly gave Das his cane back, fearing to get hit by the obsolete, yet still considerably painful lead.

"Putting aside all this hurting one another nonsense," began Zim. "According to these coordinate things, we should be arriving at Conventia soon. So get ready."

Scooge went into the ship's backroom first to change. He wore the Irken military jacket over his standard uniform, and looked rather fitting. Zim threw on a similar jacket and buttoned it up all the way, looking like a dashing war hero in their prime. Das went next, throwing on an old fashion military dress uniform, with knee high cavalry boots, and his fancy cane made him look even more dashing. GIR quickly tied a blue bow tie around his neck. They had all finished dressing and the planet was in sight. Das looked at Gaz, and saw that she was wearing her street cloths.

"Um, Gaz, you do realize this is a formal event right?" said Das.

Gaz looked at Das, rolled her eyes. She then picked up a random power waxier and proceeding to polish her cloths until they sparkled. Everyone in the ship just looked at her in aw.

"…I guess that works," said Das, raising an eyebrow, not wanting to question what just happened.

Everyone soon forgot about the unusual incident and headed into the planets outer rim of ship parking and transportation to the planets surface.

The planet was now in sight. Tak could hardly wait to get off of the blasted ship she had been sitting in for 6 months now. She was rather annoyed with checking the same knobs and levers over and over again, and it was a nice change to see her desired destination before her.

"We're here Mimi," said Tak to her sleeping robot. Mimi got up slowly and blinked tiredly.

"Already?" said Mimi, having not noticed much, being asleep over half the time.

Now, as one can imagine, Tak was not to well thrill by her partners comment, having been sitting in the same spot for 6 months. So naturally, her reaction of smacking Mimi over the head with a random metal pipe was reasonable.

**SMACK!!**

"Ow!" cried Mimi. "What the bloody hell was that for?!"

"Don't ruin my state of bliss with your sarcastic comments, Mimi. I'll have no toleration for it."

"I wasn't being sarcastic," said Mimi rubbing her head in pain. "I've been sleeping this whole time and…" this didn't make Tak any happier, seeing as she gave Mimi another swift smack on the head with the metal pole.

**SMACK! ...AGAIN!!**

"OW! What was that one for!?"

"Stay vigilant," said Tak. "I can't have you sleeping on the job."

Mimi just rolled her eyes and continued to rub her aching head. She could feel a slight dent from where she had been hit. She growled bitterly and went to the back of the ship, looking for something to buff out the dent.

"You know Ma'am," said Mimi trying to be helpful, as to please her master. "Seeing as we're so close, shouldn't you change into your formal attire?"

"Ah, yes," said Tak, now reminded of the dress code for the evening. "Good call Mimi."

Tak then went into a side closet room to change. When she left the closet, she was garbed in a fancy purple and black coat, with huge wrists that went over her gloves. Admiring herself in the reflection from the windshield, she was rather impressed with herself.

"Mm, simply delicious," said Tak to herself. "What do you think DP?"

"Simply exquisite," responded the DP.

"You do look rather ravishing," said Mimi politely.

"Did I ask for your opinion on how I looked?" snapped Tak. Mimi jolted back, afraid to respond.

"N-no, you didn't, but I assumed that…"

"Never assume Mimi," said Tak angrily. "When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me. Understood?"

Mimi nodded her head, not wanting to provoke her master further. There was a long silence with Tak just staring out the window. After about 7 seconds, Tak turned to Mimi.

"So how do I look?"

Mimi just sighed and walked to the back of the ship.

"Why do I even bother?" she thought to herself. Mimi shrugged off the annoyance of her masters comments and turned back to Tak. "We'll be arriving at the docking station shortly."

Back on Earth, Zet was just arriving at Zim's base. He stood just outside the front fence, starring up at the hideously colored house. He scanned the lawn and noticed the gnomes. As his gaze continued, he grabbed the hilt sticking out of the back of his PAK. Grasping it firmly, he pulled out another sword, this one bigger then all the ones that came before it (this thing is freaking huge, how he can use it one handed is beyond me [not really, but still, it's ridiculous]).

"My god this house is ugly," said the black eyed Irken as he twirled around his ridiculously huge weapon, letting it casually tear up the ground beneath his feet. "It's by time that someone remedied this eye sore."

Zet began to walk toward the base when the lights inside began to flash.

"Hostile enemy approaching," called the computer. "Defense systems; activating."

The houses landscape then began to shift and change. The large satellite dish was pulled back into the house and replaced with some sort of laser thingy. The gnomes either turned into their strange bionic bug forms (seen in the episode with PEG from the series), or lifted their arms and shot out lasers at the oncoming intruder. A multitude of other devices such as robot arms, destructive wire things, and cyborg gofers were all unleashed to dispose of Zet.

Zet continued to approach the oncoming defenses. From his PAK extended a large blaster that positioned itself over his shoulder. Also, an exo-skeletal looking arm piece fitted itself on Zet's free arm. At the end of this new device, were two large blades with there own laser edges. Now fully armed, Zet held his ground starring at the oncoming opponents.

"Finally, something fun to do." With those words, the gofers, the gnomes, and all the other miscellaneous crap I mentioned earlier began to swarm Zet, who in turn proceeded to cut the endless horde down, one defense at a time.

Standing on the hill just behind Zet, stood Crysta (yeah, that girl from the last episode) looking in aw at all the random bad ass crap that was happening in front of the ugly house. Jaw wide open, she could barely believe what was happening.

"…I need to get more sleep," she said, shrugging it all off as a hallucination. She then got on her bike, and rode off into the night.

Meanwhile, in the woods behind the city, Dib pushed his way through the brush to the clearing where Tak had set up her make shift base.

"Dang these woods are thick," said Dib pushing some branches out of the way. "I hope that Zet was right and the two car pooled. It would really suck if I came out here only to find that…"

Dib's sentence was cut off as he entered the clearing. Upon entering, he looked around and saw immediately that Tak had taken her ship with her. As he gazed at the empty field, Dib twitched his eye in irritancy.

"…*twitch*…*twitch*…DANG IT!!!"

Dib threw his spy bug that he brought on the ground, smashing the tiny device into a thousand tiny little pieces (and one big piece). He then proceeded to through a crazy fit, throwing his arms everywhere, having a semi-seizure thing and began to somewhat drool from his mouth.

"GYSAYAFHAHSDFSDFSDFJDSLFSDLFSKJDFDSLJKFHYSDFDSKJFSDKJFJKSDHFLSDHFLKDSFKSDJHFLDSJKFHKLSDHFKLSDFH!!!...Okay," said Dib, recovering from his fit. "Now that I got that out of my system, that leaves only one more thing to figure out; do I stay here and wait for Tak, or do I go to Zet empty handed?"

Dib then began to ponder this question, and proceeded to go no where with it. So while he's rambling to himself about nothing, let's cut back over to the convention, shall we?

End of episode 20 part 1

Dang it, I was hoping to keep this epie to only 1 part, but it would seem that there was more going through my head then what I gave myself credit for. Aw well, the next part will be all at the convention until the end of the epie when they get back to earth. Just so you know. Not all the much silly-ness or productivity in this part as I wanted, aw well. Please review kindly.


	19. Episode 20 part 2: Irken Dinner Pary

Uhgg, I can't believe this turned into a two part-er. IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE THIS LONG!!! Aw well, this part will be by far more interesting then the first part, I guarantee it.

Episode 20 part 2: Irken Dinner Party

As Zim and his company walked along the planets surface, they could see the convention hall coming up over the next hill. Zim smiled, knowing that he was about to show his superiority to all the other invaders.

"We're almost there," said Zim, quickening is pace to make it there faster. "C'mon all of you, we don't have all day! The convention starts in half an hour."

Followed closely behind Zim was GIR, who pranced along happily as he fixed his bow tie. Skooge was doing his best to keep up, but he wasn't in as great of shape as the others, sweating like a pig (yes, I insult pigs pig-boy, now go fly out of a window and cry).

"*huff* *huff*," panted the chubby Irken. "Wait up Zim, I'm a coming!"

Behind Skooge was Gaz, who was tugging on Das' arm to make him go faster. Das, tried his best to keep up with his bad leg.

"C'mon," said Zim. "Stop limping and get a move on."

"I can't stop limping," said Das looking Zim square in the eye. "My leg isn't going to get better just like that."

"Pssch, whiner," said Gaz under her breath.

Everyone looked at Gaz, raising an eyebrow. She returned their looks with a silent/ innocent death glare. All quit their eyebrow raising and continued to trudge on. As they moved on, Tak and Mimi hurried a few yards behind them. As they quickened their pace, the two noticed Zim's group just ahead of them.

"Blast it," said Tak with minor rage in her voice. "They're ahead of us Mimi."

Mimi looked on at the struggling Zim group. Looking back to her master, she spoke.

"Why does that matter? It's not a race you know."

"Foolish Mimi," said Tak with an evil frown. "It's the principle of the idea. Who ever arrives first is the more dedicated and wanting to show to the occasion. In this instance, if they make it there before we do, it would put a bad mark on our record."

Mimi couldn't believe the over abundance of pride in Tak's voice and course of action. It's a stupid convention she doubted that the tallest would care if she came before or after Zim. Given, it would be bad to show up last, it's not that big a deal.

"Is everything a competition to you?" asked Mimi sarcastically.

"Not everything," said Tak. "Just things like this."

"So if you were on a race track, winning it would not be a competition to you?"

"Well, those kinds of things are also a competition, but that's their very definition."

"Ma'am, I think this whole arriving before Zim is just an arrogant and futile show of pride and superiority over him," said Mimi.

"Even if it is," began Tak. "I can't let him get their before me." Tak clenched her fists as she glared on, trying to figure out a way of getting there before Zim.

Tak looked around the area to see if there was a vehicle for her to use. Seeing nothing, she remembered her spider legs.

"Mimi, is there anything saying that I can't use my spider legs here?"

Mimi looked around and noticed a sigh. The sign had an illustration of an Irken with spider legs and there was a huge X over the character, indication that no spider legs were to be in use in the area.

"Well, there's that sign saying that you can't," said Mimi pointing at the sign.

As Mimi pointed, a large laser came out of Tak's PAK and blew the sign to kingdom come. Quickly retracting the blaster, she extended her spider legs, grabbed Mimi, and began to rush forward on her mechanical limbs of awesomeness.

"We'll get there before them Mimi," said Tak with a huge grin of confidence on her face.

Mimi was in a state of shock. Her master was going a little overboard with just trying to get to the now closer convention hall. Holding tightly to Tak's torso, Mimi braced herself.

"Ma'am! What are you doing!"

"I'm not about to let him get the better of me," said Tak, as they gained on Zim and company.

"This is insane!" shouted Mimi. "You're going to hit something!"

Tak raced toward Zim and the convention hall, her spider legs leaving sharp indentations in the ground beneath her. She seemed to be going somewhere around 50 mph, getting a lot of distance.

As Tak drew nearer to their group, Das perked his ears at what sounded like a stampede. Turning around to see what it was, he saw Tak, who was now extremely close to them, coming in at rapid speeds. Realizing that he didn't have enough time to jump out of the way due to his bad leg, Das did the best thing he knew he could do. Grabbing Gaz by her torso, he threw her to the side and yelled in a rather calm manner.

"Zim, I'd get down if I were you!"

As Zim, Skooge, GIR, and Gaz (who was now on the ground out of harms way, but still irritated that Das had threw her like she was some sort of football) saw Tak speed over, and trample Das with her spider legs (since these are spider legs, Das is more impaled then trampled).

**Stab stab stab!!**

Tak quickly threw Das' impaled body to the side, letting it hit the ground limp and turn to ashes. Zim, Scooge and GIR ducted beneath Tak's under belly and avoided the legs. As the slid under her, Tak came to a screeching stop and turned to Zim.

"What the heck are you doing!?" shouted Zim. "How dare you try to trample Zim!"

"I'm not going to give you the pleasure of getting to the festivities before me Zim," responded Tak, who didn't seem to realize that Mimi was gripping on to her for dear life.

"Why are you even here!? You're not an invader!"

"Ha, shows what you know," said Tak. She quickly turned away and began to race toward the convention hall.

Zim gritted his teeth in anger. He then activated his spider legs and grabbed GIR.

"If it's a race she wants, it's a race she'll get."

"Yah!" shouted GIR. "Zoomy!"

"Come on, Scooge," shouted Zim. "Get out your legs, we're not letting her get the best of us." Zim then darted after Tak, as fast as his spider legs could carry him.

Scooge activated his legs with much difficulty, and raced after them. Gaz got up, brushed herself off, and waited for Das to come back to life. Soon after, Das walked out of a near by building looking as fresh as he did before he got trampled. He then limped his way over to her.

"Sorry about throwing you like that," said Das. "You would've been trampled otherwise."

Gaz gave Das a good punch in the gut, making him collapse to the ground, having had the wind knocked out of him. "Just don't do it again," said Gaz watching him cough in pain on the ground.

"*cough!* *cough!* Understood," said Das with a slight chuckle. He soon got up, and the two began to race after everyone else.

Meanwhile, up ahead, Zim and Tak were neck at neck with each other, trying to get to the convention hall before the other with Skooge followed closely behind. Climbing over terrain such as small buildings, parked hover car things, and street lights, the race was getting more intense.

"Give it up Zim!" shouted Tak.

"Why? Are those legs also custom made? If so, they're the spawn of a shoddy craftsman…you," said Zim.

"Ha ha," said Tak sarcastically. "At least I can make something without it blowing up in my face."

"But what about the base seeds you're constantly working on?" said Mimi.

"SILENCE!" screamed Tak.

"You can't even make a simply base seed?" laughed Zim. "I was making those when I was smeet!"

"That doesn't say much seeing as you have the personality of one," said Tak.

That did it, Zim was had now had enough of her insults. Determined to end the race in his favor, Zim lunged one of his spider legs in front of Tak's line of walking.

**Shing!**

**Trip!**

As far as tripping Tak, his plan worked. However, Zim miscalculated something. Underestimating (or just forgetting entirely) Tak's own rate of movement, Zim's maneuver also tripped him as well. The legs tangled and broke out of the PAK's sending the two flying and stumbling to the ground.

**Snap!**

**Throw!**

**AHHHH!!**

As the two hit the ground, they skidded across for some time, before coming to rough stop in front of the convention hall doors, were an Irken guard stood with a guest list.

"Names?" asked the guard, who was completely oblivious as to the two's struggle to get their before one another.

Zim and Tak each said their name rather loudly at the same time. This pissed off the other a great deal. They turned to one another and glared angrily.

"Any guests?" asked the guard.

"None for me," said Tak. Hearing this, the guard checked her off and let her in first. As she headed in, she looked back to Zim and stuck her tongue out mockingly.

Zim was about to rush in and give her a good punch in the face, but the guard stuck his staff out in front of him.

"Hold up, any guests?"

"What? Ah, yes, they should be coming soon," said Zim looking back in rage.

As he looked out, he saw Skooge come up first. The poor chubby Irken struggled to move, even though he was using his spider legs (this guy clearly needs to get in shape). As he made it to the top of the hill where the convention hall was placed, he pulled in his spider legs and collapsed in exhaustion.

**Thud!**

"*Huff* *Huff*, Invader…*Huff*…Skooge re…*Huff*…-porting," said Skooge with much effort to the door man.

"Hmm…ah, there you are," said the Door man, finding Skooge's name on the list, though it was already checked for some reason. "Go right on in."

"Thank…*Huff*…you," said Skooge saluting as he walked in.

As Zim watched Skooge enter, he heard something from the inside. It sounded like someone was shouting 'imposter' over and over again. He also heard kicking, punching, biting and cheering. As Zim pondered what could be going on inside, a cab pulled up and dropped off Das and Gaz. Das Stepped out first, then helped Gaz out like a proper gentleman (hint here to all dude's reading. Be a gentleman to ladies, or else).

"Sorry we're late Zim," said Das walking up to Zim with Gaz on his arm (that's what one does with their date to formal occasions such as this). "I got a little held up in the afterlife, but we're here now."

Gaz just rolled her eyes and kept her un-amused kind of 'touch me and die' look on her face.

"Well it's about time!" snapped Zim (he is not very happy). "Because of you, Tak and Skooge got in before Zim did!"

"I'm sorry Zim," said Das. "I didn't know that getting in before a fat guy and a psycho-bitch was so important to you." Gaz snickered under her breath at Das' comment.

Zim clenched his fists in rage. He wasn't about to let Das make him look like a fool in front of a stranger who would probably never recall this event ever happening. However, Zim also wanted to send a good impression that he could control himself, to this stranger who would never remember this event ever happened. Zim turned to the doorman.

"Okay, we're all here now," said Zim giving a painful smile.

"Okay," said the doorman checking Zim's name off and writing a +2 next to his name. "Go right on in."

"With pleasure," said Zim, stomping his way over to the door.

As he walked by the doorman, GIR smiled happily to the doorman and waved. Das and Gaz just nodded to the Irken and walked right on in.

The four finally entered into the convention hall. As they looked around, they noticed the huge room was divided into three sections. On the far right sat a long table, which was there they would eat when dinner came. In the far left corner was a small dancing floor with a bar position next to it (with stools, small tables, and everything!). Also on the left side, but closer to the door then the dance floor/bar was stage with a big monitor position just behind it. In front of the stage were a bunch of Irken folding chairs (Das and Gaz have to sit like Irken's do tonight). This was obviously where the Invaders would give their presentations on what they had learned about their enemy planets. Splitting the right and left halves of the convention hall down the middle was a big red carpet, at the end of which stood the tallest and all the other invaders who were gathered around a big fight that seemed to be in escalation.

"Huh!?" said Zim, wondering what was going on. "What's going on!?" (see, he's wondering, you didn't believe me did you?...DID YOU!!??).

Zim, GIR, Das, and Gaz all ran up to see what was happening. As they elbowed their way through the crowd, they saw that Skooge and some much taller better looking Irken were on the ground fighting.

"I'm the real Skooge!!" Shouted the taller one. "The tallest told me so!"

"He's a lying imposter!!!" shouted Skooge. "I'm the real Skooge!!"

Comments like this and the occasional curse continued for some time. Everyone around was rooting for one or the other. Not sure what to do, Zim began to cheer for the real Skooge (mainly because Tak was cheering for the fake one). Das and Gaz just stood and watched, not really caring who won or lost.

The two Irkens scrambled across the floor, punching one another in the face, tugging at antennas, and a jumble of other miscellaneous painful things. They're fighting lead them to starting rolling toward a low window. As the two neared it, they didn't seem to notice that it was coming closer. They soon hit the window, and continued to fight, as they did, one of them accidentally broke the glass and the two rolled out into the street, not to be seen until some time latter that I have yet to decide.

**Punch!**

**More Punching!!**

…**Still more punching!!**

**Crash!**

**Punching continues!!**

**They role out and the sound of punching fades off into the distance!!!**

The crowd of people who were watching looked at the broken window. In disappointment that they didn't see who won, they all concluded that it was a draw. Now strangely, earlier, people had placed bets on who they thought would win, and only Invader Floaby had bet that it would end up in a draw. Everyone moaned and handed their monies to Floaby. Floaby just grinned as he got the credits transferred into his PAK.

As everyone dispersed from their little huddle of Skooge on Skooge death matching, The tallest floated up to the top of the stairs on to the balcony where the red carpet led to.

"*Ahem*," said Red, clearing his throat. "Attention everyone!"

All turned to see Red and Purple, who stood majestically before them.

"Welcome to the first annual Invader's Convention!! You've all been gathered here today for…um…" Red turned quickly over to Purple and whispered into his ear. "Um…why are they here?" Purple shrugged as well and turned to the guard that stood next to him and leaned down to ask him the same thing. The Guard whispered something into Purple's ear, making him nod, turn to Red and pass the message on. "Oh yeah," said Red. "You've all been call here as part of a little break from your hard work on conquering and to share with us all the vital knowledge you have all surly gained."

All on the floor began to clap and cheer. They knew the festivities were about to begin.

"Wooo!! Awesome!!!" screamed some. Others said: " All hail the empire!!!"

The tallest raised their hands to quiet everyone down. As they did, one person in the back shouted something after a few seconds of silence.

"…Woo! Invaders ROCK!!" Everyone perked their antennas or raised their eyes and looked around to see who had said that last comment. Being unable to decide on who it was; all turned back to the tallest.

"…anyway, we'll begin the presentations in 5 minuets. In that time, you can all either fraternize, or get a good seat. Enjoy!" called out Purple.

Everyone then went about their separate ways. Some went over to secure their seats, others went over to the bar to get a drink. Tak was on her knees, working on something in Mimi's head, obviously for the presentation she had prepared. Zim was trying to talk to other Invaders, but all they could do was snicker at the fact that Zim didn't know that he was being played as a fool.

"…and so then I grabbed the bolt, and BOLTED IT IN WITH MY AMAZING BOLTING ABILITIES!!! MARVEL AT THE BOLTINESS OF ZIM!!" He screamed at Larb.

"…*mfm*…I'll bet you did Zim…*heehee*…"

"Why do you laugh stink meat!?" snapped Zim. "You don't believe in the bolting abilities of ZIM!!!?

"He did, I saw him," said GIR who was walking by with a big sandwich that he must have gotten from the bar.

Larb couldn't hold in his laughter for much longer. Grasping his stomach, he excused himself and ran into the bathroom. As the door shut behind him, you could hear the muffled sound of Larb's hysteric laughter (gee man, it's not that funny). Zim looked on, not quiet understanding what had happened. As he pondered the matter, the tallest went up behind him.

"Zim doesn't understand, why does he laugh at my bolting of the new machine story?"

"I…*hee*…don't know Zim," said Purple, who was doing a better job of retaining his laughter then Larb.

"Well, whatever it is, he'll be sorry he laughed," said Zim squinting his eyes in rage. "His laugh annoys me."

"Yeah, yeah, it gets to us all," said Red not really caring. "Anyways Zim, we'll be calling people up to do their presentations by planet."

"…okay," said Zim. "Why do you tell Zim this?"

"Well, you might be wondering why Tak is here, seeing as she really doesn't have a planet," said Purple.

"Yes, Zim was wondering why she was here."

"Well, you see, Tak is under the impression that she's been assigned to Earth," continued Purple.

"But you know that she can't possibly be the Invader assigned to Earth, because that's your vocation, right Zim?" said Red.

"…yes…so why does she think this?"

"Well, you see, as a practical joke, we want her to think that she's an invader, when she really isn't."

"Do you see what we're getting at here?" asked Purple. Zim stopped and thought for a moment. Upon realizing what his tallest were trying to convey to him, Zim gave a chuckle.

"I see…that is funny," said Zim. "So, what do you want me to do when you call Earth?"

"We want you both to go up, now remember, she thinks you're a fake, but just play along with her, the audience will get the joke."

"Ahh…yes, simply a brilliant form of humor my tallest, you two do have good taste."

"Yeah, sure what ever," said Red quickly. "Now, do you think you can make this work up there?"

"Most certainly my tallest!" saluted Zim.

"Good," sneered Red. "We'll see you up there." With that the tallest headed toward the stage. As they did, the two put their hands over their mouths to cover their laughter. (The reason I had them do that, is because Zim still doesn't know that the tallest are lying to Tak about her mission…but now he does, and he laughs at the cruel joke too.)

The 5 minuets were soon up and everyone was seated. Zim, Das, Gaz, and GIR all sat next to each other in the center of the front row. Tak sat on the far end seat of the front row to the left. The tallest walked up to the podium that was set up to announce the first names.

"Welcome, we'll now begin the presentation portion of the Convention," said Red overlooking the crowd.

"The first planet we'll cover is the planet Vort to which we've assigned Invader Larb," called Purple, the tallest went and sat over and two throne looking things that were positioned on the stage, with guards on either side of them.

Larb walked up to the podium with his SIR (which will remain nameless because no one really cares about the SIR, or Larb for that matter). Larb leaned to the podium, where a microphone had been set up, as well as a stool for him to stand on.

"*Ahem*, as you all know, the planet Vort has been conquered and converted into a top facility research prison. The means of which I did this are shown here on this graph." For the next few hours, the audience stood and watch as Invader after invader came up and talked about how they had conquered their planet or how it's downfall was eminent and soon to come with nothing but graphs and puppets (Yeah!! Two words; more puppets! Yeah!!!).

"Next on the list," said Purple reading a note card after Invader Spleen had finished. "Is Meekrob, with Invader Tenn."

"Wait, isn't she dead?" asked Red.

"…oh yeah, those malfunctioning SIR's got her didn't they? Oh well. Moving on…"

"Wait!!" Called Tenn, who was sitting in the crowd covered in bandages and casts. "I'm not dead! And I do have a presentation!"

"What!? How are you still alive?" asked Purple.

"I was able to escape using a paper clip, sock, and an anti-matter bomb."

"A sock…what was it?" asked Red.

"It's an article of clothing placed on the foot, but that's not important right now," said Tenn, getting up to the stage (Wow, in just a few sentences, I stole jokes from MacGyver, and Airplane). "Anyways, yes, while I was on my planet, I was meant to get a shipment of a mega-dormer combat stealth mech, but some how the addresses for the items were mixed up and I got a crate full of defective SIR's that tried to kill me. But anyway, after my daring escape, I decided to let the SIR's eat the entire planet clean as a form of destroying the Meekrobians. It will only be a matter of time before the planet is a desolate waste land, which I intend to fry over once more to get rid of all the SIR's. My plan is displayed in this animation here."

All eyes soon turned to the monitor behind Tenn and watched as a small SIR heads that resembled pack man at a bunch of green material off of a sphere, which was then hit by a laser from a crudely drawn Massive, leaving no SIRs left and instead a giant Irken symbol on the sphere. This was all shortly followed by a half a second dancing penguin, and then a quick 'the end'.

When the presentation finished, all shortly stared at Tenn in silence. This silence was soon broken, by a random Irken in the back standing up and shouting: "Woo!!" As Tenn left the podium, the tallest raised their eyebrows at the small female and continued down the list.

"Anyway, next is the planet Blortch with invader Scooge."

After a few moments of waiting, the tallest remembered that neither Scooge was in the building.

"…oh yeah," said Red rubbing his arm in a bit of embarrassment. "I wonder where those two are."

Meanwhile in a gigantic stadium on the other side of the planet, the two Skooge's fought in gladiator armor in front of thousands of screaming fans, who were also placing bets on who would win.

Back at the convention now, the tallest looked at the last note card.

"And finally, the last planet Earth, being presented by 'Invaders' Zim and Tak," announced Purple. The audience giggled profusely at the quotations put around the two's Invader title.

As Zim got up from his seat, Das grabbed him by the arm.

"What's going on Zim?" asked Das. "Why are they saying she has the same planet as you?"

"Don't worry Das," said Zim removing Das' hand from his arm. "It's just a little joke the tallest are playing. Just follow my lead." Zim continued up, and Tak followed him. She was a bit more annoyed with her version of the joke, and not nearly as snickering as Zim was. Das followed Zim, Tak, GIR, and Mimi while Gaz stayed in the audience playing her game (she knows what ever it is these guys have to say is not worth her attention). Zim and Tak each went for the podium at the exact same time, when the two arrived with their hands on the microphone; the two looked at one another in disagreement.

"What do you think you're doing?" said Tak in a low, angry voice. "This is my planet, my presentation, my microphone. You can sit back down with the audience."

"Oh, you'd like that wouldn't you?" said Zim, also speaking low and mad. "Take all the fame and glory from the mighty Zim. Well, I won't let you." Zim put his other hand on the microphone and tried pulling it toward him, Tak did the same.

"Let go!"

"You let go!"

The two struggled over the device for some time, not realizing that the audience was laughing at how the two failed to cooperate. Eventually, the microphone slipped out of their hands and rolled toward Mimi. Mimi picked up the microphone and threw it to Tak, who caught it fairly well. Tak glanced at Zim with an annoyed look.

"We'll take turns," she whispered. "I'll go first."

"What!? Why do you get to go first?"

"Because I already have the microphone." Tak sneered at the angry Zim and went up to the podium to begin her spiel. Zim sat down in a spare seat that was up on the stage, and watched with envious eyes.

"My fellow Invaders," began Tak. "For years, I have..." and Tak rambled on and on about things like how this has been her dream since she was little and that it was a long hard road no thanks to certain people, and how she had tired a few times before to take over the planet, yatta yatta yatta. Anyway, she eventually got to the major weakness she had figured out.

"In any case, with my experience on this planet, I have found that the best way to infiltrate the human governments is through successful business and industry. The Earth government is easily swayed by money, and one major corporation with enough Earth money could buy the system itself and use it how ever they saw fit. Over the next few months, I plan to take over a major industry on Earth and expand it's marketing empire so that I may buy the planet. This I plan to have accomplished, within 6 months. That is all for me, any questions?"

The crowd stared blankly at her. It was almost sad how much she believed the lie, and how seriously and plausible she made the lie sound. It would have ceased to be funny, until Purple spoke.

"So…what will we gain out of this conquest?"  
"…gain? Well there's…um…there's…"

"SLAVE LABOR!!" interrupted Zim.

All turned to Zim, who was now walking quickly up toward the podium. He pushed Tak out of the way and began to speak his turn.

"While Earth lacks natural resources that we would find useful, what it does have are a high population, one of which that is as stupid and indifferent as to what they do so long as they have their portable texting devices and sports. This high population, and us supplying them with their minimal requirements, they'll bend to our ever whim!"

The crowd began to chatter about Zim's plan for what to do with the planet once under their control. It seemed like a good idea.

"How stupid are these humans exactly?" asked an Irken from the crowd.

"That's a question for my assistant over here," said Zim waving over to Das. Das stood up and took the podium.

"Thank you Zim," said Das. "Now, to answer your question about average human intelligence, if you would look at the samples of technology being shown on the monitor up there, you'll see how technology inferior they are to you."

The screen above them turned on and began showing images of human weapons, vehicles, and house hold item all being compared to their Irken equivalent. Each item was usually trumped by the Irkens, with the exception of the slaughter house devices. All were fairly entertained at humanities ignorance to technology compared to them.

"Wait," said an Irken in the crowd. "Aren't you a human?"

"No, I'm an individual who happens to be born into the human race, not to be confused with the generalization from the primary group. There are exceptions to this ignorance such as myself and the lovely young woman sitting in the front row." Upon saying this, Gaz threw her GS2 at Das' head, knocking him down onto the ground.

**Smack!**

**Thud!!**

"Ahh!! what was that for?"

"Don't call me lovely," said Gaz. "I don't like flattery, no matter how true it is."

"Understood," said Das, getting up and rubbing his forehead. "I thought it was a defining characteristic is all."

The crowd began to snicker, but they were quickly hushed by a quick death gaze from Gaz.

"In any sense," said Zim retaking the podium. "This and more information on the humans given by my assistant here should assist in the coming take over of Earth."

"Thus concludes our presentation," said Tak, kicking Zim off the podium with a firm swift kick.

The crowd lightly clapped but tried to retain their laughter at the two's competition for the podium. It was all rather silly and they were rather happy that the last additions to the invitations were worth their consideration. The clapping stopped when Zim, Tak, Mimi, GIR, and Das all returned to their seats and the Tallest took the podium.

"Thank you…*heh*… Tak and Zim, that was very…*hehe*…informing," said Purple retaining his laughter.

"This concludes the sharing portion of the convention," announced Red. "Please enjoy the Bar and Dance floor while we wait for dinner which will begin in 15 minuets."

The Tallest left the stage, still snickering at Zim and Tak's roll on the stage, and the crowd dispersed. Most went to enjoy the Bar, others went out to get some fresh air, and some just stood around to talk. As Zim went for the bar (he was rather thirsty) he felt someone grab him by the shoulder. He soon found Tak dragging him out past the dinner table and onto the outside patio balcony over looking a large portion of the moon lit planet (you see, night had since fallen while the presentations were going over, that's why it's dark out). Tak, still having her firm hold on a struggling Zim, shoved him against the railing on the edge of the patio.

"Ahh! What is this!?" yelled Zim.

"What do you think you were trying to pull back there?" said Tak firmly. "That was my moment to shine and show everyone how far I've come as an Invader, but you ruined it!! Like how you've ruined everything for me these past few years."

"Oh, stop blaming me for your own short comings, Tak."

"My comings are only short because you have some sort of metaphoric scissors that you cut them with!!"  
"Oh come on Tak," said Zim cockily. "You're not even an Invader. The Tallest just like watching you squirm under the greatness of Zim!"

"Really Zim," Said Tak sarcastically. "I think you have your stories mixed. You're the one with the fake mission, and you're the one squirming under my greatness."

"Oh yeah? If you were so great, then why haven't you taken over Earth yet?"

"You've done little conquering on the rock too Zim. And you've been there longer then I have!!"

The two continued this argument for sometime. Tak had her hands around Zim's neck (no longer on his shoulders) and was about to push him off the side. Zim had his hands clamped onto her wrists and was trying to pull them off of his ever superior throat. The force from Tak's hands moving to Zim's throat was so great, actually, that Zim's body broke through the balcony railing and he was now dangling over the edge, which was elevated a considerable length above the city (we're talking 90,000,000 to 100,000,000 inches here people).

"Let go of my wrists Zim so you can fall down!" yelled Tak.

"Oh, you'd like that wouldn't you!?" said Zim, straining to hold on to the mistress of death ready to kill him.

"It's either the fall that kills you or my choking your pathetic neck!"

"You're just jealous because your neck isn't…*gyack*!!" Tak tightened her squeeze on Zim's throat.

"This ends now you pompous green gnat!"

"*Gya*!! GIR…Das…help Zim!!!"

As Zim cried out for the help of his two assistants, he didn't realize that inside, GIR was cheering Das and Gaz on as the two had recently entered a dance off challenge with Invaders Zee and Scutch. As Zee and Scutch struggled to keep up, Das and Gaz moved elegantly in a classic ballroom style, but with much more swing and intensity. Das' boots hitting the floor in a loud, heavy, rhythmic style flowed perfectly with the heavy guitar music in the back, and Gaz's wonderful perception of how to move with her partner made the two seem intimate in the dance, having their eyes locked in a serious, soulless, and still deep feeling manner (good lord that is one intense dance).

Back on the balcony, it seemed like the end for Zim. He was running out of breath from the strangling, and strength from holding on for dear life. Tak was not nearly as tiered as Zim, but still, her arms were shaking from holding him over the edge for so long.

"Gi…give up Zim," said Tak, still struggling. "Just die!" Zim was unable to respond as to the fact that he was almost out of breath and if he gave off even the tiniest exhale, he'd be in trouble.

As he dangled there, Zim was getting desperate. Choke to death or fall and get splattered on the city side walk? Decisions, decisions. Almost out of breath, Zim got an idea, an evil idea. The Zim got a wonderful, awful, evil idea (yeah, stolen from the Grinch).

"Well Zim?" asked Tak, not wondering why an evil grin had produced itself on Zim's face. "No witty come back before you fall to your death?!"

"Just let go of me you stuck up bitch," said Zim activating his spider legs (they're back up legs, the main legs were destroyed at the beginning of the epie, remember?) which stuck themselves into the side of the balcony.

This move made Tak jump back, letting go of Zim's throat. Now having a distinct height advantage over her, Zim advanced on Tak.

"I've put up with you for long enough Tak, now get ready to…" before Zim could finish his sentence there was a call from inside the convention hall.

"Dinner is to be served in 30 seconds everyone; do come to the main table immediately!"

Upon hearing this, Zim retracted his spider legs and fell to the balcony floor.

"We'll finish this later," said Zim, running in to the building. Tak followed soon after.

On the dance floor, the dinner call came up as Zee and Scutch were on the floor exhausted with trying to keep up, while Das loomed over Gaz holding her in the finishing posture you so often see in that kind of dancing, holding a black rose in his mouth (olalah). GIR began walking toward the table clapping for either the food or for Das and Gaz's obvious victory.

"Well," said Das standing Gaz back up and taking the rose out of his mouth. "That was interesting."

"Indeed," said Gaz, stubbornly grabbing the rose from him.

End of part 2

Oh my lord, I've never done a three part ep before. This is insane. Well kids, sorry, but this is way to long to fit into just 2 parts. Part three will be comings soon, and it'll be kinda shorter. Hope you don't mind. Please review kindly.

Copy right Jhonen Vasquez/Invader Zim


	20. Episode 20 part 3: Irken Dinner Party

Dear me, three parts. This is ridiculous. Sorry again folks. Oh, and from here on out, we'll be seeing Das' name spelled Da'as, so that way you guys know how to pronounce it correctly; do enjoy.

Episode 20: Irken Dinner Party: Part 3

All were soon seated at the long square table with rounded edges. All sat according to their planet, with the Tallest at the head of the table. Seeing as how it doesn't matter about where the other Invader's sit, the Earth seating was as such; Da'as sat first in line, followed by Gaz, GIR, Mimi, Tak and then Zim, all in Irken style seating.

"What!" exclaimed Tak. "Why do I have to site next to him!?"

"It's in alphabetical order Tak," said Tallest Red. "See?"

Tak looked at the order of everyone's names, and realized that it made sense, which made her seating arrangement even worse. Tak just threw her face onto her empty plate in disgust and annoyance.

"Attention everyone," said Red standing up with Purple. The room soon went silent and all were listening. "We now enter the third and final part of this convention, the dinner portion."

"Yes, indulge yourselves in the traditional 13 course dinner," said Purple. "Starting…now!" Upon saying this, Irken waiters came out of the kitchen door that was positioned just behind the head of the table, which is were the Tallest sat. And the first course was set before them, and all began to eat.

"Um…what exactly is this stuff?" asked Gaz, who was beginning to question the food in front of her.

"It's gourmet deep-fried mooshminky," Said Zim, who then proceeded to shovel a huge helping into his mouth. "Twry it." (His mouth is full when he says this.)

Gaz picked up her fork like utensil and stuck it into her food. Taking a small portion, she looked over at everyone else who was enjoying the food without question, even Da'as. Staring for a bit longer, she put it in her mouth and chewed for a little bit.

"Hmm…" hummed Gaz, surveying the food in her mouth. She then took a quick swallowed and turned to Zim. "…meh," and with that, she continued to eat.

After all had finished the first course, the second course (which consisted of a fancy flavor of likiy stix) was set before that, and was soon devoured. This pattern of course after course continued right up until course #9; everyone was enjoying a meal of sautéed Scoltle fish. Most were dwelling in conversation, others just ate.

"Well," said Da'as putting down his drink after having a quick sip. "What do you think of the festivities thus far, Gaz?" Gaz looked up at Da'as as she chewed on her food. She swallowed quickly before she responded.

"It beats hanging out with my brother."

"Ha, ha," chuckled Da'as. "I would imagine so. I'm surprised no one besides me has tried to put a bullet through his head."

"I'm surprised that you missed that big a target," said Gaz coldly.

"So sue me, I'm a terrible shot. These eyes aren't what they used to be."

"Wow,' said Gaz sarcastically and inspecting his eyes. "What they must have been before." Da'as took another drink.

"I'm going to take that as a compliment if you don't mind."

"You'd be an idiot not to." (Remember people, they are keeping their usual tones of voices here.)

As Da'as and Gaz continued their sarcastic near insult but yet still, somehow, complimentary discussion; GIR ate furiously, being sure not to miss a single scrap. Mimi had lost her appetite a long time ago at the sight of GIR's grotesque gobbling. GIR glanced over at Mimi's plate that was filled with food from the past few courses.

"You's gonna eat dat?" asked GIR gesturing toward Mimi.

"I'll trade it to you for a bucket," said Mimi pushing the plate over to GIR.

GIR pulled a bucket out of his head and handed it to Mimi, who proceeded to vomit into the small container. GIR, meanwhile, quickly devoured the food, leaving the other invaders to watch completely flabbergasted.

Zim and Tak's conversation was much more heated and quiet; you could feel the tension of rage between them (most of it coming from Tak). Tak was still angry that Zim had stolen the spot light from her, and Zim was mad that Tak had just tried to kill him.

"So, how well is the food fitting down your crushed throat," said Tak venomously.

"Fine, but your arms must be exhausted while lifting that fork," said Zim, trying to be witty.

"If I could hold you over a ledge for 20 minuets, I'm sure I can hold this fork fine."

"…SILENCE!!!"

"Zim!" called Red. "No screaming at the table."

"Sorry my tallest."

"Don't be sorry, stop screaming."

"SORRY!!" (I think I use that joke way to much)

The tension and screaming in the room were bad enough, but leave it to fate and the insecurity in the internet to make things worse. As all were arguing, a giant hole was shot through the ceiling. Startling everyone, Lard Narr and the other Resisty descended down the giant hole and into the dinning room, just behind were Zim and company were sitting.

"Allllright you Irken scum!!" shouted Lard Narr. "You may have beaten us back the last time we tried to take the snacks from the Massive, but this time, you won…" Lard Narr was cut off by Red.

"…Um, do you mind?"

"Yeah!" shouted Purple. "Can't you see we're eating?"

"What? Eating? We're attacking you. Don't you care that we're about to engage you in all out war?"

"Look, when there's food on the table, we don't get up, and you can't attack us when we're eating," explained Purple.

"Yeah, it's all in our imperial declaration," said Red holding up a really big red manual.

"What? You can't say when your opponents can and can't attack you!" complained Lard Narr.

"Yeah? Says who?" asked Purple.

"Well there's…um…you can't just…oh, never mind."

"Yeah, that's right," said Red. "Now, you can come back when we're finished eating if that makes you feel better."

"Oh, well then, um…when will you be finished eating?"

"I'd say in about half an hour," said Purple, scoffing down donut. "Comm bakk then."

"Half an hour? Very well!!" announced Lard Narr. "We'll be back then to destroy you!! Mark my words; you haven't seen the last of the Resisty!!" And with that, the Resisty blew another hole in the ceiling and floated up the hole they had originally had come through into their ship. Glad that the distractions were gone, everyone continued to eat.

"Umm, aren't you going to prepare for when they come again?" asked Da'as. Purple and Red both turned to Da'as.

"We will, right after we finish eating the final course," said Purple.

"Yeah man, respect the food," said a random Invader.

Da'as sat puzzled at how moronic this was. A serious rebellion (with a not so serious name) were about to attack them, and the leaders put the consumption of food before that fact. What was this madness!?

"You can't just…" Gaz stopped Da'as before he could finish his sentence.

"Da'as, just roll with it, respect the food."

"But…"

"No 'buts', now eat your food." Da'as sat back in his seat with an annoyed look on his face.

"Yes ma'am." And with that, all continued to eat.

Half an hour later, they were just starting course 12, which was a kind of roasted chicken thingy called roasted yackalblorg. As it was set in front of everyone, a third hole was blasted through the roof, and the Resisty entered.

"It has been half an hour!!" shouted Lard Narr. "We will now proceed to…"

"Still not done eating," said Red fairly quickly, not looking up from his plate.

"What!? But you said…"

"Look, we're on course 12, it's a 13 course dinner. Once course 13 is done, then you can attack, but that won't be for another 15 minuets or so."

"I'm not going to wait another 15 minuets for you to finish eating this ridiculous amount of food!"

"Oh yes you are," said Red. "You're under declaration, remember?"

"But that's…you can't…um…FINE!! We'll be back in 15 minuets!! But next time, if you're still eating, we won't hesitate to attack without mercy!!! …and stuff." And with that, the Resisty made a fourth hole and went up through the third hole that they had made.

"Man, it's gonna cost a fortune to get that fixed," said Red looking up at the ceiling. Purple nodded in agreement, and all continued to eat again.

15 minuets later, the final course was being served. As it was laid out before her, Gaz examined the dish. It seemed to be a kind of bread, topped with a sauce, cheese, and various meats and vegetables from through out the Irken empire. It took her a while to realize what it was, but when she realized, her eyes widened in anticipation.

"Is this…pizza?" stuttered Gaz.

"It would be the Irken equivalent," said Zim, taking a bite into his slice.

"How does it taste?" Gaz had turned to Da'as, who had taken a few bites himself.

"Not too bad," said Da'as after swallowing quickly.

Gaz picked up her slice and held it before her. She began to solvate a bit at the thought of eating it. "Irken Pizza, eh? Well, this should be interesting." Gaz was about to take her first bit of the intriguing dish when as fate would have it, the Resisty shot another hole through the roof, sending debris to knock Gaz's slice out of her hands and onto the ground. Gaz sat there and stared at her fallen food, the rage building beyond anything she had ever experienced. Da'as was the first to notice this, and he slowly slipped under the table to avoid her ever impending wrath. The rest at the table soon got the message as well, and joined Da'as beneath the safety of the table.

"Alright you Irken Scum!!!" shouted Lard Narr. "We have waited for your 15 minuets and are through waiting. Prepare to be…" Lard Narr had failed to realize the monster he had just formed from his radical and unnecessary entrance, and was surprised to hear the human creature speak.

"You…come in here…disrupting this fairly decent meal, in ways so stupid and unnecessary, and because of that, you recklessly ruined a once in a life time meal for me," Gaz was now getting scary. The other Resisty began to back up toward the wall, leaving Lard Narr to stand alone. "You've just made your final entrance buddy, and I mean **FINAL **entrance."

And thus, the violent maiming of Lard Narr and the Resisty began. Gaz first grabbed Lard Narr by the throat, and proceeded to punch the living shit out of him, throwing him to the ground and committing acts of torture and pain so obscene and elaborate, that if I had any idea how to describe them, I would have cut off my right ear in order to convey them to you, and since I like having both ears and wouldn't care to be the next Vanngoh, I'm going to let you imagine what's going on with the miscellaneous sound effects I am now throwing in.

**Bam bam bam!!!**

**Kick kick kick!!!**

**BRZZZZZZZCHHTSTSCHKT!!!**

**AHHHH!!**

**SLOOSHLE Losh!!**

**Kashink!!!**

**NOT THE RACK!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!**

**VROOM VROOM!!!**

**ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC!!!!**

**And so on…**

Finally, after much causing of pain to the poor little alien, Gaz picked up Lard Narr's mangled body (he's still alive kids) and threw it at the other Resisty and knocked them over like bowling pins. **Throw!! Hit!!! More pain!!!**

As everyone look from behind a now over turned table, that was positioned so that the table would make a kind of wall from Gaz's rage, the Tallest looked at how mangled the Resisty were getting by Gaz's furious rage.

"You know, I guess we can say that the meal is over," said Purple turning to Red.

"Yeah, I guess you would," said Red watching the screaming rebels. "Well, with the job that girl is doing, getting rid of those guys shouldn't be too tough." Red turned to the Invaders all huddled up behind the table. "Alright men…um…and women…they're weakened!! Now's the best time to strike. ATTACK!!"

"I'm guessing the meal is over then?" asked Invader Larb.

"Yes, now get in there!" said Red, grabbing the invader by the collar and throwing him into the mess of doom.

"AHHHHH!!!"

"Anyone else wants to stall?" asked Purple. The crowd shook their heads and jumped over the table and charged into the mosh-pit (yeah).

As the punching, wailing, spider legs shooting lasers, and so on commenced in the now hugely accumulated brawl; Zim, GIR, Da'as, Mimi, and Tak kept behind the table.

"Who the heck are these guys?" asked Da'as.

"That's the Resisty," said Tak, looking over the table. "They're a resistance group…"

"I guessed that much."

"Shut up, anyway, they're a resistance group against the empire. They've been at this ever since SOMEONE tried to remote pilot the Massive to a CERTAIN planet." Tak was looking toward Zim.

"What moron would do that?" asked Zim.

"You did you idiot!!!"

"Huh? …Oh yeah, I guess I did. I only did it so that way the tallest could see my latest and greatest plan at the time unveiled!"

"Oh, and how exactly did that turn out for you?" asked Tak sarcastically.

"Hey, it would of worked if I hadn't been distracted with the piloting, robot parents, and Dib being his stupid Dib stuff!"

"Oh yeah, I'll bet it would have," came even more sarcasm from Tak's mouth. Da'as had just about had enough of the two's bickering.

"For the love of Vulgar, will you two please just shut up!!!?" Zim and Tak turned to Da'as. "Look, there happens to be a little more at steak here then just the idiotic bitter rivalry between you two, and we're not going to get rid of these ridiculously named revolutionaries with you two fighting. Try focusing your anger on them, and when they're gone, you two can kill each other to your hearts content."

"…I like steak," said GIR (get it, because he said 'more at steak here'?)

"Shut up GIR," said Zim.

"I think the eyeliner kid has a point ma'am," said Mimi. "Maybe this isn't exactly the time for your rivalry."

"But…he…I need to…uhgg, fine," said Tak, turning to Zim. "It looks like we'll be working together…again."

"But…I…she…"

"This isn't up for debate Zim," said Da'as. "Just go with it."

"…fine…" said Zim bitterly. "We'll work together. But first, we'll need an AMAZING PLAN!!!! …you guys got any? Cause I've got nothing."

Tak, Da'as, and Mimi threw their hands over their faces in disgust, GIR just sat and smiled as he rocked back and forth on his buttocks.

"…okay," said Tak, getting a grip of herself. "I have a plan. Zim, you'll give me covering fire as we enter the fight, while Mimi and your robot go in from the left, and you with the black eyeliner, you just cause a separate diversion."

"It's better then nothing," said Da'as grasping his cane. "I'll follow in after you guys."

"Good call," said Tak. "Mimi!! Take Zim's robot and enter from the left."

"Yes ma'am. Come on," said Mimi, gesturing to GIR.

"Yeah!! Wes gets to go the leftie!!!" cried out GIR as he grabbed Mimi by the wrist and ran off into the left side of the rumble (if you want to call it that).

"Wait, how exactly am I to give you covering fire?" asked Zim. "My back-up spider legs don't have a laser integrated in them."

"Lucky for you, lasers weren't quite what I had in mind."

"Then how the heck am I to…" Tak suddenly grabbed Zim by the shirt and threw him over the side of the table. She then jumped in after him, picked him up, and proceeded to use him as a meat shield, letting on coming random lasers hit him on various parts of his body.

**Zap! Zap!! Zap!!!!**

**BRewwwckkk!!!**

**OW!! WHY DOES IT HURT!! AHHH!!**

As the two advanced toward the fight, Da'as looked on and shook his head.

"Well, at least they're working together." Da'as then jumped over the table and headed up into the fight, using his cane as a club. "I just need to get to Gaz before she really kills someone."

Da'as plowed his way threw, twirling his cane around, hitting people in the head and stomach and such. As he moved through, he came across a huge Resisty member, who had really beefy arms and overall body structure. He looked fairly intimidating, but Da'as just looked on with contempt.

"Out of my way big guy," said Da'as as he jumped up on his good leg and swung his cane down toward his enemies head. Also not too intimidated by Da'as' maneuver, the Resisty solider grabbed the cane and forced Da'as back to the ground.

**Swing!**

**Catch!**

**Smash!!**

Da'as got back up, the two of them still holding onto the cane. Da'as had it by the head, and the Resisty by the tip.

"Please let go," asked Da'as. "You'll get hurt holding it like that."

"Yeah right puny little man."

"Aw well," shrugged Da'as. "Your loss." Da'as then hit a quick switch on the cane head, releasing the sword that was kept in the cane, leaving the Resisty with only the scabbard. Moving quickly, Da'as made a few quick cuts at his opponent's stomach, letting him fall to the ground.

**Click**

**Shing!**

**Slash slash slash!!**

**Drop!!**

As he fell, another Resisty ran up from behind Da'as. Acting quickly (and as un-amused as ever) Da'as pulled a small dagger out of the top of the sword cane, and stabbed the on coming foe square in the chest. (What's funny is that there really are cane's like that.)

**Shink**

**Stab!!**

**AH!!**

"Told ya," said Da'as to both of these fallen opponents as he limped on further into the brawl.

As Da'as did a number of ridiculous things with a cane, and Zim get used as meat shield by Tak, and GIR and Mimi doing god only knows what; the tallest sat behind the overturned table and watched as the violence ensued.

"Wow, this sure is escalating," said Red as a fried invader fell in front of the table.

"Yeah," said Purple with a hand full of popcorn in his mouth. "But boy is it entertaining."

"Huh? Where'd you get that?"

"Under that couch," said Purple, pointing over to an oddly placed sofa.

"Oh, is there anymore?" asked Red.

"I don't think so," said Purple looking under the couch from where they were sitting.

"Then hand some over here," said Red, taking a decent hand full from the bag, and throwing it into his mouth.

As the two munched on their couch given treat, the doorman from earlier in the episode stepped into the convention hall.

"What in the name of Irk is going on in here!!?" exclaimed the doorman. As he shouted in curiosity, the doorman was hit by one of the random lasers and dropped dead right then and there (see, the reason why he wouldn't remember Zim was because he would be dead, get it?). Seeing this, the tallest finally got the point that maybe, just maybe, they should leave.

"I think we've over stayed our welcome," said Red getting up.

"Yeah, I think you're right…can I take the popcorn with me?" As Purple asked this, another fairly large Resisty solider jumped in front of them.

"Get da tallhest!!" shouted the lisp cursed alien.

"Ah!!" shouted Purple like a little girl, dropping his popcorn. "Red, do something!!!" Red just threw his hand over his face and he activated his spider legs and blasted away the poor Resisty man.

**Bam!!!**

"You idiot, these aren't just for looks ya'know," said Red, scolding Purple.

"…Oh yeah," said Purple, who then activated his spider legs. "I completely forgot we had these."

"Why do I have an idiot like you as my co-worker?" sighed Red as he blasted another Resisty out of the air with his legs. "Let's just vamoose."

"Good call," said Purple, who shot a blast at a Resisty head. The two tallest then quickly ran (on their spider legs) out of the room to a teleportation pod that beamed them to the Massive.

As the tallest fled, GIR and Mimi crawled through the rafters.

"Where exactly are we going?" asked Mimi. "Do you even have a strategy?"

"Shhh, look," said GIR pointing down.

Mimi looked past the rafters and saw a giant chandelier, connected to a thin, easily sliceable wire.

"That's brilliant! We'll cut that wire, and the crash of the chandelier will cause a distraction, long enough for us to…" GIR cut Mimi off however.

"No, not there, theerrrreeee…" GIR's finger pointed more clearly to a randomly placed rubber eel toy that was, for whatever reason, in the set of rafters below them. "We go to the eel, and we make sparky!!!" GIR smiled and jumped over to another set of rafters and began to work his way down to the eel.

"What!? You can't be serious!?!" exclaimed Mimi. GIR soon reached the toy eel and was now happily squeaking it.

"We hee!! Squeaky!!" Mimi threw her hand over her face in disgust.

"Why, why did I have to get stuck with ADD robot for a partner?"

As Mimi shook her head, and GIR squeaked, Gaz was busy holding a poor bloodied up Lard Narr against the wall, repeatedly punching him in the stomach.

"Please sto…**punch!!**...oof…stop," cried Lard Narr pathetically. "I'll do any…**punch…**oof!!...anything!!"

"How about you hold still while I continue beating you into a bloodied up pulp," said Gaz. "I believe that still constitutes as anything."

"What!!?? No it…wait…damn it!! Why does this keep happening to me!!?"

"I…don't know," said the green Resisty who came up with the group's stupid name.

Gaz then continued to beat up the poor little Lard Narr.

As Lard Narr continued to suffer, so did Zim. Tak and Zim moved further into the conflict, Zim receiving everything that should have been hitting Tak.

"Ahh!!" screamed Zim. "The pain!!!! AHHHH!!!"

"Oh stop whining," said Tak. "You're not the only one suffering here." She referred to herself of course.

"What…**ow**... How are you…**ow**...suffering?"

"I have to touch you," said Tak. "Now keep quiet until this is over."

"What exactly are we trying to do...**OW!!**"

"We're trying to…um…wait, what was our plan?" asked Tak.

"We didn't have one...**ow!! **Okay, this getting…**ow...**ridiculous. We just abruptly jumped into this…**ow**…brawl, and you let me get hit."

"Now that's just dumb," said Tak. "I blame your eyeliner friend for this."

"I blame you for this," snapped Zim.

"What!? What did I do?"

"You used me as a meat shield with no intention to do anything other then that."

"I thought you had plan, since you didn't, I blame you!"

Meanwhile back on Earth, Zet had been hacking away at Zim's defenses for sometime. He hadn't made it inside the base yet, primarily because waves upon waves of endless gnome soldiers kept flowing from the base and broke on his onslaught of attacks.

"Come on you garden guards!!!" shouted Zet as he decapitated the heads of the gnome soldiers. "I'll cut you into tiny little pieces of…um…cut up robo-gnomes!!! HAHAHAHA!!! DIE!!!"

While he chopped, Zet didn't realize that little Crysta had rode back to his intense attempt at entry into the house, and was now sitting on the hill behind him and eating popcorn as she watched.

"Well, at least this is better then watching those stupid talk show hosts talk about peeps."

As Zet's slicing continued, Dib still sat on a log in Tak's camp, trying to find a good way of breaking the news to Zet that he was wrong and that the two had left separately, leaving nothing for him to sabotage.

"Well I could say that this gribble thing…" (Okay, I'm not writing about what he says, cause quite frankly, it's not funny, and just annoying and a waste of time for this episode which should have ended a long time ago.)

As Zet chopped away at Zim's laser defenses and Dib sat in curiosity as to what to do about there not being anything at Tak's camp, GIR's seemingly senseless squeaking of a rubber eel actually had a purpose. As Mimi shook her head in disgust, GIR's squeaking was meant to trigger an electrical pulse into the chandelier that hung over where the majority of Resisty were fighting. This pulse disrupted a wire on the chandelier which began to wiggle in discomfort. What went through the mind of the wire at that moment was something like this:

"AHHHH!! What is this!!? Why is it that every Thursday, and rubber eel toy sends an electrical pulse through me? You know what, I've had enough of this, I'm just gonna die right here and now, so long cruel world!!!" And with that, the chandelier fell onto the fight and exploded, like a car, motor-cycle, or even a regular bicycle in those dumb action movies (what's sad is that that really does happen in movies).

**Wiggle**

**Break**

**Boom**

**Burn!**

Now while were waiting for this explosion of death and fire (yeah!!) to finish, it is important that we recognize the significance as to why it was the wire thought what it thought. Many speculate that if we knew why it was the wire could, first of all think, and feel what it felt, we would know a lot more about the nature of Irken culture today. As far as we can tell by a similar account made by the couch which mysteriously generated popcorn, we can conclude that the answer to that question is bullocks.

The explosion cleared soon after to show what was left of the fight. Most all were lying in piles of third degree burned moaning sacks of flesh, with a few Irkens and Resisty burned to a crisp.

Aside from the paining heat, Tak used Zim as a sort of shovel to get out of a debris pile, throwing chunks of…um…debris out of her way.

"What the heck was that!?" Exclaimed Tak as she threw Zim to the ground.

**Throw **

**Thud**

"Uhggg…" groaned Zim. "Why does my perfect head hurt so much?"

"Oh, I used you as a shovel," said Tak. "I hope you mind."

"…huh?" Zim was too drowsy with pain and discomfort to even care that he had been used as a ditch digging tool.

While Tak pondered at how it was that the chandelier was able to fall and explode, and Zim dawdled in pain, another shovel of debris was thrown out of the way hitting Zim in the back of the head causing him to fall over.

**Smack!**

**Fall!**

**Stopped caring about pain!**

From the rubble emerged Gaz, who was perfectly un-harmed by the fire and wreckage. The same could be said for the Lard Narr that she was using as her shovel.

"Well," said Gaz dropping the poor fire harmed Lard Narr. "That was interesting."

"What the…!? How did you survive that?" Asked Tak. Gaz simply pointed at Lard Narr, who was now curled up into the fetal position, rocking back and forth in pain.

"Oh, well that explains that. Now what happened to Mimi and GIR?"

As Tak asked this, GIR fell from the ceiling hitting Tak on head and bouncing to the ground, still squeaking the eel, sending electrical shocks into Tak's body.

**Fall!**

**Hit!**

**Ow!**

**Thud!**

**Shock!**

"AHHH!!!" Screamed Tak due to the shocks. "What the hell is he doing!!??"

"Ma'am," said Mimi with excitement. "That little robot and this eel did it!"

"Did…ow…what!?"

"Using that eel to send an electrical pulse through the wiring to the chandelier caused it to fall and spontaneously combust!!"

"You mean the…ow…eel caused the shocks?"

"Yes, it was an amazing plan! At first I thought he was just being retarded, but he…" Tak cut Mimi off by grabbing the eel away from GIR and booting out of the room.

**Snatch**

**Boot!**

"Finally," said Tak. "That was getting painfully annoying…literally."

"NOOO!! MY SQUEAKY!!!" shouted GIR, who went running after the flying eel.

As GIR chased after the eel, Tak went back to her list of things to figure out.

"Okay, so that's how the chandelier fell, Gaz survived by using Lard Narr as a meat shiled…"  
"Some one…call the hospital…" moaned Lard Narr.

"Oh hush," said Tak. "Anyway, Zim is on the floor for the same reasons as Lard Narr, so that just leaves the question of where the eye liner kid is…"

"Right here," said Da'as from right behind Tak.

"Ah! When did you…how did you…?"

"Oh, I didn't survive the explosion," said Da'as. "I just got back from the after life a moment ago."

"Oh…okay?"

"I don't expect you to get it, just to go with it."

"Fair enough," said Tak.

The group then looked around the convention hall. The place was a mess. Burned bodies, broken ceilings, over turned tables and a like were scattered about.

"…well, I guess it's safe to say this convention is over," said Gaz. "Can we go home now?"

"We might as well," said Da'as. "Just let be wake up Zim real fast."

Das walked over to Zim's exhausted (and apparently sleeping) body, and began to nudge it with his foot.

"Come on Zim, time to go back to Earth." When Zim refused to move after the first couple nudges, Da'as decided not to wait any longer. He pulled his foot back and kicked Zim's limp body as hard as he could.

"WAKE UP!!"

**BOOT!!  
**The rather hard kick to his rear caused Zim to snap out of his pain driven daze, and up into the air about…oh, I don't know, ten feet maybe? Yeah, ten feet, screaming in pain.

"AHHHHH!!! What was that for!?" exclaimed Zim.

"Zim, we're going," said Da'as as he, Gaz, GIR, Tak and Mimi headed for the door.

"Huh? Wait for Zim!!" shouted Zim as he got up and ran toward them.

The group headed up to the teleporters from how they first got on the planet.

"Well, despite all this carnage, explosion, and over all unusualness of this trip, I must say this was a pretty good adventure," said Da'as as they got in the device to get beamed up into their ships. "Wouldn't you all say so?"

Gaz: "Meh"

Mimi: "It was okay"

Zim: "Lets just get out of here"

Tak: "Don't talk to me"

GIR: "I miss my eel"

"…fine, I guess it didn't really end all that well," said Da'as. "But there's just one thing that puzzles me."

"What's that?" Asked GIR.

"What ever happened to the two Skooges?" And with that, they beamed away into their ships.

As they left, a fist pushed its way through a nearby trash pile. Before long, the real Skooge emerged victorious (the short fat one).

Everyone was soon in their proper ship (Zim, GIR, Da'as, and Gaz in the Voot. Tak and Mimi in the Spittle).

"Well Zim, I was going to attack you again on the way back home," began Tak, communication via teleprompter. "But I'm a little tiered."

"…what!?" Called Zim; apparently not hearing.

"I said you got off lucky…"

"WHAT!!??"

"You know what, never mind."

"That's very nice of you!" Said Zim, not having a clue at what she said.

Tak just shook her head and flew off, hitting a wormhole that had ever conveniently appeared right outside the planet's atmosphere. Da'as studied the wormhole and thought for a moment.

"You know Zim we could head through that wormhole to avoid the whole 6 month trip."

"We don't even know where that goes," said Zim in protest.

"Tak went through it, so she must know, so since she has the same destination as us, it would make a lot of sense."

"Hmmmmm…" thought Zim. "…curse your logic, _curse it welllllll_" said Zim, turning into the wormhole.

As soon as Zim entered into the worm whole, they went through a strange vortex of swirling psycadelicness, causing them all to get a little nauseous. The nausea was short lived thankfully as they all soon popped out in front of earth.

"See, told you it would work," said Da'as.

"Yeah, yeah," said Zim. "Lets just get home, I'm tired."

They flew first to the Membrane home to drop Gaz off, then to Da'as' house. After those two were gone, Zim headed over to his base.

"Man, after all that, the great ZIM could use a good paste bath."

"Mhm," nodded GIR.

They soon arrived at the base to find the most unusual site, Zet was standing in the front lawn and fending off all of he bases defenses, screaming with glee as he totaled each force came at him (now kids, he hasn't been there for 6 months just hacking away, there's some time warp thing involved).

"Hey! What is this!?" Exclaimed Zim. Zet turned around to see the Voot runner hovering nearby.

"Get off my lawn you stink meat!!!" Shouted Zim as proceeded to fire crap at Zet from the Voot's guns. The blasts and still on coming waves of defenses caused Zet to make a _**daring escape**_ by jumping onto the neighbor's roof and then free running on the roof tops into the night.

Meanwhile in the woods, Dib continued to stammer on about how it was he going to explain to Zet that there was nothing to sabotage. As he continued to stammer on aimlessly (which I told you before, I don't really care to describe how he is stammering, because it's just plain annoying), the Spittle runner came in from over the tree tops and landed in the clearing. Dib was still oblivious to the fact Tak had returned, and didn't really notice when she stepped out with a muffler and walked over to Dib.

"…I could always just tell him the truth, but that would…"

"WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF MY CLEARING!!!" shouted Tak as swung the muffler with such force at Dib's head which caused him to fly off all the way back to his house, threw his window and into his covers.

"…ow!" said Dib, rubbing the back of his head. "That hurt!"

End of Episode 20 part 3

There it is, finally done; now I'm gonna hurry up and get this online so I can sleep…or eat…or both. Anyway, don't expect 21 to be coming soon, I'll be preoccupied with camps and such, but I'll get it up some time before the end of August…hopefully. This series isn't done yet; I still have a lot to go. Please review kindly and continue to support the muffins in the Cupcake/Muffin war. Now I sleep.

P.S. Sorry if this seemed rushed; I just wanted to get it done.

Copyright Jhonen Vasquez/Invader Zim


	21. Episode 21 Dib's new Spectacles

Hello again folks! I have returned from my extended leave and can now waste more of my life giving you stupid reading entertainment, and to think, I get paid for this (what joy!!!). Lol, not really, I wish I did, I'd have so much freaking cash right now if I did, but enough of that, here is you're promised Zimminess, YEAH!!!

Episode 21: Dib's New Spectacles

There was loud bunch of ruckus coming from the depths of Zim's base. Dib ran furiously to try and get out. Dib soon came to a door which would lead him to an elevator that would lead him to the surface. Dib hurriedly pressed the open button on the control panel next to the door, but there was much delay in its opening.

"Come on!!!!" cried Dib. "Open up!! Please!!"

As Dib pounded on the door for it to open, he could hear Zim approaching quickly on his spider legs.

"Get back here Dib stink!!!" shouted Zim. "You honestly think you can break into the base of _ZIM!!! _And get away with it?" Soon after saying this, Zim heard Dib's voice come out of no where.

"I've been able to so far!!"

"SILENCE YOU…um…HEAD MEAT!!!"

Dib stopped his pounding only momentarily to question what the hell head meat could mean. During this brief pause, the door finally opened. Dib shook off the thought of the bad name calling and rushed inside, pressing the button to take him up.

"Alright!" said Dib with a bit of relief. "…NOW GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!"

The elevator zoomed up the shaft at record speeds. Infact, it was going SO fast that centrifugal force was forcing Dib to the floor of the elevator. However, as the elevator sped up the shaft, Zim walked into it (the shaft I mean).

"Curse you Dib!!! Curse _YOUUUUUU_!!" shouted Zim as he realized there was no way he could catch up with the elevator. "Grrr…hmmm…wait minuets…yes…YES!!! Ingenious!!!"

A new look had come on Zim's face as he pulled out a giant laser rocket thingy from his PAK and aimed it at the quickly ascending elevator.

"Take this you Earth pig!!" shouted Zim as he fired a huge round at Dib.

**BEOOWWWW!!!**

**SPLOSION!!!**

The explosion of the projectile forced the elevator out of the shaft and up ward faster, soon crashing through the roof of Zim's base.

"HAHAHA!!!" laughed Zim. "See ya, DIB!!!"

Inside the elevator, Dib was being thrown about like a sack of potatoes. By an odd coincidence, two miles down the street (not somewhere in china where they make potatoes), a sack of potatoes in a toy store was going down an escalator being thrown about like a Dib. Anyway, the elevator (not escalator, we're pass that now, forget it forever, you'll never see it again) flew across the sky. It soon began to descend, as it lost its momentum, into a tree line. The elevator crashed violently through an all manner of trees, rocks, and prairie dogs shish-cabobing large mouth bass (gee, this is one strange day). As it continued to crash, the elevator made an abrupt stop into a large tree. The force of the impact to the tree cause it to shake furiously and drop a single acorn. This acorn fell from the lowest branch and barley tapped the elevator, causing it to rupture and explode, sending Dib flying out from the back of the elevator and ramming face first into another tree, slightly cracking his glasses.

**Zoom!!**

**Crash!!**

**Cooking!!**

**Acorn!!**

**BOOM!!!**

**Tumble!**

"…ow…" moaned Dib as he tore himself off the tree he had had his face embedded in. Dib noticed his left lense was cracked and took off his glasses to examine them. "Darn it, I just replaced these things."

Dib's pouting soon stopped and he took another look at them.

"Well, it isn't too bad. I'm sure I cane buff this out." As Dib said those famous last words, another odd thing in this day of ever particularly odd events happened.

Seemingly out of no where, an inter-dimensional time and space rift appeared, sending a huge beam of light everywhere. From the rift, a large robot gopher looking creature emerged and soon caught sight of Dib. The beast walked menacingly over to Dib and snatched his glasses from his hand.

"RAGGERAGFFF!!!" it roared. The creature soon after his roaring broke Dib's glasses in half threw them on the ground and repeatedly began to stomp them. After the stomping was finished, the creature spat on the glasses and returned to the rift which made him disappear along with all the light and what not.

Dib stood there in aw, puzzling at the strange rift monster he had just seen.

"What the…how did that…who was…did I leave the…wait a minuet, MY GLASSES!!!"

Dib fell onto his knees and picked up the pummeled remains of his late glasses.

"You destroyed my glasses!! You damn darn dirty stinking gopher!!! You've got to be kidding me! Now how am I going to get back home, I'm practically blind!"

Dib sighed and swept up however much of his glasses that he could and put them in his coat pocket. He then got up and began to walk back home, bumping into trees, rocks, lamp posts, post men, men with hats, hats with ribbons, ribbons with packages, a large (literally) lead zeppelin ect…

It was a while before Dib got home, it being so hard for him to find his way being as blind as a baseball bat. Night had fallen by the time he ran into the electric defense grid in front of his house, which was active when he hit it.

**ZAP!!**

"OW!!" cried Dib. "This is freaking ridiculous!!"

Dib shock off the pain and found his way to the door, letting his partially charred body into the house. As he entered, Dib saw Gaz sitting on the couch watching TV.

"Uhg, do you know where Dad is?" asked Dib as he limped over to get a grasp on the couch. Gaz turned around and looked at her horrible injured brother and giggled.

"Ha, what happened to you?" she teased.

"Well," said Dib taking a stick out his hair. "I was…"

"That was rhetorical Dib, I already know what happened, I'm just laughing at you right now."

"Oh yeah? Then what happened to me?"

"Blasted out of Zim's base, landed in the woods, had your glasses destroyed by gopher, and you stumbled all the way here." Dib stared at Gaz in aw.

"What the…how did you know?"

"Staff entrance," said Gaz quickly.

"What?! But that doesn't…oh, ever mind."

"Dad's in the kitchen by the way."

Dib walked into the kitchen; and sure enough his father was there, making…um…stuff.

"Um…Dad," stuttered Dib, being afraid of his father's reaction to the breaking of another fresh pair of glasses. "I have a problem." Membrane slammed his hands down onto the kitchen counter and turned to Dib with much rage in his eyes.

"…and what problem might it be THIS time Dib?" said Membrane glaring. "Can't you see I'm BUSY!!!??" Dib quivered back in fear.

"Um…I uh…I uh…um…" stuttered Dib.

"Well come on now, I don't have all day, I have work I need to do!"

"…um…my glasses have a bit of a…how do I put this…malfunction," said Dib holding out the shards. Membrane examined the small pile held before him.

"Hmmm…well son," said Membrane, his mood changing almost instantly. "I'm afraid that your glasses are very much destroyed. You'll have to get new ones I'm afraid."

"Oh, no really? I never would have guessed that!" said Dib sarcastically. "But what do I do about it!?"

"Well, I would suggest you get new ones," said Membrane pulling a bundle of dollar bills out of his pocket and tossed them to Dib. "Here's some money."

Dib looked at the money and then back to his Dad, who had returned to working on whatever it was he was doing (I really don't know what he's doing, nor is it relevant, so I'm not going to describe it). Dib shrugged his shoulders and headed out the door, but not before bumping into some miscellaneous pieces of furniture.

**Bump, bump, bump**

**Ow!**

"Uhg…" moaned Dib as he walked down the dark city streets. "This is ridiculous, how am I suppose to find a place that'll sell me new glasses if I can't even see!?"

As Dib continued to fumble around in the dark, he didn't see that he was coming up on a cat that was sleeping in the middle of the side walk. Dib stepped on the cat's tail, causing the poor creature to jump up onto Dib's face and proceeded to claw at him.

**REOW!!**

**SLASH SLISH SLASH!!**

**AHHHHH!!!!!!**

"Ahh!! Get off of me you…Gyah!!" yelled Dib after ripping the cat off of his face and throwing it into a nearby dumpster. "Ha! How do you like that you crazy cat!!?"

As Dib rhetorically asked this, he didn't realize that the particular dumpster he had thrown the cat into was filled to the gunnels with even more growling, hissing, hungry felines.

The cats all crawled out, hissing and snarling. They looked to the cat which had just been thrown into the dumpster. As the main cat shook off the trauma from being tossed as he was, he took a quick glare at Dib and pointed at him, signaling to the other cats that he was the boy who was responsible. The other cats quickly turned their heads to be facing Dib and began to hiss and drool at the mouth.

All Dib could say throughout all of this was; "…huh oh…"

The main cat then gave off one final commanding hiss, sending the army of cats flying onto Dib.

**HISS!**

**REOW!!**

**Slish slash!!!**

**AHHHHH!!!!**

The cats continued to cause Dib an un-imaginable amount of pain, causing him to hurriedly back up into the nearest store in a vein attempt to get away.

"Ahhh!! Get off me!!!" Cried Dib, throwing a cat off as his back pushed the door behind him open, allowing him to walk further into the store.

As the cat's continued to scratch, a Chihuahua with a lobotomy walked up from behind the main desk and growled. As it growled, the cats all immediately stopped their mindless scratching and turned to the dog. Upon seeing the dog's growling and stitched up forehead of doom, the cats gave out a shriek of fear and all jumped off the torn up Dib and ran off into the night.

Dib looked at his tattered attire, covered in cuts and minor scratches, revealing small amounts of blood, and then looked to the dog; which had stopped growling and was now sitting down, smiling, and happily wagging his tail as he panted.

"…Ummm…thanks a lot Mr. Dog," said Dib as he began to walk over to the dog.

Dib was about to pat the dog on the head when a strange mist suddenly spiraled around the dog, hiding it from sight.

"'Don't mention it' he says," said the smoke as it traveled upward and became a long skinny smoke tunnel.

The smoke suddenly subsided and revealed an old oriental looking man, with a long thin white mustache, long white hair, and a long slick looking white coat now holding the dog and petting it.

"What the…?' said Dib startled and confused. "How did you…um…never mind."

"What is it that brings you to my humble shop young man?" asked the man.

"Well…" began Dib as he held out the bundle of money his Dad had given him. "I'm looking for a pair of glasses to replace my old pai…" Dib was cut off as the store owner swooped in, dropping the dog (who hit the floor with a squeak), and grabbed the bundle of money.

The old man counted the money, flipped pass his thumb, and then inhaled its scent deeply, giving off an exhale that showed he was REALLY relaxed. He then turned to Dib and gave off a big evil smile.

"I have just what you're looking for," said the man quickly as he jolted over to a shelf on the far wall of the shop.

He rummaged around the shelf for a bit until he found what he was looking for.

"Ahhh, this is it," he said, blowing dust off of an old small wooden box.

He then zipped over to Dib and held the box out in-front of Dib and slowly opened it.

"Behold," he said, revealing the boxes contents.

Dib looked in the box and saw a pair of golden decorative glasses. They were just in Dib's head size (so they were very big…)

Dib: "Hey!"

Store owner: "It's kinda true, it is fairly large."

Dib: "Now don't you get started!"

Me: "face it Dib, you're head is big, stop denying it."

Dib: "NEVER!!!!"

Me/ Store owner: "Fine, suit yourself."

Anyway; the glasses were just in Dib's size, and had hand carved symbols on the sides, as well as gold figure of an eye holding the lenses together. Dib shook off the clearly evident truth about his head delivered from the store owner and myself and looked on at the glasses.

"Wow, these are pretty neat, mind if I try them on?" said Dib looking to the store owner.

"Be my guest."

Dib took the glasses out of the box and put them on. As he looked through the lenses, things were still blurry and hard to make out.

"Dang it! I should have known these wouldn't…" but before Dib could finish his sentence, the glasses gave off a brief flash which semi-electrocuted Dib's eyes.

**ZAP!!**

**OW!!**

Dib quickly shook the pain of the shock off and un-squinted his eyes.

"Yeow, what in the world was tha…" Dib widen his eyes in amazement. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. He was…well…SEEING!! No blur no distorted physical vision. "Wah!! This is amazing!! These glasses adjust to the needs of the user!?"

"Yes," nodded the store owner. "But heed these words my boy…" Dib looked at the store owner wondering what he would have to heed.

"Those are no ORDINARY spectacles you are wearing they are magical spectacles, doted with great power by the beings in the heavens!!"

"Really? Cool!"

"But the powers within those glasses are more powerful then any can possibly imagine. Many a man has gone mad wearing those. Do not let the power with in them take you over, as those who came before you did!"

"…Um…I won't?" said Dib, not sure what to say.

Promise it boy!! Promise it on the dog!!!" exclaimed the owner, holding the dog by the head in Dib's face.

"I promise, I promise!!" yelled Dib, trying to get away from the dog in his face. "Now is that all!?"

The store owner dropped the Dog, zipped back to behind the main counter, and regained his composer.

"Yes that's it, do come again soon," he said with a smile.

Dib rolled his eyes and walked out the store, wearing his new glasses with pride. As he left the store and stepped into the moonlit street, he saw one of the rouge cats' jump for him.

"Reow!!!"

"Ahhh!" yelled Dib as it jumped.

As Dib screamed, and the cat flew towards him, the glasses began to glimmer and then shot a laser out of the lenses which fried the cat in mid air.

**ZAP!!!**

**RAaaaa….*dead***

Dib looked at the smoking carcass of the dead feline and then touched the glasses.

"Wow, these things really ARE doted with power from the gods…COOL!!!"

Dib gave off a big smile and skipped down the road back to his house. But as he skipped, he didn't notice that the glasses were beginning to slowly grow around his head.

By the time Dib got home, the Glasses had grown almost all the way around the back of his head. Dib didn't really seem to notice this as he walked happily into the house. Upon entering; Dib saw Gaz exactly where he had left her, still watching the television.

"Gaz!" said Dib with a smile. "Check it out! Theses glasses are freaking amazing! They have magical pow…"

"And that's my Q to exit stage left," said Gaz upon hearing the word magical. She got up and walked up the stairs toward her room.

"No Gaz! I'm serious this time! Just check out these thin…" But before Dib could finish his sentence, Gaz went into her room and slammed the door shut. The sound of numerous locks shutting soon followed after word.

Dib stood at the bottom of the steps looking up in disappointment.

"…oh come on! I'm not that annoying…am I? …you know what, forget it, I'm going to bed." And with that, Dib ascended the stairs to his room.

As Dib finished brushing his teeth and changing into his night cloths, he crawled into bed and set the alarm for school.

"Well, today was an odd day, but I must say, I'm pretty happy with it. Time to hit the…hey, what the…" said Dib, as he tried to take his glasses off but couldn't. "These things won't come off!?"

Dib pushed and pulled as hard as he could until the glasses popped off of his head.

"Gyah, wow, these things fit **too** well," said Dib as he put the glasses on his night stand.

Dib jumped into bed and rolled over to face his glasses on the night stand.

"Good night glasses." And with that, Dib snored off to sleep.

As Dib snored peacefully into the night, the glasses began to twitch and move. Soon, the glasses stood on their hind end and began to walk over to Dib.

Dib awoke the next morning feeling better then usually. But how could he not? The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and he had a great new pair of spectacles to look this perfect day in the eye and say 'bring it on world!!'.

"YAWN!!! Wow, what a great sleep that was," said Dib, throwing the blankets off and reaching for his glasses. "Hey, what the…"

Dib looked at the dresser and realized that the glasses were gone. He glanced around the room real quick like (WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH!!! That was quick) and soon realized that he could see perfectly fine. Dib's eyes filled with fear as he lifted his hand up to his face, to test if his scary suspicion was true. Sure enough, Dib felt the cold cast gold lining that was his new glasses, already on his face.

"What in the world are these things!?" exclaimed Dib

As Dib pondered furiously, with his heart beating with fear, he suddenly was pulled by his head out of his room, down the hall, and into the bathroom.

**WAHHHH!!!**

**Woosh!**

He flew into the bathroom, and the door slammed behind him. His head was then forcefully turned to face the mirror. In the glass, he saw the reflection of himself and the glasses.  
"What's going on here!?" demanded Dib. Dib felt the back of his head. As his hand touched the back, he felt the cold gold bands of the glasses wrapping around the sides and top of his head, connecting at an intersection point. Dib grabbed the bands and tried to pull them off, but to no avail. The glasses shook his head around, throwing his arms off the bands; then two tentacles grew from the intersection point and quickly wrapped around his wrists and forced him down on to the sink counter.

"Gyah!! What do you want from me!!!!!" The lenses of the glasses then began to glow bright red. "Hey what is thi…no…NO…NOOOOO!!!!!!!"

As Dib screamed from inside the bathroom, Gaz stood outside the bathroom waiting impatiently for Dib to finish whatever it was he was doing.

"Hurry up Dib!" Shouted Gaz. "I don't have all day!" Gaz got a very strange reply.

"HELP ME GAZ!! HELP M…***SMACK*!!!!**..."

The hall was silent. Gaz starred puzzlingly at the quiet bathroom.

"Dib…?" Suddenly, and without warning, the bathroom door was shot off by a huge red laser, flying past Gaz's head. Gaz looked into the smoke filled lavatory to see a pair of big glowing red circles. As the smoke cleared, she saw that it was her brother slightly levitating, looking on with a soulless look in his now all red lenses.

"…need…red…" Dib and the glasses then hovered out of the bathroom and down the stairs.

Gaz looked on at her brother's odd behavior, floating out of smoke filled bathroom and all with unusual head gear and glowing red eyes. She soon shrugged off the recent event and walked into the bathroom.

"Psh, finally." And with that, she slammed the door shut behind her.

"AHH!! Get off of me!! For the love of all that is good and something; GET OFF OF ME!!!!!" shouted Dib as he floated through his living room. Suddenly, and without warning, the glasses (well, it's kind of a near helmet right now, but that's not the point) zapped Dib's head like an electric chair strapped to his face.

**Zappaapppaappp!!!!!!!**

**AHHHGbckalkca….!!!!......**

The shock he received caused Dib's head to hang over limp and without life (don't worry, kids, he's still alive, just unconscious: D). the helmet glasses thing, now satisfied that all the irritating screaming from its host had been diminished looked around the room. It only ceased to stop searching until it spied a red sweater lying on the floor. It took no delay in zapping the sweater with red laser beams from its eyes, causing the red from the sweater to be absorbed by the head wear. As soon as the sweater had lost all of its red color and lay white on the floor, more wire tentacle things sprouted from the head wear and began to form around the parts of Dibs head that still showed flesh or hair. Realizing that there was nothing red left in the room, only decrepit evil blue things, the head wear opened the door with a free tentacle and floated outside, with Dib still attached and unconscious.

The head wear hovered down the street, zapping the red out of anything it could find; stop signs, fire hydrants, stop lights, anything and everything red, making it grow even greater..

"Good golly gosh, this sunburn hurts," said a man poking at his red skin. The head wear turned and zapped him clean of all his acing red skin, and replaced it with fresh pale white skin. "…Ah!!! Hey, wait a minute; it doesn't hurt anymore...YIPIE!!!"

As the sunburn man walked off, a man with a fresh cut came about.

"Yeowch! I can't believe I cut myself on that Spit-Git-E-O's can, just look at all this fresh RED blood." The head wear turned and Zapped into his cut and took out all the red oxidizing blood cells, turning his blood white with white blood cells, which healed the wound even faster not having the red blood cells in their way now. "Ouch! Hey, cool, all white blood cells, I'm immune to all diseases now! Awesome!!" But no sooner had he thought he was safe from all disease when his skin began to turn dark blue due to lack of red blood cells to carry oxygen to the rest of his body. "…uh-oh…uhhgggg…."

**Thud!**

**Twitch, twitch…..**

The head wear grew more tentacles and moved on down the street, zapping red things and growing even larger.

Meanwhile at Skool, the children in the Bitters class all came to their seats and readied themselves for the oncoming lecture of depressing-ness.

As Zim walked in, he noticed that Dib was not to be found in his seat, but rather, could not be found at all. This absence of the big hea…I mean…um…Dib child was most peculiar, and at the same time refreshing.

"Hmmmm…no Dib today," thought Zim. "I wonder if that little explosion yesterday had something to do with his missing…" Zim paused to think about the possible carnage he must have Dib through. As the images of organs dangling from trees and the poor disembodied head lay on a rock with a stick through the eye socket, went through his head Zim began to chuckle. "Ah yes, that would be sweet. Though I doubt I'll be that lucky."

Zim shrugged in disappointment and began balancing a pencil on his lip as Bitters began to talk.

"Class," began Bitters. "Today we'll be talking about the neurological centers in the brain, and how they cause people to behave toward one another."

The class moaned at the sound of that boring discussion (…wait, how would they find that at all boring? That would be an awesome lecture. I'd love to know a bit more on the human thought process. Stupid imaginary kids, they don't know what they're missing).

"So if you look at the…blah, blah, blah…" and so on.

Bitters continued to ramble on for the next few hours or so, on things along the lines that the most utilized center of a persons mind is the ability to rationalize and irrationalize their actions and to ignore anything and everything at would change their rational thinking, so that essentially nothing is ever really rational and that we're all in a state of denial, no matter who we are and what we are irrationalizing about. But seeing as how you're not reading this to figure out how it is we're all irrationalizing on everything, lets skip to the important part, shall we?

The lecture had gone on for some time now and a good bunch of the children had either fallen asleep, or were shoving pencils into their ears as a form of denying the scientific accuracy of the lecture and didn't care to hear about how things like rebelling against their parents by means of even further denial of the fact that WHO WE ARE IS WHO WE MAKE OURSELVES TO BE AND…woah…calming down, almost said something that might have offended some people, don't want to lose my reader population, now do I? Anyway, they shoved pencils into their ears, laugh at their pain (I do everyday).

Zim was falling asleep and about to drop his head when he heard the lunch bell ring.

"There's the lunch bell children, when you come back we'll do some more emphasizing on denial by electro-shock therapy," said Bitters. The children got up and left the room and headed to the cafeteria.

The kids all grumbled at what was on the menu, mainly because it was so indistinguishable from any kind of known food, that not even the lunch staff knew what to call it. It just looked like a big pile of red gloop. Zim just sat down at his normal table and poked at it with his fork.

"bleahggg…how can these people stand to eat this?" said Zim, pulling his head back in pain from the very scent of the gloop.

As he gagged, Zim felt a strange rumbling. He looked around to see the whole establishment shaking, with children falling down face first into their food. Zim then looked toward the large windows and saw that there was a strange red light from the opposite side, glowing sinisterly through the window panes. As the lights got brighter, the rumbling got larger.

"Huh…? What's going on here?" said Zim in a very demanding tone.

Suddenly, the windows and wall exploded with a large red blast, sending debris everywhere. Zim squinted his eyes at the sight of the explosion.

**Rummmmmmmmmmmmm…..**

**Greeeeewwwwww**

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!**

The room was now covered it debris. Children ran around screaming, either in terror or on fire (mmm, gonna have ourselves a barbeque). From one pile broken drywall and metal, Zim emerged into the chaos.

"What in the name of flaming meat pies is…huh!?!" Zim abruptly ended his sentence to see something horrifying floating just outside the huge hole in the wall.

Hovering there was Dib…at least, that's what it appeared to be. After all, the strange being had Dibs body and the lower half of Dib's face, but the top half was covered by huge tangled mesh of cables, all seeming to originate from the now dark red spectacles that Dib wore, this and that there was a lot of unearthly humming, and sparks of electricity discharging out of random spots in the tangle.

"Huh?!" shouted Zim. "Dib, what's the meaning of this!?" Dib said nothing, he only hovered there, eyes glowing red, staring at Zim's shirt.

"Grrr…SPEAK Dib human, speak _noowww._" Dib still said nothing, he only stared.

At this point Zim was getting extremely irritated. Glancing at the ground, Zim saw and apple resting right next to his feet.

"Well Dib," said Zim as he kneeled down and picked up the apple. "I didn't think you're already enormous head could get any bigger."

"…_not big..."_

"SILENCE!! You dare make me wait on you to speak! HAVE SOMMA THIS!!" Shouted Zim as he chucked the apple at Dib.

The apple flew threw the air at a near violent speed toward Dib's toso. As it flew, the lenses turned toward the apple and instantly zapped it out of the air, removing all the red from its form. The apple fell to the ground with a loud thud, smoking hot, and white as a ghost.

**WEEE**

**ZAP!**

**THUD!!**

**Sizzle**

Zim stared at the now pale apple on the floor and then looked back to Dib.

"…ummm…"

"…_red on shirt…must obtain…"_

"Huh? What red shirt?" said Zim. He then looked down at his shirt and realized that it was a dark maroon color. As he realized this, another shot from the glasses came out and hit him square in the chest, sending Zim flying back and absorbing the color from the shirt.

**ZAP!**

**OW!**

Zim got up and shook the trauma from his head. He glanced down at his now steaming shirt and saw that it had turned pale white.

"Hey!" shouted Zim as he looked up to Dib. "That's my favorite unifo…I mean…um…shirt!" He shifted his eyes around to make sure no one was suspicious of him (rather odd considering the present situation at hand).

Looking back to Dib, he saw that more cords were coming out of the glasses and forming themselves around the already massive head piece. Dib then looked down back at Zim and studied him carefully.

"_...red object on back…red eyes…consume…"_

Zim looked at his PAK and poked his eyes to check for the lenses.

***poke* OW!!! **(He poked his own eyes btw)

Zim looked over to see that the lenses had come off from when he was hit.

"AHHH!!" cried Zim as he sprinted off, dodging the next blast fired at him.

As Zim sprinted off through the school, the glasses followed him, flying through the halls, zapping and absorbing anything red it spotted, even narrowly missing Zim several times.

"AHHHH!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!!??" cried Zim, not really understanding what was going on.

"_Give me…your crimson garb!!"_

"…CURSE YOU!!! CURSE YOU AND YOUR INCONSISTANT SYNONYMS!!" shouted Zim as he turned a hallway, narrowly missing another shot.

Zim continued to run down the hall. He was about halfway down and the glasses had not yet reach the turn, and were out of sight as a result. As Zim cleared the halfway point, he didn't seem to notice a blue lunch tray that lay in the middle of his path. His foot hit the tray suddenly and unexpectedly, causing Zim to lose his balance and fall face first on the floor.

**Run! Trip! Slip! Splat! OW!!!**

"Gya!" cried Zim, lifting his face from the ground. "What in the name of…" before Zim could finish his sentence, the tray he had slipped fell on the back of his head, and it apparently weighed A LOT more then it looked. **CRUNCH!! **Zim lifted his again, this time with his left eye squinting in something of a combination of pain and irritancy. He turned to the tray, picked it up, and proceeded to scream at it while he still sat on the floor.

"YOU!! YOU CURSED LITTLE SMKBORT! YOU DARE TRY TO STOP ZIM FROM HIS DASHING ESCAPE!!!" As he stared down the tray, it still said nothing…because it was a tray. "SILENCE! Zim cares not for your petty excuses! BUT OH, YOU WILL PAY!!! _You will paaayyyy..."_

Zim would have snapped the tray in half right then and there, if it wasn't for the fact that the glasses finally made the turn in the hallway and saw Zim sitting in the middle of it all.

"…_food source found…must…devour…"_ Zim looked up with his newly dubbed enemy, the food tray, and right into the glowing red eyes of his pursuer.

"…uh-oh…" was all Zim could say when the next blast came toward him.

Everything seemed to slowdown at that point. In this moment of slowness, Zim turned to his newfound lunch tray foe.

"Listen, Zim doesn't like you and you don't like Zim. But I think that we can both agree that…ah screw it." Zim lifted up the blue lunch tray to block the oncoming blast.

The blast made contact with the lunch tray and absorbed the color, as well as sent Zim flying out a nearby window and out to the sidewalk in front of the school. As the glasses absorbed the blue color from the tray, Dib keeled over in pain.

"_NOOOOO!!! The cursed bluueeee…cursed blue!!!"_ hunched over in pain, some of the wire around Dib's head began to shake and fall off.

The glasses cry of discomfort could be heard for quite some ways. In fact, Zim perked his antenna when he heard the cry.

"Huh!? Who? What? How? ZIM!!!"

Zim ran up back to the window from which he had been thrown and peered in to see the Dib hunched over in pain.

"HA!" laughed Zim. "That's what Zim does when you try to mess with him! Squeal from my…wait…what did I exactly do to you?" Zim thought back for about two seconds, remembering how he blocked the on coming ray with the lunch tray.

"Hmmm…THAT'S IT! The weakness is lunch trays!"

Zim jumped back into the building and sprinted past the still squealing Dib, down the hall, and into the lunch room. He looked around the destroyed eating establishment until he spotted the stack of lunch trays over on the far counter. Zim zipped over to the stack and pickup as many of them as his little Irken arms could allow. As Zim turned around with the arm load, the first thing that came into sight was Dib and the glasses literally two feet in front of him.

"AH!!" cried the startled Zim.

"_Give up your crimson nectar!!!"_ demanded Dib.

"You'll get no such blood juices from me big headed Dib smell!!!" shouted Zim. "Let's see how you like THIS!!" Zim then proceeded to start throwing lunch trays from his stack at Dib's huge target of a head…wait, what the…oh yeah, Dib can't hear me make fun of his head now, HA!

Anyway, the trays bounced off of the, still huge, wrap of wires on Dib's head, each one having little to no affect on him. Un-amused, and somewhat annoyed, the glasses fired off another huge beam of red, this one not absorbing anything, just melting it all into one big pile of molten pudding (no, not literal pudding, it's just a metaphor).

Zim looked at the melted plastic lunch trays and then back to Dib, who hovered over him very intimidating.

"Curse you!" said Zim, dropping to his knees. "Curse you and you're invincible frame!!" The glasses began to charger their beam to take away the redness from Zim's person. "…be gentle," pleaded Zim.

The glasses were now ready to fire. As they took aim, a slight grin came over Zim's face and he put his hands, slowly behind his back.

"_Preparing to take red substance, in 3…2…_"

"NOYOUDON'T!!" said Zim before the glasses could fire. In his hands, he held GIR in front of his face.

"WOO! How'd I get here?" said GIR with his patented cute GIR smile and voice (who would've though, it's patented!).

"…_1?!" _

**BEOM!!!**

It was too late for the glasses to stop, they opened fire and hit GIR. The blast absorbed all the blue stupidity out of GIR (as you can imagine, this was a lot of blue color). All the glasses and Dib could do was hunch over in pain once more, and watch as piece by piece fell off of the wire wrapped monstrosity.

"_NOOOOO_OOOooooo…bleah...!"

With that last 'bleah', the last wire fell off of Dib's head and to the ground. As Dib fell backward from the huge surge of whatever, the glasses fell off of his face and disintegrated before they hit the ground. As Dib hit the ground with a loud 'thud,' Zim opened his eyes and looked at the pile of his fallen opponent.

"…YES! YES! VICTORY FOR ZIM!!" Zim threw his arms in the air and rejoiced in his success. "GIR was really only meant to block the blast from hitting me so I could escape, but I guess this works too. Good works GIR… say where did GIR go anyway? Who am I talking to? ZIM!"

Zim looked around the room to see if he couldn't spot GIR. He looked for about two seconds before he noticed big bright light hovering over him.

"Huh? What is this?"

Upon closer inspection, Zim saw it was GIR. He was a bit different though. Instead of having red or blue features, he was completely white. He had white angel wings and a halo sitting above his head, and there was a great choir of heavenly creatures praising his name (I know wtf right?).

And GIR spoke unto Zim saying, "Peace my master, for you hath given me new life with witch to claim you're victory. But I say unto you, thou must be…" and by this point, Zim had grown sick of hearing GIR's angelic crap and threw a piece of ruble at his head to make him stop talking.

The impact of the stone to GIR's head sent the little robot hurdling back toward the floor, knocking off the wings and halo, and returning his features to blue.

"Aw," said GIR after having hit the ground. "I wanted to ascend."

"Yeah, sure ya did," said Zim rolling his eyes. "Let's just go home." And with that, Zim grabbed GIR's hand and dragged him out of the huge hole made by Dib in the beginning of the episode, leaving Dib lying unconscious of the floor.

End of Episode 21

Dear lord that took forever! Sorry it took me so long to post this, I've just been really busy with school and all that I've hardly had time for this. I wanted to do something without Da'as or Zet, and stay traditional to a Dib Zim episode; I think it turned out pretty well. Oh, and the whole angelic GIR thing is not trying to make fun of spirituality, it's just silly. I'm a very religious person and don't want to offend any other religious folk with my slap stick angel humor. I'll try to get the next episode written as soon as I can. Oh, speaking of which, I want your opinions, should I have the next episode be the origin story of Da'as or Zet, or should I just jump right to the season 2 of my series finale? Just tell me in your comments, and once the comments stop coming in, I'll tally up the votes. Please comment nicely!!

Copywrite Jhonen Vasquez/Invader Zim


	22. Episode 22 part 1: Behind Black Eyes

Dear lord, why does it take me forever to give you people this stuff? Oh yeah, my life (not meant to be a joke, seriously, my life is kinda getting in the way of this). Anyway, seeing as how only one person really gave a vote on what I should write for the series, we're going to go with that one vote and do the origin stories of Da'as and Zet before I do the season finale. Now, when you read Da'as' origin story and realize that it isn't so much funny as it is dark, ironic, and depressing, you must remember that Da'as is not bound to the idiocy that Zim is and is rather a much more serious in tone character and is thus less likely to be as absurd and humorous. But I digress, on with show!

Behind Black Eyes: Part 1 (Get it? Because Da'as wear's black eyeliner and Zet has black eyes? …chuckle, it's semi-entertaining.)

Now, there are a number of points at which I could start to explain Da'as' life. It would make sense to talk about how his father was the a Colonel at a military base where he was in charge of both experimental weapons as well as the top quartermaster for all the bases armaments, and how his mother was a Surgeon, specialized in the functions of the human brain and the nervous system, and the experience the two had at the event of Da'as' birth. But truth be told, his birth was fairly normal to most human births and was really quite irrelevant to anything.

I could talk about Da'as' childhood from age 0-12, but I am afraid to inform you that that portion of his life was filled with typical antics of a child of those ages. Da'as simply played around on the military base in which he was born and raised, and lived a fairly happy and normal childhood for those years. His mother taught him the basics of the human body and some of what she knew about the human brain and nervous system while his dad showed him a bunch of fun new military toys from work, and even explained to him how some of them worked and were designed.

How he made many friends through out those years, including his first girlfriend when he was 12; Clair Garness. But it is all irrelevant to the creation of the Da'as who you all are acquainted with. That Da'as' creation all starts when Da'as is 13 years old, and it is here, where we start the story of Da'as Iscrott's progression to the apathetic reincarnating bastard you are familiar with, so it there we will start (BTW, all of what I explained up there is important to an extent, that's why I explained it…duh).

The day after his 13th birthday, Da'as woke up in his small bedroom as he normally did. He walked over to his bathroom and got the water running to wash his face and brush his teeth, and to comb his short bed head hair. He looked in the mirror to see his face still had dark bags under it from sleeping, but other than that, he looked fine (not a speck of eyeliner on this fellow).

After washing and brushing, he got dressed and walked down the stairs to the kitchen, where his parents were eating. He poured his Munchy Crunchy Delight cereal into his bowl and ate. His father looked up from his clipboard to watch his son happily enjoy his food.

"Say dad, what's the weather going to be like today?" asked Da'as, looking back to his father.

"Sunny for the most part, I think, you'd have to check the news to be certain."

"Big plans today son?" asked his mother.

"Clair and I were going to hang out," said Da'as as he went back to his cereal. His mother frowned while his father smiled.

"You just saw that girl yesterday at your birthday," began his mother. "Do you really need to see her again?"

"Well of course he does!" butted in Da'as' father. "How is our boy going to form a lasting relationship with a girl long enough to get married and raise a family if he doesn't spend time with his girlfriend?"

"Our boy is only 13, dear. I think it's a bit early for him to be creating serious relationships, don't you think?"

"Preposterous, the sooner the better I say."

"Guys, please don't figh…" Da'as was cut off by the continued arguing.

"Dear, need I remind you that you never got to your lasting partner until you were 27 years old, not 12!"

"Please, it's different for different people."

Now, it should be noted that Da'as' parents have disagreeing points on Da'as' romantic life, considering these factors: 1. Da'as' father was raised in a family obsessed on lineage and continuing the family line; so naturally, he had an inclination to pass that tradition onto his son. 2. Da'as' mother, on the other hand, was a very protective parent, and saw dating as a waste of time and possibly dangerous to her child. This particular subject had never occurred to the two when they first met and never came about until Da'as met Clair in the beginning of his 5th grade year of Skool. Ever since then, the two had been arguing over what was best for Da'as. Da'as' view on he subject was simple: he liked Clair and she like him, and he wanted to hang around her and her around him, and so they should be able too.

The two bickered for sometime, pushing Da'as out of the conversation whenever he tried to intervene. Seeing it useless to try and stop them, Da'as went on eating his cereal. The two's bickering did not cease until the doorbell rang.

"That must be Clair," said Da'as as he got up from his seat and rushed to the door.

"There, you see dear?" said Da'as' father with a triumphant grin. "She's already come, and we wouldn't want to be rude to a guest now would we?" Da'as' mother just grumbled bitterly as she got up from the table and went upstairs.

"Hi Clair," said Da'as as he opened the door. A girl with light brown hair tied back in a pony tail, wearing a long-sleeved shirt with a heart on it, a long skirt and dark blue pants stood in the doorway.

"Da'as!" said Clair as she gave Da'as a big hug. "How have you've been since yesterday?"

"Pretty good," said Da'as leaving the hug. "And yourself?"

"I'm pretty good. What did the weather say?"

"My dad said it was going to be sunny, but he said he wasn't sure and that I should check the weather channel just to be safe."

"Well don't just stand there man! Turn on the TV and lets see!" Clair grabbed Da'as by the wrist and the two ran into the living room and jumped onto the couch. As they fumbled with the remote, Da'as' father peaked in on the two. A small sincere smile grew on his face as he looked toward his son.

"You two look so cute like that," he said as he shook his head and continued to smile. "It's so good to see you both so excited for the day ahead of you."

"Dad!" said Da'as, a bit surprised and embarrassed. "Don't sneak up on us like that!" Clair gave a giggle to how red Da'as' face had gotten.

"Heheh, yes Clair, you can giggle. Well, I'll not stop you two little love birds and go ahead and get to work now. Have fun!"

"Dad!" Da'as' father chuckled and left the house to get to the main Military Intelligence center.

Da'as was now very red from embarrassment as he turned from the door to the TV which the two had finally gotten to work. Da'as growled a bit at his father's teasing (Look at that, complex emotions. He can love, fear, feel embarrassed, be happy or angry, he's a completely different human being right now! Isn't it just plain creepy!).

"Oh come on Da'as," said Clair with a smile. "You know he's only fooling around with you."

"I know, but couldn't he do it when I'm not with you?" Suddenly, the door opened and Da'as' father poked his head back in.

"No, it has to be in front of your Miss. Tasty Cakes." He then disappeared behind the door as it slammed shut for the final time.

"…did he just call me a 'Miss. Tasty Cakes'?" asked Clair. "What does that even mean?"

"…I honestly have no idea…" The two looked at each other most confused, shrugged their shoulders, and returned their gaze to the news.

"And now the Weather," spoke the magic picture box (that's a television…jsyk). "Scattered clouds with an 11% chance of…THIS JUST IN!"

"What the…?" Da'as and Clair said in unison.

"CORPRATE SCANDLE, GOVERNMENT COVER UPS, CORPRATE CONSPERICISES ABOUT THERE NOT REALLY BEING A GOVERNMENT, ALL THIS AND MORE ON 10'o'clock ACTION NEWS AT 7! BACK TO YOU WEATHER DUDE!"

"Umm…thank you for that report Obscure Random Television Reporter Man In A Purple Jacket," said Weather Dude. "Anyway, there's an 11% chance of…oh, I don't know…puppies (?)…yeah puppies…there will be an 11% chance of puppies falling from the sky…I forgot…there's a tornado in some far off place that doesn't concern you, but we'll talk about that for an hour…see you at 6."

As the news show transition to some soap opera thing, Da'as and Clair looked on increasingly perplexed.

"…that was lame; they didn't even tell us what that 11% really was," said Clair. "What was it! GORSH DARN YOU, WHAT WAS ITTTT!"

"…wait, if there is no government and it's all a corporate conspiracy…then who pays my dad?"

"And what's with all these obscure news times?" asked Clair, who had calmed down from her fit.

"No idea. Wait, I thought there was a disclaimer that said this wasn't going to be a random/absurd episode?"  
"What ever the case," said Clair, ending the pointless questioning to the previous matter. "Do you think it'll rain today, or that we're safe?"

"I'd say we'd be safe," said Da'as as he looked out the window. "It seems okay, except for the scattered clouds, but otherwise is fairly nice out."

"Think we should risk it?"

"Hmmm…why not, it'll make things a little more interesting, not knowing what the day has in store for us."

"Then let's go!" Clair then grabbed Da'as by the arm and pulled him out the door. But as the two left, Da'as couldn't stop thinking about the words of government corruption and conspiracies.

"What's wrong Da'as?" asked Clair as the two sat on a large boulder in the middle of the park, watching the clouds go by. "You've been really quiet today."

Da'as stared into the sky a bit longer before realizing that Clair was talking to him.

"Huh, what?"

"Are you okay? You've been really quiet since we left your house."

"Have I?"

"Yeah, like your mind has been somewhere else. Are you sure you're okay?"

Da'as stayed quiet for a bit longer before answering.

"…it's just that…I can't help but worry."

"Worry about what?" asked Clair. "Is it me? Please don't say it's me!"

"It's not you, it's…"

"PLEASE DON'T SAY IT'S ME!"

"I JUST SAID IT WASN'T YOU!" shouted Da'as back.

"REALLY! OH THANKS TO GOODNESS!"  
"STOP SHOUTING! PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO LOOK AT US!"

"WHAT!"

"I SAID…WAIT…WHY ARE WE SHOUTING IN THE FIRST PLACE?"

"SHUT UP YOU TWO!" shouted a passing meat salesman as he threw a rock at the back of Da'as' head.

**Smack!**

"Gyah!" said Da'as as he grabbed the back of his head in pain. "I'm sorry! Gosh!"

"Don't be sorry, be quiet!"

"SORRY!" shouted Da'as and Clair together. The two were suddenly hit in the face by flying slabs of meat chucked by the vendor.

**SLAP SlAP!**

"Ow!" yelped Da'as as he pealed the meat of his face. "What just happened?"

"I don't know," said Clair. "But what ever it was, we got free meat out of it."

"So we did," said Da'as examining the steak that had been lunged at him.

"Well, now will you tell me what's wrong?" asked Clair just before taking a bite into the newly acquired slab of beef (and yes, they're eating it raw).

"Well…I just keep thinking about what we heard on the news this morning."

"You mean that there was going to be an 11% chance of…"

"No, not that," said Da'as cutting her off. "That whole thing about corruption and conspiracies in the government and businesses; you know, the action news segment?"

"Da'as, that action news thing is always saying that someone is being evil and is doing dastardly deeds of some sort. It's all just to get people to watch the news, half of it isn't even true."

"I know, and that's what bugs me!"

Clair looked questioningly at Da'as. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that all people seem to care about is their own selfish agenda! Sure, half of what they say on the news isn't true, but what about the other half that is! There are people that are doing evil dastardly deeds and getting away with it, and then you have news teams which are trying to make a profit out of those dastardly deeds by exploiting them! They pretend to be looking out for the common interest of their viewers, but you and I both know that's just a load of hooey! They're doing it for the cash, and half the time they're lying about it!"

"Are you trying to say that you have a problem with media and corporation integrity?" Asked Clair. "If so, I hate to tell you that you're going to be bugged pretty much every waking moment of your life."

"It's not just their integrity, its humanities integrity!" shouted Da'as. "Because the corruption and greed doesn't stop there; even in the everyday lives of ordinary people there is greed and willingness to fraction ones integrity just to get what they want!"

"How so?" asked Clair, who was now a little perplexed.

"Like…that homeless guy over there!" Da'as pointed to a bum pushing around an old shopping cart.

"He's just a bum Da'as," began Clair. "He probably just didn't pay his taxes."

"But don't you see Clair! That's my point! He's homeless because of one of two options: Either he was selfish and didn't feel like contributing to taxes, or he's the victim of a selfish wealth seeker who took all of his possessions, save the cloths on his back!"  
"Or maybe he's a bum because he's done everything else there is to do in life except be a bum," interjected Clair.

"No Clair, bums don't do that. Hobos do that, there's a difference."

"But still Da'as, if that were completely true, there wouldn't a middle class. Some people are just poorer than others, and some people are just richer than others. Some people are nice, some people are bad, but not everyone is as corrupt and evil as you think they are."

Oddly enough, as Clair finished her very short monologue, a middle class looking man ran up to the bum, tackled him, grabbed his shopping cart and ran off.

"SO LONG YA HOBO!" shouted the man.

"HEY! THAT'S MY STOLEN SHOPPING CART!" replied the Bum. "AND I'M NOT A HOBO, I'M A BUM! THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!"

And with that, the bum ran off down the street to catch the middle class fellow. As they ran down, however, they came to the middle of a cross walk where they were hit by a fellow in a pick-up truck. After running the two over, the driver got out, looked over their remains, took the shopping to the truck bed, and drove off, leaving the two bodies in the street or an old lady to come by and take what was left that was still worth something.

Clair looked on the incident with her mouth wide open in amazment.

"…oh…my…gosh…"

"You see what I mean?" said Da'as sarcastically. "It's exactly that which is what concerns me. People's greed and corruption has made them so ignorant to their fellow man and in turn to the world in which they live! That's what bugs me!"

"I said shut up!" shouted the meat vendor, who had returned from where ever it was he had gone off too, throwing another piece of meat at Da'as (this time, it was a chicken leg).

**Wump!**

Da'as didn't flinch in pain this time, he only looked on with that kind of 'of course that would happen again' kind of look on his face.

"But still Clair, you see why I'm bothered now? It's just not right how people can do that kind of thing. It makes me sick to my stomach that I'm going to have to grow up in a world like this." Da'as looked down in a slightly depressed kind of looked.

"Aw," said Clair apologetically as she wrapped her arms around Da'as for a hug. "Don't worry Da'as. It's not like there's anything we can do about it."

Suddenly, an idea popped into Da'as' head.

"Hmm…what if there was something we could do about it?" asked Da'as as he perked his head up. "What if we could change the way people live so that way people could stop this cycle of taking and taking and be stupid?"

"What're you talking about?" asked Clair dropping the hug.

"Heehee…" chuckled Da'as. "Oh Clair, I just got the most delicious idea ever."

"…and that is…?"

"…why don't we take over the world?"

About 3 hours later, in the basement of Da'as' house, Da'as and Clair sat with a number of their compatriots. They all sat and listened as attentively as people should but for what ever reasons don't do when in church to Da'as' proposal.

"So you see," went on Da'as. "I have thus concluded that the only way to stop the menacing corruption, greed, and idiocy among people is to force a new rule of govern over them in which the govern will enforce the strictest laws on using common sense and respect for the fellow human being."

"This is crazy," said Clair shaking her head. "You expect a bunch of 5th graders to take over the world and actually know how to rule it? For goodness sake Da'as, were just kids!"

"Oh hush now Clair," retorted Da'as. "The world is more childish than we are right now, I think we'll be able to handle it."

"…um, why don't you just mail your complaints into the President Land offices, I'm sure the Senate People will consider what you have to say," said one child among the group.

"Send my vision to over throw the corruption into the hands of the very people who are so corrupted? I should say not! I've picked you all, my closest and most trusted friends because I…um…trust you."

"Wouldn't it make sense to entrust this to someone who has real power?" asked the same kid.

"Yeah," interjected another. "Like, isn't your dad a hot shot military guy?"

"Oh don't worry; he'll be helping us along, though he will not know it. My father is by far too conservative to understand what I have planned; and besides, if he figured out what I was doing he'd realize his job would be in jeopardy."

"Wait, do you exactly have planned?" asked a kid in the back.

"Didn't I just tell you all? To overthrow all world powers and unite everyone one over the forced rule of common sense."

"Yeah, I know that," he said. "But I mean, how do you plan to go about doing it?"

"Well, you see, I plan to…umm…I plan to…"

It was at this moment that Da'as had just realized that he didn't really have a way about doing it. He knew what he wanted to achieve, but no idea how to do it.

"…um…I haven't really gotten that far…but that's why you guys are here!" said Da'as saving himself. "Any ideas of how we should go about doing this?"

"We could make picket signs," suggested Clair.

"I thought you said this was absurd?" asked Da'as.

"Well now that I know you don't plan on doing any kind of a coup I think we might just be able to do something reasonable for our ages."

"But I do plan on a coup," said Da'as. "What do you think picket signs are going to do? People will pass us and go: 'aw, so cute' and be done with us. Picket signs aren't what we need. We need action!"

"We could have a bake sale." Suggested another kid, Da'as threw an old alarm clock at his head.

**Boink!**

"What in the name of Poop Dog would that do?" shouted Da'as. "A bake sale, bah!"

"…well…I think before we can do anything, we might want to get some funding," said one kid. "You can't do anything without funding."

"There we go!" said Da'as with enthusiasm. "Now we're getting somewhere! So how do we get funds?"

"Well…we could take up a collection from everyone here, take a loan from the bank, or…"

"BAKE SALE!"

**Boink! (It's another alarm clock)**

"No bake sales!" shouted Da'as. "How many times do I have to tell you!"

The Bake Sale obsessed child rubbed his head in pain as everyone else murmured about, questioning whether or not Da'as was sane or of possible ideas for gaining funds. Clair only shook her head in disapproval of all of this. Da'as scratched his head for a while.

"Hmmm…WAIT!" exclaimed Da'as. "Instead of getting a loan from the bank, why don't we just…"

"Set up a bake…!"

"If you say bake sale one more time, it'll be this heirloom chandelier that'll be thrown at your head next." Da'as held a large chandelier in his left hand, getting ready to pummel the bake sale child.

"Where did you…who can you…why a chandelier?"

"Mostly because I ran out of alarm clocks to throw at you," explained Da'as. "But also because it'll hurt more."

The Bake Sale child shut up, and Da'as went on.

"Anyway, instead taking a loan from the bank or opening an account there, why don't we just rob it?"  
The room stood completely silent and all stared at Da'as with a kind of 'WTF man' looks on their faces.

"Are you crazy!" exclaimed Clair. "Do you have any idea how dangerous that is, not to mention extremely difficult, immoral, and not to mention entirely contradictory to what you're trying to accomplish! You can't claim that you want to save the world from ignorance and corruption by stealing from everyone who's deposited money in the bank!"

"Oh come on Clair, do you honestly believe that the bank is using their money properly?" retorted Da'as. "They use those funds for things by far more counterproductive than what I have in store for them. If anything, I'm saving their funds from evil and turning them to a much more noble purpose."

"…this is insane."

"Hey, I like the idea, who's in favor, raise your hand." Da'as raised his hand.

"How would we go about doing this?" asked one kid.

"Well," began Da'as. "It's around 6 PM now. Meet back here at 8 and I'll have the details all set and ready for us."

They all murmured a bit over the idea. They eventually all nodded and raised their hands to confirm they were in (there are about 8 children not counting Da'as or Clair).

"Excellent!" rejoiced Da'as. "Then we'll meet here at 8, dress in black."

As commanded; two hours latter, everyone showed up back in Da'as' basement wearing black sweaters, black wool caps, black jeans, and black boots (some even had black make up to give them a kind of commando like look. I don't know why a bunch of 12 and 13 year olds are doing this; they just are). Even Clair got dressed up. She stood next to Da'as who was looking at a map on a card table.

"Do you honestly expect to be able to rob a bank with a mediocre heist plan you put together in less than two hours?" asked Clair.

"Hey, our government did the same thing with that Viet-Guam war, and everything turned out fine, right?"

"Da'as, we lost that war…and it wasn't even declared an official war!"

"…um…alright, but that's not the point, the point is…"

"What do you mean that's not the point? It's indefinitely the point!" interjected Clair.

"Look, my point is that this'll work. I have the up most faith." Clair just shook her head in disappointment.

Da'as turned to his murmuring crown of associates.

"Okay people, circle up." Everyone gathered around Da'as. "Now, here's what we're going to do: We divide ourselves up into two teams of 5. Team 1 will consist of me, Clair, guy that gave me the idea…"

"Hi," said the guy that gave him the idea.

"Hi Guy, and team one will also have quiet guy #3 and bake sale kid."

"I brought Snicker doodles!" smiled Bake Sale Kid.

"Did you bring them as a snack?" asked Da'as as he tossed an alarm clock up and down in his hand. "Or did you bring them in hopes of selling them?"

"…um…for a snack?"

"That's a good boy," said Da'as putting the alarm clock behind him. "and lets keep it that way.

"Anyway, team 2 will be everyone who's name I didn't mention."

"But, you never, technically, called me or Bake Sale Kid by our real names," said the Guy that gave him the idea. "So are we on team 1 or 2?"

"You know what I mean," said Da'as, getting aggravated.

"Actually, I really don't," said The Guy. Da'as turned to grab the alarm clock, and threw it at The Guy's head.

**Boink!**

**OW!**

"Get it now?"

"…ow…yes…" said The Guy as he rubbed his head in pain.

"Okay, now that we have that settled, here's the plan. Team 1 will be in charge of getting the ventilation and the vault. We'll make our entrance through the back door. We'll go in, put this Grade A Military sleeping gas in the ventilation system and then make our way to the vault, where we will proceed to open it and take the money on the inside. Meanwhile, Team 2 will take the front lobby. Don't enter until everyone is out from the gas. Once they're all sleeping, go behind the counters and with these Grade A Military issue burlap sacks, load in any remaining bank money. When we're all done, both teams will exit via the back door, and we'll rendezvous back here. Everyone got that?"

The room looked back and fourth at each other and nodded, the plan seemed pretty solid to everyone, everyone except for Clair.

"Just a few questions Da'as; 1: Where are we getting this Military junk? 2: What about the security cameras? And 3: how are we even going to get to the bank?"

"In order: My Dad brings that kind of stuff home all the time from his work, we'll be wearing masks or some means of concealing our faces, and I rented one of those vans that only have windows in the front."

"This is insane."

"Insanely genius!" exclaimed Da'as.

"No, just insane. Who here even knows how to drive? And which bank!"

"It's the bank just outside the police station, and my dad's shown me how to drive."

"OUTSIDE THE POLICE STATION! ARE YOU RETARTED!"

"It has the most money."

"You're an idiot! Da'as, have you completely lost your mind!"

"…does this mean you're not coming?" Clair gave off a long sigh of content and looked back to Da'as.

"…yeah, I'm coming."

"Alright, everything is in the van, so let's pile up, and move out!" All cheered and went up to the van.

As you can imagine, Da'as was not that great a driver. He swerved back and forth, and went all over the road. Luckily, there wasn't any other cars out (it's a Military Base, everyone's done driving). They pulled into an old grassy lot a few yards away from the Bank next to the Police Station. Da'as put the van in park, and all piled out with their masks, gas, and burlap sacks.

"See, I told you I could drive," said Da'as as he unbuckled his seat belt. Clair just sat, wedged into the passenger seat, with her hands wrapping around to grasp the back of the seat and held on for dear life. She soon let go, and smacked Da'as across the face.

**Smack!**

**Ooff!**

"What was that for!"

"…I'm driving back."

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad."

"Don't make me smack you again." Da'as scurried out of the van with a mild look of terror on his face.

After all the equipment was out of the van and disrupted among the two teams, Da'as did an inventory check.

"Okay, sleeping gas?"

"Check!" said one of the kids.

"Gas masks?"

"Check!"

"Good, Burlap sacks?"

"Check!"

"They're the Grade A Military issue ones right?" asked Da'as. "It'll have a little 'certified by military' stamp on it." The child looked on the bags and saw the big green military stamp.

"Check!"

"…Safe-Cracking-Stethoscope?"

"Check!" said a child dressed as a doctor.

"Wait, where did you get that coat?" asked Da'as.

"I found it in the back."

"Huh…anyway; and masks, does everyone have their masks?" Everyone reached into their pockets and pulled out either black ski masks or some ridiculous Super Walrus masks from Halloween.

"Of all the stupid super heroes there are why they picked that one is beyond me," said Clair.

"Alright, so we all have our…wait a moment…" Da'as checked his pockets for his mask, but found nothing. "Darn it!"

"Did you leave your mask in the basement?" said Clair with an eye roll.

"I must've, it's not here."

"Here," said Clair as she threw Da'as a black eyeliner pen. "Draw one."

"Thanks," said Da'as as he caught the pen. He darkened his eyelids and drew two upside down triangles connected with the bottom lids of his eyes.

"Wow, you look like a Goth, except with out the white face make up."

"Ha, ha; anyway, that looks like everything, does everyone remember their teams?" All split up to their assigned teams and gave thumbs up. "Good, we all know what to do; let's try to get this done in fewer than 10 minuets. Go!"

The group moved toward the western side lot of the bank, which was little more than an empty space filled with wild grass and weeds. When reaching the lot, they split up into their two teams and went for their respective positions. Team 2 went toward the front and hide in the bushes, waiting for the signal to enter the bank and take the money in the front. Meanwhile, Team 1 (Da'as and Clair's team) went around to the back to break in through the back door.

Da'as ran and slid to a stop in front of the door, trying to avoid the security camera. Once the camera turned the other way, he picked the lock and signaled for the rest of his team to enter. They all ran up and got in before the camera turned to face their direction of entry.

"Okay, head count," said Da'as, checking to make sure all had made it in. "Okay, we're all in; let's move!" They rushed down the hall to the ventilation room, which was clearly labeled by a big yellow sign. Da'as pushed open the door and held it for his team until they were all inside. He examined the large, hydro-powered ventilation reactor that sat in front of them.

"Wait a minuet, there aren't even any bodies of water around here," said Clair.

"What difference does that make?" asked Da'as.

"Well, if this thing is a hydro-powered ventilation machine, then how is it running if there isn't any water around to run it?"

All stopped for moment, looked puzzling at one another, and shrugged theirs shoulders.

"I'm to too concerned with how it works, so long as I can get this gas to work," said Da'as, dropping the gas container into a porthole on the machine. "There, that should do it."

The reactor suddenly began to beep and buzz. The machine soon analyzed the in coming gas and began to send it through the vents, causing the staff all around to collapse into a sleeping land or wonderment. Group 2 saw that as their signal to move, and pushed through the front doors and went for the vault, where Da'as and his group would meet them, leaving the front door wide open, with only a peculiar squirrel to look on in.

The children stood there in front of the large, stainless steel, air tight, mechanically locked vault door. After marveling in awe at its hugeness, Da'as got right to work.

"Did you guys see any cops or witnesses?" asked Da'as to the leader of Group 2.

"Only a squirrel," he said shaking his head.

"Good," said Da'as with a smirk. "Ya see Clair? This **is **working out fine!" Clair only grumbled.

"Just get on with it."

"Right; stethoscope guy, you're up!"

The boy wearing the doctor's coat from earlier stepped up and pulled out the stethoscope, knelt down in front of the safe and began to listen in for the sound of the bumpers as he turned the knob.

"Wait a second; I thought you said it was a mechanical lock?"

"Mechanical is a very broad term, now shut up and just go with it!"

Sorry, about that. Anyway, while Da'as and the gang were cracking the safe, the little squirrel hopped curiously into the bank through the open doors. He sniffed around a bit until he came to the line of withdrawal stations. He looked puzzlingly up at them and decided to investigate. He jumped up on the counters and walked around until he came to the opposite side from where he jumped. He looked under the counter and saw a little read button. Now the squirrel had never been too partial to the color, but today was feeling rather adventurous and decided to take a nibble. He chewed on the mysterious button until the array of mysterious sounding sirens filled the room. Frightened and confused, the squirrel leapt from the counter back to the main lobby and ran out the door. As he fled the building, he noticed a fleet of police squad cars all pull out from the building next door, accelerate to 70mph and travel 20 ft to the bank, where the cars were all emptied by fully armed police officers, who began to yell into megaphones, calling for some one that was inside.

Inside the bank, near the vault, which still had sometime left before it would be significantly cracked, the group heard the sounds of police sirens and police officer orders.

"This is the police! We know you're in there! Come out and you will not be subjected to moderately uncomfortable cardboard whippings!" Shouted the police Captain. "We are not afraid to use excessive and unnecessary force! Come out with your hands, or robot death pincers, up!"

"Ah crap!" shouted a now immensely frightened Da'as. "How the heck did this happen!"

"I told you this would happen Da'as!" shouted Clair, who was in no mood for a victory on her argument. "Did you honestly think that robbing the bank right next door to the police station would work! Now look at what you've done! You've subjected us to arrest and possible moderately uncomfortable cardboard whippings!"

"How did they know about my robot death pincers!" exclaimed a worried child with robot death pincers in the place of hands.

"Would you all just shut up? I'm trying to think here!" said Da'as, looking back and forth with a worried look. "Okay, the rest of you go for the back door and make a break in any direction you can. Clair and I will stay here as long as we can to see if we can crack this stupid thing."

"Forget the safe Da'as!" cried Clair. "Not getting a criminal record is more important than getting a few Earth Monies!"

"Why do you call our currency 'earth monies'?" asked Da'as.

"Well, I've been given no other reason to believe it's called anything else."

"Fair enough," decided Da'as. "Alright guys, scatter!"

The children ran off down the hall. The way to the exit seemed so short and quick before; but now it seemed like they couldn't get to the door fast enough. And sure enough, they couldn't. By the time the first child grabbed on to the door handle, SWAT guys kicked in the big metal doors, flattening the poor child and leaving his red fluids to gush out from underneath (yuck). Startled and appalled, the remaining kids ran the opposite way, toward the front lobby of the bank, hoping to find a safe way out. However, no such luck befell them. When the group reached the lobby, they were met by a whole swarm of police with guns aimed and ready to kill.

"Surrender immediately, or we will use the excessive and unnecessary force we talked about earlier!" called the Officer.

"You've already used it!" shouted Clair. "One of your SWAT guys kicked down a metal door which, essentially, trampled 'what's his face' to death!"

The Officers thought about this a moment. They turned to one another, murmured a bit, nodded, and turned back to the kids.

"Oh, well in that case…" said the main Officer casually.

Suddenly, shots rang out from the police's guns, the first shot hitting Clair square in the head, letting her fall right in front of Da'as. Now right about now, you're most likely thinking; 'Whoa! What's going on here! Da'as' girlfriend can't just die! Can't he save her, or maybe the bullet didn't hit anything too vital? Well, if not that, doesn't she have some final words of advice to Da'as, or maybe he cries over her dead body and goes on a bloody rampage to avenge her?' Sadly, none of these things is what happened. She did not survive the shot, nor did she linger on with anything to say. The moment the bullet pierced her young skull, she had died. Da'as didn't stay to say good bye or to listen to her last words, or to avenge his fallen love. Nay, he did what all children his age would have done at the sound of a gun being fired at them; he ran. They all ran, scattering to get to different doors to escape, some getting caught, some getting shot, and only a few making it out into the night.

Da'as and Bake Sale kid ran for the doors as fast as their little feet could carry them, with shots flying all around their heads, and one of the them entering into Bake Sale kid's back.

**Bang!**

**AHHHH!**

"Bake Sale Kid!" shouted Da'as, still running for the door. The child looked at Da'as as he fell to the ground, rasping with blood coming out of his mouth.

"I…knew we…should've had a…bake…sale…bleah…"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

Da'as ran for the door on the far right, the side closest to his route to home. As he sprinted, one of the officers tried to take aim and fired at him. The shot missed, narrowly, and instead hit a nearby ventilation shaft. As the shot punctured the shaft, the gas Da'as had inserted sprayed straight into his eyes, knocking him down to the ground. He only writhed and wiggled a bit at the pain, trying to clutch on to his eyes which were now experiencing a burning, swelling sensation, as though they where about to pop right out of the sockets. Getting to his feet, he blindly made it to his desired door, and with the rest of the children, ran off into the night.

Da'as fell on to the pavement as he neared home. His eyes still burning, and his vision blurring. He looked up and saw the lights on in house, which was only a few yards away. As he pulled himself up, he just then started to realize what had just happened.

"Ugg…my eyes…they feel like they're ready to hatch into some sort of mutant pain baby thing. Stupid police officers, why'd they have to…oh my god…how many made it out? Clair was right, it failed miserably…oh my god…Clair…*sniff*…she's…*sniff*…oh god!"

Da'as keeled over and began to sob. Tears rushed down his face, making the eyeliner run as well.

"WAHHHHH! GOD…*hic*…DAMNIT…*hic*"

He was choking as he screamed in anguish. Soon, his mother and father heard him, and came running out of the house after him. His father picked up Da'as and brought him into the garage, and set him down on lawn chair that was set up. He got a rag off of a nearby shelf and began wiping away the eyeliner.

"Where were you son! It's almost midnight, we were worried sick about you! And what is this crap on all over your face!"

"Dear!" protested Da'as' mother. "Can't you see his traumatic? Don't yell at him. Honey, what happened to you?"

"…She's…*sob*…she's dead…*sob*…she's dead mom…and I…*sob*…I didn't…I didn't…"

"What? Who's dead?" asked his Father. "What happened?"

"Clair!" Da'as finally shouted. "We…we were going to change the world… but we needed money…she warned me not to but I didn't listen to her! And now she's dead! God Damn it!"

"Oh my lord," said Da'as' father. "How did this happen?"

"I told you she was a bad influence on him dear," interrupted his mother. "I told you he shouldn't be seeing that girl."

"What the hell are you talking about women! Da'as just said she warned him not to do something."

"Like what? For all we know she warned him not to stop her from killing herself. The little bitch." Da'as snapped out of his sobbing and looked up at his mother.

"Now dear, that was out of line," said Da'as' father. "You're just making wild accusations now!"

"Please; Mom, Dad. Don't start this argument now," said Da'as wiping tears and eyeliner away from his face. His eyes seemed to burn even more as the eyeliner left his face.

"Son, sit down and shut up, you're traumatic. Let your mother and I handle this."

"But…"

"No buts Da'as. Sit, your Father and I (mostly I), know what's best for you. Now sit!"

Da'as' eyes were burning even harder now. Between his eyes, his failure, the death of his friends, the death of Clair, and his parents ever still constant bickering, he started squinting in rage. His fingers jittered and moved slowly toward a nearby shovel.

"Mom, Dad, please stop…"

"You keep taking her side! She's not even your kid!"

"I'm taking my son's side! She meant a lot to him."

"…please…stop…"

"I'm taking his side! Don't even kid yourself. She was no good and you know it!"

"You never even spoke to her, your just too over protective."

"And you don't protect him enough!"

"…please…stop…now…" They both turned to Da'as.

"Shut up!" They shouted in unison.

**Swing**

**Smash!**

**Clang!**

**Double thud!**

Da'as' parents hit the ground with a loud thud. He continued to beat them with the shovel.

"YOU SHUT UP! JUST STOP ARGUING! JUST STOP!" shouted Da'as and he proceeded to beat with the edge of the shovel. He tossed it aside and stood over them to shout more. "Mom! She's not evil, and she's not a bitch! Dad! Stop using my love life as a means to continuing the family line! Both of you! Stop trying to make MY decisions! I'll do what ever damned thing I feel is best for ME! SO STOP FIGHTING!...*pant*…*pant*"

Da'as finally opened his eyes and got past his tears and looked at his cold, unmoving parents, as blood flowed out from the wounds he had given them.

"…Mom…Dad…?" When they didn't answer, Da'as leaned over and tried to feel their pulse. There was nothing.

"Come one, get up guys," he said, nudging them with his boot. "Mom! Dad!"

Da'as fell back again and crawled backwards toward his fathers work bench, his eyes wide in shock with what he had just done. His hand covering his mouth, he hit the work bench, causing some things to fall from the surface.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, why…how…" Da'as began to panic and cry even more. His eyes were almost completely clean of eyeliner, and he lost any smudge that might have been left with his last cry. As the last bit of eyeliner came off, his eyes burned even harder than they had that entire night.

"AHHHH! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY EYES!" he scrambled around for something to 'quench' his eyes with.

All Da'as could find was the eyeliner pen Clair had given him. He took the pen and pushed its cool body, against his eyes. To Da'as' surprise, it worked. He pulled the pen away, however, to only have the pain start again. He repeated this cycle of pen to face and away again a few times before acting on a hunch and drawing the same shape Clair had done for him earlier. The pain subsided, but his eyes remained somewhat blurry.

"I look like fucking Randy MacMeatie, but at least my eyes don't burn."

Da'as continued to shake and sob at the sight of his dead parents and at the memories of that night. He steadily sat against the work bench and looked away from the bodies to a box of scalpels that had fallen off of the work bench. He picked up one on the scalpels and examined it. He felt another tear go down his face, and clutched the scalpel ever tighter in his hand.

"…I hate crying…I hate feeling…I hate it, I hate it."

Suddenly, Da'as positioned the scalpel at the back of his head and stabbed. He began cutting through unimportant brain tissue until he reached the desired position in his brain, the amygdale (a gland in the human brain which controls emotions). He twisted and turned the scalpel, causing great pain, until he pulled out the gland. His eyes suddenly dried and his body stopped shaking. He stood up and looked at the bodies and began to remember the events of the night. From the failure, to the deaths, to his now poor eyesight, he just stood there and looked on.

"…much better," said Da'as with a smirk. "Now, let's do something about the physical pain…"

Unbeknownst to Da'as, the screaming and banging from the earlier argument with his parents and reached the house next door. The old woman residing there had called the police to report domestic violence. The police showed up with around three or four cars. They pulled up into the drive way and the officers came out. They walked into the garage to find the bodies of Da'as' parents and Da'as sitting against the work bench with blood coming out of near every pore on his body. They were about ready to puke and were too occupied with holding back the vomit to ask any questions. So Da'as, with his cold unfeeling smug worked a smile and asked first.

"What happens to be the problem officers?"

One year later…

They pulled Da'as out of his padded cell and lead him down the halls of The Crazy House for Boys and to the psychiatrist's office. Da'as sat down in the comfy chair opposite the doctor, still bound in his specially paid for customized straight jacket. The doctor looked through his clip board before speaking.

"So…Mr. Iscrott, how have things been for you here?"

"Quite fine Doc."

"Ah, that's good. Did you have a good breakfast?"

"Can we skip the mindless conversation and get to the important part of this discussion?" asked Da'as coldly.

"Um…sure, I guess…so, how do you think you've progressed since you were admitted here a year ago?"

"I'll admit, most of my therapy I think I got through before the police even came to my house that night. But here, I have had a few revelations of thought."

"Really, such as…?"

"Well, I've thought a lot about life, mortality, death and the afterlife, and have come to a pretty solid conclusion: Life isn't permanent, so why should death be any different?"

"…I was referring to more psychological level revelations, not philosophical."

"Oh, but it is psychological," insisted Da'as. "It's only a point of view that keeps us dead forever, and makes death infinite and life brief. I discovered that while working on these." Da'as lifted up his freshly released arms and showed two blades coming out from under each of his wrists. The doctor pulled back surprised and in shock.

"What the hell are those things!"

"I made these things out of the utensils in the mess hall and miscellaneous pieces of metal that I could find around this place. But anyway, while making them, a blade slipped out and cut my wrist. Needless to say; I bled to death, but as I was bleeding, I thought to myself that idea of death not being permanent. I died, went to hell, and came back 30 seconds later, confirming my theory. Just in time too, because hell is HOT, let me tell you; very little water as well."

"…ummm…that's…interesting," said the doctor, marking something on his clip board. "Tell me, what do you think of the night that had sent you here?"

"I think it was a really shitty day, nothing more," said Da'as quickly. "We all get them, sometimes worse than others; it's just how you deal with those days which is what matters. I didn't deal with that one very well; I've come to realize that."

"Mhm, do you think that if you had a strong desire to do what you did before again, you would be able to resist?"

"I have no strong desires any more, though I am a little impatient. But doctor, I'm missing my amygdale, I have no emotion, and wouldn't care to kill someone no matter what they did."

"True," said the Doctor. He looked at Da'as and then back at his clip board.

"…Da'as, because of your good behavior here, there has been a request that we discharge you. Now, I'm not so sure if you're ready, but I want to know what you think?"

"I don't really care if you let me go or not, but I think I'd be able to befit society better if you let me out."

"…that's all I really needed. Sign on the dotted line Da'as and you can go."

"That's all there is to it?" asked Da'as, grabbing a pen.

"Well, because I'm afraid you might be a little too unstable; you'll be going under the legal custody of your relatives closest to this facility. They'll report to me if you have any more out bursts."

"I see, and who might those be?"

"Your father's parents. They live in a subdivision not far from here."

Da'as smirked as he signed the document.

"That seems more then fair," he said with smile. "Well, it's been nice knowing you doc. I hope to see you again sometime." Da'as extended his hand and the doctor shook it.

"Hopefully not," he chuckled. "If I see you again, it'll most likely be for your readmission." The two laughed at the joke briefly.

"Ah yes, yes indeed Doc."

The cab pulled up in front a very quaint, cozy little house on the corner of the block in the neighborhood. Da'as took his bags, paid the driver, and walked up to the house. An elderly woman opened the door and looked down at the child with black eyeliner and the customized straight jacket.

"Huh? Who're you? What do you want?" she asked quickly.

"It's me grandma; Da'as, your grandson. The men in white coats are making me stay with you and grandpa."

"We have a grandson?"

"Now grandma, you're senile. That's the reason you don't remember me."

"Oh…okay, come on in son."

"I'm your grandson, not 'son' son."

"My niece?"

"No, grandson."

"Drick! Your granddaughter is here!," she called.

"Eliza?" her husband called back.

"No, Da'as!"

"Close enough," Da'as thought to himself. "And at the same time, not really close at all."

"Oh, Da'as. Come on in and give yer grandpa a hug!"

Da'as rolled his eyes and gave them each a hug. He set his stuff down in the guest room, and sat with his grandparents in the parlor.

"So, Da'as," asked his grandfather. "When did you become a boy."

"I've always been a boy, you're just senile."

"I knew it would happen one day. Why, when I was a youngin, I was the prettiest little girl on the factory roof, till my baseball cap went out and came back with stencil. Yep, those were simpler times, when a man could buy a grocery store for a nickel and not have to pay a tax on it…"

"What are you talking about!" asked Da'as, confused as ever. "This story has no relevance to anything and isn't even consistent with itself. It's just mindless jabber!"

"That reminds me of a story," said his grandmother. "When I was an alligator, I was flying over a snowy mountain when my cabbage was eaten by a badger…"

"Okay, first off…never mind, I need rest for school…"

"It's Skool, darling," said his grandfather. "Here, we call it, Skool."

Da'as shook his head and went off to his bedroom. He unpacked all his things and put them away nicely and neatly. After washing up and reapplying his eyeliner, he went to bed and lay awake for a while, trying to sort out the madness of his grandparents.

"I hope not everyone in this town is as insane as those two," He thought. "It'll be harder for me to clean up this world in a town full of grandma and grandpa…I really hope the kids at Skool aren't morons."

End of part 1

There it is! The origin of Da'as! As we know, after he wakes up the next day and goes to Skool, he meets Zim and the gang and thus begins the two's partnership (for those of you that weren't able to find the first episode of this). I'm sorry that this took so long to type up. But now that School is out, I'll have lots more time to write (at least until camp…bleah). So, Part 2, the origin of Zet, should be coming up soon! (hopefully) Comment nicely please.


	23. Episode 22 part 2: Behind Black Eyes

See how fast I got to working on this one? I just love the open summer…until camp comes. Well, part 2, so here we go! It's not nearly as dramatic as Da'as' origin story, but is ten times as bad ass.

Episode 22 part 2: Behind Black Eyes-The Origin of Zet

"Get that thing in there!" shouted the Irken doctor (not a Time Lord, and Irken. If you're looking for Doctor Who fanfiction, you're in the wrong area) as the couple wheeled in the loudly beeping birthing tube. "We need to get it to the hatching chamber immediately, if your smeet is to live."

This, as you might have guessed, is the birth of Zet. For those of you that didn't read the episode: A Not So Happy Birthday…Of DOOM! (Episode 10, FYI), I will re-explain the conception and birthing process of Irkens. Irkens, displaying sexual dimorphism (means they have a male and female body form) are also dioecious, meaning they have separate sex cells in each body, and reproduce internally (meaning fertilization of sex cells occurs within the body rather than outside the body), as most land dwelling creatures do. When the egg is fertilized, it develops within the female, and soon leaves her body when it is has grown to too large of size. Now, the interesting thing about Irkens, is that rather than lay an egg and hide it in the sand or sit on it in a nest to wait for it to fully develop, Irken technology has grown so advanced that they've developed 'Birthing Tubes' which are used as post-mature incubators to develop the egg further until it is ready to hatch. Most times, parents will give their eggs to the military to be trained as soldiers from birth (as Zim was), but some parents hold on to the eggs and have private birthing tubes, and hatch their eggs in a hospital and raise them at home (tubes help develop PAK's as well). Such was Zet's case.

The doctor and the couple rushed the birthing tube through the hall on a roller. They soon came to a set of large white doors, which were opened by some nurses. Once they pushed open the doors and allowed the tube to be rolled in, they started setting up for the procedure of birth.

"Alright people, you know the drill," said the doctor, putting on his mask and gloves. "Get that birthing tube onto to the Reception Pedestal, get the computers online and ready the smeet incubator unit incase it comes out premature. Let's go people, let's go! And would some one tell me where the damned PAK is!"

The nurses rushed around frantically. After plugging the birthing tube onto the Reception Pedestal, the computers, respirators, coffee machines, and a bunch of various but vital other instruments were set up. The birthing process was almost ready to begin, except for one little missing thing.

"Well, where is it!" shouted the Doctor. "We can't bring your smeet into this world without a PAK! It'll die in fifteen minuets!"

"We're sorry doctor," said the Mother. "This is an old family birthing tube, and it doesn't have the automatic PAK maker installed."

"Damn it women!" exclaimed the doctor. "Don't give me excuses, give me results!" He then began to slap her across the face in a frantic 'help me' kind of way, rather than 'I'm a drunk and I like to beat women to feel superior' kind of way. He let go of her and turned to his colleague.

"Doctor Doctor?" he asked dramatically.

"Yes Doctor?" responded Doctor Doctor just as dramatically.

"Do we have any spare PAK's in the hospital? I'm not about to lose another patient this shift, Doctor Doctor! FOUR IS GOOD ENOUGH!" (umm…yeah, the always talk dramatically, jsyk)

"Get a hold of yourself Doctor! I'll see what I can find!"

"Doctor, Doctor Doctor, the smeet will be hatching in less than four minuets!"

"Shut up Nurse!" the two Doctors exclaimed at the same time.

As Nurse shriveled back to her duties, Doctor Doctor ran out of the room in search for a PAK. To his surprise, right outside of the birthing room they were in, were some Irkens in black uniforms pushing along a whole cart load of PAKs.

"Pardon me gentlemen," Doctor Doctor said frantically and dramatically. "A life is at steak here, and I'm not about to lose one today!" He grabbed the PAK and rushed back into the birthing room and placed the PAK into the Distributor Machine.

"…PAK accepted…" said the Distributor Machine. "…begin birthing process."

The machine began to buzz and the birthing tube began to glow. A bright light engulfed the tube, making the egg impossible to see as it hatched. After the light had subsided, the little smeet could clearly be seen. The signal on the top of the machine blinked and changed color, signaling two robotic arms to come down, lift the tube off of the Reception Pedestal and broke it in half, causing the smeet and the birthing fluid to pour out onto the floor. The Distributor Machine then took out the PAK and fussed it into the smeet's spine. The arms then switched on their Shocker Probes to jump start the smeet's heart, and the PAK, causing the smeet to stand up. Doctor Doctor knelt down and examined the smeet with his stethoscope thingy, while Doctor looked at him with a magnifying glass.

"He seems to be stable," said Doctor Doctor. "You're lucky; he's not premature like we thought he'd be."

"Now, we just need him to open his eyes," said Doctor as he kneeled in front of the smeet. "Welcome to life Irken child, open your eyes."

As soon as Doctor asked, the smeet opened his eyes. One eye was a light purple, the other was a dark green. The parents looked concernedly toward the doctors.

"Doctors, what's going on!" asked the mother frantically.

"Don't worry; it's perfectly normal to have some smeets come out with one eye color from each parent. It'll only take a moment for its lesser color to subside and be replaced with the permanent one."

They all looked back to the smeet to wait and watch for the color to subside. As they waited, the smeet's PAK began to flash black, giving off a beeping noise. As it flashed, the smeet's eyes did change color; but not to the color of one of the parents, but to the color of its PAK; black. The parents, astounded and shocked looked to Doctor, who in turned looked to Doctor Doctor, who in turn looked toward Nurse.

"Oh, now don't pin this on me," said Nurse. "You were the one that uploaded the PAK, Doctor Doctor."

"Where did you even get that thing!" asked the father.

Doctor Doctor thought back for a bit to try and figure out what had happened.

**5 minuets earlier…**

Two Irken BLACK OPP Operatives rolled in a cart full of brand new PAKs. Looking around, they lost they're way and came to a nurse who was checking some forms outside of a birthing chamber.

"Umm, excuse me nurse?" one of them asked. "But where do we take this shipment of Military BLACK OPP PAKs? We've lost our way, sort of."

Suddenly, and without warning, a Doctor ran out of the birthing room and stopped in front of the cart.

"Pardon me gentlemen, a life is at steak here, and I'm not about to lose one today!" The doctor then grabbed a PAK from the cart and ran back into the birthing room, leaving the operatives in the hall with the nurse.

"...hm, that was weird," one of them said. "Anyway, so where do we take these again?"

"Up the stairs and to your right," said the nurse. The two thanked the nurse, and wheeled their way on over to the steps, where they would soon be occupied with trying to figure out how to wheel a cart up a flight of stairs.

**End of flash back…**

"Oh…umm…never mind that," said Doctor Doctor. "Your smeet is alive, and that's all that matters."

"Well…I suppose you're right," said the father.

"Of course I'm right," said Doctor Doctor, eager to change the subject. "Now, what name do you wish to give your smeet?"

Doctor Doctor pulled out a pad of paper and a pen and got ready to write. The parents looked at each other and then over to their smeet, who had proceeded to knock down a bunch of medical equipment, almost sadistically.

"Are you sure that's the name you want for him dear?" asked the father.

"We discussed this, and yes, I am sure," said the mother. She walked over to Doctor Doctor. "Zet; his name will be Zet."

With that introduction out of the way, we can talk about some of the much broader details of Zet's life now. As the years after his confusing birth passed, Zet grew up in a fairly stable environment for an Irken child. At least, it was stable until he came. Zet was always a very aggressive child. It didn't matter who, or what Zet encountered, what ever it was, he usually either broke it, or damaged it severely. A new toy wouldn't last more than a week in his parent's home, and friends didn't stay friends with him for too long. Most would think that this sort of life would have made Zet bitter and cold, but instead, it just reinforced his destructive attitude. Zet enjoyed breaking things and hurting people. It's what he did best.

One memorable moment of this behavior was during the Irken celebration season of Mackramenazz (a time of year when Irkens…umm…just think of it like Christmas, only without…oh yeah, we humans already killed that aspect of it…so yeah, like Christmas). Zet received a toy Voot Runner. He played with it all morning until the relatives came. His grandfather figure (on his father's side) brought him a new present; a toy Ray Gun, with real Ray Gun disintegration capabilities. Guess how long the toy Voot Runner lasted; four weeks before he crushed it and the Ray Gun with a piece of wrecking equipment he found down the block.

But like I said, he lived to break things; and not just objects, but hearts as well. While Zet was growing up, a number of Irken children tried to befriend him. None were successful. Each new candidate for friendship was either cussed out, punched in the eye, fell over a cliff 'accidentally', or was never heard from again. Why, when little Zinyu tried seeing if Zet was as bad as the other kids told her, she went home crying her little green eyes out, with Zet laughing his dark green head off.

"What? Didn't think that was funny? You have no sense of humor! GAHAHA!" he laughed as held a freshly broken piece from her PAK.

The abuse wasn't just too his toys or kids on the play ground, it also hit his parents as well. When Zet turned 69 (almost 7years old in ratio with humans), he demanded a piggy back ride from his mother. Naturally, she didn't see that harm in humoring her son. She let him hop onto her back and she took him around the house. They ran and laughed for about 5 minuets until Zet got tired and demanded that his steed stop.

"Okay, now stop!"

"Zet, where are your manners? Don't you speak to your mother that way."

"Stop!"

"I think someone needs a time out…OW!"

"I said stop!" shouted Zet once more, this time tugging extremely hard on his mother's left antenna.

"Ow! Zet, let go of mommy's…ow!"

Zet continued to tug and pull for his mother to stop until the antenna could take it no longer, and snapped right in the middle, causing his mother to fall over and cry out in the most excruciating pain an Irken could ever experience. Zet stood over his wailing mother, holding her antenna and laughing ever more. It was on this day, that his mother and father were fed up with his behavior did what would be most every child's nightmare; Irken Military Disciplinarian School.

Zet didn't put up a fuss on his 70th birthday when he wasn't given a party, but instead a Maxi Cab ride to a shuttle which would take him from Irk to Davastas, where the school was located. Zet had actually always wanted to go to the Irken military training planet. Upon arriving for the first time, and witnessing the spectacles of the Maim Bots, Battle Tanks, and seemingly endless columns of freshly trained Irken soldiers marching out of their bases, he grinned and felt at home.

"Best…birthday…ever…hehehe," he chuckled.

Zet's life in the Irken Military Disciplinarian Academy was not what most would expect. Usually, in cases like this, we would follow the main character through his trials as he tries to make it through the school, and watch as he progresses from the man he one was into a person of cold raw anger and neglect; but such was not the case with Zet. He actually rather enjoyed himself at the academy. The drilling, the beatings, the fighting with students that wouldn't just run off and cry when they got hit, the place was heaven for him.

He prospered in all of his classes. Zet, aside from being a total asshole and punk, was quite the intellectual. From Mathematics, Physics, Irken Military History, Athletics, he aced every class; and not only that, but he was able to easily manipulate his teachers, and turn their own scoldings and lessons against them.

"Zet, what the hell is wrong with you!" shouted his government teacher.

"I'm afraid I don't understand Sgt. Myclig, whatever are you talking about," responded Zet with a smug evil wisp about his voice and face.

"Don't give me that crap cadet! This paper you wrote is completely unacceptable!"

"Why, what's wrong with it?"

"I asked you to write about the strategic advantages of our empire if we ever were to gain a parking structure planet, and all you wrote about was the importance of our system of social hierarchy!"

"Why, Sgt. Myclig was I wrong in writing about how those who stand taller above others do so because they have authority over them? Is that incorrect?"

"It's not incorrect; it's just not what I asked for." Zet stood up and looked down at his teacher (Sgt. Myclig stood at around 4 ft 11, while Zet was perching 5 foot at this time).

"I don't know Sergeant, I think my paper is fine," Zet insisted.

"What do you mean, it's completely unacceptable…"

"I said it's fine, Shorty," Zet loomed over his teacher and grinned evilly. The Sergeant looked down in shame and walked back to his desk. "Anyways; on with the lesson?"

But the class he was most found of, more than anything else, had to be his business and economics class. Zet loved nothing more in the galaxy than money; the counting of it, the spending of it, and (of course) the gaining of it. He was always on the look out for new sources of income. Aside from his day job as an assistant to a boot polisher, he would do a number of odd jobs for faculty and students. He'd do things from writing reports (which he often did in poor quality, unless the customer paid well) to grade checking (whenever he would come across his own name, he was always sure to give himself an 'A' as an added bonus). He loved no creature or object more than the monies he earned from hard work, or hard theft. It became the only force that could control him and motivate him to do anything.

When Zet turned 90 years old, he had graduated from the Academy (though, by Irken standards, he would only be considered about 9; it's just their life span that's long, their years are no longer than ours, so 90 years of education is still a pretty long amount of time to learn and stuff). He knew exactly what he wanted to do with his life once he left, and that was to join the Irken Military's most elite branch of soldier above even the Irken Military Elite Invaders; the Irken Military Black Lucrative Assassin Commandos Killing Operatives Posted Precariously; known best, as the Irken Military BLACK OPP's (I'm not even sure if those words fit, but whatever). It was here, where the pieces of Zet's life would fit together into the black eyed, greedy, and blood thirsty image that we know him as today.

Zet sat in the BLACK OPP recruitment hall. The place was scarce of most any life, save the occasional uniformed individual carrying files or death ray boxes. He sat in the hall until the doors of the secretary's office opened.

"Number 26520, the Colonel will see you now," said the secretary.

"Reporting!" said Zet as he stood up and walked into the office.

Zet's review with the Colonel went fine. His resume from the Academy and his aggressive nature were all taken into consideration and he was accepted almost immediately to begin the training.

Zet finished his training quickly and was assigned to squad 6^ of the ~`^ brigade. Each BLACK OPP squad had 6 soldiers and one commander (7 in all). There was no soldierly bond between Zet and his comrades. Not even the best of Irken Military wanted to be associated with how aggressive and jerky he was.

In his military career, Zet earned a reputation for insubordination. His aggressive nature pushed him to tendencies of rebuking his superior officers and failure to act in a unit. He was demoted several times for such behaviors to a rank so low that the Irken Military had no position that low prior to him.

There was one instance where his squad was assigned to do reconnaissance on a newly spotted planet making a rare rotation into the reach of the Irken Empire (no, it was no Earth, it was some other planet whose name I forgot, luckily the name is not relevant to the story). Landing on the planet the commander ordered Zet to take a stealthy view point in a high up tree to get an understanding of the area they were without giving away their position.

"To who?"

"To who ever is on this planet you idiot!"

"How do you even know if there's any intelligent life on this place, if you don't mind me asking sir?"

"We don't know, but just incase, take cover and be quiet!"

"Sir, you're shouting."

"SHUT UP AND GET IN THE TREE SOLIDER!"

"Hey, what was that!" said a voice from the bushes.

"It sounded like green insect people yelling at each other to get into trees." Responded another voice.

"Isn't there a procedure for something like that?"

"Yeah, don't we start shooting into the direction of the sounds?"

"Let me check the manual…hmm…yep, you're right."

"What are we waiting for then!" said the first voice, arming his weapon.

"I love this job!" said the second voice.

"ZEEETTTTT!" shouted the irritated commander as he dodged laser blasts.

Yes, Zet was not good at following orders or being militarily practical when it came to being strategic. The only reason he was kept in the military was because of his exceptional detail for slaughter. The reason his squad survived that encounter on the planet was because Zet had snuck an unauthorized high velocity Irken heavy repeater gun and leveled the circumference around him for about 3 miles.

Zet's military career didn't last very long. There wasn't much money in it and even though he enjoyed the slaughter, the orders and chain of command just didn't seem to be worth all that glorious bloodshed. He had tried several times to desert, but had been apprehended and merely demoted even further. But Zet knew they couldn't keep him in the cooler for long, eventually an opportunity would arise and get him out of the underpaid work of death dealing. It was only matter of time.

The time Zet had been waiting for came soon after an incident involving an Irken nurse with a broken leg, and stolen Irken pain packs, but that's another story.

It was at this time that the Resisty had just started to take off as being a ligament threat to the Irken Empire, (news of Zim's deployment on Earth was all over the empire for some time now) and when word came to the Tallest about sightings of a head Resisty on a certain planet, Zet and his squad were quickly put on the case to hunt him down and take care of the problem.

"Alright men," began the squad commander. "The last known sighting of our target was on the moon we're about to land on. The moon's atmosphere won't require us to where space suits, but be carful of the crater filled surface. Our informant pinpoints the targets position to inside the moon base we'll be landing in front of."  
"With all do respect sir…"

"Don't bull shit me Zet; I know you don't have any respect for me."

"Oh, well in that case; landing in a spot where our target can clearly see us is a horrible blunder."

"Zet, he's deep with in the base. He can't see us."

"He's in the front window, right over there!" said Zet, pointing out of the ship view port to the front window of the moon base, which held a wide eyed Resisty target.

"What is this!" shouted the Resisty. "Guards, kill them!"

"Damnit!"

"Told ya."

"Shut up Zet!"

The ship came under heavy laser fire from the moon base turrets and various place Resisty soldiers. The ship's pilots struggled desperately to keep the ship from making a landing that would leave them too exposed. It was only after losing a right engine piece did the ship land behind a durable rock formation where Zet and his squad jumped out, armed to the teeth.

It wasn't much of a fight to get inside. The well trained tactics of the BLACK OPPS with Zet's thirst for violence soon overpowered the unskilled Resisty cannon fodder, causing their heads and base turrets to implode from the awesomeness of the squad.

The Resisty leader fled his front window viewing space and disappeared into the base. The group busted through the doors of the base and proceeded to blow away the Resisty soldiers that were placed to hold them at bay. They didn't act as much of distraction when Zet skewered them with an Irken Steel Ribbon Gun (the concept is that it's a weapon that has ten thin, elongated openings in a large barrel that, when fired, releases steel ribbons on spindles that lock on to enemy targets and then proceed to impale them and then quickly retract with a push of a button…it's fun to imagine it).

As the group progressed through the base, with Zet mowing down any enemy that had the gull to poke their head from out of cover, there ran out of base for the Resisty leader to continue. In a last desperate attempt to escape, he placed four soldiers at the exit door with heavy laser machine guns, and took two more soldiers out with him as he made a run for his ship. The squad soon entered the exit lobby to see the four massive guns of doom and death starting them in the face.

"FIRE!"

"TAKE COVER!"

A barrage of laser shells went flying everywhere at speeds quite possibly exceeding the rate at which sound travels, tearing apart the wall behind the squad as they duct behind thin, overturned, tables, which somehow were able to stop the pretty glowing projectiles (it happens all the time in movies, and I don't get it).

"Damnit! We're pinned down!" said the squad commander.

"I pinned your mom down," said Zet.

"Hey! You can't say a thing about my mother!"

"I can though," grinned another squad member.

"Shut up!" said the commander as he threw a laser grenade from over his piece of cover and behind the enemy barricade, which, as a result, blew up, sending the Resisty and their heavy guns flying.

"Alright, recover and resume chase men!"

They got up, and ran out of the gapping hole in the wall made from the grenade. Sprinting across the moon surface, their target was only meters away from his ship. To rectify this un-fortunate reality, one of the squad members took out a large explosive shell launcher and proceeded to blow up the craft just as the first of Resisty soldiers mounted the boarding plank. The explosion hurled him backwards toward the squad leader, who pulled out his commanding officer laser edged sword from his PAK and cut the body in half before it could hit him, sending the two halves flying to the sides of him as he re-sheathed the blade into his PAK.

"Damn, I need to get me one of those," said Zet staring at the hilt as it stuck out the commander's PAK.

"Maybe if you'd be respectable and follow orders every now and again, you'd get to a rank where you could have one." Zet continued to run disgruntled.

The second Resisty soldier was quickly dispatched by a shot from one of the other squad members leaving only Resisty commander to stand against the six member squad.

"Don't shoot!" shouted the Resisty, as he dropped his weapon. "Please don't kill me! Do you have any idea what that would be like!"

"Our orders are very specific," said the squad commander. "We're to find you, kill you, and then ship your head to the tallest to be paraded on Planet Irk."

"They're that specific?"

"Read it and weep," the squad commander handed the Resisty the orders, which read, word for word, what he had just said.

"…huh…well I'll be darned."

"You'll be dead; AIM!"

"No! Please don't! I'm worth more to you alive!"

"And what is that meant to mean?" asked Zet as he set his gun to 'extra maim.'

"The bounty on my head is what I mean. I'm worth over 300,000 monies alive! Only 200,000 dead. That's got to be more than you would make from the government!"

"You're really worth that much?" asked Zet almost flabbergasted (and yes, that is a word, look it up).

"Yeah, it really makes a fella feel expensive doesn't it?"

"Enough of this gab!" shouted the commander. "Kill the maggot!"

The commander and the four other squad members re-raised their weapons to fire. Before any shot could be uttered from their weapons, however, the commander heard the quick flash of metal piercing flesh and bone. He turned around quickly to see that Zet had activated his spider legs (not yet serrated) and had skewered his squad mates.

"What the hell…!"

Before the commander could instinctively raise his weapon to kill Zet, one of the legs removed itself from the sternum of its victim and slashed the gun in to two pieces in the commander's hands. As he quickly backed away, the commander pulled out his sword again, ready for a last stand against the trigger happy Zet.

It all happened so quickly. Zet quickly lunged himself forward with his spider legs, grabbing the hilt of the sword still clutched by the commander. Zet then quickly turned the sword around in the commander's hands and forced him to run the laser super-heated blade into his gut.

"*Hck*…Why Zet…*Hck*…why?" the commander painfully muttered.

Zet sneered evilly and leaned in closer to his dying commander.

"Well, I saw you cut through a flying body with that think like a hot knife through butter, and quite frankly, I really…"

"No no you dumbass! I meant…*hck*…why did you just kill the whole…*hck*…squad?"

"Oh yeah, that. You heard that guy. He's worth 200,000 monies!"

"No, I'm worth 300,000…" the Resisty was quickly silenced by a shot from Zet's gun that was still drawn and in his hand.

"That's only alive idiot. I can't have you alive just to turn me in as soon as I take you in."

Zet quickly re-holstered his gun and turned back to the commander.

"The reason is because he is NOW worth 200,000 monies. That's peanuts compared to what I'm making in this piece of crap military! Besides, I'm sick of all your restrictions and liabilities. All you people do is hold me back from all the fun there is out there in the world. Hell, I'm several inches taller than you, so who are you to be giving orders to the guy that looks down on to you the same he does any inconvenient piece of slime that he accidentally sinks his boot into?" Zet pulled the sword out the commander's gut and let him fall to the ground. "It's about time someone put you in your place."

With the commander still coughing up blood, Zet raised his boot and gave one firm stomp onto the Irken's neck. Zet smiled at the blood staining the sole of his boot. He put the sword into his own PAK and picked up the Resisty body and brought it back to the base.

He walked through the base until he reached the main reactor room. He set down the body and scuttled around the room looking for the main control panel. When he finally found one in the far back corner, he only glanced at the panel until he found the self-destruct button.

"Leave to evidence," said Zet as he hit the button.

As the red lights flashed and sirens blared, Zet picked up the body again and walked over to the base hanger to find a ship suitable for flight out of the place. Most of the ships required two or more people, except for one near the back. Zet examined the Bleed Runner design of the ship and smiled.

"Now does this not just scream my name?" he asked the dead Resisty.

Zet jumped in the ship and took off, just in time to make it out of the base and watch the resulting explosion disintegrate everything in a 300 ft radius. As he watched the fire engulf the bodies of his squad and Resisty soldiers, he couldn't help but feel sincere warmth in his cold hear.

"You know," he said, talking to the dead Resisty again. "I could get used to this."

End of Episode 22 part 2

Oh goodness! That took WAY longer than expected. School is just killing me. Heck, I should be studying for midterms right now. But you know what? I felt compelled to give you guys all something before Christ Mass comes. Even if you don't celebrate Christ Mass, chances are I've saved your holiday in some way (long story). Anyway, I hope you guys liked this Episode. If I can find sometime after Midterms, I might be able to get you guys some more stuff. Coming up next, a 4 part season finalae! Sad, I know. But I've been doing this since I was a freshman. I'm not going to have that much time in college to write, so I need to wrap this all up soon. I had a plan for a second season to this, but I'm not sure if I'll have the time. I hope I do. Have a good break folks, and I'll get to you as soon as I can!


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